Going to Uni - Do you keep the biggest bedroom?

[chipstickgirl]

DD will be heading to university in September and DS (15) has decided in his own mind that he's getting her room when she leaves.

He spends a huge amount of time in his room and DD does have a bigger room so I get that he wants the bigger space.

However it's DDs room and she will obviously be returning for holidays etc.

What have others done in this scenario?

Thank you again for those who are replying. I'm thinking it would be wise to wait until the end of the first term and then go for the swap.

Those of you who said about waiting to see if settled first - really good advice thank you.

@goldengummybear as I posted earlier the room allocation was based on age not gender. If DS was our first born, he would have got the larger room.

My sister moved into my room when I left for uni. Having the teeny box room certainly encouraged me to not move back home for long after uni had finished. My sister, in the bigger room, stayed for four years!

When I left at 17 my younger brother moved his stuff in as mine came out. There was no discussion 😂

I wouldn't have thought twice about agreeing though, he was there ass the time and I wasn't.

We’re planning to move in the next

My younger sister got my room when I went. It wasn't a discussion, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to object. It was a much nicer room, though. It would have been mean to leave it empty while I was away when she was living there and could have been enjoying it.

I think it's only fair he gets his shot at the bigger room. It also helps mark a transition. She can still come home but she's older now.

DS should have had a turn in the biggest room well before now IMO, so should have the room.

DD should stay in what’s currently his room when home for holidays etc.

Yes, waiting until after her first term away prioritises DD, again. It’d be better to sort it out during the summer before she goes.

Have never really understood the oldest child = biggest room method. We've been in this house a long time, but we've swapped rooms around loads according to everyone's current needs. (Including me and dh - we've had 3 different bedrooms!)

So yes, I'd definitely be swapping in your case. And as the PP says, I'd do it in the summer before she goes, make it part of her sorting out her stuff, working out what she's taking, etc.

We are moving house so it's all change with rooms anyway but if we weren't then DD would have been swapping with our younger two DS's who share a bedroom.
That was always the plan. Poor DS1 would have had to stay the same though.

The day I left for university my DB 2 years younger moved into my room. It was fine, he had 2 more years to go, I wasn’t going to be there, his needs were greater than mine. I wouldn’t wait until after first term because I’m sure you will find another reason or excuse them. Prioritise your DS. Give him her room as soon as she’s gone.

When I went to uni it was a 33 week year so I spent more time there than at home.

I actually shared a room so didn't move anything but I think the children who live in a house full time get priority.

I think start planning any redecoration over the summer if she is definitely looking to go and move her before she goes so that she doesn't leave with one room and come back to another. Most uni terms start later than school so she will have time to get used to it.

Plus she can declutter/downsize her stuff to fit into the new room.

I wouldn't swap it in a hurry. I dropped out of uni and it would have been horrible to not go home to what I was used to. I'd give it six months + to make sure DD settles in well first.

FWIW, I was the youngest in he box room and I kept the box room and my brothers kept the big bedrooms. Didn't bother me really. Think my room was 8ft x 8ft.

We had this dilema when Ds1 went to uni in September. We have decided to keep things as they are for the moment . I didn't want ds to feel pushed out by swapping rooms around the second he left. Also one of the reasons ds1 had the biggest room was due to his gym equipment. We have an arrangement where by his room is welcome to be used by anyone but it still ds1 room. For example ds2 uses his gym stuff, i have somewhat taken over his desk, ds3 sometimes goes and chills on his bed (he really misses him).
It may be that ds2 will move in there next year but not at the moment.

I moved into a smaller bedroom when I left for university, it was only fair, it didn't make sense for me to have a bigger room when I was out of it the majority of the time. If he wants it I hope your DD would understand.

We've done swaps for this reason, but it pays to wait a bit. Partly in case of change of mind about course, but largely because the older one is facing enough change and unsettling feelings, without adding more all at once. When it happens, redecorate and involve the older one.

I suppose it also depends on whether we are talking master bedroom size vs box room or whether both are somewhere in between albeit different sizes.

We always said dd2 would get the bigger room when dd1 moves out. But that's hoing to be in Oct and dd2 is now saying she doesnt want to as her room is decorated how she likes it. Instead we've suggested she uses dd1s room for studying as it has s larger desk and for when friends come round but that she sleeps in her room.

I think it is probably something to debate.

In some ways it seems obvious to do that, but it's quite a lot of hassle, and then the new uni person is coming back to a new room etc which can be quite unsettling. I know I felt the first holiday at uni really unsettling-I felt I didn't belong properly at either place. I found the second term really difficult, much harder than the first, for that reason.

And sometimes they can feel pushed out. My dsis said right the way through A-levels that as soon as she was off to uni (doing medicine with 48 week years too) that she was expecting my dbro to swap rooms (when it came to it he didn't as he thought it would be too much hassle) . Her room was probably more than twice the size of either his or mine, mine was the smallest) and said she wouldn't care a bit.
When it actually came to her going she suddenly got very possessive about her room, and struggled with finding anything had altered over the time away, even little things. She saw any change as a sign she was being pushed out, even though over the uni years she rarely spent more than 2 weeks a year at my parents' home. She even struggled with when she'd left home and was married with my parents referring to it as the guest room.

I think for me it slightly depends on the discrepancy in size or of facilities, I can see having an en suite could be seen as a big advantage.
If it's slightly bigger, it wouldn't be worth the hassle.
But it also depends on their relationship and how they feel about each other.
I would have deeply resented my dbro getting it, because there was a history of my brother getting things of mine before I'd finished with them, or identical things I'd bought for myself or got as presents he got given because my parents could "see how much I liked something and thought he'd like one too." If your dd feels he's the favourite anyway (not saying he is, but often children do think that sort of thing with or without justification) then that would add to the feeling.

I've got my oldest moving off to uni next year. She doesn't have the biggest room, dd2 does. It's bigger than ds' though, so what I've said is he can put his drum kit, which presently takes up half his room, during term time in there. It means that he will have more space, but she can still come back to "her" room.

I think also the people above who said that they waited/will wait to check their dc have settled at uni first have a good thought. I said I was unsettled by the first holiday. By the summer holiday I was much more secure and it wouldn't have effected me changing my room.

It’s her room.

It’s not unreasonable it should go to the next child in line who’s at home.

But she needs to be consulted.

Presumably she's had that room for a number of years, so is attached to it - however, she is moving on to a new adventure. It would be very petty of her to insist that her DB remains in a much smaller room, so the approx 40% of the time she could potentially be there (hardly anyone comes home for reading week, and holidays are often in and out due to visiting various new and old friends so it'll actually be less) she doesn't have to experience any change.

Swap after her A levels so she can get it how she wants it and settle in before going away.