Starting Uni (first year) 2018. A support/chat thread.

[Justanothermile]

Hi there.

I don't think there's another thread for folk with DC starting university this September/October. I'm not sure there's even a need, but I thought I would start one and see.

DS is my first DC and going to Lancaster. New territory for us, so we are learning as we go.

The last few weeks have been reading up about clearing and alternative courses in case he didn't get his first choice, he was pretty pessimistic but did get accepted.

Now it's countdown to the big day and planning what things he needs to take etc.

I believe accommodation will be confirmed in the next few days.

Rainbow, just giving you a wave in solidarity. After a really good first week my DD sounds very down and isn’t enjoying it at all. She’s getting a sensible number of hours sleep each night but just says she feels so tired and just doesn’t think she can do it. It’s awful worrying about them and not being there to properly assess the situation. She doesn’t want to be there but doesn’t want to be home either. I think she’ll be fine eventually but right now this is so hard.

Biscuitburglar that's exactly how it is. I'm hoping that once he shakes this bug, he might be thinking more positively again.

I get told by DH 'Try not to worry'. Oh I'll just turn the worry switch off shall I?!!!

It's all so hard for everyone.

rainbow - I think the 'worry switch' is located at the back of your head somewhere. Mine doesn't seem to be working though.
I feel for you so much; he's so far away and you're helpless.
DS is so much closer to home that DH can't understand why he's so upset, but I think it's the fact that he's 'away' and can't just pop downstairs to see us/cats. He feels he might as well be 100s of miles away as the expectations are the same?
Sorry, I haven't any practical advice but keep chatting on here

I think it's a massive shock to the system if they've never lived away from home before. Excitement and adrenaline can get them through the early stages but then reality sets in.
I've encouraged DS to treat it like a job - get up at the same time each day, work 9-5 whether that's actual classes or independent study, save the partying for the weekend as far as possible. Young adults probably respond to routine and structure as well as small children do, but they have to be more self-disciplined.
Would you be able to visit them for the weekend rather than your DC coming home? You could support them without changing their environment. It is hard to see your DC struggling though.

@3catsandcounting thank you so much for your kind words. I feel utterly helpless but he's apparently feeling a little better today and has managed to get to his lectures.

I looked for my worry switch but I think it's jammed to ON 😕

choirmumoftwo I think that reality and the enormity of the situation has definitely set in, especially as he's been feeling so poorly.
Unfortunately my DS isn't very disciplined and wouldn't get up early if he didn't have to!!!

I considered going up at the weekend but it would cost quite a bit for not very much time.
I work in a school and we have half term after the end of next week, so we will either work something out for him to come back for a day or so, or me and DD will go to him.
Either way, I need to see him!!!

rainbow- I work in school too. Primary. I'm a Learning Mentor - ironic much? I'm great talking to KS1 & 2, (who I've got no emotional attachment to) but a bit clueless with all of this.

Oh I'm sorry for the DC that are struggling. I agree, the first week is adrenaline fuelled and exciting, borderline overwhelming. Add to that feeling ill and there's bound to be a crash at some point.

DS seems to be doing fine, so far at least, he's had back to back lectures in his main subject and his minor today, and said both were pretty interesting. So far, so good but I'm sure they will all have moments of insecurity, illness, missing home. He's such a quiet soul, I've been worried myself.

He's also sent me a photo all his recently bought items, purchased for £7.76, claiming he is amazing at shopping.

I'm loving that Just!!!!
I've done an online shop for my DS for tomorrow as his debit card went missing on Saturday and he's feeling so ill.
I asked him if he wanted various things but he knocked back the frozen peas! 😣
I thought I could encourage some vague kind of fruit or veg but nope!

3cats I'm ks1. I work with the lowers and bloody hell are this year low!!!!!
I'm not sure what's more stressful - work or worrying about my DS! 😂

Ah, see even having his card go missing if he's never had to deal with that before is a big thing. Things like that when there's no parent to ask what to do are scary.

I've thought about an online shop but he's clearly got it sussed

That's exactly what I'm thinking.
He's less than two weeks into a life where he's got to sort himself out.
He's got to cook, manage his time etc etc etc.
I thought he was doing ok until Saturday when he had the crappiest day.
He felt rough. He lost his cards. His girlfriend giving him gip. His lectures are hard and he's missing home!!!!
It honestly is an awful lot to take on when you're so far away from home.
I'm not sure I could have done all that when I was 18.

I think that going away to University is one of the biggest things that will ever happen to a person - such a huge change at a difficult age. Luckily DD1 seems to be doing fine - I keep asking her if she’s hit that moment of homesickness yet and she looks at me (FaceTiming) as if I’ve gone mad. I was properly homesick for months when I went to uni so i sigh with relief that she seems so happy and settled. I still feel the need to check in with her every day though. I feel for those of you whose dcs are still a little unsure, fingers crossed it will come with time

As for food, DD appears to be existing on pasta, frozen cheap sausages (pigs bottoms I told her) and frozen veg. And she wonders why she’s got spots popping up all over.

Oh and Rainbow DS must have lost his debit card 10 times over his 3 years at uni. He was virtually on first name terms with the ‘lost card’ department at his bank.

I got sent her receipt from shopping! It makes me laugh that she buys a single sweet potato. She has been eating carrots and broccoli a lot so she branched out with cabbage this time 😂

Princecharles that will probably be my DS too!!!
He's already lost it before at home a couple of years back, so when I rang him on Sunday after it had all happened and I told him he needed to cancel it, he said he already had. Clearly a pro already!

Peppa pig pasta shapes! 😂

Well, things are going badly here. DS in tears most days, which is really not him. Homesick, fed up, can't understand any of his lectures.

He had a word with his tutor who said he should be understanding it but not to worry too much. Helpful!
He's emailed the Wellbeing team but not had any response yet.
I just don't know how to help him. He's ready to pack it all in and run home but we're encouraging him to give it time.
This is so hard

DD's flat have set up a come dine with me. DD drew the short straw for the first week. She doesnt cook and chose to do a goats cheese and pea rissoto and a melketert (she made a lot of south african friends over the summer) way too ambitious,so involved a lot of skyping for the custard. But it came out tasty but a bit too bland looking. She needs to learn the art of garnishing.

Oh 3cats I'm sorry to hear he's having a hard time. I really struggled with my first term at uni. I cried a lot, but never actually told my mum - she probably guessed. If he's really struggling, would coming home at weekends help? I went home a lot in the first term and it took me 5 hours to get there. The weekends were odd as it seemed so quiet and the few friends I'd made lived fairly locally so would go home and I felt very lonely. It really helped me. I don't think I went home any weekends in the second term.

3cats I'm sorry to hear your DS is having such a hard time. I don't have any sage advice but I'm sure he appreciates your love and support. Hope things improve.

Oh 3cats I'm so sorry to hear your DS is struggling too.
Here's hoping it's all just a first term blip for our young people.

Thank you all. He's seen an advisor from his college this morning, and told them how he feels; they gave him a form for withdrawal or deferring for a year! No advice, just a bloody form!!
I've told him to go back and ask to speak to someone else who can advise him about his worries.

He just doesn't want to be there, but this is only his second week. It's such early days. He can come home every weekend, we're pretty close, but he just seems unable to cope with anything. I haven't had a conversation with him that hasn't resulted in tears.

3cats it's really tough- hope the wellbeing team get in touch v soon.
I thought DD was doing ok but just had a teary FaceTime call. She is feeling homesick and bored. She has been away a month now and it feels like the longest one of my entire life! At times I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster!
My first few months at university were the most miserable of my life...

I'm holding on to the fact that everyone I've spoken to in rl have said that their, or their children's first term/year was incredibly difficult.
It's an enormous step. It does however, sound like it usually gets better.
Here's hoping eh?!

I am also at the pasta shapes... clearly a vegan/veggie too there.

That doesn't sound great 3cats, regarding the advisor, it's not exactly positive and understanding is it? It's really hard to suggest what to do, some dc would benefit from a weekend at home and other it would make the situation worse.

Oh rassy, sorry too for your DD. Fingers crossed this is a short term emotion and she'll settle.

It's incredibly hard.