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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

I'm feeling worried and a bit flat about ds going to uni.

43 replies

Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 07:25

Ds underperformed in his a levels and got 2 Cs. He also got a grade A epq and a Distinction for a A level equivalent Btec. He was rejected from his first choice uni and made his insurance. He was really gutted at first but is now happy and looking forward to it.

I'm feeling meh and worried for him. I think he really struggles with exams and I'm not sure how well he will cope with uni exams. The uni he's going to is in the top 15 for his course and we liked it at open day so I'm not sure why i feel sad about it. I am surrounded by high achievers in my family - nephews and nieces off to oxbridge, warwick, Edinburgh etc. Which doesn't help.

Ds is a lovely, happy, positive person with a good work ethic. I think if he'd got his predicted Bs we would both be feeling a bit better. I just can't help feeling a bit flat about the whole thing.

Anyone else?

OP posts:

Rachelover40 · 17/08/2019 14:46

"Ds is a lovely, happy, positive person with a good work ethic", they are good qualities to have, he sounds great! Lots of people either fail or don't do particularly well in some exams, not the end of the world and he may thrive at uni. Of course you're going to worry about him, you're his mum but he will probably be fine.

Rachelover40 · 17/08/2019 14:54

Oh please never compare one child/young person with another, they are all individuals. Your nephew was being arrogant - I've noticed that young people often are! It's a sort of verbal 'swagger' and sneer. They do outgrow it though, op. A bit of life experience and maybe some knock backs will sort your nephew out.

Is doing his 'insurance' to do with exams for the 'Chartered Insurance Institute'? Forgive my ignorance if I'm wrong about that. My cousin did CII, has done really well. He didn't go to uni, joined a company after A levels.

I can't see anything to be sneered at with CII qualifications.

I'm glad you're feeling better now.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/08/2019 17:52

Rachel - when they do uni applications , they can initially select 5 unis/courses, and then from the offers they receive they choose a 'firm' and and 'insurance' - so if they get the grades for the first, that's the place they get and if not but they get the grades for the 'insurance' they're guaranteed a place there. So the OPs DS got his second choice.

Rachelover40 · 17/08/2019 18:28

Oh I get it Errol, I thought it was a vocational degree (like you can do in HR or International Hospitality), for 'Insurance', hee hee.

Well op your son did quite well really. Two C's is OK and if he really enjoys and is enthusiastic about the course, he might surprise you!

MillicentMartha · 17/08/2019 21:37

Your nephew is a wanker, and I say that with a DS who did maths at Warwick! Your DS sounds much nicer. So glad he’s excited! 80% coursework sounds ideal if exams aren’t his thing. My DS2 is taking a different path and is starting an HND this year, no exams at all!

NoodlingAlong · 18/08/2019 07:08

All the best to your DS who sounds lovely.

Your nephew on the other hand sounds like an embarrassment - I would be mortified if I heard one of my DCs make a comment like that.

VivaLeBeaver · 18/08/2019 07:17

Dd also underperformed. She has been quite poorly this last 12 months so we are putting it down to that. I’m hoping it is down to that rather than just generally struggling because if it wasn’t the illness then I’m worried about her coping at uni. Her first choice gave her an unconditional offer so that was relief.

As long as she can cope with the work. She knows others who had conditional offers for the same course and didn’t make the grades but did significantly better than she did and they wouldn’t take them even though the course had places in cleaning.

So I have some nervousness about it. However I keep telling myself that her health currently seems better. It’s a course she’s interested in so I’m hoping that even if it’s tough she will be motivated to work hard.

rainandshine52 · 18/08/2019 07:24

In my experience of working at a uni. A levels prepare students no better than BTECs for uni work. BTECs make the student think they can keep getting it remarked until it passes. A levels don't encourage thought only regurgitation of answers. The main skill that gets the student decent grades is perseverance , positivity and effective social skills which your son seems to have.

YouJustDoYou · 18/08/2019 07:27

Don't compare them based purely on academia. Life is so wide and varied - grades of course can matter, depending on what career someone is aiming for, but often it's not as vital as some people think. He got into Uni - he's happy, he's excited - this is great! Well done him :)

Original poster

Browniebronze · 18/08/2019 08:31

BTECs make the student think they can keep getting it remarked until it passes i dont think this is the case with BTECS any more. Certainly didn't happen with ds.

OP posts:

Screamqueenz · 18/08/2019 08:43

Wow, I would be so ashamed if my DS spoke to anyone the way your DN did. Let's hope his future career doesn't require any sort of emotional intelligence, (spoiler alert most do).
Your DS has a great attitude, you should be very proud of him.

Piggywaspushed · 18/08/2019 09:25

OP, my DS is quite well known on MN for making me despair so I do know what you mean, although I wish my DS had the enthusiasm your does as he is clearly quite intimidated by the whole thing and refuses to speak about it! We have the same sort of family dynamic in some ways - but not much of an extended family, so no arrogant cousins , at least not nearby, although we do keep hearing how amazing his cousin in the US is .

On MN it can , on some threads, appear as if every DC is independent, focused, intelligent, mega achieving. This is just a microcosm! To cheer you a little, my DS got CDD (predictions were BBC). No great BTec to make us and him feel better and no EPQ. Luckily, he had an unconditional!

SirTobyBelch · 18/08/2019 09:33

Let's hope his future career doesn't require any sort of emotional intelligence, (spoiler alert most do).

The ones that make big money don't. The original post made it clear this is the nephew's intended path, so being a decent human being isn't going to be important to him.

dimsum123 · 18/08/2019 09:39

However academically clever your nephew is he's not going to get very far in the real world with that attitude. He's in for a nasty shock in a few years time...

Original poster

Browniebronze · 18/08/2019 12:29

I am really grateful to those who have shared their experiences, thank you. He has been allocated a room and he has joined a facebook group and he is already chatting away to people. He has a mate at a different uni who started last year and who has really embraced it, joining lots of societies, and this is what ds really wants to do. He's even talking about learning to bake bread, randomly Anyway, even if he doesn't do all the things he wants to do at least he's starting with a good attitude. My nephew is very clever and I suspect he might be on the spectrum so that might excuse his (quite often breathtaking) arrogance. He'll probably end up making a fortune but who cares. Thanks so much for the support.

OP posts:

VivaLeBeaver · 18/08/2019 14:12

I wouldn’t be too sure about your nephew, sometimes pride comes before a fall.

A relation of mine was a straight A student, went to do maths at a Russell group uni. Dropped out in second year. Did retail work for years. Went back to uni after a decade, got a first class maths degree and now works in a minimum wage (but very worth while job). They were cocky when they were younger but grew up and realised there’s more to life than a high flying career.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 18/08/2019 17:46

Oh I feel the same. DS didnt do as well as predicted in his A Levels, partly down to him not working hard enough (and he now admits this). He realises that he is luckily to have got a university place doing something that he wants to do and he knows that if he is going to make a success of uni he will have to work.

We were at a party last night and it felt like all the other parents were talking about how their sons and daughters had got A grades and were off to top universities. Logically I know that the people whose kids had got Bs, Cs and Ds werent the ones shouting about it but I did come away feeling flat.

DS is a lovely young man who has got his whole life in front of him, he is positive about the course that he is going to do, and hopefully he has learnt from what happened with his A levels. I just feel like avoiding other parents for a while.

ShhhBeQuiet · 18/08/2019 18:12

"Ds is a lovely, happy, positive person with a good work ethic"

Sounds wonderful to me. I also think the fact he is enthusiastic about his subject is a massive plus.

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