How much of summer break should DD not work for?

[Bloomburger]

Ok Dd is at uni doing 3 modern languages but dropping one st the end of this year. Had a job for 3 weeks but didn't like it 🙄 so just gave up so has just survived on a bit of money she'd saved before she went.

We pay phone bill, food (she's in catered accommodation) and rent. We expected her to get a little job to cover anything else.

Now she's coming home 2 weeks after her course ends so will have had 2 weeks of doing nothing before she comes back then she's off to Europe for a week in July and then South America for a couple of weeks in September then her course starts again in October.

She's super lazy at home and it's my fault because I'm a bit of a control freak so would rather do stuff myself than have to redo stuff after she's made minimum effort,

She has also put a deposit down on a house share which is more money exclusive of bills than her accommodations and food cost now. She picked it over a studio flat in a block with a gym cinema etc because she doesn't want to have to walk the 20 minutes each day to where she needs to be 🙄.

We've said she'll need to work through the summer and get a job next term to make up some of the short fall and because sitting on her arse June through September is not an option.

Are we out of touch? Is this mean? She seems to think that it is and says we are causing her unnecessary stress.

We don't want to cause her stress but equally don't want to let her loaf around for months.

No you ANBU!

She should absolutely get a job during the holidays.. why would she not? Everyone else is working to support her, she should do the same!
Also, it can be quite fun to work in a pub/shop/restaurant! She might make a new social circle (I know I did!)

Stop babying her. Honestly, you are doing her no favours by encouraging her laziness and lack of accountability. She should be working the entire summer!

Depends on what uni she is at, if she's finished already it won't be Oxbridge. If it's a very hard working one then she deserves some time off. She should try and find a job she likes too, that can help lots. However I would be careful from pushing her into something she hates.

My DD did MFL joint honours. She needs to think about a career and do some work or at least volunteering. You are presumably paying the air fares for the holiday trips so you can hardly complain. She won’t get a great job though if she doesn’t set her sights on work or volunteering to learn skills. Doing well with this degree does take some work during the but you don’t appear to set financial boundaries. Didn’t you discuss her accommodation?

Cut out the holidays and tell her if she wants them to pay for them.

Hard to see an employer taking someone on now who wants a week off in July and two in September and then finishing in October.
My two had part time jobs while at sixth form and were able to get a few hours a week during uni holidays but by no means did they work the entire summer. Real life hits soon enough. DS1 works 80 hours a week now.

Of course YANBU.
My dcs have both worked through the Summer (and Easter, and Christmas), each year.
She needs to either work in holdiays, or in term time, or both.
Let her know that 'neither' isn't an option.

Ours has just returned from her year abroad. She has a ten week internship in London. She’s also having Spanish lessons twice weekly to catch back up with that as her year abroad was in second language. She’s going to Spain for three weeks work experience to boost her Spanish too.
We’re happy to subsidise her outside of that but she does have savings from her year working in Italy.

I’d say that this summer is a bit of a write off in terms of her getting a job. But she absolutely needs to get a shop job from September and should be looking at au pairing etc. in one of her countries next summer and the summer after especially as she is doing joint MFL. There is no guarantee that she will absorb that much of the language on the year abroad especially as she will only be half the time in each country.

I think you need to decide how much you can give her, and after that it's up to her. If she wants a fancy flat that's close by, she'll have to pay the extra.

Travelling is great, and this may well be her last opportunity to just go off and do it, so I would support her in that, BUT I wouldn't finance it. Might give her £20 to buy herself something nice, but that would be it.

Personally, I always needed summers off, but I was doing quite an intense course and worked hard. The flip side was that I had about 50p spending money per week (literally- after paying rent & food). I was happy enough with that as I wasn't a big spender.

So I'd leave it up to her, but don't subsidise her.

Most joint honours students do come back with the skills needed after time spent abroad. Having to catch up isn’t normal and usually joint MFL is equal time with each language on year abroad. If she’s diligent she won’t need to au pair. What she really needs to do is think about a career and intern or work to further that ambition.

BubblesBuddy. It differs from university to university. Friends daughter did half and half from Bath. Exeter do a full year in second language with expectation that you’ll make the effort to be fluent in your first anyway. Our daughter went from a very basic level to near fluency in her second language by full immersion in work and living arrangements over the year. It has been at a cost to the maintenance and improvement of her first language though.

Dd is already working, she knows that not working is not an option

I think it's important to get a job, not just for the income but also it's useful experience and good for cv.
How is your dd funding her holidays? Imo she needs a job to fund them.
my ds has a job this summer for two months and then has about 3 weeks before he is going back to university. He does not work during term time, but did a lot of tutoring over the easter vacation and earnt about GBP 800.

That is maybe a reason why Exeter is not considered that great for languages? That’s not a sensible approach. Most students benefit from equal time studying and immersing in both. However as many MFL students won’t use their languages at work it still makes sense to work or intern in something useful for a career. A degree in MFL doesn’t guarantee anything in the world of work. Especially for young men at Oxford apparently and surprisingly!

DD16 works 2 jobs one on Saturday and one evenings - she’ll do more hours when her exams finish

Stop giving her money - if she wants something she has to earn it like the rest of us

During my degree (not that long ago) I worked constantly through the holidays, barely took weekends off and had a week holiday away but then I did that because I knew it’d give me money for going out when I went back to uni. My parents paid for my food but I had to find money to go out drinking so I did.

I think you need to be really clear with her about what you can afford / are willing to contribute. Make it clear that she's covering the costs of X and if she doesn't earn it, she's simy not going to have it.
Personally I'd have given her an upper budget for accommodation too if she's expecting you to just pay it all regardless of cost - maybe something to think about for next year.
You can't make her work, but you stop enabling her to not

Depends on what uni she is at, if she's finished already it won't be Oxbridge. If it's a very hard working one then she deserves some time off.

I doubt most of those are sitting on their arses all summer.

Travelling is good, I wish my DD had time to do some TBH. But the idea that students genuinely 'need' more time off than people in employment seems unlikely.

Goodness how is she affording both of those trips over the summer?! When I was a student I had to work all summer to pay off the overdraft I’d racked up the previous year.

She’s an adult, you can’t tell her to get a job. Just be clear about the amount you will pay during term time and stick to it.

I think she needs to work as it sounds like she's unappreciative if you are describing her as lazy.

Surely she could babysit at uni? She could study whilst the children are asleep, that's what my babysitter does.

Depending where you are, I worked for an events agency waitressing at events with no prior experience during the summer holidays. Too late for this year but exam invigilation is another one.

Once she's finished uni and working there's very few jobs where she gets the entire summer off!

Last summer mine lazed around apart from some volunteering and a handful of shifts in the pub.

She finds her course a bit full on to work in term time.

So this summer she has 4 months off. She has 2 weeks volunteering, a week away with us and a week away and a few festivals with her friends planned. So she has joined a temping agency and she’s aiming on doing 6 weeks work which should net her about £1800. Then she has 6 weeks left to laze about.

I can’t understand these teenagers who feel
So entitled they don’t want to work to earn money to support their own education!

DHs DD has been working 3.5yrs and by all accounts has saved zero for uni. All conversations are about how much we are giving her, nothing about how much she’s pitching in. It’ll be a sharp wake up call when they all start knocking on the door of the real world

some of Ds's friends have jobs as tutors. Not necessarily regular but pays.

Well my DD didn’t work loads but has worked like shit at her career! It died to follow that months of work lead to a better work ethic in the end. We did talk to DD though and she planned her work for a mix of money and strategy for the career she wanted. It’s a mix that paid off. Linguists cannot expect for jobs to fall to them. Plenty of firms don’t value linguists or travel! So students have to acquire what they do want.

It does not follow that months of work.....