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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Our DC are nearly all officially students now (going to university 2019/20) - seizing the moment, spending, socialising, societies and studying!

999 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/09/2019 16:00

Previous thread

[Edited by MNHQ to fix the link]

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Decorhate · 21/09/2019 21:25

@Atreus It’s very pretty isn’t it? We didn’t get there till around 3 so didn’t linger too long once we had unloaded the car. Plus couldn’t face trying to drive into town twice. Ds will be home in 3 weeks for a family birthday & hopefully he will be settled by then.

Cailleachian · 21/09/2019 21:32

I've spoken to him properly now. His flat is a bit empty - only 2 others of the 8 have arrived, one is holed up with their parents and the other has lots of mates in her room so he has only really said hello to them (doesnt even know their names).

Apparently the flat is lovely (with touch screen oven, fancy, fancy, fancy!) and so is the campus. He's had a wander about town (Brighton) and think its the coolest place he's ever been. He's super excited and bouncy about starting - although he said the journey was hell on wheels.

On the other hand, I am a mess, I just keep randomly crying, I think its just the relief that he's OK and safe and happy. I'll be fine by the morning.

Decorhate · 21/09/2019 21:41

@Cailleachian All very normal reactions. They are excited about their new environment etc & we are left behind hoping they are ok & adjusting to their absence. It takes time.

Ginfordinner · 21/09/2019 21:47

Why am I the only parent not crying about my child starting university?

I want her to be happy. She needs to be with people her own age, not stuck with us old fossils. She will have many hurdles and wobbly moments, but she needs to move on, and I want her to move on.

Chillywhippet · 21/09/2019 21:54

Perhaps it’s the gin Gin? Grin

Ginfordinner · 21/09/2019 21:57
Grin I just don't think that DD going to university is the end of the world. I am am not a clingy parent.
Ginfordinner · 21/09/2019 21:58

Too many ams
Too much wine Grin

HoldMyLobster · 21/09/2019 22:00

Why am I the only parent not crying about my child starting university?

I remember DD being annoyed because I didn't cry when she first started boarding school at 14. I actually did cry a few days later when I walked into her bedroom and saw her dressing gown hanging on the back of her door. It's funny how these things hit you.

I'm not sure how I felt about her going to university for the first time (a few weeks ago now) because I was crying so much about her friend dying, so it was all very mixed up.

Ginfordinner · 21/09/2019 22:08

I would have been upset about a friend dying. I really don't understand about the university sadness.
I worry about DD as she has health issues.

My child's happiness is more important to me than my happiness.

Northernlurker · 21/09/2019 22:13

I think you'll find gin that for all of us our children's happiness is more important than our own. Please don't accuse the parents on this thread who have found this step hard of being 'clingy'.
I'm not clingy, I'm three years in to launching dd1 and I wouldn't change a thing but yes I cried when we left her there and I'm really chuffed dd2 is going to uni in our home town. Because I love my kids and like spending time with them. Just like you do.

GaraMedouar · 21/09/2019 22:26

Another Bath drop off today! Made DS get up at 4am Smile - so we could set off early! Breakfast stop off at services and arrived about 9am. Perfect timing as one of the first there. Sorted out DS’s room - very compact and bijou, but he does have handbasin in there so that’s good. He was the first to arrive in his house so not met any others when I left. I felt fine about it all, no tears. Chocker driving out of Bath and home though - I am so glad I decided to go really early. It’s hitting me now and I’m feeling quite sad. Also having a dry month so can’t even have a glass of wine. End of an era and a new era for DS. I just hope he is happy, and settles in. He’s not the most gregarious of characters to say the least. But I did go with the idea of buying him a big box of chocs to break the ice.

Rosieposy4 · 21/09/2019 22:26

Gin, of course your kids happiness is most important but it is ok to be sad as well. Dc4 is the last of my dc to be going to uni, and of course I am delighted he is on a great degree for him, that the uni seems good etc, but it is ok for parents to be sad when their dc fly the nest.

GaraMedouar · 21/09/2019 22:28

DS said he would text me - no text or anything received as yet. I’m fully expecting (only half joking) to not hear from him until he turns up on my doorstep 14 Dec! He doesn’t ‘do’ communication.

Benjispruce · 21/09/2019 22:29

I don’t think Gin is accusing others of being clingy, she’s just making a comment on her parenting style. We are all different and that’s ok.

Benjispruce · 21/09/2019 22:34

I’m not sad yet but one week to go. I will be relieved when DD gets to uni and I’ve helped her get her room sorted ( if that’s what she wants) but I am also looking forward to a quiet time with just DD2 and normal routine. She is so ready to go. Had a chat today about being ready for a low after the adrenaline high of getting there. Today was the first time she felt some nerves.
MrKlaw please do tell your DS how you feel, life is too short. Write him a lovely letter.Smile

Atreus · 21/09/2019 22:36

Gin, I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. DD1 is great company, we're close and I'll miss having her around. So yes, I did shed a tear (not in front of her) but that doesn't mean I'm anything but thrilled for her to start Uni and this next phase of her independent life. I'm seriously proud of what she's achieved, of who she is and excited for what she's going to do and who she's going to meet.

Ginfordinner · 21/09/2019 22:42

It may hit me later in the week.TBH I didn't see any waterworks today from any other parents.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 21/09/2019 22:43

Well,if you see someone every single day practically for 18 years and suddenly you stop seeing them ,it's bound to be a bit of change,isn't it? Doesn't make you clingy. Tbh I count myself very lucky that we haven't had issues with rooms or nasty letters from the TV licence people or had ds on the phone crying because he's unhappy because believe me I'd be an emotional wreck!

There is such a big lead up to dropping them off, SO many things could go wrong and make the whole thing a nightmare, I'm sure most of the tears are from sheer relief when things go right and frustration if they don't.

We all want our kids to be happySmile

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 21/09/2019 22:45

TBH I didn't see any waterworks today from any other parents
I doubt very much no one had a few fleeting tears once they were back in the car.

DishingOutDone · 21/09/2019 22:52

er - what ... sorry .... TV licence? Nasty letter?!! Just had this conversation with DD today, she thinks its included in rent I think I need to get her one ASAP!

Mustbetimeforachange · 21/09/2019 22:57

Message from DS today that they've made friends with the next door flat, been clubbing & registered with the GP. "Good times" apparently. Phew, long may it continue. I didn't ask what he's been eating!

mimiasovitch · 21/09/2019 22:58

Well - it was drop off day for us at Bristol and it's been a rollercoaster of a ride. All up early and off to meet all the family for breakfast before heading off. Midway through we get a call from the home my fil is in and mil and dh sprinted out of the restaurant without a word, dh throwing his keys at me. So before we'd set off we found out that fil, who has been in a home with advanced dementia for 3 years had died. I was feeling emotional enough, but this just floored me. Dd was rather pragmatic about it, as it's been imminent for a while.

Anyway, my dad took all the nieces and nephews home with him, and dsis and dsil came with us to Bristol. It ended up being rather lovely. Her halls are quite nice - the kitchen has no window but they have 2 cupboards each which is more than I thought she'd have. The lounge will be lovely once personalised. Her room is light and airy and looked lovely once unpacked, though it's next to the lounge so hopefully it'll be ok. She has earplugs if not. We met two flatmates who were lovely, and from snapchat dd2 has ascertained they're out on the town having a blast.

Sorry for the essay Blush. Hope everyone travelling today got settled ok. Within a few weeks it'll be the new normal I'm sure.

HoldMyLobster · 21/09/2019 23:05

My child's happiness is more important to me than my happiness.

Yes, and...?

HoldMyLobster · 21/09/2019 23:07

It's funny, I visited my parents earlier this year and had such a lovely time that when I left I cried at the airport. My mum cried too.

We're 50 and 72 :-)

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