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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

We've survived the first half term - go us! (starting uni 2017)

928 replies

flyingpigsinclover · 26/10/2017 17:29

New thread....we've got to the first half term!

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5
Horsemad · 07/01/2018 17:59

DS has gone back today. I feel a bit sad but am pleased that he sounded chirpy on the phone when he rang just now. Was hard waving him off on the train though Sad

It's been lovely having him home and we are visiting him next month, so not too long to wait to see him again. Smile

HSMMaCM · 07/01/2018 17:59

DD is back. Boyfriend is there cooking her dinner. Her housemates all greeted her like a lifelong friend. She has been so lucky.

LittleHoHoHo · 07/01/2018 18:39

Two of mine have gone back. The house is slowly emptying again.

At least the washing machine will get a rest!

Blogwoman · 07/01/2018 21:22

Sorry to hear you're dealing with something similar Orlanda.
Morva DD did speak to one of her course tutors last term, who treated her with kindness and understanding. I think deadlines are immovable though and I am holding my breath until she gets her work submitted this week. I think if she gets it done, she should be ok to go back. She looked and sounded awful a few days ago; had a complete day of rest on Saturday and seems better for it. Made progress today with her work. I'm worrying about the piece she got really stuck on earlier in the week and keeping everything crossed that she can find a way through it. I keep saying - she's just got to do enough to pass. This year's marks don't count towards her degree.
Hope all of you who've waved off DC are adjusting again.

BestIsWest · 07/01/2018 21:23

Took DS back this morning. Don’t know what the dogs will do tomorrow now he isnt there to let them in and out all morning. Though I don’t think he got up much before midday.

OrlandaFuriosa · 08/01/2018 00:08

Holding my thumbs for you, Blogwoman.

Blogwoman · 08/01/2018 20:34

And I for you, orlanda

ono40 · 09/01/2018 12:52

Hi everyone, I took DS back yesterday and managed to drop him off without any leaky eyes. I think I was flashed by a speed camera on the motorway that changed from 60 to 50 as I went under it and I was so cross about that it distracted me. We also drove past the site of the horrific crash that happened before Christmas which is still strewn with flowers and tributes.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 09/01/2018 14:00

Well done on getting your DS back to Uni Ono, he is lucky to have the lift back.

My DD had to go by train as she's chosen a Uni miles away in Wales. But it seems to have been a good choice in every other way, and she's coping with the travel OK, even though she did bring home a massive suitcase which she then had to drag both ways across London, and to her grandparents house!

Sorry your journey wasn't great Ono, but at least you got there and back safely x

RedHelenB · 10/01/2018 09:06

Dd been back three days now. She saw all the interviewees for dentistry and said she can't believe the year has gone so quick and she has her first 3 dentistry we exams next week. Missing our puppy though as she was the one who ended up taking him for the most walks as she was the only one able to clip and unclipped his tiny harness!

lazydog · 10/01/2018 21:11

DS really anxious and low again this semester. Really worried about him. I think he's not cut out for university life, but if he's struggling with this, I'm very fearful for how his future is going to go. University isn't going to be more stressful for him than being in the workplace - especially if he's limited to menial jobs (due to lack of qualifications), where he's bossed around and doesn't feel much of a purpose. It's not the difficulty of the work that he's struggling with, but something (loneliness? homesickness?) is causing him to really spiral down, mentally.

Sorry, I promise this is not a stealth boast, but I think it's relevant to mention that he got >90% final grade in every subject last semester. He "knows" he could do far less work this semester and still keep the GPA he needs to keep his scholarship, but I think he's too worried about not doing well in anything to relax at all. He's never not done well in anything academic. He's not one who the grades come really easily to - he is just quite smart and works like crazy!

He really needs to have fun, and not work so hard, but he doesn't seem to be able to enjoy anything much at all while he's there, and when he is "relaxing" it's tainted by worrying that he should be working, not "wasting time when he could be studying"...

I don't know what to do/say. I'm an appalling example to him because I went totally the opposite way at university - had the time of my life, socially - and barely scraped my degree.

He's inherited mental health weakness from me, but with a work ethic that I never had back then that's preventing him from doing what he intellectually understands that he needs to do.

He's in a counselling session right now. I hope she can help. And we'll be bringing him home this evening (6+ hr round trip) to see our family doctor, as he's been having very negative thoughts and doesn't want to see someone new.

So sorry to hear about others still struggling too. Sad

lazydog · 10/01/2018 23:41

So sorry - just re-read what I wrote and "mental health weakness" was an awful choice of phrase. No offence intended. Blush All I meant was that he's inherited my tendency to anxiety and poor mental health.

lostheloveofmylife · 11/01/2018 04:26

Sorry to hear that ds is having a hard time lazydog, this was my big fear for dd1 - as she has suffered from anxiety and other issues in the last few years. Counselling was very helpful for her and I hope it will be for your ds. Sounds like he's got you've got things in place to support him

lazydog · 11/01/2018 04:52

Thanks for the reply lost. I do hope the counselling and whatever the doctor advises helps him. It's hard when they're so far away, but at least it's driving distance, so I'm thankful for small mercies.

I'm really glad your dd is enjoying university life. I think making friends makes all the difference, and a university location like hers can't hurt either. Smile

I'm pretty sure DS would be fine if I could just teleport all his old friends to his university! Unfortunately it's not that easy and making new friends when you're low/anxious isn't a small task at all.

simbobs · 11/01/2018 17:52

Could he not perhaps transfer to a uni closer to home and commute? It is so hard when they have these problems. Although my DD came home last month and had decided to wean off her ADs I do not know what, if any, strategy she has in place to help her if she starts to slide down the slippery slope again. I know that she was worrying about the amount of exams/work that she has this month.

lazydog · 11/01/2018 18:17

Thanks simbobs - I hope your dd is ok when she comes off the ADs. Must be such a worry for you. I take it that there's no way of persuading her to wait until the summer hols instead?

DS already is at the closest university. We're remote rural Canada and the university city is our nearest city, which is just over 3 hrs drive away on summer roads. Was a 9hr round trip yesterday as the road condition was pretty bad (snow and ice). Only option we'd have to be closer to him while he's studying would be for us to relocate...

Horsemad · 11/01/2018 18:44

Lazydog, could he study via distance learning?

simbobs · 11/01/2018 18:49

Oh dear, what a worry for you!
My DD had already weaned herself off the meds before coming home. Part of the reason was that she would not have easily managed to get them when she is doing her year overseas, and the docs in her uni city were not very helpful (apparently could not access her records - in the 21st century!). She seems to be managing without them, and I thought she seemed better - more herself.
I hope that there are good student support people that your DS can lean on.

ono40 · 12/01/2018 11:03

Sorry to hear about your DCs' mental health issues Simbobs and Lazydog. At least they have acknowledged they are having issues and are seeking help, rather than being in denial. It can't be easy when they are so far away as a parent, we just want to be able to cuddle them and tell them it will all be ok (wasn't it so much easier when they were toddlers?)

HSMMaCM · 13/01/2018 13:03

Do we have to reapply for student finance this year ?

BehindTheBlueDoor · 13/01/2018 13:58

My understanding is that the finance application has to be made each year of the course and the student is written to make them aware of deadlines etc. All applications should be in before the May deadline though. I'm confused as to whether DC need to reapply if they are just receiving the tuition loan and not the maintenance loan. If it's just tuition then that used to happen automatically without re-application. Does anyone know if that is still the case?

ono40 · 13/01/2018 15:00

Bluedoor I was going to ask the same question. DS might not take the maintenance loan next year as he has had a small bursary and if we pay rent then he can live off that (he will still need the tuition loan though)

simbobs · 13/01/2018 15:16

I am going to ask my DD what her rent is next year and to make an estimate of what she actually needs to live on, so that she can amend her application, if necessary. She spends relatively little on food and going out, and had a bursary this year as well, so I doubt that she needs to apply for the full maintenance loan.

EdithViolet · 13/01/2018 17:37

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EdithViolet · 13/01/2018 17:39

...just read above...sorry about those who are struggling. It is not an easy transition from home life for a lot of them.