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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

999 replies

mrsrhodgilbert · 28/11/2013 15:33

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

OP posts:

funnyperson · 27/07/2014 05:58

I feel quite tired after they have been and gone though. One wants to have the house looking really nice for them so that is work and then one wants to cook amazing food so that is extra work then they have their friends round so that is extra energy and one doesn't like to ask them to help with jobs or whatever so it gets a bit tiring really. The days of just being a home and chilling seem to have gone. I'm beginning to dread being a granny because I don't think I have the energy.

madeofkent · 27/07/2014 14:35

I am a granny! My DD is 29 and I have two very small GCs. Yes, I have them all to stay for a weekend or a week at a time and it is mainly to give her a break. I get on with it because once they get to around 10 they won't want to come and stay with me any more - very few children do past that age. If I just lived around the corner it would be different. Yes, a constant round of cooking, tidying and washing and having to go to places I would rather not, and I so wish I could just see my daughter all on her own sometimes, but those days are gone. I just flop for a whole day once they have left, I'm glad I don't have to go into an office anymore. I just do bits and pieces from home.

However, having them to stay rather than living nearby means that we do have proper conversations rather than just catchups, which we do anyway on fb. And since they have more or less both left home, I have got really bad about housework so it makes me get on with it! Also DS gives the GCs his bedroom and moves into his hobby room and that too means that he has to tidy it up for them.

zizza · 30/07/2014 10:06

Haven't been on here for a while. Amazing we've made it to the end of the year already. dd had a stressful exam time (mainly due to everyone else getting wound up so she's thinking of coming home for revision week next year). But passed her first year at vet school with really good marks so we're all happy.

Now I have a feeling of deja vu as youngest ds is waiting for A level results and then I really will have an empty nest with all three away (if he gets the grades!). I'm not quite as stressed out as last year I must say but keep thinking we really must go shopping soon for stuff - but maybe we'll wait until after results day ;-)

Good luck to all waiting and we'll be here for you when you're stressing about them leaving :-)

alreadytaken · 08/08/2014 12:50

wondering how many of the young people are working part of the summer? Mine is, although they are away a lot.

alreadytaken · 08/08/2014 12:51

for any young people travelling I posted a warning elsewhere about scam emails that are much more worrying then usual.

www.theregister.co.uk/2014/08/04/hotel_booking_phish/

madeofkent · 19/08/2014 22:24

They are certainly getting cleverer. DS is off again with friends on Thursday. We get him to forward all of his emails of that kind to us to check and keep a copy, in case anything goes wrong later on and we need to deal with it from this end.

He is moving more of his stuff into his new house for this year soon. I haven't seen it yet, his father helped him to move most of his things out just over a week ago, but I do hope he stays there next year as well, because as his rent doesn't run out until the end of September and he had to pay for this one from the beginning of August, at this rate he (and we) is going to be a fair amount out of pocket. But we couldn't bear last year's knuckle-biting as he tried to find a flat.

Notsoskinnyminny · 20/08/2014 16:39

I need to start the toiletries/cleaning stuff shop and need to get new bedding because her halls have been refurbished and they've now got 3/4 beds after I went out and bought single bedding last year There was only room to swing a small cat last year so it'll be interesting squeezing all her stuff in

madeofkent · 20/08/2014 19:13

We are going the other way around, from 3/4 to single. I would offer you DS's old fitted sheets and mattress protector, but I can just imagine what the reaction from your DD would be. He's keeping the double duvet, though, in case the new house is colder than his old flat. DBH was very impressed with his choice though, he says the whole house has been done up very nicely and the shower room aka cupboard is slightly bigger.

I've got used to having him home all over again, and I shall miss him all over again when he goes back properly. I think I shall make more of an effort to visit him this year. Poor boy!

Notsoskinnyminny · 21/08/2014 08:26

made I was just about to offer you a set of hello kitty bedding and another set with butterflies and sequins and then I noticed your son is keeping his duvet

she's hopefully transferred her part time job so won't be home much next year. Her new flatmates seem nice and I've got everything crossed she has a good year

madeofkent · 21/08/2014 16:43

I do so hope that DS has some nice housemates. He chose not to share with friends on the course, he said it would be too much to see them all day, often socially, and also be in the same house all the time. But last year one turned out to be a bully, and the nicest one left because he gambled all his loan away, it would be lovely if he could have a nice quiet year of settled companionship. He's off to a festival today somewhere down in the west country, for a few days and spending a night first in his new house. He says he wants to stake a claim on a shelf in the fridge.

Notsoskinnyminny · 21/08/2014 19:13

I forgot it was your son who had a tough time with the bully. Let's hope this year's freshers have a better start than ours did.

DDs sharing with a new group including one girl off her course who's into the same hobbies but they're in different classes for all their lessons. The friend she was paired with for teaching practice has dropped out because her mum's seriously ill and she needs to look after her younger siblings so DDs a bit worried about being on her own in class but I'm sure she'll be fine.

madeofkent · 21/08/2014 20:01

Of course she will, she will soon make a new friend. DS says that it is far easier to make friends at uni. I told him that it is because at least you know you are in company with people of roughly the same intelligence as you, which weeds out a good 50% of people you wouldn't like to be friends with in the first place. I told him to make as many friends as he could, because in later life he will have to spend time with some seriously dim people...

JellicleCat · 22/08/2014 18:05

DD just finished her resits today, but also got the news that she has had her transfer accepted. This means she will be starting again at the same uni but on a different course, so she is back to being a first year. I am hugely relieved for her.

I cannot believe it is nearly a year since she went away. She is home next week for a week.

madeofkent · 22/08/2014 19:52

No, I can't believe it's almost a year either, it feels like a couple of months ago. I suppose because really, it's all quite traumatic and new for the whole family.

It has made me worry about him less, though. He is (supposedly) camping with friends in a middle of a field somewhere with thousands of other people, and I haven't worried about him at all. This past year has made me see how resourceful he can be.

Back to being a first year must be lovely, a fresh start. I hope her grants/loans all work out ok?

goinggetstough · 22/08/2014 21:13

Congratulations to your DD JellicleCat and good luck for next year.

JellicleCat · 24/08/2014 15:13

Made, hopefully her funding will be OK as SAAS allow a plus one year if you change course.

She is excited about her new start and has just signed up for her new timetable. A big change from science to arts subjects, but I am hoping she has now made the right choices.

alreadytaken · 24/08/2014 15:51

more new experiences this year as they move on to shared flats and thinking about internships for next summer. I suspect we have had our last family holiday and am feeing rather depressed about that.

Good luck to JellieCat's daughter, hope all goes well for her.

Notsoskinnyminny · 24/08/2014 17:16

Glad she got sorted JellicleCat. We've just got back from the living hell that is IKEA, what was I thinking going at the weekend?? DH has just informed me that DSS wants to go back the same day as DD so I've now got the logistical nightmare of getting all her belongings into my little fiesta especially as we only just got everything into his huge estate last year. I'm a bit peed off because DSS could've moved into his house anytime after 1st August and DH has offered to take his heavy stuff numerous times as she can't move into halls until that day and as she's the newbie of the flat she wants to be there when the others arrive and claim her fridge shelf

Made DD is working with the dimmest of the dim whose only aspiration is to have a baby or 3 One of them asked why she was getting into so much debt when she could get a house, paid for by the social, and the more kids she has the more benefits she'll get.

JellicleCat · 24/08/2014 19:19

So far we have missed out on the trips to IKEA as our nearest is 3 hours drive away.

Notso, that does sound a bit of a nightmare, are they in the same direction?

Love the comments about debt, it's all about what you aspire to. Two of DD's friends from primary are currently pregnant and one girl she was in secondary with now has 2 children. Each to their own.

Notsoskinnyminny · 24/08/2014 20:35

Unfortunately DD is an hour north and DSS is 1 hour east. I did suggest that we dropped DD off first and then picked DSS up as he's about 30 mins the way DH drives from her uni but DH won't ask him.

madeofkent · 24/08/2014 21:47

You have to be a bit careful where SCs are concerned, don't you, in case they feel second best. A friend of mine was awoken last year this time, on a Sunday at 7am because her OH's ex was in a panic - their son had just informed her that he needed to move out of his house right on the North Circular the very next day - and ALL the furniture in his room is his!!! So they needed to hire a van, take days off work and drive round a scary road they didn't know because Ex was having panic attacks at the mere thought. They missed the house the first time round, found it again only to realise that there was nowhere left to park... So had to drive round again while friend phoned DSS and between gritted teeth told him to get his friends off the drive if he wanted to move out. Drive back again to see skinny youths in underpants shifting cars. Thankfully his houseshare this year has been somewhere far more sensible. So DS has had it drummed into his skull that anywhere he moves to must always have somewhere safe for us to park the car while unloading.

I always wondered who on earth chose to live right on the North Circular - now I know!

Yes, several of DD's old friends from school had babies way in advance of her. I saw such a pretty girl in the garage yesterday with three toddlers, she only looked about 17, I could have cried for her. Their car was a wreck, they had only one child seat and she looked utterly miserable.

mumeeee · 10/09/2014 16:25

Hi all. When are you DC"s back off to uni? We are taking DD3 back on Saturday. She has been home for 3 months so will be odd without her again. Although she has been away a couple of times with friends.

Notsoskinnyminny · 10/09/2014 17:44

Hi mumeeee DD goes back on Saturday and she's got language exams all week. I'm still not sure how I'm going to get everything into my little car and she thought she was being helpful by putting the cover on her new duvet which has 8-rupled in size now its out of the packaging

DDs worked most of the summer and I'll be glad to see the back of taxi duty, she's been good and walked the 2.5 miles if her shift starts when I'm in work no choice because there's no bus service where we live but for the last 3 wks she's been on lates so it'll be nice to have a

We need a secret wave for when we pass each other on the motorway

JellicleCat · 10/09/2014 19:28

DD stayed in her uni city over the summer. She came on holiday with use for 2 weeks, I went and stayed with her for a week and she came home for one week. So having not had her home properly I won't have to go through the empty house thing

fussychica · 10/09/2014 19:44

DS back Saturday week for his 4th and final year (MFL). He's flitted here and there since his year abroad ended and done 3 weeks observation in secondary school is prep for a possible PGCE next year.
Will miss him terribly as won't see him over Xmas & New year as he's off to the US to spend that vacation with his lovely American girlfriend. Oh to be young

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