oh blimey....im having a nightmare over uni accommodation

[RagingDull]

DS is due to go to university, he is however under the disabilities team due to having several special needs. This would be his 3rd year at uni, he has however been able to study for the first 2 years at home. The 3rd year he has to go to a different uni and live away.

when we went to his DSA assessments, and the disability team met him they suggested that he should NOT go into halls. The reasoning for this they said was the halls would be full of 1st years, who all would want to party and have a full "first year experience" DS is quiet, but friendly, easily distracted, and they said he would be much better off with like minded, quiet, 3rd years who would all need to get their heads down and work toward their finals. They also rightly realised that my DS is very able, despite his disabilities.

i too this on board and understood totally what they were saying - DS agreed and so we began to try to get him accommodation that was just off campus, but with other 3rd years.

accommodation have just phoned DS to say that he has been allocated a room with 1ST YEARS in off campus accommodation.

ive phoned back to say that it totally defeats the object of him going off campus if they are going to stick him in with a bunch of 1st years.....

Now ive had the director of accmmodation services phone me to say he wants him back ON Campus with 1st years where he can "keep an eye on him" -
DS is 20, almost 21. He also says that he gets complaints from parents of other students if he places SN students with their sons/daughters because the inference is that the other students end up responsible for the SN one!!
im !!!

DS holds down a job, and has friends, and a girlfriend. he is quiet, does not drink, but is sociable, very able, friendly and does not need this level of "keeping an eye on" - plus i have explained i am not going to drop him at uni and disappear....i will visit weekly and ds knows i will be only a phone call away if he needs help. He is messy, he will need to be reminded to iron his clothes, and ill probably have to chase him a bit to make sure he is keeping his room tidy - ish....but nothing that anyone else will be responsible for!

He does not want to be on campus - having agreed with what the disabilities team told him.....he is now totally fed up and annoyed with me for meddling
the head of accommodatiion says that security have his number and he doesnt want calls about my DS if anything goes wrong

ive tried to explain that the disability team have actually met my son and based their opinion of where he should go on having met with him and talked to him - i now feel totally pissed off wth it all - i feel that the head of accommodation simply wants to drop him where ever there is going to be a gap and where ever he thinks he will get an easier life regardless of my sons needs and abilities.....the disability team will have plenty of input with Ds while he is there but the head of accommodation says they go home at 5pm - and it will be him that steps in if he needs help after that....

the disablity team are telling me one thing
the head of accommodation is telling me another.....

ive phoned them both and got no where - i am now back to square one - ive no idea of any dates he is likely to be going to uni and ive no idea where he is going to be placed.....

ive told them that where he is placed is crucial to his success or failure at uni - i truly believe it will be. All he is going to need is to be with other, quiet, studious and mature students....first year or 3rd year....

it seems its too much to ask though. no idea what to do next tbh and im getting rather stressed - i cant make any arrangements practically either while im in this limbo!

any one with any bright ideas?

I agree that the accommodation service are being twats over this, but time is of the essence (given that the new academic year is but a few weeks away) and so I think a different approach needs to be considered. If postgrad / mature accommodation could be offered, then that seems like an ideal solution, and it would fall under the category of 'reasonable adjustments'.

However, I would also start looking at shared houses that happen to have a spare bedroom (this is surprisingly common - people drop out, relationships break up and sometimes people fall in love with houses that have one too many bedrooms, sign the contract and then start looking for a new flatmate), are fairly near to campus and are inhabited by third years - who are usually relatively quiet anyway. They will be likely to accept him as a flatmate, as they will be jointly and severally liable for the rent, so they need someone to pay the rent and can't afford to be fussy because there are always more spare rooms than potential tenants. It sounds as though your son has no major physical disabilities, so stairs etc. won't be a problem, and any house wouldn't need any expensive or irreversible adaptations.

Anyway, I'd start looking on this forum www.thestudentroom.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=576

Sorry, www.thestudentroom.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=576

I am not sure if I am missing something, but why can't he just do what any other student would do? Contact the union say he is looking for q shared house place with third years, advertise on the notice boards, go to the area and look for private accommodation, ask around etc, do all these people really need to be involved?

perhaps because he doesnt have the same network as the other 3rd year students, he is going to a diff uni, all the 3rd year students I know are house sharing with the friends they have made in earlier years?

It's OK to know nothing about people on the spectrum, nailak and believe me, the OP would be delighted if her son could do that independently.
But he can't, so that's why the disability team and all those people need to be involved. Would you say the same about a student with CP?

What about postgrad accomodation? An alternative might be him living with a local family. My friend did this in her 3rd year because her exbf was stalking her and she loved it. They had two of their own children at the same university so it wasn't as if she was not around other students.

Well personally I think he might be better on campus. And a lot of first years won't be that much older than him if they've taken a gap year and so on. And there will be more people around for him to socialize with. Whereas if he just shares with two or three other people he might be more lonely. That's only my opinion. And it's up to you to decide what's best. But I agree that the uni shouldn't be discriminating.

It isn't the chronological age, more the need for a studious and focused environment rather than one with a number of students out of parental reach and concentrating on the delights of Freshers' week, fellow students and cheap booze.
Off campus and with third years/postgrads in a quiet house.
Not too much to ask for, surely? especially as the disability team have already been alerted to it all.

Lonely? Many Aspies really don't understand the meaning of the word, let alone relate it to themselves. Mine doesn't.

surely they should be able to put him in with post-grads? (haven't read whole thread so sorry if this has already been dismissed by accoms office)

accoms do sound obtuse & unhelpful

It's a pity Riven isn't around any more OP, her lad was heading off to Uni two years ago, and has Asperger's. There are very few of us here with children with SN and university issues.

FallenCaryatid I think there's a balance to be struck - he could be supported by his mum to look for housing in the private sector, as I suggested above.

I wouldn't suggest the same thing for someone with cerebral palsy as they are likely to have mobility issues that make living in a normal house that can't realistically be modified rather more difficult.

If it's the choice between living with a bunch of first years and taking on a spare bedroom in a house full of third years in the private sector, I think he's be better off with the latter.

That is a horrible attitude to have to face and, I am fairly sure, largely illegal. You should encourage to accommodation manager to put his feelings in writing (fair bet he won't though as he knows he is in the wrong)

However, that aside, have you looked into private accommodation for your son? It is often cheaper and cleaner in any case.

Just a thought... There are lots of third years on campus because it makes it easier to study late, work in library etc. at the Uni I work at, the policy is all first years get a place if you apply within the time limit. And third years too. Postgrads especially overseas ones also get a space. But they tend to be housed in different flats/colleges.

I had a third year student once who stayed on campus due to harassment issues.

There are lots of reasons that accommodation office will accept. I don't know why yours is being such an arse.

Whether those with AS relate to the word lonely varies; ds1 does not, I do. For me, the condition is incredibly isolating as I can;t walk into a sahred room- say a TV room- very easily (or sometimes at all) yet I need friends; I am quite extrovert though which I think accounts for a lot of variations.

I have posted this to Riven if she can help.

PS for people looking for future unis, some universities have ASD Support teams now which cover this sort of thing- my university does, presumably in part as it has an MA in ASD but when ds1 is looking I certainly shall hope to find a suitable university with specialist knowledge.

thanks all

the "off campus" accommodation we were seeking was literally a stones throw from the campus - actually closer to the campus than some of the "on campus" accommodation.

DS lives in his room, i dont think lonelyness will be an issue, although at the moment he does have a friend with AS who lives a few doors up the road - his social life presently consists of going to the shop with him once a day.

we did not want to look for a shared house as such privately because we felt that with a little understanding of his needs he could be placed near to campus, with studious, quiet 3rd years, who are unlikely to bully him, if we look privately for a rented house its more pot luck than if the uni assisted with placing him.....he has not attended this uni before so has forged no relationships with anyone he will be going with.....he has AS, he has been previously bullied due to his differences, but he is quiet, he needs to work from his room for his part time programming job, and will not do well in a raucous enviroment.....he recognises this himself and has even said that most over seas students seem quiet and doesnt understand why they couldnt house him with them.....

they seem not to know what to do with him. The assumption that the other students will end up "looking after him" is wrong - he is quite independent. the AM has based assumptions on a pre concieved idea - he hasnt met him. I dont want him to place him on campus just to give the AM an easy life which is what he was hinting at....he thinks that security will end up phoning him if the Disabled team go home - i know my son - i know this wont happen - he would phone me before anyone else anyway.

I think your view of all 3rd years maybe over generous. Yes there are more prolonged periods of hard work but that is often coupled with "hard play" when they are off. You may be better seeking a place with phds, post grad or privately. I would say the majority of professional adults would have more understanding of as than students.

mmm

I agree with Only4

my DS1 just finished his 3rd year & was at least as debauched during it as he was in his 1st year (if not worse - he left with a 2:2 - you be the judge )

post-grads or overseas students should be much more sober & sensible

which is why DS has stated himself that he would like to be with over seas students.....

i dont get the problem - i am not suggesting that any year 3 students will do - this is why i am asking for some thought to be put into where he is placed....
exactly what i am asking for in fact.

we have already established that being dropped into a bunch of established 3rd year rugby players for example would not be right either....he needs to be placed with the right students - of any year - this is exactly what i am asking for.

how far from home is the university, Raging?

could you just turn up there with your DS at the accom office & dig in until they see sense?

its about an hour and 15 mins drive away.....in theory yes....it may come to that yet!

i actually thought that given the amount of help available to disabled uni students it wouldnt be this hard! but they still dont communicate between departments and seem not to know their arse from the elbow.

I wouldn't hang about. Just drive there with your son and doorstep them. It will take 3 hours at most - I don't think that is a big deal. The form that accommodation get, as I said before, is a box-tick thing that doesn't convey nuances. This fleshes it out, and will be quicker as face to face always is.

Accommodation offers are being made NOW, so if I were you I would do it on Tuesday. Incidentally the uni where my oldest goes has lots of post grads and overseas students on campus, in 48 or 52 week contracts not the shorter undergrad contracts.

Raging I am not pushing private renting because I think the uni are behaving reasonably. I already said they aren't. I am pushing it because it is a possible solution you can find and sort quickly and to your sons satisfaction.

The only thing I will say in the unis defence is that they probably don't know the personalities of individuals so could not guarantee a quiet place. Having said that there is no excuse for how you have been treated or spoken to and the excuse of "the accommodation team have my phone number and I don't want to be disturbed" is, frankly, beyond the pale. Your son is much less likely to cause trouble than drunken freshers.

right. email sent. i shall await an reply.....