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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Parents/university staff - what happens when a student finds their hall flatmates so intolerable they need to move?

57 replies

Ponders · 17/11/2011 11:18

Is it straightforward?

DS2 discovered pretty much from day 1 that he had nothing in common with his flatmates, & although disappointed has just kept himself to himself & was OK to go along like that for the rest of the year.

but apparently his failure to want to go out with them & get loudly drunk most nights is upsetting them so they are now ganging up on him & he wants to get out.

Should he be able to get a room elsewhere easily?

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CMOTdibbler · 17/11/2011 11:25

He needs to speak to the warden of the hall first, and they may be able to move him, failing that, the university accomodation officer would be the next port of call

Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 11:31

Thanks, CMOT. He's actually in a brand-new block of flats in a brand new student village so I'm not sure if there is a warden as such - I've told him to speak to his personal tutor and/or accommodation office.

He's away all weekend from tomorrow morning, luckily.

I was wondering really how likely it would be that there are any empty rooms - I suppose some students leave because of illness or homesickness or not liking their course - but if there aren't any at the moment, would there be a waiting list?

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dreamingofsun · 17/11/2011 11:56

my son wasn't initially allocated a hall place and the accommodation lady said they always had lots of drop outs and therefore spaces after a few weeks. think some people decide they don't like living in a hall and want to live with relatives for example

Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 12:00

thanks, dreaming. Did your son get a hall room in the end, or did he find accommodation elsewhere?

we're about 8 weeks into term now - in fact it's only 5 weeks before they break for Christmas - I just hope he hasn't left it too late. He's been mentioning various incidents for a few weeks, but thought he'd be able to stick it out.

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dreamingofsun · 17/11/2011 12:10

yes thanks ponders he got a place in a hall as there was a cancellation. he did say that its not worth trying to sleep before 12pm as its too noisy.

Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 12:25

oh that's encouraging!

midnight is fine - even 1am or 2am! but last night 6 of them were rampaging from 3am-5am, shouting, banging, playing YMCA at full volume on repeat in the next room, & daubing food on his door

he was in a lecture this morning & has now gone back for a nap. I hope they don't know he's there

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MotherPanda · 17/11/2011 12:28

there might be spare rooms - people do drop out of university in the first few weeks (and there's always another surge of drop outs after christmas). its also sometimes possible to swap rooms with somebody else.

AMumInScotland · 17/11/2011 12:36

There's always a trickle of spaces coming available. Or he might be able to swap with some lout lively character who isn't enjoying his quiet flatmates!

Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 12:38

I hope so, motherpanda

A swap would be good. One of the obnoxious flatmates has a friend (probably equally obnoxious) in the flat of one of DS2's friends (who is his boyfriend, they have decided - that seems to be what has triggered the escalation in obnoxiousness )

I did suggest, when I heard about this, that he ask about swapping with the obnoxious one's friend but he didn't want to. If nothing is available from accommodation office I'll suggest it again.

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Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 12:44

ooh that's what I was hoping to hear, AMum - that there are always some! Just a question of time, then

His first choice was for a mixed flat, in the other village, so maybe he'll get lucky this time (although there aren't many mixed flats - which I think is a shame. I don't know why though)

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funnyperson · 17/11/2011 13:49

The drinking culture is overwhelming isn't it? I think there are quite a few places/changes in Jan in most places because students run out of money/energy and want to live at home, so he could ask the warden for a swap. Often there are 'quiet' spots depending on what students filled out on the accommodation form-they try and group non-party students together, and I always advised my DC to write 'non-party' and 'wakes up early' on their forms even though it sounds less cool, because the party staircases/halls are just too unbearable to live in everyday. As a result both the DC were/are in very civilised surroundings in their first year.
Lots of sympathy for your DS. And for you as it is worrying for you. As a last resort could he perhaps ask the noisy ones if they have friends in quiet flats who want to swap?

funnyperson · 17/11/2011 13:55

Are they teasing him and saying he is gay then? How annoying and ignorant. . Could be a good excuse to change rooms if told to the warden.

Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 14:17

Thanks, funnyp

no, not using the word gay, but flinging his door open & shouting "I just met your boyfriend" - I agree that might give him some leverage if any is needed though

I don't know if there was an option for "non party" on his form. Thing is he likes parties & drinking & having fun - it's just that this group have no other interests at all, apparently, seem to do it every night (where do they get the money???) - their idea of fun isn't his, & all their music is drum & bass BANG BANG BANG.

Boy in next room just got new speakers & plays them with the bass turned right up. DS asked him to turn the bass down & he said no, why should he, DS was playing music at 3am so he can keep his bass up if he wants; DS said "if you'd asked I'd have turned it down", & the response to that was "I'm not a dick"

so that's the level of communication now. last night he heard one of them say "he doesn't come out with us so he deserves it"

very annoying, very ignorant, very childish

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BecauseImWorthIt · 17/11/2011 14:22

Which university is he at, Ponders?

DS1 has just gone to Sussex, and the thing that really impressed me in all the literature that we got beforehand was about being socially responsible. If people were making too much noise then they could be reported. They also take a very dim view about any kind of discrimination, including homophobia.

controlpantsandgladrags · 17/11/2011 14:24

I just wanted to add that this sounds like bullying to me. The university will have a policy on bullying and they would take it very seriously. I guess his personal tutor maybe his first port of call, and if not he/she will be able to tell him who he should speak to.

Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 14:27

It's Sheffield, BIWI. He has a friend at Sussex & reports that he's not keen on his flatmates either - it's a bit of a lottery, after all. I'm sure mixed flats rub along together better though (is your DS's all boys, or mixed?)

Reporting wouldn't help - they'd know it was him - noise from other flats doesn't seem to be an issue in his block

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Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 14:32

I agree, controlpants. I just hope they can get him into somewhere with some people he can get along with

he was OK with one of these lads to begin with, until they were on a bus & the other lad started complaining about some non-British passengers talking to each other in their own language. He thought they should have to speak English, & couldn't be converted to an alternative pov.

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funnyperson · 17/11/2011 14:35

Yes its annoying and ignorant and childish and it is distressing your son .

Most normal students want to party but not all the time and as becauseI'mworthit says, most halls have rules and regs about loud music.

The students are there to study- btw did you hear that Jesus College has asked for student to get permission from their tutors before engaging in extracurricular activities! That's a bit extreme in my view, but contrary to popular belief, universities are not simply creches for the middle class. They are places of study. That is their purpose. Hence the Warden and Dean will take a dim view of unacceptable noise. He could throw the horrid drunken homophobic lot out.

The question is how to make an effective complaint/change the situation without embarrassing your DS.

funnyperson · 17/11/2011 14:35

students

Yellowstone · 17/11/2011 14:37

It sounds absolutely hideous Ponders. Is he desperately unhappy or has he risen above it and managed to make other friends? Poor boy. What seriously unpleasant gits.

funnyperson · 17/11/2011 14:39

DD (off topic but related) has been invited to a girls night in. Alcohol has been banned. And boys. The (normal) female freshers are a bit fed up with the constant prelash, lash, wasting etc and just want to watch a quiet film and chill together (and chat about the boys) .

campergirls · 17/11/2011 14:42

It's hard to generalise about what he could do, but there will be some kind of management in place and he needs to take the issue up with them. He should find out (if he doesn't already know - I assume he does even though you don't!) whether it is uni-run accommodation or privately run and take it up with the appropriate management. Agree he has plenty of ammunition for a move. Poor him, they sound like a vile bunch.

Re funnyperson's 'how to do it without embarrassing your DS': clearly the way forward is for him to tackle it, that is what any university would expect. Normally people at the uni will not deal with parents, it's inappropriate in terms of the students' privacy. Talk to him about tactics, by all means, but leave it up to him to address the issue, and only wade in if he's exhausted all reasonable routes without success.

Daisy1986 · 17/11/2011 14:42

When I was at Uni a few years ago there was a 'quiet' block of halls. If anybody wanted to move they had to go to the accomadation office pay 25 quid for admin fees and were able to switch room when one become available. He might prefer to find a house share as 2nd and 3rd yr students although they already have their friendship groups tend to concentrate on their studies a bit more as essentially year 1 doesn't really count you just have to pass it and only credits taken in your 2nd and 3rd year count.

Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 14:52

thanks, Yellowstone - hideous is the word! He was honestly quite taken aback that they have no hobbies, no interests, & don't seem to be doing any work either - he idealistically assumed university would be full of people like him...

no, he's not unhappy, thank goodness - just very very pissed off! He has made a couple of friends through music, & would always rather do things alone than with people he doesn't like; he didn't go to any of the freshers parties, which is when people tend to bond, so he was never going to be one of their gang, but why can't they just leave him alone?

He had a reading week recently & when I took him back he said he was glad to be there (not in his flat, obv, but at uni in general) so that was reassuring!

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Original poster

Ponders · 17/11/2011 14:59

DD's night in sounds lovely, funnyp

campergirls, I wasn't thinking of wading in, I agree he has to deal with it himself - I just hope that a) he gives all the horrible details & b) that there will be another room for him

Daisy, I don't think there is a specific quiet block, but I'll suggest he asks; he also likes his music quite loud though, & has an electric guitar (but of course can always wear headphones)

He met his personal tutor once at the start of term & said she was v nice so I hope she'll be able to help him

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