As a parent, do you feel your DC's Uni "should" communicate with you?

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A general question really, I work for a uni and we regularly get complaints from parents that we should have told them stuff.

But, the student is an adult and the contract is between the student and the university, even if parents are paying the fees/living allowance.

In some cases we would be breaking confidentiality by informing parents (e.g. Health issues), in others, I just think it's odd that parents get involved (e.g. student not picked for sports team).

Would appreciate some views/experiences

On the MH issues, it can be hard for an academic to know. I have over 500 students in my "care". I do try to watch out for things and follow up where it seems appropriate, but disclosure is key. And often students don't want to do that in a new environment

The reality of being a lecturer in a university is very different from what some people here seem to believe. I lecture to a first year class which has over 400 students registered on it. I don't check attendance at this lecture for obvious reasons, for one thing attendance is not compulsory (lectures are videoed and made available to students who can't or don't attend).
We do record attendance in compulsory elements of the course, and students are warned when they are putting themselves in danger of failure, in a department of more than 1000 students, with 10 admin staff it is not realistic to add further communication with parents into the workload and this would breech the students confidentiality spectacularly.
Students are adults and we understand that they learn and study in different ways. The prizewinner in my honours class one year literally slept through all my lectures (to the amusement of the rest of the class), studied my course materials independently, discussed things with me and got over 90%, he's the best student I've ever had in the class. Should I have phoned his mum to tell her he seemed tired? My job is to help people to learn in their own way, not to act in loco parentis.
Students in trouble can give permission to their tutor to speak to parents, often this is really useful, but we can't initiate that contact.

Chemenger, you are probably right, the explosion in HE has turned much of it into a meat factory based on end product for lowest cost. The factory farming equivalent as opposed to the system I went through of a mixture of lectures with hundreds of students, mixed in with seminars and tutorials.
The focus on electronic communication as opposed to RL contact with students increases the alienation.
When DD started at uni, she was heading for a First based on experience so far and she was enthusiastic about living away from home.
Now I'd settle for alive, sane and off the Prozac.

When my dd started uni she had a form which she and I signed.

I can't remember the full details tbh, but it was something along the lines of giving permission for the uni to contact me as her next of kin, if they had major concerns/worries about her. (This was Bristol uni, 3 years ago).

I also encouraged dd to give my contact details to her friends in the uni accomadation, so if they were worried about her/ there was an emergency, they could contact me at any time. Dd was very happy to do this, they all swopped each others' parents details.

Dd2 starts uni this year and I will be encouraging the same thing.

Eyes I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be so hard to deal with.

One more year to go. She's an adult, I can't make her quit.

To tell the truth, I'd be much more accepting if she was missing lectures and deadlines due to being either pissed or partying until she dropped.
At least she'd be happy.

I hope this year goes quickly for you Eyes. You must be worried sick.

I'm not even angry TBH, it's the faceless indifference of the uni, the medical staff and support that make me despair. She turns up to counselling sessions and finds that they've chopped and changed staff and no one remembers her.
But she's home and safe at the moment.
Yes, of course you have 400 students to lecture at. How can you be expected to notice that one or two are drowning? Not your job.

I am a long way off this, but I'm astounded that parents who presumably wouldn't want their employer to ring up their own parents for any performance/health concerns expect to be rung up about their own adult offspring. One job of parenting is surely to make sure that your children will ring you and chat about what's going on in their lives.

There is an obvious exception for in an emergency situation when a next of kin needs to be contacted.

Sorry to hear about your DD Eyes. Hope she gets through it well.

Students (mostly) are 18 plus and legally adults.
Thus I don't think you can communicate with their parents without the students consent.

I failed my first year exams and did get my DDad to talk to my head of dept. as I was not feeling at my most calm and articulate, but as I say I wanted him to put my case and ask what happened next.

I would have been furious if the university had written/rung home without my knowing.

That said Startail, the support networks available for young adults ought to be better within the community of a university.

I think that if I had a child with MH issues I would strongly encourage them to go to uni close to home. eyes I am sorry about your dd and that you aren't getting support from her university. But I also agree with chemenger. You have to remember that no academic has any training in counselling, pastoral care etc, and as a very young lecturer I was often totally at sea when students presented with a range of very complex problems. I am not trained to deal with MH issues, only to do my best to mitigate the academic impact of those issues.

I recently had a series of exchanges with the mother of a PhD student...

If the student is over 18, then absolutely not. It is an invasion of their privacy and may very possibly be against the law.

If there are MH issues or any other medical issues where parents need to be involved, then the parents and the student should meet with the University & discuss how that will be managed.

I would also think that if you are already aware that your DC has ongoing MH or medical issues that needs your input, then if at all possible, you should encourage your DC to apply for a Uni where they could live at home. That is what I'll be doing with autistic spectrum DS.

Unfortunately the subject that she excelled in and wanted to study is not the most common, and her severe depression and anxiety didn't manifest itself until she was in her first year. Before that she had been gifted and quirky by all accounts.
There is nothing I can do other than keep plodding on and waiting until the end of the year, supporting as and when I can, and hoping that this coming year will be better than the last.

The relationship between the parent and child is their business and not your concern. If a student doesn't tell their parents something themselves, then you can only assume that it's because they don't want to.

The relationship between the student and the Uni is their concern, and not the parents'. If the student prefers not to tell their parents something, that is their choice.

The student are adults. Would an employer inform their employees' parents of an issue?

The transition from school to university can often be a problem. I have seen it from both sides - school and university. I was surprised at first to realise how the emerging adults we had been watching leave home and school were treated as completely independent adults only 3 months later.

It was acknowledged by many that more work should be done on this transition as young people could struggle - and this was at an elite university. It was some years ago and i think things have changed for the better. I understand the problems re privacy but it seems silly to think they are all ready to become completely independent at 18.

Parents I know with children with MH issues often seem to find the system rather lacking, but there aren't easy solutions except perhaps in known cases to ask the student to sign the form which means information may be shared. This doesn't address the problems of the students who struggle with organisation and turning up to lectures and there are a lot of them.

University lecturer here: we are constrained by the Data Protection Act from giving out confidential information about adults to anyone, without written consent from the person concerned.

I'm so pleased that most parents responding are very clear that their university student offspring, while children to them, are also adults to the rest of the world.

Your DCs are lucky to have such sensible parents! Sorry don't mean to sound patronising, but ... as an HoD I have had to deal with demanding & problematic parents. I don't like to pry too far into students' home lives it's really not my business nor my job but sometimes I sense that the family/parents are part of the problem with troubled students. So routinely contacting parents may make it worse for the student.

There are wrap around service at all universities to deal with student problems, BUT they have got to take responsibility for their issues. That is a huge life lesson we all need to learn, and a good parent will see that.

And funnyperson you write this:
There needs to be transparency from all universities about whether tutors give feedback on work submitted within a reasonable time frame, whether students are made aware of their strengths and weaknesses within a reasonable time frame, and whether students are made aware of any risks to their degree progression in good time to do something about it

We do this. My colleagues & I compromise our own health & work/life balance to get work assessed & feedback within a very short time frame. But as others have responded, students need to take our advice, our feedback, and our guidance. You'd be surprised at the number who don't like to do that. Who don't like to be told when their work isn't good enough, or they are not preparing or reading enough, or when their lack of attendance affects their quality of learning.

When I have a mother emailing me to set up a meeting to discuss apparently "negative" feedback on her daughter's essay from another tutor, there is something seriously wrong with some parents' attitudes to their children's learning (and this has happened!). And their respect for my long expertise and professionalism. Most academics I know & work with are really excellent at their jobs, and this means both teaching & research, as well as being wonderful people who actually care about student learning. But at my place, student learning means pushing them. Learning at this level is difficult & hard, and sometimes you feel you're failing. But it's when you're falling over your feet that you're learning, as my ballet teacher used to say.

Rant over, back to preparing reading lists for October.

alreadytaken I find your comment here:

Universities like to use the "helicopter parent" taunt because they know that they can get away with murder if they are only dealing with young people
really offensive.

What evidence do you have of universities "getting away with murder" in their dealings with students? If students undertake their studies with what one university I know of calls "reasonable diligence" then university dealings with them will be regulated by publicly available codes of conduct and regulations. You can go on most (if not all) university websites and read the codes of conduct & degree regulations for yourself.

For people who say it's 'my money' - do you have a contract with the university, these days? I went before the fees system changed and back then, loads were paid into the student's bank account, and it was the student whose name was on any bills - not the parents. So the parents didn't have a financial contract with the university. Has this changed, or are people expecting that a private financial arrangement between them and their children gives them a contract with the university?

DD gets the tuition loan and accommodation loan direct into her account, no input from me. The only money that we give her is for living expenses.
So no, there is no financial link between parent and uni.
Which is why I never understood all that malarkey about giving students from low income households more financial support.
Why?
They are independent adults, stand alone finances and only have to pay back the loan when they earn over a certain amount. Why the difference?

An excellent post from upthechimney. The 'getting away with murder' remark is offensive and that is clearly the sort of parent that you don't want to deal with! I would agree that a lot of students have parents who are the problem.
If you have been preparing your DC through school they should be ready. This means supporting them but not sorting out their deadlines and supervising revision. If you have to bribe them to produce good results then you may well have difficulties. My DSs came to school parent evenings with me from year 9 onwards- it was pointless talking about them and passing it on- they might as well get it first hand.
If they are not mature enough I would get them to take a gap year.
DS has just got a job 13months after graduating- it is hard to support but sit and watch but the last thing you can do is get involved with applying for jobs- it wouldn't go down well with employers!
If you have a DC that may have MH issues you need to encourage somewhere nearer home and try and see them fairly often.

Well, I'd like know if the £27,000 plus living costs I'll be spending is going to pot. So if I'm paying for the course, I'd like to know if DC is failing. It's, like, my money you know

So ask your DC. Why would you not talk to your DC? University lecturers and administrative staff are not in loco parentis. It is you and your DC's responsibility to communicate with each other, not via the proxy of university staff.

And if your relationship with your DC is such that s/he does not tell you that sort of thing, then frankly, that's your problem, not that of the university.

The only time I've communicated with a parent is when they've contacted me to tell me of a serious illness/accident keeping their child at home or in hospital. That's useful as we need to know in order to put in place alternatives s that the student isn't disadvantaged.

I write as someone who will be interrupting my long-booked family holiday in mid-August to mark resits - mostly work done by students who didn't bother to hand in essays during term time despite loads of reminders, special lectures & tutorials on the work & so on. I'll have to find an internet cafe, download the essays to my ipad, and read & give feedback in a week turnaround time on about 20,000 words of student work. So my family time (or my sleep) is going to be interrupted for about 4 days, because half a dozen students were disinclined to do the work they need to do towards their degree.

Oh yes, I am "getting away with murder."

My DSs had student loans- I didn't pay anything directly to the university.

Even when I was a student you had a 'personal tutor' that you could see with problems. The staff are not supposed to be like teachers at school- it is a different job.