What one piece would you give to parents of 2020 freshers

[juicy0]

Whilst it's fresh in everyone's mind, having just dropped our DC at their chosen unis, what advice would you give parents who are now starting the process?

I thought it might be useful to have a thread of handy tips to carry on the fabulous support I've enjoyed on here this year.

Visit all unis
Start buying stuff months before to spread the cost
Look very carefully into the financial side of things including dates money comes through and discuss seriously with your dc
Over the summer, give them 40 and ask them to feed themselves for a week.

Exactly the same as NewModelArmyMayhem18 - with UCAS applications, do have your insurance as entirely achievable and firm as aspirational to cover A Level outcomes, making sure their insurance is somewhere they'd be more than happy to end up.

Also, mattress topper and large laundry bags for easy packing.

Get onto social media before they go to try and meet up with others in halls/uni.

DD struggled when she moved away at 16 (her choice) and her advice to herself was to throw herself into everything, go and knock and doors and not to be shy when meeting others.

Be prepared that their enthusiasm to get prepared may not match your own. If your child looks at you with two heads if you mention room decor then call a throw a blanket and a cushion an extra pillow. Throw worked but he wasn’t having the cushion.

I agree with the idea of visiting the city/town of each uni, even in holiday times to get a feel for the place. Both my DDs have been on group chats on social media which has definitely helped them prior to going there.

We ended up visiting a uni which had given DD2 an unconditional offer. DD was wavering about whether to accept it or not. We went over Easter and were given a personal guided tour of the accommodation by the manager of the student village after just turning up with no appointment. We were both impressed by it and DD accepted the offer and did get her first choice of accommodation.

My other advice to parents is to be their sounding board but NOT their dictator. They have to live in a place, not you, so if they don't like it, don't push it. I would have loved for my girls to have gone to my home city. The uni is brilliant, the nightlife, sport and culture are fantastic and the people are lovely. But neither of them liked what was on offer for their chosen courses and both are elsewhere (but DD1 is seriously considering moving there for work after graduating, so you never know!) We have talked about pros and cons of each course and locations that their decisions have been reached sensibly rather than as a reaction.

My final comment is that whilst some schools seem to push RG institutions, there are plenty of excellent courses outside the RG clique. If that's what your kid wants, do it.

Make sure you research the course content properly, not all courses are the same, my D.C. is studying biology and the course units offered really varied. Biology is a very broad subject but there were a few areas D.C. was interested in but not all offered these areas in 1st year, it really helped norrowing down the choices.
D.C. also wanted a campus style university, making decisions like this helps getting to your 5 choices. Be aspirational as well as having safe choices, DC was offered places at universities he didn’t meet criteria for on paper, of course you still need to get the grades, but there’s little point in having 5 choices that all require the same grades.

FGS don't get over involved. I use to work at a university and I can't tell you the number of parents who used to complain to the Dean about things on their children's behalf

FGS don't get over involved. I use to work at a university and I can't tell you the number of parents who used to complain to the Dean about things on their children's behalf

I agree in part, but why on earth does it matter? Apart from making the parents look a bit helicopterish. Tbf the parents are probably paying a lot for it nowadays. Unis wanted to act like businesses and charge huge fees, in a way they need to accept that they are now accountable to their customers.

That freshers week may not be the best week of their lives.
I feel quite strongly that it is too hyped in press etc that it leaves many (maybe even most?) feeling like they have somehow failed at the first hurdle

If going to Birmingham (UoB, can't speak for BCU, UCB, Newman, Aston or any others I may have missed), make sure you like pizza. DD says it's the only free food they've been offered so far.

On a more serious note, if they can visit universities in advance of applying, then encourage it. DD didn't realise that she really wanted a campus university until after visiting Bristol (one wasted UCAS preference saved); just not Reading, which we had visited the previous day (another wasted UCAS preference saved, both of them attractive courses and universities generally to her on paper).

I read on a thread somewhere, I think, of someone's DC refusing even to get out of the car on arrival at one university open day? Imagine if that had been moving in day instead...

Definitely visit. Dd was sure she wanted NTU and would hate Swansea. After visiting, the opposite was true!

Send them off with some life skills!
Like being able to cook (a bit), operate a washing machine, and understand their personal finances.
I am amazed at some of the comments I see about hapless teens being unable to do basic, practical tasks when they get there.

I am amazed at some of the comments I see about hapless teens being unable to do basic, practical tasks when they get there

Both dc1 and dc2 have been flabbergasted at the lack of capabilities of some of their fellow students. Just the inability to 'function' in the world - really, really basic things they have been doing from when they were about 9

My tip would be, if you're going to be an 'empty nester' then do think about what you want to do now your chick is (more or less) fledged. DH and I had a lovely holiday in Florence in the October DD went to uni, more art than she would have appreciated.

think whether, if in Y13 currently, being a 2020 fresher is the best option, or whether a gap year doing whatever and a 2021 start could be preferable. It may well not suit everyone, but has worked well for my DS1&2

Accommodation at some Unis does get allocated ridiculously early (NTU as an example), we naively thought 'it can't be true that all the accommodation goes in March' but it does , there will be other options ie; private halls but just take note if your DC is thinking of NTU.

Hi,

Mine is going in 2020, are there any facebook groups or other groups that we can join to meet/chat to other parents in the same boat? I have loads of questions lol. Their school doesn't allow us to contact other parents so I only have my close friends to share questions etc with.

Unis wanted to act like businesses and charge huge fees

I think you'll find universities did not, on the whole, want to have government support removed and charge fees.

Chill - be proud of them and enjoy your new found freedom ( I hope ! )

I’ve named changed for this, but am a long term poster.

I work with university students, not a lecturer but am involved in their course and time at university.

As the years go by I've noticed that the students are generally less and less prepared for ‘independent’ living, expect to be spoon fed every step of the way and really struggle with anything other than being given top marks for their work.

I would strongly encourage parents to encourage a level of independence, but also for their children to expect to find it a bit of a struggle and not to get top marks. Make it clear, that for humanities and arts subjects in particular, that a hell of a lot of independent study and wider reading is needed. Don’t rely on just the lecture notes, don’t complain info the assignments given out cover more material than was discussed in the lecture.

Also encourage your children to make the most of tutorials, the number I have sat in on where no one has done the background reading or engages in conversation is increasing.

University is not school. Higher education is a different level. Please discuss this with your children when they apply.

Force yourself to step back a bit.

Yes, well I posted a thread on here earlier in the year asking for uni advice for dd. Wow. It was like the backpack thread. 'Step back' 'spoonfed' blah blah blah 'your dd is clearly not ready for uni' etc etc

She's done her first week, is having an absolute blast, been to the first day of lectures, done everything she needs to do PLUS helped out others who have been struggling. Yes, she's messaged me every day,.sometimes three or four times a day. But yah boo sucks to the naysayers!

I meant resisting my own urge to keep rushing up there to bring them home for a weekend @Trewser

I can see there’s history and prior threads and whatnot I’m unaware of. (And backpacks?!) I’m reversing straight back out of here!

I totally get that students nowadays are going to be more in contact with family. In my day it was a once a fortnight phone call and letters!

But, it’s the level of parental involvement that has increased so much. We cannot speak with parents about their students progress, results, module choices (all of which we have had parents ask if we can review..)

I get that parents are generally contributing more financially now. I don’t agree that this is right, but it is what the system is. But, your 18, 19, 20 yr olds are voluntarily entering in to 3 years of higher education. It should by its nature, be challenging, encourage independent thinking and be hard work. They need to be prepared for the reality.

I agree with @trewser. I think there's a lot of mythologising of students as 'snowflakes'. IME a lot of them are very capable and mature.