Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

I'm feeling worried and a bit flat about ds going to uni.

43 replies

Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 07:25

Ds underperformed in his a levels and got 2 Cs. He also got a grade A epq and a Distinction for a A level equivalent Btec. He was rejected from his first choice uni and made his insurance. He was really gutted at first but is now happy and looking forward to it.

I'm feeling meh and worried for him. I think he really struggles with exams and I'm not sure how well he will cope with uni exams. The uni he's going to is in the top 15 for his course and we liked it at open day so I'm not sure why i feel sad about it. I am surrounded by high achievers in my family - nephews and nieces off to oxbridge, warwick, Edinburgh etc. Which doesn't help.

Ds is a lovely, happy, positive person with a good work ethic. I think if he'd got his predicted Bs we would both be feeling a bit better. I just can't help feeling a bit flat about the whole thing.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/08/2019 07:58

Once hes settled at uni I'm sure those feelings will disappear. Its always a bit disappointing not to get what you think you will but there is so much going on this next month or so One week into uni when they've all swapped A level grades and they'll no longer be thought about!

Dunlurking · 17/08/2019 07:59

Browniebronze I hear you, especially over news about family and friends’ dcs going to high powered places. But well done to him for those grades and making his insurance offer. It’s good he is happy about his place. I worried a lot in my ds’s first term at uni. Took until Easter for the worries to settle, I’ll be honest. Hope you feel better about it soon.

I’ve come to the conclusion that only dropping one grade in any A level this year is okay, and a relief! Michael Gove’s changes took all predictions off the table - so many exams weren’t what was intimated in sample papers and textbooks (assuming there even were textbooks out yet - and many weren’t!). Surely his course will be much more predictable. And he’s got the requirements.

I’m grieving my dd dropping her grades as well but because of her various difficulties like slow processing speed she’s always underachieved in exams and the school didn’t discover them in time for her to get extra time, only laptop use so largely I’m relieved things weren’t worse, considering. Coping with totally different and unexpected exam questions (some off syllabus) when you are a slow reader and processor and don’t get extra time . . .

SirTobyBelch · 17/08/2019 08:01

How exam-focused is the course he's going to be doing? If he's done well in an EPQ and a BTEC he's obviously capable, but as you say the A-level results suggest he's not as strong at exams. Not all degree courses place a heavy emphasis on exams. He needs to recognize his strengths as well as his weaknesses, develop the former and work on the latter.

Parker231 · 17/08/2019 08:03

Is university the place for him? What degree is he doing and what career is he aiming for?

Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 08:03

Thank you. His course does have exams but the weighting is very small, i think 80 percent is coursework and practical. He chose it for this reason.

OP posts:
Bunnybigears · 17/08/2019 08:04

What course will he be doing? Some are not as exam reliant as others.

Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 08:31

I think it depends what modules he does. I've been looking at the student handbook for his course. To be fair it does look like a fun place to be in a nice location. He's also got a place on a course with a year abroad, which could potentially be great for him. I'm trying not to compare with nephews and nieces!

OP posts:
Purplepooch · 17/08/2019 08:40

Please don't worry. I do think Uni rankings are not helpful and the best Uni is the right one for the individual.

My 3 have all gone to wildly different ranking Unis and they are of very similar intelligence. What differs is their own characters and needs. We are all different- not less but different x

Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 08:40

I now feel rotten as he's just come in to say how excited he is and how much he's looking forward to it! also to ask if i can fork out for a new coat and trainers Hmm

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 17/08/2019 08:46

It feels a little like you are embarrassed by his not being an Oxbridge chap, like his cousins. Lose that attitude and be proud he is in a position to benefit from a university degree. I think you need to stop fretting and project joy and excitement. I think exams are in the future now.
The first challenges won’t be the academic ones. They’ll be knowing nobody, odd live arrangements, laundry, budgeting, feeling unwell, balancing work and fun, dealing with conflict, cooking, bureaucracy.
Support him through exams later on.

Itscoldouthere · 17/08/2019 08:48

Brownie, I feel your pain, my DS did similar and is now going to his insurance, I feel like I’m surrounded by A graders who all got in to 1st choice, it’s normal to feel a bit low.
My DS is now also engaging with his uni and seems to be getting excited about going, I’m really delighted he feels like this and we will all be moving on from the initial disappointment.
Good luck to your DS.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/08/2019 08:57

It sounds like made his uni choices wisely. What matters is that each student does what's right for them, and if exams aren't his strong point he'd have been an idiot to choose a course which weighted them heavily.

he's just come in to say how excited he is and how much he's looking forward to it!

Good! Now....students usually have to do a lot of trudging around in all weathers so bear that in mind when he's choosing a coat.Smile

EduCated · 17/08/2019 09:03

It sounds like he’s made very sensible choices in terms of weighting of exams and coursework. The fact he recognises that is a strong start and suggests he’s got his head screwed on about his strengths and weaknesses. Most universities will have academic skills services that will run sessions on techniques etc. And just generally many people find university exams a different beast to A Level (which can be a good or bad thing!).

Does his first year count towards his final grade?

Dunlurking · 17/08/2019 09:15

So pleased to hear about his excitement, and that exams aren't so fundamental on the course. Hope you feel happier soon. Being practical definitely helps I find.

Tweennightmare · 17/08/2019 09:31

Well done to your son for getting in his insurance place. Try to embrace his enthusiasm . I agree with dunlurking be practical start planning his Uni box ( bedding kitchen stuff etc) research the local areas and plan your visits. Has he sorted his uni accomodation . I have a DD who is looking for Uni next year and I can see on the Uni events pages there are loads of uni clearing open days on if you wanted to have another look at his Uni that might be possible . Ignore the other high achievers concentrate on your own sons achievements

Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 11:58

Thank you. I have bought him a freshers wristband, up to him if he uses it or not! And started to sort out old pots and pans for him to take Smile quite excited for him now.

Now we just have to avoid my nephew who laughed when he heard what degree ds was doing - he's doing maths at warwick and i quote "because he cares about his future and wants a nice life"

OP posts:
angstridden2 · 17/08/2019 12:10

Your nephew sounds as though he could have done with learning some kindness and tact along with his A levels. He needs to rein it in at his ‘top’ uni or he will not make friends.

Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 12:11

Don't want this to become all about him but he really is quite rude! I Said to ds as long as you aren't that unpleasant i dont care how much you earn!

OP posts:
emummy · 17/08/2019 12:15

I went to my insurance uni. Loved it, met my future husband, made lifelong friends. Good luck to your son, it's great that he is excited and the course sounds like it will suit him. Agree with ignoring the nephew!

Dunlurking · 17/08/2019 12:30

If it's any consolation Maths at Warwick is mega hard work - the nephew won't be laughing by year 3 - if he's still there. The nice life thing has to be earned.

BubblesBuddy · 17/08/2019 12:48

Yes and they don’t all make mega money either! Some even become teachers!

However, if your DS is positive and looking forward to going: then be happy for him. He wasn’t going to do Maths at Warwick so you are going to have to ignore family jibes. You won’t see this young man when he’s at Warwick anyway so your DS cannot be in his shadow for life. Make new friends and move on.

If he’s studying his BTec subject and his EPQ was excellent, why shouldn’t he do well? Good luck to him.

By the way, if all students bring pots and pans, they have too many for storage! Take them, but be prepared to bring some home!

Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 12:49

If he’s studying his BTec subject and his EPQ was excellent, why shouldn’t he do well? Good luck to him

Thank you. It was, and his epq was on a subject that ine if the lecturers specialises in. He's really genuinely interested in the subject.

OP posts:
Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 12:50

*one of !

OP posts:
Serin · 17/08/2019 14:04

What an arrogant little shit your nephew is.
Be proud of your son.
Mine's off to do nursing, he got a few raised eyebrows off his Oxbridge pals too but ultimately it's his decision and I'm proud as hell of him.

Original poster
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 14:08

Yes he is an arrogant little shit. Totally unchecked by my Sil and Bil as well. Good luck to your ds Serin.

OP posts: