Oh bloody hell - here we go with the tears - and I was doing so well.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

DS1 is hopefully off to Uni this year. It's great. I'm really excited and happy for him. I have absolutely no worries about him being able to socailise/take care of himself/do the work. He's a fabulous and fine young man who astonishes me with his maturity etc (not a stealth boast - I have other DSs )

This isn't about 'letting him grow up' or 'cutting the apron strings' as he's been away from home many times before (since he was 8).

I've just realised how much I'm going to miss him. So how do you deal with the tears? The last thing anyone wants is a sob fest in these next few weeks.

So come on, people who have been there, done that and got the sodden t shirt - how's it done?

I posted a similar thread recently about empty nest syndrome. I didn't feel sad when both my teens left home last year within weeks of each other. I relish the freedom and it has given me and my husband a new lease of life, like before we were married with kids. I love it when they visit though.

I could have written the OP! Ds is an utter delight in so many ways and I burst with pride at the young man he has become. I am also thrilled with the direction he has chosen to take with regard to university. His adult life is just starting and I am excited that he has so many opportunities and ideas.

However, this is all tinged with a little bit of sadness that his childhood is all but over. It's such a selfish feeling on my part but I will miss having him around.

I am keeping everything crossed for everyone receiving exam results this week but I may join you in a bit of a sob fest!

letsfacethemusic no DD3 hasn't deferred a year although. at 21 she is older than a lot of students starting uni. She is Dyspraxic and also has another learning difficulty. She finished college at the end of June. She did BTECH. and got her results
last week. She had a letter from Bolton and UCAS confirming her place was now unconditional, So she was able to open the student account. I know I'll worry anout her more than I did with her sisters. Her learning difficulty means that she is very disorganised and also very young for her age. She does have DSA and a package put in place to help her. She''s already phoned and spoken to the disability advisor at Bolton and made an appointment to see him in September. So perhaps I'm worrying to much.

DS has just completed his degree, and is off to London to do his Masters, after which the plan is that he will stay there to work. So this is likely to be the last extended period (providing everything works out) that he is living at home.

When we dropped him off at uni (can it really be three years ago!), I held it together until we were about to get into the car to go, and then the sobs got me, much to the amusement of DH and DS. DH and I travelled home - not knowing that the DC had arranged a surprise party for our 25th wedding anniversary, and DS was hot-footing it to the station, to get the train home again. So I then had to take him back to uni AGAIN the following day!

It is interesting what others have said about the security for the DC having their bedrooms left untouched while they are away. When I went to uni, I returned to my old room during the Christmas and Easter holidays, but when I returned for the summer holidays after my first year my parents had moved all my stuff into another bedroom and my younger sister had moved into my room. This had all been done without any consultation with me, and I am still upset by it 30 years later.

My DD is 17 so we will be facing the move to uni this time next year. I feel upset about it already - I have felt that since she went into the sixth form I have been on borrowed time. However, as others have said, I am so proud of her for the lovely young woman she is developing into and as mums we should acknowledge that to ourselves as a job well done, but it is so hard.

There was a similar thread a few weeks ago on the teenage board and a young adult posted about how grateful she was that her own mother had held it together and not shown emotion when she left for uni - she said this effectively gave her permission to have a good time and to embrace the next stage of her life.

Yes the room thing still gets to DH and I as neither of us felt we had a stable base iyswim. DS is protective about his too and we wouldn't dream of redecorating without him being fully involved (though it really needs it).

With regard to the example you gave about emotion - we're all different. Because DS2 has AS, we often need to talk openly about emotions and reactions and behaviour so that he 'gets' things. As a lovely side effect of this, DS1 is comfortable with emotions generally and just accepts them for what they are. A few tears wouldn't phase him in the slightest and there may even be one or two of his own, discreetly.

There's a world of difference between a few quite natural tears and a full on facial tsunami complete with hanging on to DCs leg as they carry their last box from the car.

It's quite sad that person felt they needed that 'permission' to have a good time anyway.

As I said, though, everyone's different and by this point we should be aware of what our kids are ok with and what they'd find mortifying.

I want to turn dd1's room into a reading room, but she says I have to leave it as it is (which includes two full walls of picture collages and a lot of fake fur!). I'm sure we'll find a compromise. :)

Mine are both gone, youngest has just one year to go before graduating - a really surreal thought! I am a mess each time she goes, I normally drop her back and drive home again in tears. I am fine again as soon as I am home and busy.
She is a mummy's girl and so texts and calls me quite a lot, you will find while he is gone he will still 'need' you. I tend to visit her one weekend each term and she usually comes home one weekend each term too. When DD started two years ago she HATED freshers, she phoned most nights in tears at 1am saying she has made no friends who felt like proper friends and wanted to come home. It was horrific and I wanted to run and get her! But she got through it and by week 3-4 she was much happier, found good friends and it was a lot easier for both of us. It is the first time you really can't do much to help, it is all down to them.

The weeks fly by. With DS, he goes to uni closer by so pops home a fair amount. I work full time and so am always very busy which helps.

I am now more upset about the thought of DD leaving home for good in a year, she has just got a graduate job after doing an internship in London and will be moving there. While I am so proud, I am also dreading it. I love the long uni holidays when she is back.

I have also found our relationship has changed so much since she was in Sixth Form. She has grown up a huge amount, we never argue and she has so much to chat about which she actually wants to share with me, as so much is happening in her exciting young life! You begin to feel just so proud that they are surviving without you and turn out to be decent people!

Wishing you luck, there is so much to look forward to - your DS will grow and thrive I'm sure!

I wanted to redecorate to make the room more suitable for bringing boyfriends home - but we're going to wait until at least after Christmas.

So many helpful comments on this thread - thanks for starting it OP.

An update from me - 18rh birthday celebration went well last night and this morning dd has a confirmed offer for her first choice uni, so all good. We are all delighted and relieved and I'm feeling much calmer and together. I think the uncertainty was really getting to me. I'm sure there will be a few more tears along the way but today my overall feeling is happiness and relief that she has what she wants after putting in so much effort.
Best wishes to everyone

Marshy - so glad you are feeling a bit better and that your dd has got into her first choice uni. So has mine - we are so proud and glad. My dd had her 18th recently - it's a very emotional time for us parents.

You are doing so well. I really feel for you about your Mum. It is so hard when you can't ring your Mum to tell her the good news about exams and uni. My Mum died 5 years ago and it did upset me when I couldn't tell her about dd's GCSE's. It does get easier and I like to think my Mum know all about what is happening! All the best.

Thanks whitecloud, and congrats and all the best to you too.

Have been thinking about my mum a lot today and how proud she would have been. Didn't say anything to dd, but she had a little cry this afternoon and said she was thinking about nana.

She's crashed out on the sofa now - I think all the excitement has been a bit much. Just like a toddler really!

This thread made me cry!

Waiting for DS1's GCSE results next week and feeling like the next 2 years are going to fly by...

I am glad I have found this, so pleased it's not just me feeling like this. My youngest is going to drama school 4 weeks today and I could cry every time I think about it. My eldest will be starting her 3rd year at uni and it will just be me at home. It has suddenly dawned on me that nearly everything i do is tied up with them and I am not at all sure what I am going to do! I am sure I will cope and I do have a busy job which will help but I cant wait till Christmas!

I have to confess to having a cry yesterday. It has been an emotional year anyway with losing dd4 in June. I am obviously so proud of dd1 and pleased for her but I will miss her. Dd5 also starts school this year so I will have to find plenty to do to occupy my daytimes.

We joke that DD1 "is leaving meeeeee" &she (&DD2) openlytease me about being a bundle of snot when she,then her sis go off to Uni.

But like others I am overwhelmingly proud of them,when DD1 got her results & place confirmation yesterday I could have burst with maternal pride!!

I am sure we will both have a lump in the throat saying goodbye but I hope I can keep it together!( at least till I leave)

Interesting about the room though, we are hoping to move to a smaller place, & I was toying with not having a room for DD1 but felt she still needed her base for holidays. I will def stick to that plan having read your thoughts.

On the flip side re the rooms I told dd1 a year ago I would give her a week at uni then her room is going to be given to one of her sisters . I had a panic reading this thread and checked she was ok with it. It is fine with her as long as she doesn't have to share with them when she comes home!

Yes snorris I had that when I left home to go to Nursing school. Parents moved house, got a lodger, and I had to share with my sister when I came home, so I get what your DD1 means!!

WHne we moved into this house 4 years ago it was on the understanding that when DD1 went to Uni I had her room & she had my (smaller )room.

However I can't be arsed to swap it all before moving so she may well still have it at Christmas!

It was a while ago now but the house did feel very quiet and empty when they had both left home. Sadly I don't see as much of them as I would like but of course they have their own lives to lead.