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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Starting Uni (first year) 2018. A support/chat thread.

480 replies

Justanothermile · 18/08/2018 08:55

Hi there.

I don't think there's another thread for folk with DC starting university this September/October. I'm not sure there's even a need, but I thought I would start one and see.

DS is my first DC and going to Lancaster. New territory for us, so we are learning as we go.

The last few weeks have been reading up about clearing and alternative courses in case he didn't get his first choice, he was pretty pessimistic but did get accepted.

Now it's countdown to the big day and planning what things he needs to take etc.

I believe accommodation will be confirmed in the next few days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justanothermile · 27/09/2018 08:02

Thanks both, I'm not sure DS is really engaging with the process due to nerves but I'm trying to not get involved (hard as that is!).

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 28/09/2018 10:27

DS is off to Durham on Sunday. We live in Cornwall, so he’s only getting a lift as far as Exeter Airport!

He started at a different university a year ago, and it went disastrously wrong, so I’m somewhat nervous. I’ve had him home on an unplanned gap year, so part of me can’t wait to see him go, and another part is going to miss him like mad Sad.

janinlondon · 28/09/2018 14:44

DD moves into Durham on Sunday too - though we are driving her up from London, as she has pared what she's taking down to something roughly the size of a small European country.

TonTonMacoute · 28/09/2018 15:45

DS is taking one big case with him, and I will send up a second in a week or so via Unibag. He was a border, so he is used to light living.
He has just gone to start his packing, and has put on a last load of washing.

3catsandcounting · 30/09/2018 00:11

DS is off to Lancaster tomorrow- he's my second (and last) to go and I'm feeling it.
I had a mini meltdown at work yesterday (primary school - his old school) and was trying to suppress the tears but struggling. My boss (HT) who I've known forever, insisted that "this was going to be a big new adventure for me", and I "need to embrace it".
Why can't people just let you 'feel'

  • why is it such a terrible thing to be sad, not forever, but just for a while? Why do we have to 'move on' and 'not wallow'?
I'm wallowing, it won't be forever, but at the moment I'm wallowing. And I'm allowed to.
FrogPrincess · 30/09/2018 09:51

couldn't agree more with you 3cats! Why shouldn't we take the time we need to feel sad, nostalgic, worried, whatever we feel; seems healthy to me. Pretty sure we all know we have to get used to the new situation blah blah blah....
I'm too stressed out for sadness right now but that will hit me at some point, as it should! Dropped DD off at Lancaster yesterday, v busy and exhausting day, she's still v anxious (suffers from anxiety so to be expected) but had a fun time last night with flat reps who were lovely, played drinking games with her and her (apparently v nice) flatmates as well as too guys from flat next to hers, and checked that everyone had got home safely after the first grizedale party. It's going to be a busy week so hopefully she'll find her pace and gently get used to things and get more confident. So far though, good impression of Lancaster, friendly and pretty well organised.Good luck people moving in today!

Original poster
Justanothermile · 01/10/2018 15:36

DS safely ensconced at Lancaster. No word from him yet other than a short text to DH. DH and DD were in bits yesterday, I’m surpringly fine. And I was the one DS was worried about being emotional. Genuinely think it will be next year, when Dd goes too that I will feel it, but for DS, I feel he needs this now.

Very impressed with the organisation and feel of Lancaster once again. Lots of helpers, flat reps, ‘quiet reps’ etc. DS’s room and accommodation is fabulous, really roomy and modern. DH thought we had taken far too much stuff (we really didn’t!), but we could have taken a lot more.

OP posts:
choirmumoftwo · 01/10/2018 23:58

Hi adrinkofwater
How is your DD getting on at Taly north? My DS seems settled and getting on well with his flat mates (he's in block T). Lectures started today and lots of extra-curricular stuff going on, including successfully auditioning for BBC National Chorus of Wales! A good, positive start.

adrinkofwater · 02/10/2018 07:57

Hi choirmumoftwo! DD seems to be settling in well thanks. (She is in house W) She likes her flat mates, which is good. She is doing medicine, so had quite a full on week last week, with several 9am starts! She found the intro stuff quite boring, but enjoyed first properly tyres, although is struggling to know quite how to deal with all the pre reading they have been given!

Well done to your DS for the choir! DD was going to gospel choir yesterday, but not heard how it went. She is also very excited about some wild swimming group she found out about!

choirmumoftwo · 02/10/2018 08:27

DS is doing wild swimming as well! I think they're off to Brecon on Sunday to swim in a lake. Unfortunately, he won't be able to go a lot of the time as he has a choral scholarship so is busy most Sunday mornings, but it's an evening service this weekend so he's planning to go. Can't see the attraction myself but each to their own!

adrinkofwater · 02/10/2018 15:19

Oooh. I think DD thinks the trip is Saturday not Sunday! I'd better get her to check without it lookinh like im checking up on her!

choirmumoftwo · 02/10/2018 17:59

I'll do likewise!

Miljah · 02/10/2018 19:40

Oh god, another horror story. Just what I need!

Very, very reliable work colleague tells of an incident in a 8 bed shared flat where simple student pranks on each other resulted in a lad getting glassed.

Big issue is the uni originally wanted to relocate the other 7, not the perpetrator! Eventually he was moved, with Security for his own protection....

Apparently the uni knew of his anger-management issues.

adrinkofwater · 06/10/2018 09:17

@atchoirmumoftwo* my DD seems sure the trip is today! Kind of a shame as it looks like rubbish weather! But hopefully they will have a good time anywaySmile

3catsandcounting · 06/10/2018 09:53

Well, DS has had his first week at Lancaster and came home last night.😩 We are only 35 mins away so the temptation is there, and he said most of his flatmates were going home (they're pretty local too) He was a bit tearful, said he was homesick and just needed a night back here.

He seems to have been busy and had fun and made friends etc, but I know he's fretting about starting his course on Monday. I'm just worried he's going to give up too easily on everything. I wish he'd just stayed for a fortnight at least!

ErrolTheDragon · 06/10/2018 10:25

A weekend home - especially if his flat mates are away too - should be fine. He knows you're there for him if he needs you. Send him back on time with supplies of cake or biccies or whatever to share.

3catsandcounting · 06/10/2018 14:58

Errol, you're right, and I think if he knows he has the option to come home whenever, the desire to do so will decrease? Hope so.
I've suggested he makes a big chilli and a tray of brownies to take back with him, to share.

Original poster
Justanothermile · 06/10/2018 17:17

Hope all is okay there cats.

So far so good at Lancaster here. DS has communicated far more than I imagined. Says university is 'chill', he's even texted his sister! I think he and his flat mates have only been out a couple of times and have chosen to stay in the rest of the time together. They all seemed quite quiet on moving in day tbf, this will suit DS.

Very early days. I've been concerned as he's pretty quiet, but so far it's positive steps.

Course starts next week.

OP posts:
3catsandcounting · 06/10/2018 17:50

That's good Just. DS went out a few evenings, just on campus, and he and his flatmates seem to be sticking together; they don't appear to be a noisy lot, which is good.

He's going back tomorrow morning, armed with some more coat hangers, an ice-cube tray and a jar of Nutella! We've (I've) had a long chat about settling in, big change, try not to overthink things (like your mother!) take one day at a time, join some clubs, keep busy, it'll get easier every week, etc.
I'm the master of platitudes.

rainbowstardrops · 08/10/2018 06:09

I had the dreaded text on Sunday afternoon. DS said he felt rubbish, things with his girlfriend are rubbish, he lost his debit card and student ID card Saturday night, he's not enjoying it and he's missing home 😣😢

He's rung and texted a few times in the 10 days he's been away and it sounded like he'd settled really well. He likes his flat mates. He's made some friends. He's been out A LOT!

He's full of cold so I'm just hoping it was a blip after having a rubbish Saturday.

He text later on to say he wanted to come home at the weekend - he's five hours away - but then said he wasn't sure because Friday is the last Freshers night Confused

I'm a bag of nerves. Struggling to sleep ok and worried sick. Sigh.

MajesticWhine · 08/10/2018 17:38

Without knowing your DS I would guess it is just a blip @rainbowstardrops. It's a process of settling away from home and there are bound to be a few ups and downs and days when things are not brilliant.

rainbowstardrops · 08/10/2018 18:30

Yes, I’m hoping it’s just that too. He’s now thinking that he won’t come home at the weekend and he’ll wait for a bit.
It just that he’s feeling so ill and he’s so far away

ErrolTheDragon · 08/10/2018 18:37

He'll be better off staying put and getting some rest not trying to party than spend 10 hours travelling.

3catsandcounting · 08/10/2018 18:49

rainbows - I completely know how you feel. DH is helpfully saying "he'll have to get used to it", and all I want to do is jump in the car and get him!
He's had his first lectures today and that's tipped him over the edge. We've had a tearful phone call saying he's done the wrong thing I've repeated all the advice I gave him last week but I'm not sure he's listening.
Even his hard-as-nails sister has called him and said she felt like that in the first term (and if he goes home he'll subject himself to a life of rubbish internet!) Helpful Hmm

rainbowstardrops · 08/10/2018 20:15

@ErrolTheDragon that's what I'm thinking too.

@3catsandcounting I too just want to scoop him up.
I don't drive so I can't even do that! The trains are messed up and so it's not even easy for him to come back for the weekend.

It's just so hard that he's so far away right now Sad