2nd year uni (starting 2018)

[HSMMaCM]

The old thread seems to have filled up!

Phizzog, as suggested in earlier posts DD had a dreadful time last year. It did not get better. In retrospect it was straight bullying. She was on a serious course with 9.00am starts. She could not have joined in the clubbing till 4.00am even if she wanted to. So she was labelled ‘boring’ and deliberately woken when others came in. (They used to knock on her door till she answered.) Her packed lunches made for placement days were eaten, her stuff was stolen, vomit was left in the hallway and shower for her to clean up, it was awful.

It absolutely affected her confidence and it has been so nice, in the last few weeks, to see her return to the person she used to be. Her worst moans now are about bins not being taken out or dirty coffee cups. I do not listen. So so much better than the tearful 4.00am phone calls.

I have no real advice. If he talks to the letting agent they might have some ideas. (The same landlord might have an empty room in another flat say, with a deal to be done.) Or do his flatmates know of anyone who might want to move in? Or a word with Shelter about his ability to give notice, for example if the landlord is not delivering according to the terms of the lease. Or start reporting noise to the councils noise people anonymously.

Needsmoresleep that sounds awful. It's not that bad thankfully but he is already looking at other accommodation and knowing that is an option is all that's keeping him going at the moment. Interestingly the landlord contacts him rather than the others so his maturity and responsibleness is recognised. He doesn't want to completely ruin his 'friendship' with the others but if I was him I'd be telling them a few truths, probably good I'm not there. This weekend will give us the opportunity to plan a way through and allow him to sleep in peace for a couple of nights.

Phizzog, hope you have a good weekend with your son and that between you you can think of some practical steps to make improvements. Our DS1 left university partway through his 1st year. It wasn't the only factor, but his circumstances weren't helped by the behaviour of some of his flatmates. Individually they were mostly fine, it was when they were egging each other on to wreck the kitchen and communal areas that he found stressful.
DS2 in contrast had a good bunch last year and so far his house share seems to be ok.

Re contact DS2 usually phones every 5-7days with the odd text here and there. He doesn't want to do Skype or Face Time as he says it's part of him being independent. Dh & I studied away in the days of a phone box at the end of the street and the occasional letter so we can see his point of view. He's looking to have a year abroad next year so for that period he might change his mind.

Oh gosh NMS, that sounds horrendous. So good she is out of there.

Phizzog, hope your DS finds a way of getting out.

DD and I message a lot and we also have a family WA group, but we've always done that from her first phone at the end of Y6!

DD is doing a lot of late/night shifts in a bar - think she might need to pack it in or cut down before too long.

I just managed to catch one of mine (who is waiting to have his missing key cut, hopefully). He says he has a really nice personal tutor this year (who is apparently just like I am - not sure in what ways) and he's started a summer internship or vacation scheme application thankfully.

It was also interesting to hear his views on his subjects which seem fascinating this term.

He says his housemates are as thorough as I am when I go away on holiday and leave the house, every single time they leave, blinds down, leave a light on etc. I think that's really sensible. I would much rather they were over cautious than risk a burglary.

simbob I suggest you get onto facebook and 'add' your daughter as a friend. It's so easy to message, send photos, share amusing memes etc

My DS, DĎ and I have a group chat on fb messenger. Admittedly, it's mostly DD and me chatting but it's a lot better than nothing.

I hope your DD gets in touch soon

That's a nice idea but you have to send a friend request, and my dd seems to think that being fb friends with parents is a no-no. Obviously I know as I have tried it. We do have an extended family group on fb (started by grandparents) but it doesn't seem to be used much.

Phizzog, I hope you had a good weekend with your DS and that he was ok about going back.

Thanks BTM and latedecember1963. It was a difficult weekend. DS very subdued but went back and determined not to let this and flatmates get in the way of his studies. Admire him for that. Actively seeking alternative accommodation but almost certain we will need to pay two lots of rent for this year which we needed to look at this weekend. I'm finding it all very stressful but it is what it is.

Phizz, if he can find a tenant to replace him in the house he is in I doubt you would have to pay double rent but I might be wrong.
I don't think any of them should ever disturb others at night. There is nothing to stop people creeping in late and not making a noise.

He will advertise the room but not likely to get a tenant I suspect, especially given the reasons DS is moving out but that would be ideal, I agree. No one should be deprived of sleep but the thoughtlessness for that is off the scale as well as other issues. A sad and stressful start to his second year, which we thought would be fine, but we'll find a way through.

Good for him, Phizzog, he sounds like he's got a good head on his shoulders! It's just a shame that he's got the inconvenience of having to move on because of the behaviour of others.

Would his current flatmates have friends looking to move? If so a swap might be possible.

When DD moved flats in the first year she took.the place of a boy who had decided the flat was 'too dull'.

Or get a girlfriend! I am being semi-serious. DDs flat have picked up a regular visitor, who is apparently is struggling with flatmates. Her flat like them, but it means an extra person queuing for the bathroom in the morning etc. I am a landlady with long experience of letting to sharers, and suspect it is inevitable. Some are never there whilst others will have pretty permanent visitors.

One of my sons had someone drop out (before they took occupation but they found someone else who has worked out well - however they don't as far as I know have noise issues and they did find the replacement before they all moved in in September). Anyway I hope yours can sort it out.

DD has got into the competition cheerleading squad. I knew there was a reason I sent her to uni . She's finding the work challenging, but coping at the moment. I'm glad she has an outlet that's a complete distraction and a brain break with a good physical workout.

On a more serious note ... one of her classmates killed himself at the weekend . They cancelled all lectures for a day to provide 1:1 counselling for each student on the course.

HSMM great news for your dd sees cheerleaders but how sad about her classmate.

She's studying psychology and particularly wants to work with older teens. I pointed out to her how many lives she may be responsible for saving in future.

That's awful hsm, can I ask which uni?

Chilli I tried to PM you, but it said you've chosen not to receive PMs (I didn't realise we had a choice).

Oh, I'll have a look. I didn't know either!

Oh how tragic for all involved, HSMMaCM that is just awful.

Oh HSM how tragic. It puts things into perspective.

Oh gosh, how awful
I hope it wasn't another at Bristol

No not Bristol, but not far away.

What a tragic waste and terrifying for every parent of a student.