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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

If you had/have a dc who stayed at home for uni how much financial support did they need?

54 replies

NicoAndTheNiners · 13/09/2018 14:02

From you?

Dd is putting the local uni down as first choice. I’ve said she can still move out if she wants but she says she’d rsther stay at home.

Household income is just over 80k so I’m not expecting she’ll be able to access a lot of loans.

If we feed her, pay her phone bill, buy her an annual rail pass into town how much do you think is a reasonable amount to giver her in way of an allowance? How much would she need? It’s really going to be clothes, makeup, socialising I guess.

She currently gets £40 a month and I pay her phone. But she taps me up for clothes all the time which I want to stop because she has no concept of money and currently throwing a strop because I won’t pay £40 for a jumper from Zara and have told her to get similar for half the price in H&M. Grin

I don’t want to give her so much that she’s just wasting it all on clothes for the sake of it. And I do think I need to give her an amount which isn’t low enough to encourage her to go and get a part time job.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/09/2018 15:06

I'd urge her to get a maintenance loan. Being kept on a strict budget by your parents, when you're an adult, is shit, especially as some of these numbers mean she will struggle to socialise. I really don't think it's your decision to make.

I wouldn't recommend kids to stay home, because I think it impacts on the experience of leaving home, living independently from parents but with oversight. It's a mid step, She will not feel part of it, and depending on her personality could become isolated.

I'd also say no job until she settles in. Some degrees are harder than others. My daughter did a vocational degree and working during term time would have been a bastard and impacted her results.

For me, if a kid really wants to do further education, they should be supported to get the max out of it and to come out with the best results possible.

She seems to be heading full steam ahead to a shitty experience, not part of the uni group, on a tighter budget than many, not living independently and being made to work.

OrcinusOrca · 13/09/2018 15:10

I took the maintenance loan of £3.5k a year and worked 16 hours getting an extra £500 a month. DM didn't give me anything, nor did she charge me anything. My DP and I used to buy our own food quite a bit and he paid her rent to cover the bills from him being there.

Original poster
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/09/2018 15:12

Thanks everyone, will reconsider her not having a maintenance loan, maybe that would be better.

I think the advice about all bills into her name is a good one.

I would have preferred if she’d moved away from home as I do agree I think it’s a big part of the uni experience.....plus I wanted her room for an office in term time! Grin

She’s still in sixth form, I’m planning ahead for next year after she told me she’s finished her ucas form yesterday and put local uni as first choice.....she might not get an offer yet I guess!

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 13/09/2018 15:25

NicoAndTheNiners Thu 13-Sep-18 14:12:03
Architecture.

I wasn’t thinking of charging her any rent at all.

Was thinking more along the lines of giving her £200 a month! But was wondering if that was too much.
........

That sounds about right to me. She'll still tap you up from time to time, they all do, but £200 should fund her social life. I presume you'll be buying her clothes as she is living at home, same as when at school.

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2018 15:29

Yes, firstly, I'm sorry, it's her choice, to get s loan, not yours. It's her debt and you won't be paying it off. You do not have the right to interfere here.

And although it's concerning she doesn't want to leave home, at least with a loan she has some semblance of independence and managing her own money.

Is there a reason she doesn't want to leave home? Does she struggle to make friends? Shy?

The whole thing about having kids is helping them spread their wings and fly. To know when to cut the apron strings. And uni is brilliant as that mid step between home and your own place and working.

She will miss out on so much, learning to pay bills, shop, cook, cleaning, managing a house, simple things like dealing with a power cut, or a blown fuse, or an air bubble in the shower, setting up he own utilities, even bringing a partner back, making new friends, living together. Uni is a brilliant time to learn this, because you're with kids your own age and at the same stage,

I think I'd gently ask why she didn't want to leave and I'd be curious why she didn't discuss it with you, just informed you yesterday.

Original poster
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/09/2018 15:48

I asked her about why she didn’t want to leave home and she said why on earth would she want to live in grotty student digs. She’s quite a princess and god knows how because I’m not and haven’t encouraged that sort of thing at all.

There’s a uni open day next week so think I will encourage her to actually go and look at the halls.

OP posts:
MarchingFrogs · 13/09/2018 15:58

Dd is putting the local uni down as first choice

UCAS has only just opened - has she submitted her form and had offers already?

Original poster
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/09/2018 16:03

Her form is ready to submit. She came back from school yesterday and said she’s had everything done by her HOY and it’s ready, she literally just needs to hit submit. Says she’s the first one in the school to be ready. Not sure if she actually submitted it last night or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/09/2018 16:05

But no she hasn’t had offers. I said she’s putting it down as first choice and also said I guess there’s a chance she might not get an offer.

She’s predicted straight A’s though and I think course only wants BBB. And she’s very arty/has a good portfolio so would guess she has a good chance.

OP posts:
MadMum101 · 13/09/2018 16:20

DD had the same rationale about student digs being dirty and having to live with other people's mess, use the same loo and shower as someone with lower standards of hygiene than herself Grin and potentially being stuck with them if they don't get on.

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2018 16:22

Ok, next difficult question. If she's predicted all A's why is she going for a lower ranked uni? Not aiming higher? This looks like the safe option to me. Is she doing it just so she can stay home? Is she doing it because she's worried about her results?

She will probably get an unconditional, if she's predicted all
As and wants to attend a uni that only needs Bs.

Normally it's advisable to go for the best uni they can achieve, and results dictate what that will be.

I'd encourage her to have it as second choice and go for a more highly ranked uni as first choice, one that wants all As to enter.

I'd ask her about why she is aiming low.

Cocolepew · 13/09/2018 16:31

My DD is happy staying at home, she likes her own space.
She still socialises with friends.
She only applued to our local uni because she wanted to stay at home.
She'll be graduating next year and will probably have to go away for work.

Original poster
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/09/2018 16:38

She says it’s because she likes the course best and she finds the course leader very inspirational. She knows the course leader from a local art club.

I suspect it’s because she doesn’t want to leave her boyfriend but she denies it.

OP posts:
AtiaoftheJulii · 13/09/2018 16:44

Living at home, starting this year - minimum maintenance loan £3,324, maximum maintenance loan £7,324

i.e. If she took the minimum loan you'd still be expected to subsidise her to the tune of 4K

link for info

I pay my kids' rent and they live off the minimum maintenance loan (£4054 this year for living outside London not with parents). So I'd probably lean towards providing board and lodging, and let her get the loan and deal with everything else - clothes, Starbucks, transport, phone, etc.

user1487194234 · 13/09/2018 16:48

My DD is in her final year at school
I buy her clothes,pay her phone,buy all toiletries and give her £50 a month

If she stays at home for Uni I will increase to £200 a month

Ariela · 13/09/2018 17:10

My daughter is at the local Uni. Last summer she worked all summer and then managed to fit her job around the first term (clashed with lectures after that).

She has saved enough money from her work to pay for her (minimal, she doesn't drink) social life + any clothes (she rarely buys anything beyond new underwear or a new pair of jodhs) + running costs (insurance, fuel) for her car which she needs as she has 2 horses to look after and then get to work/Uni, & phone plus anything else she wants. This year her friend from school who lives very near us will contribute to her fuel as daughter will be driving her in and out most days (last year friend was in halls).

We are paying only for the stable/feed/vet/insurances of the 2 horses (total costs about £4K/year), but she competes and is paying memberships, competition fees, lessons etc.
She contributes slave labour by working for us at home - laundry, cleaning, redecorating, restoration projects, cleaning cars etc. instead of paying rent when at Uni, she pays rent when not at Uni and able to work more..

So effectively, other than her sport, and the actual accomodation/food costs she is entirely paying her own way. She has no loan, everything she spends is from money she has saved/from working.

I personally think £200 a month is FAR too much if you're providing accomodation, food, phone and travel. What is wrong with continuing to offer £40/month +phone and add in the travel? If she did just a Saturday job, she could easily earn £200/month + more in the holidays.

Cassimin · 13/09/2018 17:18

I have 2 at uni, both staying at home. They get the maintenance loan and both work.
I don’t give them any allowance and they don’t give me any.
I ask them to buy and prepare a family meal each once per week.
Gives me a couple of nights off.
I pay for them to go on our family holidays.
The eldest has managed to save and also go abroad 4 times this year.

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2018 17:45

It may well be the boyfriend op, which is why she is so fast and so determined,

I'd consider making it a bit hard for her. Try to ban the loan, tell her she will need to work etc, in a cruel to be kind thing.

Do you know the boyfriends plans?

Original poster
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/09/2018 17:50

Boyfriend is also planning on going to uni. Local uni doesn’t do the course he wants but he’s planning on staying as close to home as possible. Neartest uni he’s applying to is 35 miles away, dd has applied there as well. And maybe it’s not the boyfriend because otherwise she’d be more interested in that uni?

Anyway I keep telling myself at the minute she’s just applying to 5. She doesn’t have to put them in order preference until later so might change her mind.

In fairness the facilities at the local uni looked very good when we looked round in the summer and it does have a good reputation, both for the uni overall and for the course.

OP posts:
thereallifesaffy · 13/09/2018 18:28

Well we pay for our DC's rent at opposite ends of the country to us, and they use their maintenance loan to live on. They have worked since sixth form so have some spare pennies. But I don't expect them to work in term time. In fact DS's uni strongly advises against this.
So you could think of your DD living at home as the equivalent of us paying rent. Except she'll be getting fed too! So really I don't think you should be subsidising any more. She'll have more than enough to live in with the maintenance loan

thereallifesaffy · 13/09/2018 18:30

Sorry posted too soon. Getting the loan will encourage her to look after her money. If at the end of the Degree you're still feeling kind and flush why not pay it off straight away (without hinting you're thinking of this strategy). That way she'll
Have learned to budget and won't have a debt

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2018 19:06

Yeah, it's interesting different unis, maybe he's not so keen for her to go to the same one, or maybe the course there isn't as good. Although 35 miles away isn't far to be fair.

It's hard to judge it without knowing the unis really.,,all b entry though is pretty much guaranteed for her to get in.

Put it this way, unis set the grades and they don't expect everyone to achieve them, because if they did, then they would have too many people. Everyone with a conditional offer would get in, and they make way more conditionals than places. For obvious reasons, They then pick and chose from who doesn't make it.

So this means this uni is going for all bbb as their top set, with many with at least one c grade, getting in. The teaching is then set for this level of student, so more spoon feeding, less self teach than at a uni where they want all A's to get in. Hence why a degree at a higher ranked uni is worth more.

The entrance levels are set for a reason, because you need to achieve this sort of level to stand a chance in the degree course.

So basically she's going below her ability level. And will be studying with students below her ability level. It could be she really loves the uni, but how many has she visited?

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2018 19:09

Actually scrub that first paragraph, going to thr same uni would be irrelevant really, they would be in different departments unless studying the same course, so they wouldn't see each other, or even be there at the same time, it's not like school.

Original poster
NicoAndTheNiners · 14/09/2018 21:06

She’s only visited two unis. I booked her into no end of open days and she refused to go to them all for one reason or another.....had things on, didn’t feel well, etc.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/09/2018 21:32

I'm sorry nico, I think this is about the boyfriend, but it doesn't mean it's a bad thing, she just is limiting herself to stay with him. She wouldn't be the first. And I doubt she's the last. Only time will tell if it's the right decision, but it is her decision.