3 student deaths at Bristol University

[bevelino]

I read today in the Bristol Post that 3 students have very sadly committed suicide in the first 3 weeks of term at Bristol University. My thoughts are with their families. I hope all students get the pastoral care they need.

[DollyPlastic]

Are they saying that they are going to drop out, Talkin or just not putting much effort in?

[GetAHaircutCarl]

talkin what are they doing?

If it is excessive noise in halls could she complain to the warden?

[Ta1kinpeece]

Apparently stopped going to all lectures / seminars

go out clubbing on week nights and are then VERY loud when they come home at 4am
sit in the kitchen of the flat and shout so that nobody else can use the space to socialise
I've suggested to DD that she mentions it to hall staff but she is not keen

one of them has had her mother drive 200 miles round trip to come and clean her room
I suspect its because the mother does not want her to drop out after paying the £7000 hall fees.

[namechangedfordaughter]

What has that got to do with suicide though Ta1kinpeece?

Thank you so much for the heartfelt, kind and supportive comments over the darkest weekend of my life.
We are still waiting for the crisis team to come out today but hopefully dd will get better.
I am going to leave the thread and revert to my normal name now.

Thank you kind people

[Ta1kinpeece]

Namechanged
Merely another illustration of the stresses students find themselves under that make even resilient kids feel fragile.

Hopefully your DD will get herself back into a happy place under your care and it will all pan out OK.

[Peaceandl0ve]

Good luck with your DD Namechanged. With your support I am sure she will get better. Thank you formsharing your experience with us at what must be a very raw and emotional time.

[Dunlurking]

namechanged best wishes to you, your dd and the family

[EnormousTiger]

Yes, best wishes to namedchanged and sorry if we got off topic of your daughter a bit. It must be extremely hard and we all wish you and her the very best.

[user7214743615]

I think Ta1kinpeece's observations are very relevant to mental health issues: lack of sleep plays a significant role in escalating mental health problems. The noisy environment in halls does not help people who are struggling. Neither does the presence of a bunch of students keeping everyone awake to all hours, going clubbing continually while people are trying to focus on their work.

I often suggest to students who are struggling with anxiety etc that it can be very helpful to go home for a few days and just catch up on sleep....

[GetAHaircutCarl]

talkin if your DD feels that these students are impacting on her mental health then she should absolutely report.

For one thing, if they are dropping out what does she care what they think?

[ivykaty44]

Interestingly I know about one if these cases and possibly your posts refer to the other two deaths, but the third death certainly has no bearing on this thread as your posts are so way of the mark

[VanillaSugarAndChristmasSpice]

We're only discussing the information we've been given ivy

[AddictedtoLove]

ivykaty I have tried to avoid talking about specific students - we don't know their personal private circumstances & nor should we. I found the kneejerk reaction at the top of this thread (and continuing through it) the "universities should do something" and "rubbish pastoral care" distasteful. Suicide is rarely a response to just one thing; simple solutions are just not realistic & I imagine, might add to the distress of the families concerned.

[ivykaty44]

Addictedtolove

Agreed

I think a lot of posters are jumping to a lot of conclusions without any information at all

[Peaceandl0ve]

I tried to explain upthread in defence of Unis, that my DD, who incidentally is at Bristol, was able to access a senior tutor within acouple of days when she found herself struggling.
She was have a couple of issues, chatted with me, i told her to talk with a tutor which she did. She reported back to me and feels happier. I expect this pattern to repeat a few times but eventually she will be able to cope.
So...
The system can work, but my DD luckily has no MH issues, i am not sure students with MH issues are so well equipped to cope. We have MH issues with the family so i was careful to prime DD with information on how uni can be a challenge, especially at first.
My single, anecdotal piece of evidence, which is more than many who have commented is that DD's uni (Bristol), is dong what they can but the students have to understand how to access help.

[cathyandclare]

Namechanged
DD had a bit of a breakdown in the spring of her first year, scoring severe for both anxiety and depression.

She put on a good face and hid her emotional problems from everyone. I think for her, and everyone's different, it was a combination of pre-existing problems she is a competitive perfectionist with low self-esteem, the college environment ( lots of high achievers) and feeling she wasn't good enough and I definitely think the social media thing was a contributing factor. I don't think money was, frankly she barely spent anything last year because she was so sad :(

I have to say, we found the pastoral care was excellent but you have to access it. DD did when she was desperate but as soon as she was even a little better the counselling went by the wayside. It's tough as a parent but I suppose you have to support not force.

I'm posting to say that less than one year later she is on anti-depressants and seems much much happier, so there is a way through. As parents it's horrendous, i blame myself for doing too much/doing too little/ doing all the wrong things. But I think the snippets of the edited 'perfect' lives that they see daily on instagram etc really can make anyone feel crap, especially of there's a pre-existing problem and a biochemical imbalance.

[bojorojo]

Ta1kinpeace. My DD found working in the library to be the best place to work. Quiet, like minded people and access to coffee shops when she needed a break! This became a popular study venue for lots of students. Lack of sleep can be a problem and people at Bristol did move halls to get a quieter life. One girl moved into my DDs room cluster for a quieter life! Obviously no homework was done on that move! However, as people leave, rooms become available. It is a case of asking though. I think one of the issues with the onset of MH problems is the inability to ask for help. I think where MH is a known issue prior to university, great care should be taken in choosing a course and university and preparation for university.

I have also read that York University had 5 suicides in a year so it is rather unfair to pick on Bristol.

[EnormousTiger]

I've already told my youngest two that the most useful thing I took to university was wax ear plugs. In fact I even wrote in the university magazine about the advantages of going to bed by 9.30 and getting up at 5.30am which in those days and now i expect is a very unusual view for teenagers! Some things never change.

[Headofthehive55]

We send young people far away from home and their support networks, give them difficult work to do, high stakes if they fail or don't do well, and then wonder why they seem depressed?

All my DDs friends are on AD. At uni. She is down too, I do a lot of talking therapy! Thirty years ago, I hated uni. I think it's billed as fun, exciting and 100% enjoyable.
Unfortunately, it can often be lonely and dull. But no one wants you to say that.

[AddictedtoLove]

But you know, young people have been doing exactly this for generations. And surviving. Being a bit lonely and overwhelmed at times is a normal part of life, surely? I worry that attitudes like some expressed on this thread actually hamper young people from developing resilience and self-reliance.

But then I suspect i have a stiff upper lip of iron, and come from generations of people in my family who left home to run the Empire. I had my down times throughout university but I made conscious decisions to take action, and get on with things.

Nowadays I have some students asking me to see them weekly, basically to give them private tuition to get through. Whereas those with real difficulties generally only see me as a last resort, deny they need help, and cope amazingly well.

[AddictedtoLove]

Should have added: but most students, in my 25 years of teaching so far, get on with things, and particularly get on with establishing themselves as mature thoughtful adults.

[AgentCooper]

I work at a university and we have seen students reporting inability to sit exams or submit work rise massively in the past 5 years or so due to anxiety and depression. My heart breaks when I read some of their testimonials - having an anxiety disorder diagnosis myself, I know mental health is far from black and white. It often feels easier, when you're well, to pretend it never happens, not to register with the disability service because you would rather not acknowledge this facet of your life. But then you crash and if you can't provide a doctor's letter you get a zero for your exam or missed submission. If students even hint at a MH issue, I always suggest (trying to be as gentle and discreet as possible) that they should register with disability services, even just to 'legitimise' their problem in the eyes of some other administrators who basically don't believe that MH issues like anxiety are real.

Our university counselling service has big waiting lists for one to one and is limited in what it can offer but it does offer drop ins and group sessions. I do thinking students are feeling more pressure, not so much around coursework but around getting a good job afterwards. It's not the same world that my mum graduated into in the 70s, where an English lit degree was basically a jumping off point to a decent job. I don't know the answer but resilience, responsibility and self care really need to be fostered in kids from a young age.

[FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile]

Totally agree with Addicted - students often have totally unrealistic expectations of what university education is - a lot of it is teaching people how to lear and think and research the information they need. There aren't enough teaching hours in the day for lecturers to impart all of the information students needful degree courses, and even if there were, it is no good them just being able to regurgitate stuff parrot-fashion - they have to be able to reason and apply that information.

While the internet is a wonderful tool, it has made many students (of all ages) lazy - they "google" everything and often copy and paste what they find, but they aren't selective in their research and don't seem to realise that while there is a lot of excellent information online, there is a lot of rubbish, too,

When they have had parents doing their homework for them (and increasingly often they have paid for professional "essay writers" to fulfil some of their workload) it hits them hard.

Many also seem to think that as they are paying for their tuition, they shouldn't have to work for it - that they should be taught towards the exams and not be properly and thoroughly educated in their subject. Universities don't work like that. Anyone can learn a limited number of facts to get through an exam. It is only the ones who out the work in who will acquire the deep knowledge needed to apply it.

Some, too, are just not emotionally mature enough to undertake a university course at 18. A year or more "out" would serve them better.

It is very sad though - very sad indeed.

[FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile]

*learn, not lear

Apologies for any other typos

[AddictedtoLove]

Let me be clear here. I don't believe MH illnesses do t exist. However. I have a duty to be fair and transparent with all students. I cannot give mitigation to a student unless there is proper documentation. It's not fair to other students. And yes, I see students in denial, who then crash. It's really tough for them, but it's an essential life lesson - learning to look after oneself and ask for appropriate help.