Son failing at uni - how to help?

[biker99]

I know there have been a few threads on this theme but will try to keep this as short as possible. DS high achiever at school goes to do economics degree at good uni (top 5). First year OK-ish, ends up with high 2:2 but marks don't count and put it down to adjusting. DS disappointed and resolves to work harder in Y2. End of year 2 and results are even worse - ends up with third. Upset DS but admits tried to cram for exams, not having done much work although some bits of course work were good (couple of firsts). Says he can't make himself do the work as he doesn't find it interesting but on evidence of being at home this summer spends a lot of time on computer gaming although he's adamant he has this under control. Has not got a summer job. Has talked about dropping out but now decided to go back and work harder.

I'm really not sure how best to help. I'm not convinced anything's going to change this year and he's likely to come out with a third or a fail. That's £40k of his money down the drain (he's taken out as much loan as he can). I can see a scenario next year where he comes home and just sits around with no motivation to do anything. It feels like he's in denial and I don't whether it's better just to get tough with him or just be there to give him support. It seems like he's really messing up his life and I don't understand why and I'm not sure if he does either. Would really appreciate some advice from anyone who's been through this.

If the university are unhelpful or unresponsive, get him to ask for help from the student union. They will be able to find out policy and procedures on course changes. His other option could be transferring to the second year of a course at another uni if that doesn't work. Do, though, make sure he understands the cost of the change, acknowledges it, and is prepared to work really hard. It won't just magically change everything - though it will help - he still needs to take a hard look at his study habits! Hope this works out for you all.

Goodness , if I didn't know you were not me I could have written practically all your posts, even down to the results etc and the lack of needing a job because he doesn't spend much and we pay his accom.

Currently his dept has agreed to a repeat of year2 and a slight change of course and as the old course was four years and the new three this will end up the same time .I am not convinced things will be any better next year though

One of my DN pretty much flunked yr2 at univ. He was accepted on to a course of same name but different skew at another univ he had listed on his original ucas form, to restart at yr2. Did so much better, has just passed his PGCE and has job lined up for Sept.

He is now paying for the service and there have been several successful law suits of unhappy customers (students) who have sued for poor service, failings and lack of communication.

He is not "paying for the service". He is paying for his tuition which was previously paid by all taxpayers. It is not a service: it is an opportunity to LEARN.

It seems there is some suggestion that he has not taken up the opportunities to learn which have been offered him.

If any student came to me with such an attitude they would receive a short sharp lecture on a) taking up opportunities offered to learn; and b) learning some respect for the expertise and wisdom of those offering those opportunities.

I think its tricky when students haven't learned

a) how to ask for help with learning from

their tutors/peers/those in higher years/postgrads/internet websites

and

b)see asking for help as a sign of weakness.

This fundamental communication skill of asking for help needs acquisition not just to do well in the degree but as a life skill.
I once went to a conference where we were told pilots in trouble were advised to signal distress as often and as widely as they could. They were more likely to get help and save lives.

Perhaps your DS could

1. go to the student advisory/learning support service and get help
2. set himself the target of meeting with his tutor/module supervisor weekly or at the very least fortnightly. This could be one to one or it could be after the departmental seminar or it could be after a tutorial or at a tutorial.
3. get peer advice on 'the student room' fora

Lastly I agree with you that the gaming is a problem.
I don't think changing course will necessarily help. All courses have dry aspects. But it is his choice.

Don't throw him out. Depression is a side effect of underachieving at uni as well as a cause and you are his only family safety net. What outdoor activities do you share with him, as a family?