Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How much help are you giving ds/dd on moving in day?

55 replies

promomum · 17/09/2011 09:05

Dd moves into halls as a fresher tomorrow.

Me, dh and dd2 are taking her there, with a car stuffed full.

We'll of course help carry all the crap she's decided to take with her her belongings into her room, and dh will set up a mini-wifi network for her.

We can help her unpack a bit and make up her bed if she wants us to.

I reckon that will all take 2-3 hours.

My idea was then to disappear into the city centre with dh and dd2, leaving dd1 to get to know her new flatmates.

Does that sound about right/what other parents will do? I think I'll have to wrestle dh away with a crowbar though... he's very emotional already and will probably be a gibbering wreck by the time we get in the car to come home.

I'm trying to think back to what my parents did 30 years ago when I went to uni... I certainly didn't take as much stuff because the kitchen was fully equipped. I remember my mum (who was a teenager when I was born, so only in her early 30s) ogling a fit looking male student, helping me carry stuff up 4 flights of stairs and then leaving me to disappear to the students' union with my flatmates.

OP posts:

DownbytheRiverside · 17/09/2011 09:19

I give lifts with stuff, help unload and that's it. It depends on what your DD wants you to do I think.
I do also provide a goody box for the first two or three days with food that DD particularly likes and extra treats.

mumeeee · 17/09/2011 09:57

When DD2 went to university DH and I took her there ( managed to get all her stuff in one car She collected the key to her room. Then we unpacked the car . Then went into the local town. Bought some bits we'd forgotten had lunch together and bought her some basic food. Then we went back to halls she met a couple of students who were sharing her flat (halls were a block I'd flats). We left her to make her own bed and sort out her own unpacking.
When we left she was in the kitchen charting to the students she had met.

We had done a similar thing when DD1 had gone into halls bur as she was in the same town didn't do the looking round town and DH took two car loads to he halls.

Yellowstone · 17/09/2011 10:13

I go up the night before and we have supper out then in the morning we dump stuff in the room then we have lunch then we buy critical items we might have forgotten then the DD vaguely unpacks the room and I make the bed by which time it's about 5pm when the students start getting together. Sometimes there's a parents' tea on offer, sometimes not.

webwiz · 17/09/2011 11:34

Our plan for DD2 is to lug all her stuff up to 4th floor, put food in kitchen,make bed and generally faff around (this won't take longer than about an hour). Then go into city for lunch and afterwards drop her back ready to start making friends.

We did a similar thing for DD1 and it worked well.

HarlotOTara · 17/09/2011 11:43

DH DD2 and I took DD1 to halls - lugged stuff in and then we went and did a shop at Tesco - including booze. I made her bed and then we left and she made friends with the 10 others who shared her kitchen. We didn't hang around as she was itching to get going. I had a little cry on the way home but I always hate goodbyes. I have always taken dd shopping at the beginning of each term for basics like rice, pulses, pasta etc. which seems to last quite well, she buys her own value vodka tho'!

Original poster

promomum · 17/09/2011 13:18

Thanks - currently packing the car. Roofbox is on too, and there's hardly any room. Not looking good! At this rate dd2 and I will be using the family railcard and going by train, with dh and dd1 in the car.

OP posts:

Bearcat · 18/09/2011 08:34

We've taken 2 DS's now, both to Nottm in 2006 and 2010. They were both in catered halls, so only needed snacky type food supplied by us.
We moved all their stuff in, made the bed. With DS1 went to some massive Tesco a few miles away to get some bits that were not in his room, a desk lamp can you believe!
Went for lunch with DS1 (to McDonalds of all places - his choice!)and then back to the hall, by which time a couple of girls in his block had come to introduce themselves which was our sign to clear off for him to start his new life experience.
By the time we took DS2 we knew Nottm a bit better, and called into JL for mattress protector (or DS2 protector as I liked to think of it) and whatever else was needed and then out to Prezzo for lunch with DS1 joining us who had been up in Nottm for weekend staying with an old uni mate.
In 2010 no bedding was supplied by Uni of Nottm, which it had been in 2006.
Returning DS2 to a shared house next weekend, so will end up in the local Sainsburys for a massive food shop, but only having seen how much room left in fridge / freezer before we buy too much chilled / frozen stuff.

funnyperson · 18/09/2011 09:47

Last year DS was in halls-everyone went down in the one car completely chokker with stuff and family. Took the stuff up to the room. I made the bad which we sat on and all had a cup of tea in his room. Saw the very nice young men and women all arriving and heaved a sigh of relief. We helped unpack a bit so the bed and desk were clear and so we could take bags away.Checked the internet worked but didn't set up the printer which was a mistake. Took an hour. DS and DD were both beside themselves with excitement.
This year moving him into the shared house has taken three half days!!!!!!!!!!!!This included meeting the landlord, food shop, putting up shelves, sorting the internet connection and chatting with 5 of 7 very nice housemates! Felt very weepy and for some reason it was harder to let go.
DD has requested a full family send off just like her brother had.

funnyperson · 18/09/2011 09:47

made the bed....

Yellowstone · 18/09/2011 10:13

Three half days funnyperson!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm intending to offload boxes for DD2 at her house the other side of town in the evening and then do the bed making operation for DD3 the next day and collect DD3's rucksack and dirty clothes from her two month long China trip at your new place too. I haven't factored in even one half day for DD2!

You'll all be offered a full family tea too then funny, little cakes and sandwiches and all!

Yellowstone · 18/09/2011 10:16

DD1's rucksack. All these DD's, I confuse their numbers....

DownbytheRiverside · 18/09/2011 10:18

Am I the only heartless one who doesn't make up beds?

mumeeee · 18/09/2011 15:14

Downbytheriverside no you are not the only one who doesn't make up beds. I didn't do that for either DD1 or DD2 they would have thought it strange if I did. I did help DD1 with some of her unpacking but she did most of it. I didn't do any unpacking for DD2 she wanted to do it in her own time. I did cry when I left them.

mumeeee · 18/09/2011 15:22

DD2 and friends moved everything themselves to their shared house from halls. The shared house was only a couple of minutes walk away. so they just carried everything they were able to start moving stuff before. they had to vacate the halls. I did send her some new bedding as she had a double bed in the shared house. We also bought her a long mirror and a waste paper basket when we went to see the house. This year (3rd & final year( she is sharing the same house so didn't have to move anything, In fact she hasn't been hone very much as she's been working all summer in a Theme park that's not far from where she is.

afteralongsquawk · 18/09/2011 20:56

I have constant battles with DH who thinks that even giving them a lift to the station is "molly-coddling". He turned up at Uni literally straight off a plane from god-knows-where (24 hrs for his mum to do his washing), equipped with a rucksack and a block of A4 paper bought from WHS on the way from the station, and can't really see why DC would want anything else.

When we first met, I loved his ruggedness; now its just a bore...

mumeeee · 18/09/2011 21:22

I found that both DD1 and DD2 needed us to come to halls to say goodbye. It was particularly good for DD2 as she is at uni 2 hours drive away and it was food to spend a bit of time with her before she gad to fend for herself . It's not mollycoddling but showing that toy care.

funnyperson · 18/09/2011 22:52

Yellowstone I know, three half days does seem excessive- its to do with the dreariness of magnolia paint in student houses I think- trying to make it seem homey
Loved your Victorian cloth in the other thread.

Whats this about full family tea?

Mumeee, downbytheriverside I dont know what it is about making the bed with our family but I just feel better knowing the mattress protector is on, the sheets are clean, and the bright homey duvet cover makes the room seem less impersonal and I know there is a made up bed for DC to fall into even if no unpacking gets done because they are socialising. There are all the other days for them to make their bed!!

afteralongsquawk each to his own. I can see the attraction of an arrival with a rucksack and some paper. There's something positive about building things from scratch there. However the issue I guess is what your DC wants- its not worth having battles with DH is it? Thats not the memory you would want DC to take away. You can always let him go with rucksack and WHS paper and then visit in a fortnight with the other stuff. Thats what I would do.

Yellowstone · 18/09/2011 23:47

funnyperson if your DD wants the full family send off then the full family will be invited to the old dining hall for a full afternoon tea, I don't think there's a limit on numbers! About 4pm? The Warden is there to welcome parents as well as students and to give parents/ grandparents/ siblings a bit of caffeine and sugar before they get on their way.

Agree about the bed. I feel I've done my bit if I've done the bed. It's like mowing a lawn and ignoring the weeds.

issynoko · 19/09/2011 00:36

When I went to uni I just got the train by myself and mum and my auntie waved me off. Red Star lost my luggage on the way there and had to wear the same stuff for 4 days until it arrived. Met lots of people on the train including one friend who is still close after 22 years - loads making their own way there. Was very close to my mum (dad was away on business at the time - or he might have driven me I suppose) but never thought anything of it. I'd travelled on my own already so a trip to uni was less intrepid than that. Do people always take their children then?

issynoko · 19/09/2011 00:37

I was going from London to Scotland so a long drive just to drop off stuff. Later when I was settled they came to stay a lot but loved going on my own.

lovemydog · 19/09/2011 07:19

Left DS in manchester on SAturday. Checked my phone just before going to bed to see I'd just had a missed call from him. Rang back - in floods of tears, lost his wallet, got separated from his friends and the bouncer at the club wouldn't let him in to find them. Didn't know where he was. i spent the next hour on my ipad trying to find directions for him so he could get back to hall. luckily he came across another group making their way back. I am now about to make the 4 hour drive to Manchester with his passport so he can get money from the bank. I have cancelled his bank card. He thinks he is so grown up but his nice Hampshire village childhood obviously hasn't prepared him for this.

Original poster

promomum · 19/09/2011 09:00

An update. We could barely squeeze into the car, dd1 had so much stuff.

She was very subdued on the journey... had spent Saturday night with friends from school for what sounds like a very emotional goodbye.

We spend several hours unpacking,, making the bed, setting up computer etc... the room looked a bit grim tbh until we had it all made up with cushions and a throw from home.

She said a brief hello to her flatmates, but it was dd2, 15, who settled in best with them and sat in the living area chatting away to the girls and their parents and offering around the cakes I'd made! I think she would've happily stayed.

Went for lunch and a look around some very lovely shops (which made dd2 even more interested in returning for visits)

It was after 4pm by this time, and we had a 2-hour drive back ahead, but when I said to dd1 "come on then, you must be itching to get to know your new flatmates", she was very subdued again, eyes filling up with tears! This a girl who went abroad on holiday with mates after A'levels, away on lots of residential school trips etc and trekked across Dartmoor for Doif£ Gold!

Luckily, when we arrived back a couple of young mentors from the university knocked on her door to gather all the girls together for a chat... so we took a cue from that, said a very quick goodbye then legged it!

We fretted about her all the way home of course, but later she texted dd2 to say she couldn't have picked better flatmates and had been enjoying herself.

Phew! I know she'll have a ball there.. literally, as there's a formal ball to go to as part of the fresher celebrations.

OP posts:

homeaway · 19/09/2011 09:06

Lovemydog, poor you and poor him. I hope it sorts itself out. He will have learnt an awful lot in one day, and I bet he will be more careful next time.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2011 09:08

Leave the stuff and go!

notyummy · 19/09/2011 09:17

My boyfriend took me up and dropped me off. I was a much loved only child (and 17) but the thought of having every done for me by my parents was mortifying. DH also took himself. In the days before mobiles etc, obviously - none of the accommodation I stayed in had a phone until my final year, so parents couldnt even ring me. I am only realising now how hard that must have been for my mother 500 miles away. I saw them 3/4 times a year because I had a job in the holidays that was based where the uni was.

TBH, unless DD is spectacularly under-confident (and she doesn't appear to be at the moment) then I will probably expect her to do the same (but I have plenty of time to change my mind.)

Flip

1 2 3