Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni Freshers parents 2016?

999 replies

granarybeck · 21/08/2016 22:23

hi

I've just been reading recent threads on weekly living costs and what to take to uni and found loads of useful info. I'm certainly finding that there was so much focus on getting the results/not tempting fate that it all feels a bit of a panic now. I have a dd going to warwick and a ds going to bath.

Wondered if there is already a thread for other general tips for those with dd/s starting uni this September?

OP posts:
hairymairyfromthedairy · 28/09/2016 08:14

It's really hard not to isn't it? Text is such an easy way to make contact & I'm just concerned he'll make the important sessions this week - not just the drinking & personal appearances! Have to say he has & I'm probably worrying over nothing!
I'd like to FaceTime at the weekend or at least a call but we'll see - we haven't got any plans to see him for a few weeks unless he decides to come back for a weekend!

hairymairyfromthedairy · 28/09/2016 08:18

purplehen that's exactly it I'm still in mom mode I think & he's probably more capable than I give him credit for (although in the last few weeks at home I've lost count of the times he's forgotten to take his keys!!) I'm hoping once he starts lectures etc & gets into a routine I will worry less about him getting there!

hennipenni · 28/09/2016 08:29

3 weeks in and DD is still enjoying the freedom and the novelty I think, she seems to have a good bunch of flat mates who seem to look out for each other. Lectures have started in earnest now.

Finding it hard today as it's her birthday,

thepurplehen · 28/09/2016 08:33

I read somewhere that when parents do the "thinking" for their teenagers, they don't bother doing it for themselves.

When we are not there to do that thinking for them, they will probably be just fine and will surprise us!

BennyTheBall · 28/09/2016 08:41

Frocks 'organised frog march to mass socialising' is a perfect summary of Freshers' week!

hairymairyfromthedairy · 28/09/2016 08:52

I'm sure that's true purplehen - when I was fretting this morning that he wasn't up to catch the bus ds2 said if I keep texting him when he goes he'll block my number!! He is even more laid back than his brother though!
He was up for the bus btw!

hellsbells99 · 28/09/2016 08:56

Happy birthday to your DD Henni. You will have t have a glass of wine and toast her future.
I am texting both DDs as normal! I usually work away from home a lot so have got in the routine of messaging them. Sometimes nagging 'don't forget your iron tablets' and sometimes just chatty news or gossip.

placeofworkshop · 28/09/2016 10:27

Frocks love your frog march thing too - so apt Grin!

hellsbells99 · 28/09/2016 10:33

Both my DDs are looking forward to this afternoon 'off' although I suspect they will have work to do as they have been in uni all morning. They are both on courses with quite a lot of contact time.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 28/09/2016 13:06

Ds went on Sunday. He has quite complex additional needs so I stayed in the city for 2 days so that I could be on hand to sort out any teething problems if needed. However he has so far managed everything himself though there have been several tearful phone calls.
I met him for lunch yesterday which was his birthday then came home. The house seems so odd without him though I still have dd at home so not an empty nest.
He is in a 'quiet' flat which we had requested. It is good as it is quiet but does mean that they all seem to spend a lot of time in their rooms.
Ds is feeling a bit lost but he does have some introductory talks this week and then starts with quite a full timetable on Monday.
I agree that freshers' week is too long. A couple of days would be enough both for those that find socialising difficult and for those who are likely to indulge too much.
my visions obviously I don't know what your dd's diagnosis is but if she has one a letter from her GP confirming it and giving a outline idea of how it affects her is enough for applying for DSA. It is only for dyslexia and other SPLD that you need post 16 assessment.

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 28/09/2016 13:55

that's what we're not sure about NoHaudin - her GP has no idea about her condition, as it's (supposedly) managed by a nurse practitioner supervised by a consultant - she last saw the nurse in 2015, and all contact with her is by phone (she rings up to ask for repeat prescriptions etc), and the consultant appointment was in 2014, and his letter then was particularly uninformative. Biggest issue is that she manages things very well by herself, so no need for medical involvement per se, so there's very little any doctor could say, other than "patient has x condition and reports that it affects her in a, b and c ways".

And I just want to get it all sorted out for her, so it's one less thing for her to worry about, but at the same time, she's an adult, and needs to deal with stuff herself. Cutting the apron strings is a real bugger sometimes Grin.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 28/09/2016 14:48

Yes it is tricky when they are adults but ....
On the medical stuff. Ds has ASD among other things. He was diagnosed at 10 and hasn't really had any input from medics about it (though he has for other things). We just went to the GP and he more or less asked us what he should write. DSA accepted it. The real work of getting the support needed in place and the accompanying funding happens at the DSA assessment. In many ways the medical evidence is just a check that there is an actual condition so that the student can get a DSA assessment (which was actually very good and very thorough).

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 28/09/2016 15:22

that's very helpful Haudin - DD is speaking to the student support people this afternoon, so that will either go very well, or horrifically badly, depending on how coherent she managed to be/if she starts crying before she says anything, but hopefully they can reassure her about the DSA, as well as start setting up a support plan. She would always much rather pretend she was perfectly well, then maybe by the power of positive thought that might actually happen, whereas back in the real world.......

But, she's just been on the phone, student support people have said that as she's registered with the uni GP, they will be able to complete the DSA form, as they will have had all her old GP records by now, so that's two things ticked off the list, as they'll do a support plan based on the DSA form stuff.

Plus maintenance are coming to look at/deal with her smelly carpet,s o after yesterday being a total write-off as she was ill all day, today has been super productive Smile. And I can now stop stressing Wink

NoHaudinMaWheest · 28/09/2016 15:32

That's good. We have found that the disability support service has been really good.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 28/09/2016 17:06

MN is such a useful resourse, MyVisions, and NoHaudin is always helpful. Smile

Great that your DS is coping so far, NoHaudin. I hope the quiet flat doesn't mean no socialising at all, though. I'm sure they are all just a bit nervous of each other. If your DS feels brave enough maybe he should use a door wedge as advised earlier, just to show he's willing to chat?

DS1 has received an enormous box of supplies from his father. It has made me a little sad because it's full of things DS1 doesn't like, eg tomato ketchup when he likes BBQ sauce, raisin tracker bars when he doesn't like raisins etc. It has brought home that his father doesn't really know him very well or doesn't place importance on his likes and dislikes despite seeing him EOW for 4 days. Sad It's also too heavy to carry! Grin Too many cans...

GasLightShining · 28/09/2016 17:11

MyVisions that sounds promising.

NoHaudin additional needs or not there have been several DC making tearful phone calls so your DS has done well.

Transfer of money requested today! His money thankfully.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 28/09/2016 18:17

Thank you Ellen Blush.
It is sad that exH doesn't know your ds. It looks good but doesn't really fit the bill.

I gave ds a birthday cake to share with his flatmates yesterday. He left it in the kitchen with a note and it has all been eaten but when I asked if they ate it together I got a 'don't be daft' response.

hellsbells99 · 28/09/2016 18:37

Myvisions - DD had an assessment with the DSA providers a couple of weeks ago and I am very impressed with the report. She also insists she is fine, doesn't need help etc - she dropped out of her course last year for various reasons so I insisted she does things 'properly' this year including applying through DSA. The assessment identified some equipment that would make her life easier and that has been delivered this week. Just as important, they have said she should get some time 1-2-1 help checking that she is on top of things and seeing if she needs extra help.

LIZS · 28/09/2016 18:46

Ds has his needs assessment booked for Friday. Fortunately the weekly seminar is not starting until next week so hasn't had to rearrange it. Hoping they might upgrade his laptop etc. I read on another thread that a student was awarded a financial grant through DSA. Any idea in what circumstances that might be?

dreamingofsun · 28/09/2016 18:57

i am starting to enjoy this more

  • no being woken up in the early hours/late at night when i have to work the next day by people chatting/drinking/being ill
  • no moaning
  • dinner lasts for 2 days, so less cooking and filling dishwashers
  • washing and clothes drying is less than half
  • food shopping - what food shopping?
  • no shunting cars around in the drive
  • and the house is so tidy, even without me lifting a finger
-and if i'm consulted i can just say, u r an adult now do what u think
NoHaudinMaWheest · 28/09/2016 19:46

LIZS the DSA allowance usually goes either directly to the university (or their subcontractors) if they are providing mentors or signer for example or to the equipment providers.
I think actually money is only provided if the student needs help with transport or extra printing allowance for example. I don't know for sure as ds hasn't needed anything like that.
Ds did get an upgraded laptop but it wasn't hugely generous and they are expected to fund the first £200 themselves on the grounds that every student needs a laptop. We had to add quite a bit for ds to get the laptop he claimed he needs. He is doing computer science so genuinely needs something a bit more sophisticated but we are well aware that it is partly for 'fun'.

LIZS · 28/09/2016 20:08

That makes sense. One of Ds housemates is supposed to have a note taker for lectures, presumably funded by DSA.

yolofish · 28/09/2016 23:07

Another thumbs up for the DSA from me - DD1 is dyslexic, and the support they have provided is a thousand times better than anything offered at school. Like nohaudin we also shelled out quite a lot extra on the laptop.

Poor old DD1 still really struggling with the dreadful flat. The student advisor bloke (2nd year) has moved one of his mates in so they are pally. The other 2 are 3rd years. DD1 says there is NO socialising in the flat, not even a quick cup of tea and a chat. She came home today for an orthodontist appt, then trained it back and phoned in floods, sitting on her own in a little room. She had msged a few people but they were all having a quiet night in, but a quiet night in where there are people around is quite different from one where you are the only person there! Suggested she comes home again this w/e, she has no lectures on Fri or Mon and the thought that she could quite possibly not see anyone for 4 days doesnt sound healthy to me.

She has been to the accomm people who were very nice but nothing can happen til Monday, and there is a waiting list for her halls so apparently any spare rooms will go to those people first. They did say they will help her though, so fingers crossed. But it seems a very expensive way of being as miserable as sin!

buckingfrolicks · 28/09/2016 23:14

Dreamingofsun I hear ya!!

I'm liking it a lot I'm afraid! Things are where I left them.

DP and I get to finish a conversation

It's a sense of just not being pulled around, responding to their needs and wants (which was fine at the time) which is so peaceful and restful.

DS coming home late oct so am interested in how that goes by contrast

NoHaudinMaWheest · 29/09/2016 10:50

yolo that sounds really miserable. I hope accommodation does help quickly as where you live is so important to how you cope with everything else.

I have just been doing my Sainsbury order and had a few moments as things that I usually order for ds came up on my favourites list.