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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

oh blimey....im having a nightmare over uni accommodation

76 replies

RagingDull · 24/08/2012 14:39

DS is due to go to university, he is however under the disabilities team due to having several special needs. This would be his 3rd year at uni, he has however been able to study for the first 2 years at home. The 3rd year he has to go to a different uni and live away.

when we went to his DSA assessments, and the disability team met him they suggested that he should NOT go into halls. The reasoning for this they said was the halls would be full of 1st years, who all would want to party and have a full "first year experience" DS is quiet, but friendly, easily distracted, and they said he would be much better off with like minded, quiet, 3rd years who would all need to get their heads down and work toward their finals. They also rightly realised that my DS is very able, despite his disabilities.

i too this on board and understood totally what they were saying - DS agreed and so we began to try to get him accommodation that was just off campus, but with other 3rd years.

accommodation have just phoned DS to say that he has been allocated a room with 1ST YEARS in off campus accommodation.

ive phoned back to say that it totally defeats the object of him going off campus if they are going to stick him in with a bunch of 1st years.....

Now ive had the director of accmmodation services phone me to say he wants him back ON Campus with 1st years where he can "keep an eye on him" -
DS is 20, almost 21. He also says that he gets complaints from parents of other students if he places SN students with their sons/daughters because the inference is that the other students end up responsible for the SN one!!
im Shock !!!

DS holds down a job, and has friends, and a girlfriend. he is quiet, does not drink, but is sociable, very able, friendly and does not need this level of "keeping an eye on" - plus i have explained i am not going to drop him at uni and disappear....i will visit weekly and ds knows i will be only a phone call away if he needs help. He is messy, he will need to be reminded to iron his clothes, and ill probably have to chase him a bit to make sure he is keeping his room tidy - ish....but nothing that anyone else will be responsible for!

He does not want to be on campus - having agreed with what the disabilities team told him.....he is now totally fed up and annoyed with me for meddling
the head of accommodatiion says that security have his number and he doesnt want calls about my DS if anything goes wrong Hmm

ive tried to explain that the disability team have actually met my son and based their opinion of where he should go on having met with him and talked to him - i now feel totally pissed off wth it all - i feel that the head of accommodation simply wants to drop him where ever there is going to be a gap and where ever he thinks he will get an easier life regardless of my sons needs and abilities.....the disability team will have plenty of input with Ds while he is there but the head of accommodation says they go home at 5pm - and it will be him that steps in if he needs help after that....Hmm

the disablity team are telling me one thing
the head of accommodation is telling me another.....

ive phoned them both and got no where - i am now back to square one - ive no idea of any dates he is likely to be going to uni and ive no idea where he is going to be placed.....

ive told them that where he is placed is crucial to his success or failure at uni - i truly believe it will be. All he is going to need is to be with other, quiet, studious and mature students....first year or 3rd year....

it seems its too much to ask though. no idea what to do next tbh and im getting rather stressed - i cant make any arrangements practically either while im in this limbo!

any one with any bright ideas?

OP posts:
FallenCaryatid · 26/08/2012 15:06

We'll be around! Smile

Sleepysand · 26/08/2012 20:09

I wouldn't hang about waiting long. Rarely do you get better responses to emails than phone calls - they leave so much opportunity to think of valid reasons for what you have decided to do already. Good luck.

FallenCaryatid · 26/08/2012 20:17

Sleepysand, it's also being parents of a child with SN that makes us happier with a paper trail. A phone call is deniable, an email is evidence.
Too many professionals try and weasel their way out of their responsibilities by misremembering what was said.

Sleepysand · 26/08/2012 20:24

Before I was a teacher, I was a lawyer. Face to face meetings are just more likely to get results. I understand the need for an evidence trail, but the result is what the OP and her son need more.

FallenCaryatid · 26/08/2012 20:50

Yup, face to face meeting, take notes and then get them signed. Smile

thenightsky · 26/08/2012 20:59

God OP I feel for you, I really do. We had this with DS last year and had to go 'rescue' him a week before Christmas Sad

He is back in early oct to repeat his 2nd year.

I think it all failed due to unsuitable accommodation.

DS is AS and doesn't drink or socialise.

Which uni is your son at? Lancaster have been amazing with DS and have got him the accommodation he needs for this year. I guess we will be fighting again for his third year though.

RagingDull · 26/08/2012 21:01

well sleepy i cant afford to wait too long anyway - problem is that i also work so cant just upstix and camp out at the university.....paper trail is good - especially as the AM has intimated that the reason he wants DS in on campus is to a) make his life easier if it goes tits up and the disability team have all gone home and b) to stop complaints from other NT students parents complaining that their kids are with the aspie and may need to look after him (which they wont btw...he is making huge assumptions on DS ability to look after himself (or not).....

here is the email i sent.....

dear x i am emailing you with regard to an issue that appears to have arisen in my still very much happening quest to secure suitable accommodation for my son x who is due to begin his 3rd year studies at the university in September 2012. I have spoken to the disability team several times last week.

Ds has a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia and will be supported by X when he attends. Ds has completed a 2 year foundation degree at XXX under the umbrella of the university of X. He has one assignment to submit as a resit due to him becoming confused and submitting the wrong assignment for his finals, he has however completed this resit and is to resubmit this on Monday 27th August 2012. He believes he will have the result by 2/9/212, and i have spoken to his current tutor, we anticipate no problems with the resit.

DS is to do a third and final year at the university of X. You may recall a conversation that we had when we attended at the university for DS DSA assessment, in which after having met DS you spoke to us about your thoughts on where he would be best placed accommodation wise for his 3rd year.

Having met and spoken to DS, you concluded that he would be best placed not on campus, but with perhaps more studious quiet 3rd year students who would perhaps not be wanting to have that all important "full first year experience".

DS is perhaps not typical of what his diagnosis suggests, having very good interpersonal skills, he has a part time job (and will continue to do so whilst at university due to it being in computer programming,) he is however quiet, does not drink, lives mostly in his room and does not have much in the way of a social life other than visiting the shop once a day with his friend locally, who also has the diagnosis of AS. He is however quite happy like this, he does have friends.

We have been trying to secure suitable accommodation based on listening to your advice since his visit. Last week, DS had a call to say that he has been given a room in XXX, which was his first choice, however, he has been placed we believe with other 1st year students.

I have phoned the accommodation manager, Mr X, due to this appearing to defeat the object of what we were after - i may be wrong but it does not appear that any thought has been given to DS placement.

Having spoken to Mr X is seemed his primary concern was that he should perhaps be given on campus accommodation so that 'he is not far from his office'......i have explained why this is not a good option for DS, to be met with a reply that suggested that should DS be in need of assistance, that the security team have Mr Xs phone number and not anyone from the Disability team. He has not met DS or seen how able he is. I have explained that DS will be supported by the disability team, but should anything happen and the need arise that DS calls upon anyone, it is most likely that in the first instance it would be me anyway. I am only one hours drive from the university.

He also went on to suggest that when a student with special need is placed with other students without, that he has had concerns raised from parents asking if the implication is that their children are somehow responsible for the student with special need.
I am not sure what this implies, however, i do not feel that in DS individual circumstances that this will be an issue. DS is able, and independent. I do not intend to simply drop him at university for the year and fully appreciate the need for continued support.

I also fully appreciate that he also went on to say that it is not simply a case of finding him a 3rd year space, citing for instance that it would not be right to drop DS into an already established group of bonded rugby players, for example.
DS appears to very much have a grasp of his own needs, and has stated to me that he simply wants to be with other quiet students, he mentioned that overseas students are often quiet and studious.
I am not sure how big an ask this is, but i feel that incorrect placement of DS for this crucial year could make or break his chances of success. I completely understand that there are no guarantees and that it is impossible to vet potential flat mates, nor is this what i am asking for, but surely some consideration of his needs could be made in regard to his placement.
He is an able independent 3rd year student, who due to his AS may require additional support, and a little consideration in regard to his living arrangements. It feels presently that this is not happening.

Simply put, his requirements are to be off campus, but close to campus, and to be placed with students least likely to want to party hard, in a an en suite room.
Is this something that the Disability team could help to convey to the accommodation manager? Your help with resolving these unexpected barriers to DS continuing education would be hugely appreciated.
I have left my contact telephone number as i return to work on Tuesday, but can be contacted on my mobile, on XXX. Due to the nature of my work i cannot always answer immediately, however if a number is left i will call back as soon as possible. We are currently very much "in limbo" and would appreciate some assistance with this. I have attempted to convey this information to Mr X , however i am not sure to what degree of success.

Yours Sincerely

Raging Dull.

i am hoping that at least getting the tone of the disablist and rather dinosaur attitude of the AM in writing may kick them all up the arse a bit....

OP posts:
sashh · 27/08/2012 02:41

looks good.

mirai · 27/08/2012 02:57

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goinggetstough · 27/08/2012 06:44

Good luck, hope you get a positive reply.

Betelguese · 27/08/2012 14:19

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FallenCaryatid · 27/08/2012 14:31

'May be you could consider to rent somewhere with DS just until exams; Many parents of disabled do so. '

Doesn't fit well with having a demanding full time job, another younger child in education and a son who really wants and needs his independence.

RagingDull · 27/08/2012 14:37

unfortunately i work, and so it will not be possible for me to up and move - and i think if i suggested this to DS he would be horrified at the thought of his mother going to university with him. He wants to be independent from me, and if i am honest, i from him, even if its just temporary.

my intention is to go every week, at least once a week, on my days off, to make sure he is ok. The point is that he does not want people "watching him" on a permanent basis - he wants to be treated like any other student, but its complicated by the fact that he is going at year 3, not year 1 as most students do. He is going to have to slot into either an existing group of people who have lived together for 3 years, or be put with first year students of which he is not one.....

i think his requirements are fairly simple in the great scheme of things. I will be watching closely for signs of anything going wrong, and he will have regular scheduled meetings with study coaches, mentors and the disability team.

i feel right now, there is little more i can do to try and ensure his success for this one year - after this his degree is done, he just has one year to get through, and i think the independence may do him some good. We will always be his safety net.

OP posts:
RagingDull · 27/08/2012 14:39

fallen you beat me to it....its just an impossibility for me. (and he would hate it! i get exasperated tones when i phone him now to check up on him.....!)

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 27/08/2012 14:41

Just wondered, what course is he doing? Would it be worth involving the subject tutor / head of department - they may know of other students in the cohort who have similar needs / interests and/or could put out a group e-mail asking if there is available private accommodation within his peer group? Just a thought.

Betelguese · 27/08/2012 18:35

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Betelguese · 27/08/2012 18:42

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RagingDull · 27/08/2012 19:34

betel - there is supposed to be a whole department and that is who i am trying to enlist help from - but as always it seems that no one department actually communicate with any other.....

im sure his department are well versed with the aspie student - he is doing computer science.

the room allocation is not so cut and dried for the autistic student. he doesnt care where he is provided its not halls, and not with drunken first years. im with him on this.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/08/2012 19:48

Honestly, you just wouldn't believe that they could make it so difficult would you!!!!

Don't they have exchange students for a year or mature students who they lump together that he could be put with????

RagingDull · 27/08/2012 20:16

you know random i used to think that Grin

thank you, i keep thinking surely to god it doesnt have to be this hard? !!!

apparently though it does....

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/08/2012 20:29

I gues he just doesn't fit the mould, far too socially capable yet not physically disabled!!!

Perhaps you need to tell them that Aspergers doesn't always = socially inept, heaven forbid people with disabilities still being individuals with their own personalities - whatever next...

Betelguese · 28/08/2012 13:24

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RagingDull · 28/08/2012 17:21

thanks betelgeuse i will do that - had a promising phone call this morning from the disability team - said they stand by everything they said that DS needs and are doing their level best to hunt something down for him....im standing by.

OP posts:
Betelguese · 28/08/2012 19:27

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Betelguese · 28/08/2012 19:29

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