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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Ds not going to graduation ceremony

67 replies

Starisnotanumber · 19/06/2018 17:19

I know it's his right not to go but I would have loved to see it. I don't really know what is involved but it's a definite no. His girlfriend and him state it's a waste of money and they are just going to get a picture of themselves in a mates gown for the parents.
His dad and me have done everything from nativity plays football matches school concerts and it would be great to finish his education this way.
Still at least he's getting us a photo.

OP posts:
Thissameearth · 21/06/2018 08:39

At my uni I’m sure they separated the grades and then put you in alphabetical order for your grade but it is all fairly blurry. It is an celebration of acamedic achievement however so it makes sense that that would happen.

I didn’t attend ceremonies for my professional qualification or qualifying as solicitor but did attend grad for undergrad degrees. Thinking about it, it’s up to them obv but I think it’s a bit of bad form not to attend due to poorer mark than expected and also to nab pal’s gown that they paid for for a fake pic and I would be indicating that it’s best to say well that’s the mark I got, turn up, get it, celebrate the work and effort and experience and congratulate other including those that did better. I would in any event, have said in advance to my daughter, that I’d pay for all graduation expenses (and nice gift and lunch etc irrespective of outcome).

Zadocthepriest · 21/06/2018 08:40

Both my older 2 chose not to have a formal photo, but we got lovely, natural looking stills from the official video recording. So that avoided another awkward situation. Hope we can do the same this year.

Sturmundcalm · 21/06/2018 08:42

I didn't go to either of mine - nothing to do with money, just didn't want to. Partly because of a horror of being the centre of attention (which makes my current job a bit odd!) but also because that kind of thing soooo isn't me. E.g. I went to a royal garden party a few years ago and found it hellish!

greendale17 · 21/06/2018 08:42

The degree class disappointment throws some light on it.

^Yes I agree that this must be the main reason

Sturmundcalm · 21/06/2018 08:42

I didn't go to either of mine - nothing to do with money, just didn't want to. Partly because of a horror of being the centre of attention (which makes my current job a bit odd!) but also because that kind of thing soooo isn't me. E.g. I went to a royal garden party a few years ago and found it hellish!

greendale17 · 21/06/2018 08:42

The degree class disappointment throws some light on it.

^Yes I agree that this must be the main reason

Original poster
Starisnotanumber · 21/06/2018 09:57

Maybe degree level does have some bearing but his mate does want to go to graduation so he'd have the gown anyway. Don't know if he's been offered any financial assistance for lending the gown for a few minutes..

OP posts:
ChanklyBore · 21/06/2018 10:01

I didn’t go to mine and anyone telling me I had a responsibility to do so because of my parents clearly doesn’t understand the wide range of families there are out there in the world.

Just no.

Loopytiles · 21/06/2018 10:02

If he got a 2:2 can understand why he may not want to go!

wizzywig · 21/06/2018 10:03

I had the opposite problem. A parent who didnt want to come to my graduation as 'they are boring' and 'ive been to loads already'. 20 yrs on i still remember the lack of interest.

LIZS · 21/06/2018 12:37

I think order was alphabetical by course. No mention of classification.

BubblesBuddy · 21/06/2018 12:40

I do not see how a gown can be lent if they are graduating on the same day at the same event. You collect the gown, etc. and take your seats in the hall. All together. You then line up and it might be ultra difficult to grab a gown. Just pay for his gown and make it easy. Get there the day before and spend time getting it all sorted. The 2/2 people turned up on DDs course and they were in categories. Not all universities do this though. If he’s got a 2/1 I cannot see what the problem is! The majority of students get a 2/1.

scaryteacher · 21/06/2018 14:44

We went to ds's BA graduation last year and it was lovely. I was so proud of him.

Hopefully (if he gets his last bits done), we'll be attending his MA graduation in December as well. His university charges for a third ticket (you get two free), and the costs of the academic dress and photos were far more reasonable than I'd thought (and we paid for them).

scaryteacher · 21/06/2018 14:44

Bubbles I have my own gown and hood, so ds could have borrowed my gown.

Xenia · 21/06/2018 17:31

I paid for their travel, gown hire, photo, family meal out, official DVD (and their family summer holiday after) so I think on that basis they were happy I went - I've been to the first 3 children's so far and they were nice family days out.I went to mine too which I am sure my parents appreciated.

Original poster
Starisnotanumber · 21/06/2018 17:33

Still not wanting to go so I'm going to leave it there. Just for some commentators 25% of degrees are 2.2. Should these not attend the ceremony because they are not as academic as others but need a degree as a passport to a career.
Thanks for all the replies

OP posts:
Ragwort · 21/06/2018 17:41

I didn't go to mine, personally I can't stand any fuss or formal occasions, never crossed my mind that my parents would have liked to go Blush - but it was 40 years ago when we all got fees paid and full grants Grin.

I spent a day out in a city last year on graduation day - the place was teeming with people in posh outfits, some of them looking very uncomfortable, and all the hotels and restaurants were frantically busy. And I couldn't get to look round the cathedral!

mumeeee · 24/06/2018 16:10

OP.sorry to disappoint you but your DS would not be able to borrow his mates gown. They actually only have them for a few hours on the day of the ceremony.
I know with all 3 of my DDs that they collected them a short while before the ceremony and were helped to put them on correctly.

mumeeee · 24/06/2018 16:16

DD3 got a 2:2 degree and she went to her Graduation ceremony as did we. We wanted to celebrate her achievement.
She overcome a lot of difficulties to get that degree. She also got a Governers prize for the most improved student in the final assignment

EduCated · 24/06/2018 16:21

I think OP’s son is only planning on borrowing them for a quick photo, they way I read it. That would be doable.

Borrowing them for a ceremony would not.

bakingdemon · 24/06/2018 16:29

DH didn't want to go to his graduation. He doesn't like big ceremonies like that and didn't see the point. His parents made him go so they could have the photo to put up in the house and show all their friends. He still resents that they made him do it and was miserable for the whole day. Let your son make his choice.

sashh · 24/06/2018 18:42

Does anyone know if they separate the degree classes on stage or just go up in name order?

It depends on the uni.

At one they had students with first on stage alone and all others in groups of three. At my PGCE they separated the masters level passes from the non masters but did not distinguish between a masters pass or a higher grade.

OP.sorry to disappoint you but your DS would not be able to borrow his mates gown. They actually only have them for a few hours on the day of the ceremony.

Again this varies, at one of mine you could hire for the day or hire for a week so you could have photos at a photographer's.

wizzywig · 24/06/2018 18:51

Not true, plenty of people are walking around the uni in their grad robes. Nothing to stop them taking it off to let someone else put them on

BubblesBuddy · 24/06/2018 18:52

But if you sit together in the hall you cannot share a gown even if you have had it for a week! My DD had an undergrad gown but the grad gown is different. As is her barristers gown. We collect gowns!

BackforGood · 24/06/2018 19:00

At the ones I've been to, they are alphabetic, by subject. No indication of the class of degree.

I have a friend who is in his late 50s now, who decided not to go to his graduation. I've heard him say a few times over the years decades that he bitterly regrets it. Not for him - he says, as far as he is concerned, he'd make the same decision again for himself, but he says he was too full of himself then, and didn't realise how disappointed and upset his parents were, both at the time, and with the 'gap' in photos in their hall.

They are being incredible CFs if they think they can borrow someone else's gown they've paid out to hire.