I feel so upset now that I am back at university...advice please?

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Title says it all really. I am just so upset to be back at university - I keep on bursting into tears. For context, I didn't have a very good first year, I spent all my time counting down the days until trips home. I was reluctant to come back, but I feel like I must stay - university seems my only option. I have no idea of what I want to do in the future, and I know my parents will not let me drop out. I remain disinterested in my course, despite doing alright in assessed essays etc.
All summer, I have been dreading coming back, and I can't believe that the time came around so quickly to return. I honestly feel that the next time I will be happy will be the Christmas break. I'm just wishing time away, which I know is bad in itself and unhealthy.

I wondered if anyone has been in a situation with their own sons and daughters. Do you have any advice on how I can be content with my time at university? I would ask my own Mum, but I'm trying to only send short replies to the messages asking me if I am OK, as I think talking to my family properly will just make me miss them even more. I came with a positive mindset on getting through it, telling myself it's only another two years, and that it will go quickly..however, this positive facade has crumbled the minute I've started. I've only been here three days, and I want to go home already.

Sorry to hear this. It may get better - i really didn't enjoy my first year but loved my second and third. I was a lot more interested in the learning and all my good friends i found in my second year.

Is there an option to transfer to a university near home?

Alternatively, can you get home as much as possible? How far away are you?

I hated uni (for my bachelors), i had no friends, was so lonely, socially inept, etc etc. I just had to get through it as my parents wouldve exploded. Dropping out/ changing course/ changing uni was not an option (very controlling family). I just gritted my teeth and got on and got my degree. Its utterly horrible though being surrounded by those who say its the best days of their life whilst you are hating it. Try accessing support, i didnt. It may have made a difference

That sounds very tough. I haven't been in your shoes or had adult children in that situation. I work in third level education and one of the best kept secrets is the number of students who drop out in the first semester.

I think you should tell your parents. Maybe with their support you can get through this by getting some home visits (if possible) between now and Christmas.

One of my daughter's friends has just managed to transfer to another university closer to home for 2nd year.

Please make an appointment with Student Support tomorrow. Promise me you will do.that.

You can't jeopardise your health over this. Reach out to your family and friends. Keeping this a secret is putting extra pressure on you.

There are ways out of this but you really need advice and support to identify options.

Best wishes. University is not always the best time of people's lives. If you like the course maybe it's worth sticking with it. Maybe you could transfer to the Open University. Let me know how you get on x

So sorry to hear you're having a tough time; and maybe it is not realistic to think you will suddenly start enjoying it after last year.

I think only phoning home occasionally is a good strategy, to limit homesickness; but yiu need to make sure you have other people around you that you can be open and honest with. Student support services would be a good first step.

If you want to chat more about your particular circumstances, feel free to send me a PM. Take care of yourself.

Another thing that could help is a sense of purpose:

You could make an appointment at the university careers service to have an interview and do some psychometric testing, with a view to having a career to work towards.

I always find that volunteering (outside of the university setting) is a great way to feel better about your current situation. There are loads of opportunities to volunteer: in a local community cinema, theatre or concert hall; in a local school - listening to children read, in a local choir, youth group, or uniformed organisation, in a church - with tech, or helping with the children, in a foodbank- sorting donated food, St John's ambulance, visiting he elderly in an old people's home... Most worthwhile volunteering does require a regular commitment of at least 2 hrs a week, but you may find it gives you a boost.

I hated it too. Stick it out though. I changed course after first year which helped but I didn't enjoy the social aspect and couldn't afford to live in the university town itself so missed out on a lot (it was super expensive to rent there!)

My life got loads better when I started working and made friends that way and had a bit of cash! I know everyone says it's the best days of your life but that's not the case for everyone, but you will find your place. I KNOW how hard it is and I'm pretty sure it kick started my anxiety which is struggle from on and off. But I do think you'll feel better in the long run if you get your degree, that's what you're there for after all. Good luck.

Yes, I feel like I must just stick with it. I got two very good grades at A Level, and one average grade. Loads of people have said if I dropped out, I wouldn't do half as well in life without a degree. I just feel a degree is necessary nowadays.
My parents knew how I was feeling last year. However, I've just been saying I am fine in messages to them...keeping it vague! I think when I finally phone them/Facetime them, they might realise. I just don't want to cry while talking to them.
Yes, I see posts on Instagram of everyone enjoying university, and my friends from home don't even understand why I hate it so much. I didn't think I would be like this at all...I have always been a "I'll get on with it" person, I am usually very positive.
I'm a bit nervous about going to Student Support, they weren't very helpful last year. I don't see how they can help me enjoy university, as maybe I am just naturally happiest when I am at home.

What course are you doing? Whatever the subject, it will give you skills which you can apply in a whole lot of careers, so don't worry about that side of it. Many people don't know exactly what they want to do - there's no reason why you can't try out a range of jobs before you settle down, it will all be good experience.

Can you narrow down what it is you particularly dislike? The course? The social side? Your accommodation? The town?

If you can be specific, when you go to see your tutor and student services - you are going, aren't you - they'll be better able to help you.

I'd encourage you to get the support you need to continue, but if you really want to leave, your parents can't stop you. It's your life, and your decision.

Good luck!

Sorry for the delay in reply, I was watching Bodyguard!
I am studying English Literature.

To be honest, I can't really narrow it down. I think because I had such a bad time last year, it has made me view university in a negative light. I don't particularly enjoy my course, but as I mentioned before, I am doing alright in it (at the moment). I am going to book a Student Support meeting thing for Wednesday, I will be on campus anyway for a supervision meeting.

I hope things have been a but better for you this week. Did you go to student services?

Firstly I disagree that you’ll do badly in life without a degree - I dropped out of mine and still managed to work in my chosen field with a bit of hustling. But if you want to stick it out I agree that you need to narrow down what you actually don’t like about it and try and improve things from there. Have you got friends there? Is it just that you don’t want to be away from home? Do you see yourself remaining in your home town long term?

I’m so sorry to hear this OP. Of course just grinning and bearing it is an option, but as a parent I would be very sad at a child of mine having such a negative experience at university. I’m not sure what value it is either, as there are several other options out there, including going to university later. I didn’t go until I was 20!

You are quite right that student services cannot help you be happy, and they cannot provide you with friends but they should be able to help you with the practical stuff a) changing course and/or b) changing university. At least give it a try and see what happens. You need to give them an idea of what you want, which may need you to think about what that is.

I cannot speak for all parents, but they are generally persuadable to accept change as long as it has been properly thought out, and there is a sensible alternative. Your parents’s wishes are important, but it’s your life and future at the end of the day.

I went to my supervisor, I told him how I was feeling (I know it sounds silly, but I have never said to him how I was really feeling at university, as he never asked and I was too shy to bring it up)...I finally brought it up, and he wasn't really interested at all? I tried to push it more and talk about it, he just said that academically I was doing fine. If this continues, I think I might request for a change of supervisor.

I went to student support, and they told me to complete an online referral. I have done this, and should hear back from them shortly about the next steps.

I just really don't enjoy my course, despite doing well in it academically. I'm just really not happy here. Because I'm not happy here, all I do is want to go home. I just feel very emotional, I have cried so many times this week, I couldn't count them. I did FaceTime my parents once, and as soon as I said goodbye and hung up, I just burst into tears. (I never thought I would be the type of person to be homesick at university, I have always been a very positive person, who just gets on with challenges and stressful situations). I feel very out of sorts, my appetite is quite low and in general I've been feeling very lethargic. I do have one very good friend here, there are other people I speak to, but it is not like we are close.

I would feel very happy at dropping out, but I think that feeling of relief would be swiftly replaced by anxiety and stress over sorting out paying back student finance, sorting out an expensive housing contract. Although I'd love to drop out, I feel as if it is not an option.

Furthermore, I would have absolutely no idea what to do as an alternative to university.

Sorry things are really tough and your supervisor is not sympathetic. Hope student support are more helpful.
Do you have any hobbies or engage in any clubs!? Can be a good way to make friends, as well as help the time pass more quickly.
Second year is a good point to start thinking about what you want to do next: so do think about going to see Careers Advice as that might help motivate you for the course.

Yes, I am part of a few societies, the one I go to the most is the Art Society. As part of my course, I have to spend a lot of time alone reading, however, I am part of societies.

Yes, my supervisor suggested Careers. I'm waiting for the initial rush of people booking appointments to be over, I think I'm going to wait for a mid-term appointment and see if that will give me any more motivation. I don't even know really of many options of what to do with my degree afterwards, so it will be interesting to find that out. The only thing they seemed to mention last year at a careers talk was the option of teaching!

Hi I would suggest a visit to your GP ? You may be suffering from depression...it will really not hurt at all to go and have a chat. How often can you get home ? If you can try every couple of weekends then it will give you something to look forward to... and I know this is easier said than done but trying to get out and socialise will help...again it's something to look forward to even just one evening a week.

Okay, I will go and see my GP as well, just to rule it out. I don't see how I could be depressed, as I feel fine as soon as I am home. Surely if I was depressed I would be feeling low all of the time, no matter what the environment was?
The thing is, i still go out and socialise quite a lot despite my low mood. I think I put a brave face on, nobody at university realises how I feel, as I act like I am totally fine around them, and as if nothing is the matter.

Hi OP, sorry to hear your supervisor was a bit rubbish. Even if you’re not clinically depressed, the GP might be able to refer you for some counselling which might help you find some ways to tackle it. Or can they only do that through the online referral?

I’m in no way trying to encourage you to drop out of uni - in fact I think the sensible thing would be to see it through to the end - but if it really isn’t for you, there are plenty of other options, from changing course to looking for a job somewhere that will develop and train you as you work. I’m not sure what your career aims are, but after I dropped out of uni I found recruitment agents really helpful for getting me out of retail and into an office. Since then, I’ve worked in marketing and PR and I’m now a journalist, so not having a degree doesn’t have to hold you back

Can you transfer? I also hated uni, and wished I had gone somewhere else. It wasn't the course in my case, but I really wish I had switched. I hated it for two years, the final year was good as I liked the people I was living with.

If you were my daughter (she's 2nd year Eng Lit) I'd say for her to transfer to a uni nearer home and travel. The loans can be worked out. Nothing but nothing is worth you being THIS unhappy. Please don't keep being sad just for a degree. Life is so short and you need to do something you love.

Been thinking of you OP, how are things today ?

Hi, thank you for thinking of me! Things have got a little better fortunately, I think it is just getting back into the routine of things.

Plus, I have booked my train tickets for a trip home in 2 weeks time, so I think that is keeping me more upbeat and positive. Having extra work set from seminars etc. means my time is filled completely, so I don't have that much time to dwell. I'm still not enjoying my course, but I am just getting on with it for the moment (I am very up and down with university, who knows how I will be feeling by tomorrow!)

Hi glad to hear things are a little better !! And also glad you've booked a ticket for a visit home...would also urge you to speak to your parents...they might not have all the answers but having their support will help you loads. Wishing you all the best x

I second going to GP, possibly having a blood test to rule out anaemia, B12 defiency, Vit D deficiency. You may feel better at home, but then your coping is exhausted when you get back into a stressful environment for physical reasons.

I had a real crash in the my second year, severe social anxiety round silly things, but fine in some situations, it was all quite odd looking back.

I second the finding a group to volunteer with, there is meant to be a lovely group that goes around rescuing drunk students and giving them flat shoes, that sort of things, cannot now remember, but a friend said that for her daughter at York it was invaluable way of reminding herself that the "fun" was not such fun after all!!
There are some lovely books/drama productions out there which might cheer you up too, and possibly some other people reading them in a student society of some sort - [the new Rowling has just come out, although I don't know how violent it is ] Near you might be some beautiful gardens to visit, or hill walking, getting outside if reading isn't any use, might also inspire?

Just two people to talk to or do fun things with, made all the difference, it doesn't have to be hilarious uproarious socialising, could be quite and gentle kind with like minded souls.

Is there an athletic activity you might enjoy getting involved with, even something silly like ultimate Frisbee? My son just started his first year at university and rowing on the crew team has been a real life line for him socially. It's also been a good distraction and stress relief for him. Even something like yoga might be helpful.