2nd year uni (starting 2018)

[HSMMaCM]

The old thread seems to have filled up!

Errol, I completely agree. He and I had the same debate during A levels. As he tends to get good marks and won't change his ways he will continue I am sure but it is much better just to learn it all. Also as i said yesterady even if you have not learned half the possible topics as he's been in the lectures sure he knows it to an extent anyway. Oh well. Just have to hope the marks are okay.

I also agree it is not just about the exams anyway but learning the subject, how to think/study that issue and apply it to other things.

Eve, he may pull together for the summer year 2 exams later this year and he could always redo the year if he has to.

I'm taking notes here for when I see DD.

• don't try and guess what might be on the paper
• try to be positive after the exams

May be of no interest to people but my two applied today to work Wimbledon fortnight. I believe the deadline is tomorrow so that's my last minute merchants at work as usual. One is home so we did it together and he also did his first CV at the same time as he had to submit one plus complete the forms. Of course there is no guarantee they will be accepted.

Catching up again. Sorry HSM for your DD. I hope she is muddling through ok.

DD reluctantly dumped her bf of 18m at the end of last term but at least he was at "the other place". It was awful because his mother had put loads of pressure on her (and us) over something trivial, but because we did not respond, she upped the ante and was threatening to report DD to the uni authorities for all sorts of spurious things (all untrue of course). I ended up leaving a lesson at school in the hands of my boss to ring her college and alert them to a potential malicious allegation. They were great with both of us, but it has left a nasty taste. I am desperate to get back at the mother but will have to play the long game.

Anyway, mad ma alleged that her DS had been doing "all DD's lab reports" because DD "is only at Cambridge because of her DS". Of course, the 20 months of A level prep she did before they hooked up counts for nothing . DD worked hard over Christmas and had mock exams when she got back. She was a bit unsure about how she had done but her marks put her in first territory, which is obviously brilliant. And she did all this by herself without WonderMan!

She is now singing in another college's choir, so gets formal dinners there at least once per week. She sees a school friend when they are both rowing so meets him for lunch most weeks - they were in the same class from year 7 and although they are at different colleges on different courses, it's lovely that they are still friends.

Having lived in the same town as your DD I'd say she has done better than her ex boyfriend who has only managed to get to 'the other place'

Mabecfan, I try to live by the principle that it takes all sorts to make a world, but it sounds like your DD has made a sensible decision there!

Sounds like your DD has dodged a bullet there, Malbec.

Xenia thanks for the info about Wimbledon. I passed it on to my dd and she is applying.

Just in case any of your DC find themselves in this situation. DD went to Student Services and was offered 3 options:

1-take the exam on Monday and if she has to retake it's a max 40%
2-don't take the exam on Monday and see how she gets on when others are doing their retakes
3-retake year 2

She's going for option 1 and just keeping her head in the books this week. It's her ex's 21st today, so she's using study of the brain as her distraction for that.

Aww thanks! I know she's better off without him and his toxic and nightmare mother. It's just me that's seething with rage at the totally outrageous things she wrote and said about me. DD played me one of her 11pm voicemail rants: apparently I "didn't love her because I sent her to nursery"! FFS, she's done brilliantly and she knows she is very much loved by us all. Luckily she is quite a grounded girl, apart from where spiders are concerned, so treated it with the contempt it merited.

HSM, I really hope your DD can battle through and keep going. If she can take it and get through, it would be a big boost to her self-esteem that in spite of everything, she has still come through.

Malbecfan- I must look after a lot of unloved children then. Strange, because they look very happy.

Malbecfan I never knew that my children were unloved, I don't think they do either. What tosh the idiot's mother is talking.

'The idiot' isn't very kind brizzledrizzle. Malbecfac said her DD split up reluctantly. No-one chooses their parents. This young man may have a lot on his plate. It sounds very sad.

You're right, and I'm sorry. I was in a foul mood.

We all do it brizzle but so many young people have such a lot to shoulder with their parents I couldn't help intervening. Hope your mood lifts!

I'm glad you did intervene, I totally agree with you - in fact I see it at work so I'm very
My mood has lifted somewhat - a mulled wine has made all the difference.

One of my twin is still home(it is reading week too hence he could stay on a bit) and seems to be having a nice relaxed time. He drives back this afternoon and they have a landlord's inspection of the house tomorrow so they had better get out the vacuum cleaner and domestos etc

Sorry about the various relationship breakups.

HSM, I have the utmost admiration for anyone working with pre-schoolers. My kids had the most amazing time at nursery and experienced things I would never have done with them at home. I was able to work p/t so they had a mixture of home & nursery and we were all happy.

Brizzle, he's not really an idiot (although he's a bit on the scale). He is very bright and on a competitive course doing very well. However, his mother has form for harassment and neither he nor his older brothers seem to be able to stop her. Being charitable, she has mental health issues and it's quite sad. Being me, she is a dangerous keyboard warrior who cannot see anyone else's point of view and obsesses over stupid details because she has nothing better to do. She has form - she has been in touch with her son's college about all sorts of trivial matters, she is still furious with the school, and she thinks I'm awful (but the feeling is mutual). It grates because she doesn't work, moans about having no money (get off your arse, love, and get a job like the rest of us) etc. etc. If they weren't so personal, her ranty emails would actually be quite funny.

DD and he were good together, but she seems to be ok, and not spending every other weekend either travelling to Oxford or hosting him in Cambridge will save her some money.

Anyway, DD has had some snow, so she got quite excited by that. She is very busy with all sorts of course, sporty and musical things so she hasn't really got time to mope.

I'm amazed that any parent can contact their DC's college in either Oxford or Cambridge and get a response about anything other than a very, very serious health crisis. I'm actually surprised that the college engaged with you on the phone Malbecfan - although clearly you were genuinely and it seems justifiably worried - let alone listen to your DD's bf's mother on trivial matters. I thought the rule was: no contact/ the student is over 18. Perhaps the bf's college has realised that he may need support - I hope so; I think the authorities are mostly very clued up.

Universities can speak to parents if the student has given permission, at least that is my understanding - it's the case for DD at least.

And that is also the law - if there is consent you can discuss things. My son got back safely to university before dark so I am back to a peaceful house.

I was able to speak to a welfare person. As I was meant to be teaching a lesson, it was a 2 minute conversation but she told me not to worry and to pass on some advice to DD, which as it happens, she had already acted on. This was during office hours.

According to DD, mad mum calls ex-bf's college regularly. I have never called before and unless anything else crops up, am unlikely to do so again. When we first took DD to uni, there was a new parents' afternoon tea at the Master's lodge. One thing he said to parents was not to be afraid of getting in touch if we needed to. Hence my call. I was mostly concerned for her welfare and they said I did the right thing.

I'm sure most colleges (and unis in general) would want parents to convey relevant information- that's a completely different matter to them discussing your DC with you. They can then presumably judge what to do with that information. I expect the staff are used to responding politely while rolling their eyes.

Errol, that's it exactly. The mother also made some allegations about me which could potentially cost me my job. I went straight to my Headteacher and told him that he was likely to receive a complaint from her about XXX. He was brilliant about it. He said that if he received a complaint, he had a duty to investigate it, but he appreciated my honesty in letting him know the situation. He has also had to listen to long rants from her, so was actually very sympathetic and said that if there was a problem with DD's college, to ask them to give him a call.

The mother has gone suspiciously quiet. DD, however, is busy and seems to be packing loads in. She was rather happy that the Cam was too icy for rowing on Friday, so she had a rare lie-in! I think she's getting over it...