Going to Uni - Do you keep the biggest bedroom?

[chipstickgirl]

DD will be heading to university in September and DS (15) has decided in his own mind that he's getting her room when she leaves.

He spends a huge amount of time in his room and DD does have a bigger room so I get that he wants the bigger space.

However it's DDs room and she will obviously be returning for holidays etc.

What have others done in this scenario?

I had my own bedroom from the age of 7 or 8, my younger sisters shared a larger bedroom. We moved when I was 18 and it was only fair that my two sisters then had a bedroom each and I had the tiny, tiny, cupboard box room (has to have a built in bed because you couldn’t fit any other in there) when I came back from university for holidays. I definitely think if there is a big disparity in room size the child who is lef at home should get the bigger one, no question.

It's not usually boys who lose out ime.
Where there's enough room for a room each it's usually the youngest who does.
Where there isn't enough room for one each it's the siblings of same sex who have to share, and not have their own rooms.

In my case I shared with a much younger sibling. When I went to university my little sister, quite rightly, took over most of the room. I still had my bed and some wardrobe/cupboard/storage space, but not as much as used to. I didn't mind. It made sense that the child who was there all the time had the greater amount of space - I only needed it for holidays and the odd weekend night.

When dh moved out his brother chose not to change rooms - there wasn't really much in it size wise anyway. But dh did return home to love for a short while anyway. Though the next time he left home his parents changed the room from a bedroom entirely. Subtle hint 😂

My mum gave my room away as soon as I left. My brothers rooms were tiny though so it's understandable to not leave a big room standing empty. I did get it back when I moved home. I did say I was only coming back for about 6 months.... it was about two years 😂

My mother moved into my room when I left but went back into my father's room in univesity holidays which is not quite the same thing. In my own family each child has kept their room and then come back to that room after university of the 3 who have graduated and then lived at home for law school etc for a few years after too so no changing round of rooms. Also they come back quite a lot. One of my sons was home a week ago and is home twis more this term. They were here for most of 3 months in the summer etc.

I definitely think she's had her turn with the big room and it should go to your DS.

My brothers and I are in our 30s, and my parents still insist that my older brother should always get to stay in his room if we're all there at the same time ... only thing is it's not only the biggest. It's also the room they did up with a nice double bed and turned into a spare room once we left home. I was bloody livid when DP was pregnant and we were still expected to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa bed in a room crammed with my mum's stuff, while DB slept (alone) on 'his' kingsize double in his room.

Not that I am bitter ...

We are wondering what to do, as ds1 is soon to be freshly graduated as a doctor and moving out. DD1 is in her second term at Oxford and so spends a lot of time at home during the vacation.

She wanted DS1’s bedroom when we bought the house, but decided not to let her. The room is very masculine with dark blue carpets and red walls..... not my style.

Now that DS1 is moved out for good, shall we let her have his room? It’s far larger and has a desk in it. My DH is opposed ad doesn’t want ds to feel like it is no longer hid home. This is coming from a man who’s bedroom at home has not changed in 40 years ...

Wwyd?

I'm thinking it would be wise to wait until the end of the first term and then go for the swap

Why?

All that does is show your son that your DD comes first.

Totally agree with this. Regardless of whether she goes to University ot not, and certainly regardless of what "she thinks", your dd has had what is perceived to be 'the best room' for 18 years. Surely it is time for another dc to have a turn, even if they only get 2 years (or whatever the age gap is) of having 'the best room'.
That should be pointed out to your dd. It shouldn't be fore her to 'graciously bestow' "her" room to her brother, it should just be a matter of fact that it is now his turn to have the larger room for the next few years.
I definitely wouldn't be making it her decision.
(Yes, I've had 2 go off to university already)

Wow Ribenita I'm surprised you even have to ask.

You've got one child who has left home, and your dh is seriously saying that his other child can't have the room, which is much larger than hers ?

I think he’s more fussed about the cost of painting the walls and maybe the carpets. She’d probably ask for a new bed too as it isn’t great

you just need to ensure that DD has space and quiet to work when she does come home. Christmas and Easter holidays are normally spent studying.
When DD1 went to university, DD2 stayed in her room but used DD1's room as well. Now they are both away, they both like to have their own space to come back to. But I would let the child staying at home either have use of the 2nd room or move into it. Discuss it with them both.

The DC at home will have equal need to study. And they don’t yet have their school exams in the bag.

Within 2 weeks of me leaving for uni my parents had given my room to one of my Irish cousins who was over here working on a building site. 🤨.
All my stuff went into the attic. When I came home I had to sleep in my sisters room as he had installed himself in mine.

When DD left home we kept her room for her. It isn't the biggest but it's the one she chose for its view.