Quite, introvert dd going to uni, need advice, tips or reassurance.

[Chrissy1972]

We have been worried for some time with how dd is going to cope at uni in Sept (pending results). She's a introvert, likes to work alone/ independently has a few close friends that are similar to her, shes not at all a social butterfly, dislikes crowds and too much noise, prefers to work behind the scenes and doesn't like attention.
The problem is I feel Uni seems to gear more towards the extroverts, socially and guessing there will be team group work and presentations, so I'm worried she will feel overwhelmed, won't be able to make friends and feel an outcast. Although I know she is used to that kind of life from school but I don't really want her to have to do the same at uni. She says she will always be a introvert and will try and adapt.
I think maybe me and DH is more anxious then she is.

Part of it is to to do with her confidence as she was bullied when she was younger and part due to her quite placid personality. Shes a bright child straight A*/A gcse and all A's in her AS's one of her teachers was quite blunt in her last term at 6th form, pointed out that she won't go far in life with getting jobs if she doesn't speak up, and act more confidently and that it's not all about having intelligence and good grades, if she can't impress in a job interview her hard work will be for nothing. Whilst I understand what he is saying, it doesn't make it easier for us.
Anyone out there who has gone through similar situation, any tips or advice for us or dd. Or should me and DH just let dd find her own feet and not to worry too much.

Thanks to anyone who can advise or for anyone who is in same boat as us. How are you coping and are you worried like us.

Bad news ...

I know someone who spent her first term crying in her room. She didn't go out and fretted over essays and ate a lot of biscuits.

Good news...

She's absolutely fine now! Has made good friends and organised the summer ball.

Your DD will find her way.

I have read this thread with interest as my DS1 is about to start uni and he has NO social skills whatsoever. He says he "can't" talk to people he doesn't know - he just doesn't know what to say. He talks to us, no problem, and my in-laws (he doesn't know my parents as well because we only see them about once a year) and a very few of our adult friends who seem to be on the same wavelength. He gets on extremely well with a teacher friend of mine who has similar qualities - kind of geeky and doesn't like small talk! He also talks a lot to other people on one particular website where they all have a shared interest in computing and animation (his uni subject will be to do with both). He talked to people at school a bit, but only about the work - he just doesn't know how to start a friendly conversation. He has never been bullied (most people just don't seem to notice him at all) and has had a few friends in his life but they tended to be much more outgoing people who sort of took him under their wing, and made all the suggestions and he just tagged along. Sadly, he lost touch with the closest of these either though him moving away or them moving away.

He rarely goes on Facebook (he says he can't think of anything to write) but did go on recently to sign up for the group for the hall he's going to be in, but then didn't write anything on that page because, guess what, he didn't know what to write! However, while he was on there he noticed that a boy he was kind of friendly with at primary school, who was just as quiet and socially awkward as him at that age and they could play together with Lego for hours without making a sound, is going to the same uni, though not the same hall. I get the impression the other boy is a little bit more outgoing now though. DS contacted him (with a lot of encouragement from me) and they have agreed to meet up when they both get there. I'm glad he has one potential contact in place, but I still think there's a chance he just won't try to talk to his "flatmates" in hall and they'll soon stop bothering with him. I think he thinks he will be able to talk to them when he gets there because he'll have to, but if they've all been on the Facebook page getting to know each other it might already be too late to break into the established group.

I keep wondering if there's anything more I can do to encourage him to try out his small talk and social skills before he goes - he still has a few weeks. I've been getting him to do the talking in places like shops and cafes more but that's no really the same thing as actually striking up a friendship, is it? Is there anything more I can do or will he just have to learn from his own mistakes?

When I first met people at university all anyone ever asked was what A levels did you do, where are you from and what course are you doing. Fairly easily rehearsed for the socially awkward. With FB though I guess those icebreakers have already been answered. Can he add something to existing FB posts, 'like' what others have posted etc. I think he does need to join in really, at least you can help him which you won't be able to do once he's gone.

I think I would be tempted to.just let him get on with it to be honest. He is who he is and you can't change a personality in a few weeks.

Buy him a doorstop so he doesn't close his halls door on the first day. Maybe a game of cards for humanity to share :)

My DD had one flatmate they didn't "find" until they moved in - she had been travelling. They were more excited to meet her than anyone else because she was considered "missing".

My DD and her flatmates did a Google earth Street view search during freshers to show everyone where they lived!!