Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Flip

1 2 ··· 33 34 35 ··· 39 40

Original poster

Applying for Uni 2019 entry, parents support thread

998 replies

Decorhate · 09/09/2018 09:51

Now that they are back at school, working on Personal Statements, doing the final Open Day visits, I thought we could do with a new thread...

OP posts:

Piggywaspushed · 27/10/2018 17:52

Thanks vancleef . Useful info!

FrameyMcFrame · 27/10/2018 19:58

Glad I'm not the only one. We are in the Lakes with DS and the dog now; I'm trying to leave it all behind for a few days.
Dd refused to come with us, yet she doesn't like it at home alone either.

Grandparents are visiting and she has a few nights out planned.

PancakeMum6 · 27/10/2018 23:42

Framey at least your bit’s all done now - and well within the deadline.

Piggy no advice but that sounds incredibly frustrating. Have you discussed that he might need a year or two before being ready? DD was not ready this time last year which is why she didn’t apply. She isn’t doing a classic “gap year”, just working her part time sixth form job as a full time role and saved. Some kids just need a little longer to work it out and be ready.

PancakeMum6 · 27/10/2018 23:42

DD is obsessively checking track even though no uni is going to be updating over the weekend think this will be our life now until all five offers come in...

PancakeMum6 · 27/10/2018 23:43

(Or rejections, but I’m trying to stay positive!)

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 07:06

pancake, we have tried but he would just lollop. And he is hard to talk to. He doesn't even have a job now and there aren't even many around this area, although I do feel he could potentially get a TA job next year if he tried.

VanCleefArpels · 28/10/2018 08:01

piggy are his friends enthusiastic about applying to Uni this year? Maybe some positive peer pressure could be applied? My DD wasn’t keen but spelling out the alternative to her has created an enthusiasm for further study! We just pointed out that while all her friends are away she would be living at home and potentially socially isolated. We discussed gap years but made it clear she would have to have a plan, not just drift through it. Put that way, Uni seems like a positive choice.

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 08:40

Not really vancleef and that is part of the issue. he doesn't really do close friends , anyway - he's a bit of a social isolate : I think this might be part of his anxiety about university tbh.

I have always felt his school doesn't really encourage aspiration except for the obvious stars.Anotehr issue.

It'll all come out in the wash...

PancakeMum6 · 28/10/2018 10:56

piggy is he your oldest? DD was quite similar last year (all her friends applying to university, she had no real focus on a course/place and hadn’t booked herself on many open days). She was interestingly really demotivated by her school taking the “high achievers” on a trip to Oxford because she absolutely hated it. She definitely felt frustrated that anyone getting As/Bs or above was being steered to RG unis and not really shown alternatives (apprenticeships etc) so I see how schools can totallu neglect students who aren’t soaring throigh. So stupid.

But what did help DD was visiting friends at uni - she’s already been to Newcastle and Durham (the visit to Durham last weekend prompted her to finalise the UCAS stuff and get her form sent off on Thursday) this year and has trips to pretty much every other uni in the country pencilled in last year she spent some weekends visiting various friends she knew in the years above which did help her know what to look for this time round and gave her more guidance re course - does he have anyone he could talk to who isn’t you? It sounds so tricky. for you.

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 13:42

He is my oldest , yes. The youngest will be far easier, I suspect.

He is more in the BCC ability range but doesn't have any older friends at uni, and we lack a support network (no extended family, no other male role models etc). It doesn't help that GPs , who I was relying on to be enthusing have been very laid back yesterday at the Open Day and have been (one of them) reinforcing ancient myths about people being paid more who didn't choose uni and uni 'being a waste of time' if you don't know what to do (this GP went to uni himself!). Sorry, I know I am ranting but they let him bow out of an Open Day at a great uni at noon yesterday!! Now that is a waste of time.

And breathe...

TheFrendo · 28/10/2018 14:23

Why doesn't he get a job?

University a is massive financial commitment, why go if he is 'not that into it'? Can always go in a few years, when and if he wants to.

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 14:27

There genuinely are not a huge number of jobs in our area. He can't drive yet - and , even if he learnt by next September, we wouldn't be funding a car. I am not sure how many MNers realise how employment and opportunity impoverished some regions are and/or how shit public transport is...

But, yes, if he doesn't go, he will have to.

It's not just uni he isn't in to. It's everything really. Bless him. Objectively, I feel very sorry for him. But it is difficult to strike a balance between pushiness and supportiveness.

Justanothermile · 28/10/2018 15:26

I think I'd be worried that if I forced the issue, he'd be going because he felt you wanted him to, and that's not a recipe for success I don't think. Perhaps GP's are looking at the signals he's giving them? My nephew went to uni really because his mum forced the issue, got into massive debt and dropped out after two years. He's now working for DH, earning good money, but it's not the path anyone envisaged

It's very hard finding the balance I agree.

Dd has four offers now, and is just about the submit her extra work for Oxford. Think she's kicking back this half term and chilling a bit, she's a bit of a worker if nothing else and trying to balance the extra work required by the application process and her school work has made her ready for the break.

This was not DS last year.

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 15:36

I think DGM just slightly indulges her GCs (as one would expect) and doesn't want him to be pushed. She also said today that she cannot understand ambition and maybe he has inherited that from her! She does realise he lacks confidence.

GP is actually a step GP and is just a bit of a contrary knob ,tbh.

TheFrendo · 28/10/2018 15:43

We live in a village with a poor bus service, I get it. Maybe a year out will focus his mind?

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 15:52

Maybe... not optimistic! Time will tell. DH certainly will not support him (financially) if he just defers decision making.

Justanothermile · 28/10/2018 16:14

Might not be a bad thing though if your DH won't support? A bit of incentive? Obviously you know him best though.

DS last year was far less organised about sorting open days etc, although he did know what he wanted to study in fairness. It was hard finding the balance between asking him if he'd booked stuff to just allowing him to miss things.

Dd just does it all herself and asks my advice only if she's unsure. Whole different ball game.

VanCleefArpels · 28/10/2018 17:35

A car is not the only vehicle - a moped would be cheaper and enable indeoendebce

VanCleefArpels · 28/10/2018 17:36

*independence FFS

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 18:54

indeoendebce aside (!) , over my dead body would he get a moped...sorry, just a personal thing !

He can't actually even ride a bike!

PancakeMum6 · 28/10/2018 19:54

If he’s dragging his feet I really wouldn’t rule a year out piggy. DD isn’t being “financially supported” (as in she pays us for rent + food) but is still managing to save an amazing amount by working 45/50 hours a week, and still socialise a lot with friends from work/hobbies, a few from school who also haven’t gone off yet, and going to visit existing friends at uni a lot (though it sounds like being social wouldn’t bother your DS). Even in just these first few months I’ve seen her confidence grow, and she’s a lot more mature and ready for the whole UCAS experience than she was a year ago. I think she’ll also be a lot more ready for uni when she goes off next year so it’s definitely not a year stalling/wasted. The transport thing is a shame though - we’re lucky enough to live in a city (albeit a city regularly voted “worst to live in the uk”...) so transport has never been a problem. Hopefully as the deadline looms he’ll realise what he wants - whether that’s uni now or otherwise.

Totally on your side about a moped

Piggywaspushed · 28/10/2018 19:57

I think he is scared of the future really. A nice lady from school has promised me she'll check in with him this week so we'll see whether she can extract any honest feelings from him. It's a shame he didn't make the most of Swansea yesterday because their IR course really does look interesting. But I need to remember I'm not the one going

VanCleefArpels · 28/10/2018 22:39

For the record I wouldn’t be mad about a moped either but if it were the I my practical affordable way to enable him to get a job then I’d probably grit my teeth...... he’s got to shit or get off the pot: and be told that if he doesn’t go to Uni (now, or ever, all good) he needs to come up with a plan to be financially independent (ish)

Piggywaspushed · 29/10/2018 07:21

I think you should come round and tell him that! I am liking your turn of phrase

I think his punishment for not getting the most out of Open Day on Saturday will be to attend more (Lincoln and NTU are both in reasonable proximity)... they are actually still going til December so plenty of time in theory, school deadlines aside.

Has anyone been to Portsmouth? It has a good reputation for both IR and Languages, but instinct tells me that the place itself may be a bit run down? (with apologies to anyone in Portsmouth!)

So many unis refer to campuses rather than buildings or sites that it is also hard to tell what are genuine campus universities... a friend of mine was recently taken aback by Leicester in that respect.

MarchingFrogs · 29/10/2018 08:11

Having initially come to the conclusion, on the basis of the Bristol open day, that she preferred 'campus' to 'town', DD actually decided that Leeds had the perfect set up everything in one place, but not closed off. I think that she would have liked Leicester and was booked on the open day a couple of weeks ago, but couldn't get the time off work. Leicester does describe itself as 'an urban campus', although one of the most striking features is the whacking great park next door, where DS1 and I sat with our picnic when he attended an open day there.

Not something DD and I could contemplate at Leeds, sadly, as it rained all day...

Flip

1 2 ··· 33 34 35 ··· 39 40

Swipe left for the next trending thread