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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Starting Uni (first year) 2018. A support/chat thread.

480 replies

Justanothermile · 18/08/2018 08:55

Hi there.

I don't think there's another thread for folk with DC starting university this September/October. I'm not sure there's even a need, but I thought I would start one and see.

DS is my first DC and going to Lancaster. New territory for us, so we are learning as we go.

The last few weeks have been reading up about clearing and alternative courses in case he didn't get his first choice, he was pretty pessimistic but did get accepted.

Now it's countdown to the big day and planning what things he needs to take etc.

I believe accommodation will be confirmed in the next few days.

OP posts:
vivprod · 27/08/2018 07:59

Hi she is just shy and tries to put herself out there but when there are confident and big personalities about she will just go into herself. I am concerned that she is already worried even before moving in. She feels that they my be nice but that she will not have much in common with them. I have to told her that she will make friends with like minded people on her course. She did not make the grade to get into her first choice uni and has gone through clearing to get her place at this uni, I feel like a lot of decisions have been rushed.

Original poster
Justanothermile · 27/08/2018 08:46

It's so hard isn't it for the quieter ones. DS hasn't even joined the Facebook freshers page for his university. You can't help but worry. There really must be a good proportion of students with similar personalities and the universities surely must be aware of this. That's what I keep telling myself. In addition to telling DS (gently) he has to help himself too.

Thanks for the advice on the double duvet. I think we will hit the massive Tesco superstore today and grab a few more bits.

I can see how stressful clearing, adjustment or simply changing minds about a course must be. At an already stressful time.

I'm sure there's this idea that parenting gets easier, does anyone want to talk me through that theoryGrin

OP posts:
marmiteloversunite · 27/08/2018 09:13

Vivprod it might just be a lot of bravado about the drinking. They are young and could just be saying what they think is expected of them. Your DD might just have to grin and bear freshers to get through it and will hopefully meet others in different parts of the hall that are more like her.

voilets · 27/08/2018 12:42

Hello Viprod, My DD has said that some students seem to be saying strange things on freshers pages. She senses they are showing off a bit to try to fit in and is keeping quiet on it so as not to be drawn in but one girl on her course has messaged her individually and they are talking about the course and reading list which is helpful. Perhaps tell your DC to try the subject FB page too - she may make an acquaintances she likes the sound of that way.

thesandwich · 27/08/2018 14:04

Lots of unis now are trying to change the freshers week culture- more events for quieter, non drinking folk. Worth getting your dc to see what they might like to go to.
Also top tip from dd- umbrella! And thermos mug to take drinks to uni or buy drinks sachets from the supermarket and pay 10p for hot water at uni cafes......

3catsandcounting · 27/08/2018 14:04

DD (going into 3rd year) says that the ones who joined the FB chat prior to Freshers were the party type who were trying to fit in (nothing wrong with that) but there were many, many students who didn't join the chat, including her, who have gone on to make friends with like-minded people and enjoy a great social life. So it's really not necessary to use social media initially.
This does not stop me fretting about introvert DS when he goes in Sept.

iknowimcoming · 27/08/2018 14:41

Can I join you? My dd is going to Birmingham and I'm fretting as she's way more bothered about fairy lights than saucepans! We are about to move so I'm giving her a lot of our old stuff so I can buy new for my new kitchen which she's a bit miffed about but hey ho! She's going two weeks yesterday so really early - gulp!

elena7475 · 27/08/2018 16:35

Do DCs get wrong idea that they are going to uni to party? I thought they are going to learn 🙈.
I hope it will go after few months of freedom and they will settle down with routine. Uni has place for any types of personalities. At least uni, where I studied, had all kind of ppl. Starting from party lovers to complete gigs. All of them found similar to them friends.

SpareBedroom · 27/08/2018 16:54

Iknowimcoming I went to Birmingham myself. It was 30 years ago so no help whatsoever to you, but may I congratulate your DD on her excellent choice. Smile

Hoveringhobbit · 27/08/2018 17:03

Anyone's DC off to Newcastle? DD is going into second year at Durham if anyone needs info?

ErrolTheDragon · 27/08/2018 17:14

I went to B'ham 39 years ago (Shock), stayed 6 years!

Hopefully most of them get the work-life balance more or less right, elena. There will be quite a lot of 'generation sensible' types, though I guess the party animals may be more immediately obvious.

bruffin · 27/08/2018 17:46

Thesandwich
Im getting dd a joke present of umbrella, when got absolutely drenched when we went to Cardiff. Its her birthday a few days before she goes.

Dd rang up last night sobbing as shechad just said goodbye to her Camp America friends. The are from all over the world so she has an excuse to go travelling.
On to her next adventure which is 10 days in NYC then home for 17 days before she is off to uni.

elena7475 · 27/08/2018 18:02

My DS left for uni in America and now hardly answer texts or calls. He is complaining that he is completely busy and have been asked not to use phone at events. 🙈

ErrolTheDragon · 27/08/2018 18:23

A week or so without a text or email seems much longer to a parent than to a student if they're happily making friends and doing stuff.
Def best for them to phone you or call if they say they've time and inclination for a chat.

I can usually get some sort of response by emailing a photo of the dog being daft or suchlike.Grin

wannabebetter · 27/08/2018 18:27

Communicating with them so much easier now! I remember being in halls & having to queue for a few minutes on the 1 public phone (and saving up 10p pieces)!!

Original poster
Justanothermile · 27/08/2018 18:29

errol my DS has stated he'd like a photo of the dogs in his room but sees no need for one of the rest of us Grin

OP posts:
bruffin · 27/08/2018 18:32

Ive got the touchnote ap and send the dc postcards of the cat.

tothesideoftheirlives · 27/08/2018 20:20

DD joined the FB groups for freshers, her college and her course. She said her course one was by far the best group. The college one was interesting as DD said that there were quite a few people who seemed to be obsessed by drinking games and partying, then someone started a rival FB college group for people who don't drink - she was so pleased to find that so many people either said they didn't drink or weren't interested in excessive drinking (she doesn't drink). I think this is actually more common these days than even a few years ago.

2gorgeousboys · 28/08/2018 07:37

Just catching up after a busy week back at work last week. I think we are all sorted for DS1 now. He worked his last shift at his weekend job on Saturday so it will be nice to have a little more time with him before he goes.

needmorespace · 28/08/2018 09:51

Sheffield here - off on the 15th
I'm dreading it - her dad died a couple of years ago so will only be me left in our family home.
She has been very organised - bought cutlery, knives, plates, duvet covers etc out of her own money - she is so excited.
Still a few bits to go.
I'm intrigued by the freshers armbands - is this a thing at all unis? How do I find out?

ErrolTheDragon · 28/08/2018 10:01

I'm dreading it - her dad died a couple of years ago so will only be me left in our family home.
ThanksI'm so sorry - it will be tough for you. Can you plan ahead some things you want to do - visiting friends/relations maybe, or getting into some sort of activity you fancy doing? Your DD sounds great - you must be so proud of her.

needmorespace · 28/08/2018 10:49

Thank you Errol. Yes, a very good friend has suggested all of those things. Good job Strictly and Bakeoff are starting!
I will probably throw myself into work and work all the overtime available just to get out of the house tbh.
Saddest thing for us is that he will never know how well she did in her A levels (AAB) despite all that happened and what uni she's off to and what direction her life will take.
People think you move on, but there are always 'firsts' that catch your breath.

captainoftheshipwreck · 28/08/2018 11:46

needmorespace
Flowers so sorry. I was dreading DD going as we have always been close - I found though that over the year we actually became closer as we messaged most days and rang / facetimed. The relationship becomes more adult:adult and after the first term you do adjust. Wishing you both all the best.

Original poster
Justanothermile · 28/08/2018 12:35

need. I'm so sorry, this must be tough. But what an incredible young woman you both have raised. Be proud. Bitter sweet, but be proud.

OP posts:
iknowimcoming · 28/08/2018 13:23

Needmorespace Thanks your dh would no doubt be very proud of you both. It was actually the thought of bake-off starting and dd not being here that got me blubbing last week - it's a family tradition that we all sit and watch it together Sad we said we'd FaceTime her and watch it together that way lol

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