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Original poster

Daughter feels like a failure with a 2.1

113 replies

redcapblue · 12/07/2019 16:01

My dd finished her first year at Oxford. She studies english. She got a 2.1, and was 2 marks away from a distinction (first) She got 68 and needed 68.5 (overall) for a first and to become a scholar.

She is sobbing away and feels the world has ended as she worked so hard for it. How do I get through to her that a high 2.1 is still amazing?

OP posts:
HappyDinosaur · 12/07/2019 16:07

It is amazing and employers really aren't interested in he difference between a 2.1 and a first. In the long run it will make no difference to her, but I can understand her feelings, it must be incredibly frustrating. I think all you can do us remain positive and keep showing how proud you are - it will sink in eventually!

BlueMerchant · 12/07/2019 16:09

I'd be telling her if she hadn't worked so hard she might have ended up with a 2:2.
Am sure there are many like her. Always one mark away! Reality is she did the best she could and did great anyway.
I'd be encouraging reslience and maturity.
We don't always get what we strive for.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 12/07/2019 16:12

Mine was three marks away from a First and her reaction is exactly the same (York not Oxford). I have a niece who's a senior recruitment consultant who had assured us prior to results that having a First really makes no difference at all. She even said it can imply that the candidate is a one trick pony and didn't really "live" through their university years. Unfortunately there do seem to be a very high number of Firsts among DD's friends ..... sorry not to be of more help but much empathy. I think missing by so few marks makes it much worse. I'm just giving huge reassurance.

stucknoue · 12/07/2019 16:12

I'm not sure how comforting it is, but none of the first year marks count toward the final mark.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 12/07/2019 16:14

Sorry, I misread. Mine is about to graduate.

catoney · 12/07/2019 16:37

I would tell her the universe works in mysterious ways but always in your favour. It will make sense to her one day. Listen to - unanswered prayers by brooks jefferson.

TeenTimesTwo · 12/07/2019 16:41

Is this by any chance the first time she has 'failed' at something important to her?

Tell her that a 2.1 from Oxford is not something to be upset about.

Give her a week or two to get some perspective.

GCAcademic · 12/07/2019 16:42

But she hasn’t “got a 2:1”. She’s finished her first year with a 68 average. In my experience, students who go on to achieve first class degrees very rarely have a first class average at the end of their first year. I would also caution that an obsessive focus on getting a first can be inhibiting and counter-productive. I do see students stuck on a 68 average all through their degree because they are much more focused on the mark rather than pursuing their curiosity for the subject - this sort of instrumental approach can make students overly-cautious.

I teach at a RG university, so don’t know if this level of upset is a normal reaction to the pressure of the Oxbridge environment, but I would be quite concerned to see this at the end of the first year of study.

Disfordarkchocolate · 12/07/2019 16:45

Is Oxford the same as other universities, first-year marks don't count towards your degree classification?

What does 'become a scholar' mean?

PurpleDaisies · 12/07/2019 16:47

Has she just found out? It’s frustrating to be so close and miss out.
I’d just give her time to realise she’s actually done very well.

I wonder if this the first time she’s ever not got the grade she wanted?

Bluntness100 · 12/07/2019 16:49

She hasn't got a 2:1 she's only done her first year. Most degrees the first year doesn't even count towards the final degree.

I can't even recall what my daughter got in her first year, but itnwasnt great as she was adjusting from school ,,but she graduated with a high first in her over all degree, in law from a highly ranked rg uni.

Does she understand what percentage of her first year goes to her over all degree?

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 12/07/2019 16:49

She needs to learn to accept 'failure' and move on.

Seriously....some employers prefer a 2:1 from Oxford to a 1st, can sometimes
Be a sign of a more well rounded person. It won't make any difference to her career prospects.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 12/07/2019 16:51

Oh, I just realised this was only her 1st year mark!!

I suspect she is used to achieving perfection. It will be a good life lesson for her.

TheFirstOHN · 12/07/2019 16:53

It's her first year.
In five years time, nobody is going to know or care what mark she got in her first year.

Once she has had a chance to calm down and get over the disappointment, I'm sure she'll be fine.

BishopofBathandWells · 12/07/2019 17:16

Reiterating what others have said about the first year being a transition year, and not representative of her potential final degree. Also that a First sometimes suggests not a well-rounded university experience. FWIW I got a 2:2 as an undergrad but eventually went on to achieve my doctorate, so it's not impossible to get a lower degree and continue in academia, if that's what she wants to do.

SchrodingersKitty · 12/07/2019 17:17

Agreeing with posters saying that she hasn't got a 2:i - this is her result for Mods. It only counts within the tiny world of Oxford and is not something she would ever even put on her CV. It doesn't count at all for her final degree result. I think colleges differ on the 'scholar' thing (in my - very distant - days, this was something they doled out at interview stage, rather than during the course of the degree), but I think lots award scholarships on an annual basis, so she may well get another shot at this next year (it is only really for bragging rights and a different gown).

I'm an academic too (English, not at Oxford), and completely agree with poster above who says that over-anxiety about grades is precisely what makes students stick at a 68. She needs to try and relax and enjoy it.

242Mummy · 12/07/2019 17:17

Like others have said, it's only her first year. Has she been awarded an exhibition? If so, let her know that an exhibitioner will be moved up to scholar status pending 2nd year results so she still has a chance to wear the full gown! Grin Don't buy a cow for the meadow just yet though.

yourestandingonmyneck · 12/07/2019 17:20

But a 2:1 is a degree classification.....she hasn't got a degree, she's only done one year Confused

On first reading, thinking she just missed a 1st, I was going to say "that's frustrating for her, but in the long run it doesn't matter" etc etc.

Having now read that it's only her first year I think she needs to be told to get a grip. Sorry, if you think that's harsh.

babysharkah · 12/07/2019 17:21

She hasn't got a 2.1! She's passed her first year, well.

GeorgeTheFirst · 12/07/2019 17:22

My son is at Oxford as well. You need to not pander to her, she's being ridiculous. I don't mean you should be mean - but don't feed the drama. She has done well. She needs to be expected to get a grip, and get one quite soon.

FoggyDay58 · 12/07/2019 17:24

I think OPs daughter is upset about the not being a scholar bit. Depends which college she's at (I think) but means things like getting a nicer room in 2nd year, getting invited to special events, and generally a bit of a status boost.

Obviously when she's graduated it wont really matter how she did in her first year, but right now it feels big. However, reading English at Oxford already means she is very very brainy, and perhaps some perspective about quite how well she's done already would be the best thing for her long term. Easier said than done though.

GeorgeTheFirst · 12/07/2019 17:26

The scholar thing is also visible as you get a nice pleaty gown. She still needs to calm down. I know what they are like, my son's public exam results are all A stars and they can get a bit perfectionist. They need to not!

daisypond · 12/07/2019 17:28

It’s only first-year exams! It doesn’t matter. And even if it were finals it still wouldn’t matter. Being too perfectionist about things like this will do her no favours in life at all. In fact, it will be a hindrance, not to mention the damage done to her mental health.

gracepoolesrum · 12/07/2019 17:29

Guessing your daughter is not used to failing to meet her own expectations and moreover that she is not used to doing less well than her peers. She's learning later than most of us in life (lucky her!) that she won't always be the best no matter how hard she works. Not much you can do but be there for her, take her out for coffee, give her a hug, and let her go through it, it's a lesson we all have to learn.

growlingbear · 12/07/2019 17:34

Can she absolutely not get a first in finals if she only got a 2.1 in Honour Mods? I'm pretty sure she still can. If not, could she ask for some re-marks on the papers as she is so close? 68% is only 2 marks away from a first, isn't it?
All this only matters if she wants to be a low paid academic for the rest of her life. She'd be eligible to stay on to do doctoral work with a good 2:1 wouldn't she? Especially in a field where she got a leading alpha on the paper. If not at Oxford then definitely at another top uni. And no employer will care.

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