Parents/university staff - what happens when a student finds their hall flatmates so intolerable they need to move?

[Ponders]

Is it straightforward?

DS2 discovered pretty much from day 1 that he had nothing in common with his flatmates, & although disappointed has just kept himself to himself & was OK to go along like that for the rest of the year.

but apparently his failure to want to go out with them & get loudly drunk most nights is upsetting them so they are now ganging up on him & he wants to get out.

Should he be able to get a room elsewhere easily?

I'm finding this week after reading week a bit hard as a mum. Its too early to think about Christmas and I really do miss having the DC at home. You were lucky your DS came home, mine didn't
Ponders I think your DS will fall on his feet: it will just take time. Sometimes in the second term friendships settle down and regroup. Do you think your DS will go to his personal tutor? Boys might not. My DS makes me anxious in a completely different way to my DD. Its a good thing your DS talks to you.

DS is in a mixed flat - there are only 6 of them. It was his only (expressed) fear before he went that he wouldn't get on with them. He sometimes expresses his exasperation with them (doesn't share their taste in music!), but they seem to rub along well.

It must be awful if they don't.

I think I would get him to go back and see his personal tutor and talk about it, but also to ask at the accommodation office if he can be moved. There is a lot of movement in this first term so there may be vacancies elsewhere.

Ponders have you looked onthe website for Sheffield accommodation ,there is a parents section I think and also FAQ maybe it will give pointers for him .

I hadn't realised flats were single sex,I assumed they were mixed ,the ones ds looked at in Newcastle and Leeds were both mixed so I assumed that was the norm .

I think DS came home partly because of the twattish flatmates, partly for financial reasons, & partly for the domestic laundry service, funnyp.

He emailed his personal tutor this morning but hadn't heard back by close of play, & is off for the weekend at 8am, so will get sorted next week now - he didn't go to the accom office today in case they had a room & wanted him to move in tomorrow.

DD1 made a couple of good points - the comment "he doesn't come out with us so he deserves it" suggests that at least one of them had tried to rein the others in; & the fact that he effectively rejected them in the first place, by not going out with them in freshers week, means that they - or some of them - feel they have to reject him back. (It doesn't justify any of it of course, & I doubt if last night will be the end of it; he still needs to get out)

BIWI, I'm glad your DS's flat is OK for him - reinforces my notion that mixed flats have a better atmosphere. DS2 is going down to Sussex this weekend (in fact he'll be almost permanently on buses & trains as he is getting train to Manc to meet friend A, megabus down to London, train to friend B in Brighton, train back to London to a comedy show, then back to Brighton, then back to London, then megabus back to Manc, then train back to Sheffield )

When he's back next week I'll ask him what he thought of Sussex!

Hi mrs woodentop

I'm actually on the parents' mailing list about accom but apart from an initial newsletter there's been nothing

It appears that most of the en suite accom in Sheffield is single sex - I have no idea why, it makes no sense to me I think all the boys in DS's flat asked for mixed. It seems that there are 2 flats per floor, one girls & one boys; but the layout restricts mixing, as the front doors are yards apart, & there's an inner lobby in each flat too.

DS1 is at Newcastle & was at Ricky Road in his first year; there the flats are mixed, plus the front doors are about 4 feet apart, so they are all in and out of neighbouring flats all the time. The rooms aren't as nice as DS2's but a) they are cheaper & b) they are much more neighbourly. DD1 went to Leeds & the layout was similar there although both flats on her floor (at Bodington) were all girls.

Ponders
my ds1 had this problem last year and left it for far too long, way into the 2nd term, so that when he finally moved he didn't really make friends with his new flatmates. Fortunately he had friends from his course and interests. Even with just a polite relationahip with his new flatmates he was much happier - they didn't drink every night, just once or twice a week, didn't vomit on his door, wake him on purpose etc, slag him off for wanting to work (should never have gone to uni if you don't want to get drunk). He went with such high hopes too. Much happier in 2nd year, but I think it was a big disappointment.

Ponders -my dd is at Sheffield . She lives in Endcliffe in a mixed flat.
Sorry your ds is having a hard time from his flatmates.

Hall wardens/accomodation would have them for breakfast at my uni, especially considering the homophobic angle - I suspect they'd end up in front of a disciplinary committee. And they'd move your DS, too - for much less than that. In my own first year (am PhD level now) a friend of mine moved into my halls about this time of year because she couldn't take the party atmosphere in her own halls any more - she got on fine with everyone there, but she wanted to sleep and study more than she wanted to drink and party. She just asked the accomodation office to move, and they found her another room in fairly short order. The other thing they'll often let you do if there's no empty rooms is arrange your own swap; students advertise on the uni notice boards asking to swap a room in building x for one in building y, and then they can present it to the halls office for the paperwork.

copper that's exactly how it is for DS - especially the high hopes & the disappointment - I'm so sorry yours had it too (but it is a relief to know he isn't the only one)

ggirl, a mixed flat at Endcliffe is what he asked for in the first place (he's at Ranmoor); I am sooooo hoping there might be an opening in one of those for him now. Ranmoor seems to be almost entirely single sex. I would love to know who thought it was a good idea.

dd has arranged her house for next yr as of today. Has your ds started thinking about that as well?

Naoko, I'm not sure how strongly he'll go into the homophobic aspect (boys particularly have a phobia of "grassing each other up" ) but I hope the other behaviour will be enough to get him moved

god no, ggirl - that was one of the things that worried me a bit when it became clear early on that he wouldn't be sharing with this lot again if you paid him.

We'll cross that bridge in due course...

Apologies if this has already been said, I haven't had the chance to read the whole thread but I'm off to bed and couldn't read and run.

Your ds needs to go to the university advice centre / student support services. They will help him. If there is a student union run advice service they are likely to be mire forceful in making the uni change his accommodation. Despite what an accommodation office or warden might tell you the uni will have some spare rooms available just in case of situations like this one.

Bottom line is that any uni will bend over backwards to stop a student from dropping out, if needs be my advice would be to mention that he us planning on leaving because of his accommodation situation. It will soon be sorted then

Good luck, and I hope he's happy and settled elsewhere on campus soon.

Sorry for typos. Bloomin' iPhone

I think this happens less at the university I work at, but when students are unhappy with the accommodation they go to the accommodation office and ask to be reallocated. If they are having trouble with flatmates they can see their personal tutors and get them to hurry up the accommodation office as well. There is quite a bit of general moving around between semesters so it might be a different picture for him come January if he gets organised now.

Ponders

He needs to tell the warden (or who ever) the others are breaking the terms of their contract and could be told to leave. He doesn't want a bill for damage at the end of term.

He also needs to tell his personal tutor because this is affecting his studies.

Anyway - after all that there will be someway to change rooms, there are always drop outs, sometimes students can swap rooms, occasionally there is a charge, but because of the problems he might not have to pay.

There should be a subwarden number he can call at 3am - someone will then come and read the riot act to them.

Subwardens are final year students who live in halls for free, in return for being on call overnight to deal with this kind of thing.

Ponders, I know you didn't signal that you were thinking of wading in, but someone recommended it, so I was just countering that (bad) advice. There might be a case for you advising him on tactics though, as his personal tutor won't be able to do anything beyond being supportive/advise him on how to put in a mitigating circs form if it's affecting his work. She will have no influence whatsoever over the accommodation issue itself. He will have to tackle the problem with whoever manages the accommodation. THere will also be some kind of student wellbeing/support service in the uni, they will be able to help/advise too.

oh gosh, lots of new replies, thanks very much to you all for taking the time to reply

betelguese, he is away until Monday now, but will see the accom office then I hope, & see what is available. I will suggest to him that he looks out for ads in house shares but as he signed up to the year in uni accom I imagine he is tied to that. His current accommodation is provided by the university so I don't imagine the landlord issues you mention apply here. As he's only halfway through the first term (& other universities are not nearly as full-on as Oxford!) he really doesn't have a lot of work, & as far as I can tell his studies aren't affected - just his sleep, sometimes...

philmassive, that is v useful information, thank you - I will mention going to the union advice place, & suggest that he hints that he might have to leave if he's getting no joy otherwise.

boffinmum, I hope he will have heard from his personal tutor by Monday, & have a better idea what he can do. Sheffield is very highly rated for student satisfaction in general so we can test that out by how they handle this!

sashh, he is reluctant to speak to the subwarden in case it causes more aggravation. I'm hoping the personal tutor/accom office between them can sort this out

campergirls, we'll see what happens next week; I'll try to nudge him towards student support if necessary.

He's OK today anyway, I had a text this morning from Manchester & he should have arrived at Sussex by now; he's with 2 good friends & will have a great weekend & I hope he'll be sorted out by this time next week.

I'm very grateful for all the advice given on the thread. MN is so useful at times like this

come back and let us know how he gets on, and wish him good luck, he does not deserve this sort of treatment by ignorant bullies.

Hello Betelguese I hope that things might be working out and your DS is well. Ponders do let us know if your DS sorted things out.