Helping my DD with her University Costs?

[fizzyhead]

Hi,

My DS father has been missing from our life for many years so I have always taken care of all her needs by myself. I re-married and have another child. Because of my DH our family income exceeds the minimum income to apply for a grant. Although DH does not fund my DS's living or educational costs.

So.... the boring bit over..... Do people usually pay for their children's accommodation/living expenses/train tickets (she'll be applying to Unis for 2012 entry away from London, where we live) or do most students pay for themselves?

Only tonight my daughter was telling me (when I expressed my worries at the extraordinary amount of money expected to fork out for expenses) that that's why most parents open an University fund for their children and they pay into it for years - Is this true? She made me feel awful, I told her that having paid for uniforms, holidays, tutors, summer camps, extra-curricular activities, birthday parties, mobile phones and everything else all these years ALL BY MYSELF I just hadn't been able to open a University fund and I don't believe that so many parents do so. She insisted that she knows looooads of people whose parents have this covered.

Now, as I'm working full time, I suppose I'll end up paying for all her expenses, at least for the first year. Is this wrong? Is this right? Yes, I'll be dried up like a raisin, but what else would I want to spend any money I earn on? Do we provide for our children until they are 17 and then send them on their way? Or do we still provide for them while they still need us, no matter how old they are?

can I have some thoughts on this please????

many thanks.

Fizzyhead - many parents will have saved, many more won't. That's not the issue. Look at your finances and work out what you can realistically afford per month. Inform your daughter of that amount and then let her work out if she can afford to go, given loans etc.

Once you have worked out the amount that is the end of it. No need to feel guilty. It isn't your fault university education is so expensive these days. Once she knows how much money she has to play with she can choose her uni and accommodation accordingly and her life style and get a job if she needs to.

It doesn't matter what other parents do, only what you can afford to do and are prepared to do. e.g. There is no chance I would give my daughters £80/week allowance after rent and bills paid when I barely have that to pay for a family of 4 to eat, be clean and not too scruffily dressed. I worked at uni so I could drink and party my disposable income away.

You just get a bit less loan and grant in the last term of the 3rd be use you don't need any to carry you over the summer. The loan and grant in the 1st and 2nd year are supposed to help you during the summer break.

A lot of uni halls are actually privately owned so that's why they ate expensive. The ones actually owned by the universities are cheaper. Also on halls all bills are included in the rent and Internet is also provided. When the students go into shared houses they have to pay rent. Bills and Internet.

Tell her you are doing her a favour, there are 83 graduates applying for each job (link) and employers want experience. It is those who have worked to support themselves in university who will have the best chance later.

slightly tongue in cheek

I wasnt in a position to set monies aside for Uni fees until about 5 years ago (and thank the Lord I did from then on), but I expect that many parents will now considering setting up a US-style college fund given the huge costs involved.
Is it right? I take that stand that, having encouraged and financed much of their education to date, to withdraw support at the penultimate point in their education would be contrary to all efforts thus far.

I am shocked at your DDs apparent sense of entitlement. How dare she put you on a guilt trip because you haven't been able to provide her with a fund! University is not compulsory, and if a student loan and a part time job will not be enough to help her through her chosen course, maybe she needs to think again.
My DD was raised in similar circumstances to yours, and has self funded since the age of 16. My help has been limited, with the exception of £1k towards her Masters. I also took a £2k loan for the remainder of the course fee as I could get a lower interest rate but she was hugely grateful and made sure the payments were in my account to cover it every month.

Please do not allow her to make you feel bad, she is the one BU.

Our DD1 has just started at sheffield, we plan to pay her rent and give her an allowance of £160 amonth, we hope to be in a position to pay off her loans when she finishes so she dosnt start work in debt

Before you pay off your daughters loans make sure it is the right thing to do with your money.

I have been given enough money by my parents to pay dds tuition fees but dd has decided that the money would be better used to go towards the deposit on a house purchase. This is because it would take her a very long time to save £10,000 but her loan might never be paid off if she goes into teaching at a fairly low salary.

We haven't saved for a college fund and I don't know anybody who has - bringing up children alone, paying the mortgage and childcare, is expensive enough. But we do pay dd1's accommodation... £100 a week which is a bloody rip-off was more than we'd anticipated.

I've told her this will change next year when she'll need to live out from there on and we'll pay the rent, but she will need to find the money for utility bills. We have dd2 to think about, and there is likely to be a year when they're both at uni, and me & dh will be shagging like bunnies again and living like paupers ourselves.

DD1 has some money saved from working pt since GCSEs and ft during the summer holidays. It's then up to her if she works during term time.. depends if she can fit it in with her studies and how much she needs the money. She will definitely need to work during holidays.

Our income is currently above the threshold for any grants (which means we can afford to help her), but she has both the maintenance and tuition fees loan which she will need to pay back.

I have always made it clear to both dd that it is their choice to go to uni, any the debt incurred is theirs', and they need to make sure they work hard, achieve a good degree and go into a graduate-level job to justify the expense of it all.

OP - I think your daughter is taking the p* somewhat - if she doesn't already have a pt job, then it's time for her to get one if she wants to follow an increasingly expensive route! It's not your responsibility to pay all her expenses, but you may want to help her out at a level you can afford.

I think people are calling university 'college' in the American sense and the term 'college fund' is from there.

Mind you they also seem to call university 'school' at times. Very confusing ....

Or it could be that they are at Oxbridge, where they often call it college.

I'm also shocked at your DD's sense of entitlement.

You may want to point your DD in the direction of the student loans forms and some job seeking websites.

Everyone I went to uni with worked as they went through, as did everyone DH went to uni with. The vast majority of the students he teaches at university now work too. It's not unusual and it won't hurt her.

Then, if you can and want to help her out beyond that, you can choose to do so. It is your choice, however.

I was lucky enough to go to university in the days when you got a grant. I didn't get a full grant, but my parents made up the difference, and I worked during term-time and vacations. Although I agree that your daughter is being unrealistic and entitled to expect a college fund, it does seem a little unfair that your husband's salary is preventing her from getting any grant, but that there is no parental contribution forthcoming. Can you not just give her the value of whatever the grant would have been, and ask her to take out a loan and work part-time to make up the remainder of her expenses?

At the moment DD has taken all the loan (fees and the basic maintence one). THe plan is that we cover the shortfall between loan and hall fees and give her some "spends" that she has to budget with. We may be able to settle the loan from various savings pots in her name after uni (from grandparents etc) we will see.
ITA with the OP we've been paying for her this long, and support her move into higher education so as long as she "works hard at the job in hand" ie studying we will do all we can.

She's also auditioned for a choral scholarship- her sort of work!

When I went to uni (only about 3 years ago now!) my parents could not afford help me financially at all.

I worked full time in the summer between college and the first year of uni, saving about £1000 which I used to live off for the first year, in addition to earnings from part time work whilst I studied. I applied for the full maintenance loan which covered accommodation, so only had to find money for food and personal expenses. I was shocked that some fellow students parents paid them hundreds of pounds a month for "living expenses", money which was mostly spent on alcohol and takeaways. Then again, to them it was just expected that their parents should fund their lifestyles, whereas I paid for myself!

Although I was financially independent I could not claim any bursary/extra financial support, because I had been financially independent for less than 3 years. I knew and understood that my parents could not afford to give me any money. They helped where they could by paying for my dentist appointments, and paying for a load of food shopping at the start of each term.

IME, very few students have a "college fund". Even if you can "only" afford x amount a month, your daughter should be very grateful for it!