Parent of oxbridge candidate-peersupportneeded

[funnyperson]

OK so my DD is applying to Oxford for entry in 2011 and has a 75% chance of getting rejected so I am told by the Oxford website so I reckon a new thread would be helpful for us parents who may end up with joy or grief but in any event need to keep sane enough to support our loved ones. Any tips on maximising chances of success at this stage?

?If it is going descend into superior wanky lecturing about how Eton really is the best daaaahling like some kind of middle class pissing contest then I am off.?

What kind of a fake are you?

I first joined this thread at the beginning of this month sharing news about a certain group of boys applying to Oxford as their one and only choice of uni and in less than 10 minutes you jumped in and told all and sundry,

?DS is lucky and is in top ranked academic independent who usually get 30 -40 boys into Oxbridge.?

And you also wanted to know,

?Which school??

Knowing very well the very mention of the name of the School would bring out all the ugliness, jealousy and inversed snobbery in the likes of you, I deliberately avoided mentioning the name of the School but gave hints instead. But no, your inferiority complex had to have the better of you,

?Eton don't get 80 plus into Oxbridge and are usually ranked below dss school in academic results.?

In other words, your ds?s school is more superior and sends more pupils to Oxbridge.

Talk is cheap and I proceeded to provide solid proof of the actual number of Etonians leaving for Oxbridge annually and simultaneously you were asked by quite a few posters here to justify your own claims.

What we get instead is a load of sob stories. Well, I haven?t even begun to tell you the place where I come from where many parents could hardly even write their own names let alone doing A-Levels; putting their thumb prints down as signature and drawing rows of dots on paper as their way of counting. Ireland to these people would be Heaven on Earth!

You clearly have a problem and find success hard to handle.

"this particular group has a proven track record, dare I say, perhaps the most academic guys in the land."

Clever boys, yes, but you must admit you are being a bit of a silly billy with this comment aren't you?

To be frank, I was being kind and generous by stating that and that only. You obviously know absolutely nothing about Eton King?s Scholars or Collegers, as they are also known, and I would suggest you read up something, perhaps a book by someone like J.D.R. McConnell before coming round here to call me a silly billy. It will be most embarrassing to find this term back firing on your face. [[http://postimage.org/image/f3e2czk4/
This might help.]]

KIngs Scholars are only as bright as the other very bright children in the country. They just have the (dis)advantage of being hothoused in a place which drove one of them to suicide ten years ago.

Is that fact or your imagination?

This is a very dangerous libelous slur on Eton and I can assure you the School does not take kindly to such a cruel comment not to mention what great distress that?s going to cause the boy?s father who is still around today. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for making such unfounded allegation, spreading misleading information and I think you should apologise to both forumers here and the School.

For those who seek the truth to the above rumour, here?s the story.

Meanwhile, I?m out of this thread as I?ve better things to do in life than to be bogged down in a place like this. Goodluck to all your DC. I hope they can handle success better.

Peterneras I saw the part 3 investigation report.

Though not the final version

And Eton made changes following that independent investigation.

And that is my memory of what the independent investigation report said though I read it years ago so my memory could be wrong. It is not in the public domain though Eton will be aware of it and contributed. But the rules on making part 3 investigations public have now been changed so maybe it can be accessed by all , I do not know. But I am sorry to distress you though not all the comments you refer to were mine. All the DC are deserving and clever as Betelguese has pointed out. Many families have faced challenges which have been overcome. All are loyal to their schools.

You have reminded me again that as parents we still have a way to go through this process whatever the outcome and will need to be aware of DC 's needs and support them - whatever school they go to.

The closing date to add choices to UCAS forms for those who want to is 15th Jan for courses other than medicine dentistry vet med-do check on the UCAS website.

funnyperson Blimey I hope you're fast asleep now. Poor you, awake at 4 in the morning.....

It is very difficult isn't it contemplating the DCs leaving home. Having said that DD1 went to France for two months and then India for four months on a gap year, but I didn't really feel as if she'd left home because it seemed a bit like an extended holiday and if I'm honest it was (whispers) quite pleasant to experience the household dynamics change in her absence. Because she had been away, however, the going to university turned out to be easier. The terms really are very short and the way to look at it is they are still at home for more of the year than they are away.

Having said all that I know I'll feel the loss of DS more keenly wherever he ends up because there'll only be one child remaining at home....and she quite clearly will not be allowed to go ANYWHERE when the time comes and can get a job in the corner shop.

And it must be difficult if you're having to share your DD with her dad - is she the only one?

Back on topic, I am sure all the young ones will be retreating into themselves just now. Even if they have other offers under their belt ( which my DS does not)Oxford is a big deal ( witness all the jumping around of parents) and the expectation must lie heavily on them. I want to make clear to DS that it won't matter if he doesn't get in, but I don't want to belittle his efforts to do so nor make light of the disappointment which will obviously follow if he is turned down ( although I would hope that disappointment would be short lived). Equally the very fact of saying something like that makes it clear its a big deal. I don't go round volunteering comfort that it won't matter if he doesn't get in to Warwick...

So DS too is very monosyllabic, doesn't want to discuss anything about next week AT ALL and I think I have to leave him to it. DH is away on business on the other side of the world at the moment and DD2 is really not very well so I don't have much choice.

BTW he did say, in an isolated moment of communication, that the website for his college has made clear that while they should try to get there for Sunday by 8 it doesn't matter so long as they can get there for 10 the next day ( not sure how much help that is but may avoid unecessary panic on a delayed or slow Sunday evening train)

Betelguese - I am envious of your relationship with your DS. We've only seen DD once this term ( and that was so i could deliver a table and some lamps to her house...and buy her lunch!!). However its only been two months since she went up...

Actually I can't see where he's got that info from - maybe he's been emailed - so don't rely on it.

Just looked at the interviewing timetable - it's only PPE hopefuls who have to be there tomorrow - all the other subjects follow later. And apart from Maths it seems to be the longest stay - nobody to go until 10 on Wed 8th....he'll be a nervous wreck. Or is that just me?!

Petrenas

You are right
I did retort to your initially arse clutchingly pompous posts in kind. I really did.

But you hit a nerve because I worry about the whole Oxbridge thing being full of pompous wankers and I don't think we are ever at our best when we are being defensive.
So I apologize for being a bit of a tat

But at least it does not seem to be my defining character trait.I guess I would rather be a bit defensive than a total cock.

I am not going to get involved in a slanting match with you because you bare really not worth it.
Eton is a lovely school. Your 'callous confidence' thing was just a baiting ' gosh, you lot may be allowed in but these are the people entitled ' and I should never have risen to it.
Go feed your cats.

Funny
The 'he is leaving home ' thing keeps hitting me in waves too. I think his siblings will miss him as well. I keep having 'last ' thought. ... This will be our last Christmas all together...we are going on our last holiday in april etc etc.
I know it isn't really like that and he will be home when he gets hungry but I still get gloomy.

In a way oxford would be the best option as he is so close. If he goes further away I will see him less (idle bugger)

pagwatch, I'll bet a lot of money that it won't be your last holiday all together and even more that it won't be your last Christmas altogether.

I know you might not mean it literally, more symbolically , but I betcha your DS will be there at all the defining family moments for ages to come...

Yes , I know you are right holly.
It is very silly really. He is a nice boy and loves home and family and all that good stuff.

We just had some jehovas witnesses knock and he got caught with the 'why do you celebrate Christmas on the 25th ' thing. I was standing on the stairs laughing at him and hissing at him to treat it as practice.
He is taking one of his suits to the cleaners as we start the 'what should I pack' debacle....

Thanks holly

Fififi, I can't find anything about Mon arrivals either, but while the college letter says it is "imperative" to remain until 4.30pm on Tuesday, it is only "requested" that they arrive before 8pm on Sun - so if they can't, it shouldn't be a problem.

I really understand the leaving home thing - DS2 is my baby . Whenever I complain now about him helping himself to things or leaving a mess he gaily reminds me that soon he won't be here helping himself to things or leaving a mess He spends loads of time playing guitar or piano & has friends in & out several times a week; it will be very quiet without him.

(pag, it's 11 years since DC1 was in Y13 & we still have everybody here at Christmas, & family holidays sometimes )

Help! DD2 is flying back from Spain tomorrow, allegedly, but there seems to be a bit of a domestic crisis over there!

Just spoken to her and she was blissfully unaware of the air traffic situation, but fortunately told me she doesn't need to be in Oxford until Tuesday 9am.

On a different note, about children leaving home i find this poem very comforting, and have posted it before on MN so apologies to those that have seen it before :

Walking Away

For Sean
By C. Day Lewis

It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day-
A sunny day with the leaves just turning,
The touch-lines new-ruled - since I watched you play
Your first game of fotball, then, like a satellite
Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away

Behind a scatter of boys. I can see
You walking away from me towards the school
with the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free
Into a wilderness, the gait of one
Who finds no path where the path should be.

That hesitant figure, eddying away
Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem,
Has something I never quite grasp to convey
About nature's give-and-take - the small, the scorching
Ordeals which fire one's irresolute clay.

I had worse partings, but none that so
Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly
Saying what God alone could perfectly show-
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love proved in the letting go.

just popping back in from the Oxbridge rejects thread to wish all your DC good luck for their interviews next week

Well, DS has left for his interview.

Feel weird. He's been bad tempered all weekend, guess that's stress. Just hope he is able to do his best.

Good luck to everyone else. And Ponders how weird is it to think that your DS and my DS might be munching on corflakes next to each ohter tomorrow morning...

That is very very weird, fififi (I wonder how many PPE candidates there are at St Peter's - the college normally admits "8-10" & the university interviews c 60% of applicants & admits c 18%; so St Peter's could be interviewing 30, maybe???)

DS's train was due into Oxford about 15 minutes ago. He had a reserved seat, but we noticed when he got on that he didn't sit down & he sent a forlorn little text a few mins later (which I didn't see until we got home) saying someone was in his reserved seat - evidently suggesting that person find an alternative seat was a step too far but luckily the train wasn't jammed so he did find another one himself.

Ds2 has just headed to the station.
He too has been snappy holly, so I guess they are feeling a bit nervy.
He suddenly decided that he wants to take his suit so we had a flurry of shirt tie and cufflinks angst .

He has phone charger and alarm but I have assured him that I will be calling him every 10 mins in the morning until I get A GODDAMN ANSWER !!!!!!

He said ' yes mum' a lot

I hope they all enjoy it. Best wishes to all...

Lovely post Iwastooearly.
Hope your dd gets home ok.

Oh goodness, now I'm worried all over again. DS didn't take a suit. In fact I have no idea what he chose to take. I am a negligent mother.

Arf..
No you are not.

I was exactly the same and def not getting involved. I knew he was packing jeans and casual tops because he had started packing. Then he called me to approve a shirt and tie combo..
He just fancied taking it as an option. I expect he will end up in jeans...
( he dies look remarkably handsome in a suit though and I expect his girlfriend has been reminding him. . she wants him to go to oxford. I think it is closest to where she wants to go )

Which college is your DS going to pagwatch? I'm sure it's on the thread but since you're there, you could share and I'll get a glass of wine instead of scrolling.

Ponders I guess that would be right re numbers. Oo-er can't decide what I think of 1 in 3 odds - in any normal scenario I'd quite fancy DS chances but every one of those 30 odd is going to be just as clever and able and passionate as DS ( probably more so....) Ah well, they can but do their best...