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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

How much help are you giving ds/dd on moving in day?

55 replies

promomum · 17/09/2011 09:05

Dd moves into halls as a fresher tomorrow.

Me, dh and dd2 are taking her there, with a car stuffed full.

We'll of course help carry all the crap she's decided to take with her her belongings into her room, and dh will set up a mini-wifi network for her.

We can help her unpack a bit and make up her bed if she wants us to.

I reckon that will all take 2-3 hours.

My idea was then to disappear into the city centre with dh and dd2, leaving dd1 to get to know her new flatmates.

Does that sound about right/what other parents will do? I think I'll have to wrestle dh away with a crowbar though... he's very emotional already and will probably be a gibbering wreck by the time we get in the car to come home.

I'm trying to think back to what my parents did 30 years ago when I went to uni... I certainly didn't take as much stuff because the kitchen was fully equipped. I remember my mum (who was a teenager when I was born, so only in her early 30s) ogling a fit looking male student, helping me carry stuff up 4 flights of stairs and then leaving me to disappear to the students' union with my flatmates.

OP posts:

gingeroots · 19/09/2011 09:40

Sometimes I wonder about the phone thing ,I guess it is a blessing ,but something to be said for " I can't contact DC ,will have to stop wondering whether should send 'helpful' reminder text or ring to see if ok "
and just getting on with your life .

exoticfruits · 19/09/2011 09:41

They do not need beds making up! Drop-carry stuff in and go!

Yellowstone · 19/09/2011 10:56

I certainly think there's a case for not overstaying. Last year after I'd drop-carried but while I was making the bed a crowd gathered outside DD2's door and she wanted me to exit by the window and drop down a couple of storeys to the concrete below (and I was relatively presentable that day). This year with DD3 I'll have to speed up. I'm not leaving the bed.

Original poster

promomum · 19/09/2011 12:05

Hi lovemydog. Hope everything is ok.. What a hassle for all of you!
You think they're so grown up... Dd1 looked very young yesterday somehow, but of course they're all in the same boat (maybe not compounded by wallet-losing admittedly).
I texted dd1 earlier but nothing back which I think is a very good sign... She has quite a few talks to go to as well as the social events.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 19/09/2011 12:08

They really don't need beds made up. But DD2 did enjoy looking round the town and having lunch with us. We didn't spend much time actually at the halls though. Also it was only DH and I and nor the whole family.

mumeeee · 19/09/2011 12:15

But it was only the first year we wNt up with her. Although we did drive her back after Christmas both in the 1st and 2nd year. But that was partly to so with DD1 living not far from DD2 and also was around DD3's birthday so we made. family celebration of it. At all other times she sorts out her own transport.

Yellowstone · 19/09/2011 12:32

Of course they don't need beds made up but clearly some of us like doing the beds. I do. I've not had any complaints. It's not a rite of passage to make a bed: mine do it at home.

Mine have also had to clear their rooms each term; public transport with all that stuff isn't really an option. Anyhow driving is cheaper. Their town is usually gridlocked at the start of each term and plenty seem to have two parents to drop them off, not just a mum.

Whatever works best. It doesn't need any justification.

eatyourveg · 19/09/2011 13:25

Is it unheard of to buy/take your own mattress rather than have to have one which may have "used" markings all over it?

Original poster

promomum · 19/09/2011 13:32

And on a practical note, it would've taken dd hours and hours to do everything me and dh (with some desultory help from the. Dds) sorted out in a couple of hours, especially as she was surprisngly emotional.

Dh said later he had expected her to want to chuck us out so she could get on with uni life and socialising...but she was showing no signs of wanting us to leave.

The uni must've anticipated some students react like this and I thought sending the mentors around just when they did was a brilliant move.

OP posts:

daylily · 19/09/2011 13:35

Eatyourveg - buy a mattress protector! The halls mattresses haven't been too bad but private rented have looked well used! Makes my flesh crawl but my girls have been more robust. Although you need a single for halls and a double for private rented.

GardenersDelight · 19/09/2011 14:21

My DD had to go on train with Bf as we were away on trip booked a year ago I'm off tomorrow in the car with the rest of her stuff. By the size of the pile in my hall i dont think she would have fitted in my little fiesta any way!

larry5 · 19/09/2011 15:16

When we took dd last year we moved everything into the room, made the bed and then went and had lunch in the main dining room. We then topped up her uni card, (pays for photocopying, and meals at a discount) and then went to the chapel which was offering free tea and coffee to parents.

We then bought some extra food for her from the on site shop and took her back to her room and left. The chapel were offering free meals in the evening so she went back to that. Unfortunately she was the only girl using her kitchen so she didn't make friends with the ( very often drunk) lads. She has however made very good friends with girls from the chapel.

This year she is living in a shared house with girls from the chapel so we are going up on Sunday to the morning service and will then take her out to lunch and drop all her belongings off before she makes a trip to the local supermarket

gingeroots · 19/09/2011 16:45

I looked everywhere for a mattress protector/topper that didn't involve too much memory foam or latex and wouldn't be too hot .
Fortunately lilymaid suggested this
www.dunelm-mill.com/shop/good-nights-plush-reversible-mattress-enhancer-45194

DoubleDegreeStudent · 19/09/2011 16:57

promo when I moved into halls my best friend's 18th was the first night everyone moved in, so I got the train down with a suitcase, said a quick hello and left again and went off to see all my school friends. When it came to leaving her party the next day I was so upset her mum cancelled my taxi to the station and drove me because she didn't want me to be by myself until I had to be.

Two years later when it came to moving abroad I sobbed for a whole weekend after saying goodbye to the flatmates I was so upset about meeting at the start of Uni. Give her a week and they'll be joined at the hip.

DoubleDegreeStudent · 19/09/2011 17:00

Forgot to say, sorry. My mum drove down to meet me off the train back from the party (it was a complicated weekend!) so had to cope with my all puffy faced and teary from crying the whole journey back. She was as worried as you, but is always very careful not to call too much so I can get settled. I was sat there thinking she had forgotten about me and she was sitting at home waiting for me to call her! You'll probably get a few messages in the middle of the night when she's coming back with friends.

RoyalWelsh · 19/09/2011 17:25

I've just had a little lump in my throat because I remember how scary the first day is! It was only five years ago and I remember being shocked at hoe emotional I was at my parents leaving. I had been so desperate to go and hadn't even cried when I left my boyfriend that morning. All of a sudden the 300 miles in between my uni and home seemed a million miles away and I just didn't want to be there.

My parents helped me unpack a bit, made my bed, took me to the local supermarket and then disappeared off to a hotel and left me to get on with it. They did come and say a quick goodbye in the morning before they set off though.

I did sob on the phone a lot that first fortnight though!

I've had a fantastic five years though, met DP on my first night there, have my degree and have lived here for the last four years with DP!

lovemydog · 19/09/2011 21:49

Well, back home now. 8 hours driving on Monday after 8 hours driving on Saturday is tiring . . . DS looks knackered - but will be out on the town tonight again. Must say it was nice to meet the flatmates who all said how sorry they were that DS had got 'lost' - I certainly don't lay any blame on them but it's nice to hear they'll be careful about looking after each other.

gingeroots · 20/09/2011 08:27

lovemydog - oh ,sounds awful !
But what happened ?
DS lost ? Two days of driving ?

Yellowstone · 20/09/2011 08:33

I may make the bed lovemydog but I'd never, ever do a second eight hour back round trip from Manchester from Hampshire to deliver a passport so that a DC could get money from a bank to go out clubbing!

Why not just do Special Delivery and get him to borow a couple of bob until the next day?

The petrol alone must have cost a fortune.

Anyhow, it puts my maternal devotion into the shade....

Yellowstone · 20/09/2011 08:34

back

ggirl · 20/09/2011 08:47

lovemydog-your poor ds, glad he'soknow

on way up to sheffield from south coast dd realised she'd left her purse at home on kitchen table ..doh!

I subbed her some £££ and have sent it up to her.

I dropped her on saturday and yes I DID make her bed up and no I agree with yellow , doesn't need justifying . You do what you want.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/09/2011 08:59

ggirl - absolutely re the justifying.

Personally what I did for my ds and what I'll do for my dd are as much about my piece of mind then theirs. They are both perfectly capable of unpacking and making up the bed but it's nice to help them with it one last time.

Yellowstone · 20/09/2011 10:01

from to (gibberish)

saggarmakers point applies to me. I feel bound to do the same for each DC, so we're in quite a rut (a good rut though).

DownbytheRiverside · 20/09/2011 18:17

'I dropped her on saturday and yes I DID make her bed up and no I agree with yellow , doesn't need justifying . You do what you want.'

Absolutely agree. I don't make beds, but I would be the mother bombing up the M6 at 3am with a passport.

lovemydog · 20/09/2011 19:05

yellowstone you know, I never even thought about sending the passport special delivery. (but if a similar thing happens again I will do!) To be fair, I didn't bomb up the M6 with it so he could go clubbing - the new bank card won't be here till Friday and he needs money for food, books, busses etc. (I have craftily managed to arrange a work meeting in Altrincham next Monday so no mercy dashes will be needed!) FWIW - I didn't make the bed but I did put his clothes away!

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