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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

A Level Anxiety

895 replies

Toffee22 · 14/08/2011 22:42

Only 4 more "sleeps" until the A level results come out - not that I will be doing much sleeping...

Eldest son wants to study medicine. 3 "A's" required no slip ups allowed. Have just checked and most medical schools don't accept re-sits. How can I face looking at the cold hard facts at some point on Thursday. I'm sure it will be difficult for my son too! When I tried to talk to him about it today instead of a response he said he would do an "impression of a tree". It wasn't even a very good impression. What does this mean?

OP posts:
scarlotti · 17/08/2011 21:46

Waiting for AS results here, so not as fraught as some but still very stressed. DD wants to study psychology at uni and the offers will all be based on AS results, so she needs to get high ones to be in with a chance.

I have been allowed to drive her to college in the morning ... but my offer of a coffee or something afterwards was met with 'don't you have to go to work?' Hmm

Looking after the 5.5 and 1.5 year olds is so much easier!!!!

A1980 · 17/08/2011 21:52

A level results can be a life changing crossroads. You are very lucky to have a mother that cared about you.

They can be a life changing cross roads but it isn't the be all and end all. Do you this this is the end of it? What happens when they get to uni: what if they mess up their first year exams or get a 2:2 which will prevent them for getting ahead in their chosen career. Where do you stop being so involved and stop living your DC's life stresses and let them get on with it?! I lost out on grades to be a doctor, now I'm a lawyer and very very happy with my career.

One of my friends at uni's mum who knew when every essay, every exam, every lecture took place and used to insist he came home when he had importnat work to do to make sure he did it distraction free. it was pathetic and I could honestly imagine some of you doing that, the way this thread is gonig.

My gripe with this sort of thing is that your kids will know and it does not help to have you mother moaning and stressing as much as you are. I internalised alot of my stress and I really didn't want to fucking talk about it most of the time as there's nothing you can do but wait.

At the end of the day this thread is the kind of thing that makes it worse. Endless obsessing, either they will get the grades and get in or they wont but there is nothing you can do. it's just pointless to run yourself into the ground over it.

Ponders · 17/08/2011 22:00

A1980, we are "stressing" a lot more on here than we are in RL.

& TBF, getting in or not is a lot more problematic now than it was when you went (assuming 1980 is when you were born)

mothers like your friend's at uni are extremely rare & I don't see how you can infer that any of us are like that from what we've posted

Our kids want to go, & we want them to go, but we are worrying that they might end up unable to go (at least this year) - what's wrong with that?

It's safe to assume that you are not currently the parent of an 18-yr-old? Hmm come back when you are, & tell the other parents then how wrong they are

adamschic · 17/08/2011 22:01

A1980, your mum might have been gutted for you that you didn't get into medicine, at the time. After all for sometimes it might be all they have ever wanted to do. Glad you are happy with your career choice and can I say how well you have done in your life.

I would like mine to get away from this lovely area but limited, career wise area. If she flunks it then at least she will have tried it and had the life experience.

carpwidow · 17/08/2011 22:01

We went over this last night A1980. DS is totally unaware that I am concerned - as I said before, by sharing my natural anxieties on here (and they are natural, not pathetic), I am able to share, find out the procedures for clearing, etc, so that in the morning I am fully informed and positive if my son needs support and guidance and I know that if it has all gone tits up, I will be the first one he comes running too.

adamschic · 17/08/2011 22:02

Sorry for typo's in my posts, having a couple of Wine

FellatioNelson · 17/08/2011 22:02

'One of my friends at uni's mum who knew when every essay, every exam, every lecture took place and used to insist he came home when he had importnat work to do to make sure he did it distraction free. it was pathetic and I could honestly imagine some of you doing that, the way this thread is gonig.'

I understand your point completely A1980, and you are right, of course, but all I can say to the above comment is Haahahahahahahah!!!

Chance would be a fine thing! Not only am I not of that inclination, I have never been allowed within 50 yards of any of my children's homework!

carpwidow · 17/08/2011 22:03

sorry, "running to."

FellatioNelson · 17/08/2011 22:06

I've tried helicoptering (only because it seemed everyone else was, and i started to feel inadequate Grin) but I was given very short shrift by my children and left in no dounbt that my propellers were clipped!

The trouble is, the most controlliing mothers I know do seem to have the most high achieving children. Go figure. Wink

nickschick · 17/08/2011 22:25

I dont have a mum or a dad.
Im 37.

My fil still phones me to see what im upto,to see if I need anything,he still buys me magazines,still slips me the odd £20 hell I even get holiday spending money..........he cares it what parenting is all about - you dont just wake a child up on their 16 birthday and say happy birthday youre on your own.

This thread isnt about pressure on our teens its not about one upmanship -its about mums of teenagers working towards a future.

If you dont like it,if being an interested informed parent offends you - dont click the thread.

Ponders · 17/08/2011 22:29

aw, nickschick, your fil sounds lovely Smile

mrswoodentop · 17/08/2011 22:32

The thing is I am not worried about the results per se ,my son is a lot more than a set of exam results ,these results are just one arrow in his quiver IYSWIM.I will love him regardless and know he will be successful whatever .

I am really worried about being able to support him ,and be useful if things go wrong.That's why threads like this are useful.

nickschick · 17/08/2011 22:35

Ponders hes nicer than his son Grin and he always says his son is his son by birth im his daughter by choice.

Ponders · 17/08/2011 22:36

even lovelier!

FellatioNelson · 17/08/2011 22:37

Nickschic that was a lovely post. Smile

nickschick · 17/08/2011 22:39

My ds got offers at all 5 unis he chose

manchester
manchester met
salford
leeds
huddersfield

He chose manchester who want AAA and Hudds who want ABB as insurance (hes going to do law).

nickschick · 17/08/2011 22:41

Aw thanks fellatio Smile.

carpwidow · 17/08/2011 22:41

...absolutely nickshick . and when they were 3, when they had their hearts set on a Tomy Train set which had a long tunnel for their Xmas present from Santa, you'd bust your gut out to make sure that they had what they wished for on Christmas morning - if you couldn't find it straight away in the shops (pre-internet) you'd spend hours going through the Yellow Pages and drive miles to get one. That wasn't obsessive or pathetic. It's the same 15 years later - I'm not doing it for him, but I passionately share in what he hopes for.

nickschick · 17/08/2011 22:44

Carps you speak from wise experience I can tellWink with us it was Max Steele and it was asked for on xmas eve and I had to go to the only toyshop in our village and convinvce them to sell me the window display .....ive spent hours in the co-op feeling for crisp packets with star wars tazo's in too.

Jellykat · 17/08/2011 22:49

Just popping in to wish you all luck! (speaking as someone who has just had DS1s Degree results!)

Hope you're DC are happy DC tomorrow, and have the opportunities to do what they would like to do. Smile

carpwidow · 17/08/2011 22:49

And why should it stop? I'm not saying I want a "Timothy" from fxxxxxg "Sorry" (apologies to those too young to remember) - but an 18 year old DS needs to know I'm there for him come what may and that I would WALK (no helicopter allowed) to the ends of the earth for him - but only if he so requested.

Jellykat · 17/08/2011 22:50

(Oopsy - your not you're)

Yellowstone · 17/08/2011 22:54

funnyperson if DD's dads post comes early, that might be the one to watch! (good luck).

sieglinde, I was joking. You should know better than anyone 11 is ample and only the starting point anyhow. I hope he surprises you with at least an A (but only for tidyness' sake).

harbinger a) fab name b) no. Those with Open Offers who've met their grades will be accomodated and have to be, legally.

carp and adamschic we are all very jealous of you having the Inbetweeners already. We have to wait until Friday :(

A1980 I think you're allowing your own experience to overinfluence what you write. As far as intrusion of my DC's schoolwork is concerned, it's been minimal - I've had neither the time nor the inclination nor the sense that I'd have a clue what I was doing. I left/ leave it all to the school. Interfere at university level? With DC who are over 18? Not in a million years.

Fellatio I don't have the same experience of high attainment mirroring the level of control by mothers. Over controlling can never be anything but bad, usually incredibly bad.

carpwidow · 17/08/2011 23:20

We do know our children best. DS returns from Cineworld "Inbetweeners was absolutely brilliant - not a let down - as good, if not better than TV series. Well.... I'm off to bed now.. and Mum... what are you up to tomorrow?" "Not sure yet..." "It's just...well... mum.... will you be around in the morning if I need your help?". "Course I will. Night DS". "Night Mum". (circa 2011 not 1980)

Ponders · 17/08/2011 23:23
Smile