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Guest post: “Big Porn is hurting our children.”

108 replies

JuliaMumsnet · 19/10/2021 11:57

Naomi Miles

Founder of CEASE UK, the Centre to End All Sexual Exploitation.

We asked Naomi Miles, founder of CEASE UK, the Centre to End All Sexual Exploitation, to tell us about their campaign to include Big Porn in the Online Safety Bill:

"Britain’s going to be the safest place in the world to be online, especially for children. Or at least that's what the UK Government hopes its ambitious Online Safety Bill will achieve.

The draft bill certainly prioritises the online safety of children, insisting that social media companies take on a “duty of care” towards their younger users.

However, dedicated pornography sites are not in scope of these landmark child protections. As a charity committed to the upstream prevention of sexual exploitation, we at CEASE are astounded that the commercial online porn industry doesn’t even get a mention in the draft Bill - in spite of its obvious unique and elevated risks and the mounting evidence of the industry’s complicity in sex trafficking and other criminal activity.

As our new report Expose Big Porn explains, porn sites are some of the biggest and most profitable websites in the world and yet, unlike other Big Tech industries, they’ve consistently managed to lurk in the shadows, avoiding scrutiny and accountability.

The fact is that Big Porn is hurting our children.

Firstly, porn sites give children free and easy access in order to make money. We keep children off betting sites and stop them from buying knives, cigarettes or alcohol either on or offline, but porn sites are wide open to anyone. These sites are perfectly capable of implementing some kind of age check and have been for years. Undoubtedly, maintaining zero barrier to entry supports their freemium business model, which depends on attracting as many users as possible. And perhaps these sites are not naive to the research that demonstrates children’s increased risk of porn addiction. Allowing kids onto free porn sites is equivalent to handing out free cigarettes outside the school gates. This is a future loyal customer base in the making.

While porn sites rake in profits, our children are shouldering the cost: in addition to the initial shock of exposure, research confirms that watching porn can also cause them profound psychological, social and emotional harms. It imprints twisted ideas about gender, sexuality, relationships, intimacy, sexual violence and gender equality onto their still developing minds.

Although the draft Online Safety Bill states that larger pornographic video-sharing platforms will require age verification, it seems obvious that this mandate should apply to all porn sites, regardless of their size and functionality. At very least, this will avoid leaving a wide-open loophole for the porn industry to exploit.

Secondly, mainstream popular porn sites are contaminated by unknown quantities of child sexual abuse material. This is the inevitable result of their business model which makes it easy for anyone to upload any content. Anonymous users can post videos of young-looking schoolgirls, babysitters and step-daughters. These instantaneously appear before a global audience of millions and, once they’re up, it’s almost impossible to get them back.

Many of these videos don’t actually depict children being coerced into sexual activity by their teachers, employers, coaches or family members; they’re young-looking adult women engaging in ‘role play’. But with no verification processes in place, there’s ultimately no way of knowing for sure. What we do know is that children are ending up on porn sites, and their lives are being devastated as a result. The ocean of role-play incest acts as camouflage for the real thing.

To protect our children from sexual exploitation and abuse, we must introduce legislation that will ensure porn sites either remove their video-sharing platform functionality or create robust verification processes to ensure that uploads only feature consenting adults.

And thirdly, porn sites normalise sexual violence against women and girls. The vast majority of porn represents harmful sexist stereotypes: men are sexually dominant and aggressive, whereas women are passive sex objects who exist to gratify men.

Online porn is having profound, real-world consequences. It’s incubating harmful sexual attitudes and behaviours in our boys, and pressurising our girls into acquiescing to sexual acts they find painful or humiliating for fear of being labelled as ‘prudes’. Ultimately, it’s driving the sexual violence that we’re learning is endemic in our schools and universities.

Recent research from Durham University highlights how one in eight titles shown to first-time users on the first page of mainstream porn sites describe some form of sexual violence (including incest, physical aggression, image-based sexual abuse and depictions of coercion and exploitation).

Not only does much of this ‘extreme’ pornography violate porn sites’ own terms and conditions, but it’s also is illegal in the UK. The industry won’t bother to clamp down on this popular and profitable content unless its hand is forced.

As parents, we must make our voices heard. We have the opportunity to ensure that the Online Safety Bill introduces robust regulation to protect our children from the online commercial porn industry. Take action today and write to your MP."

Note from CEASE: CEASE is keen to connect with people who have stories about the porn industry's impact on children. If you're a parent, teacher, a professional in a related sector, or a young adult who experienced porn as a child, and are willing to speak about your experience, feel free to contact Naomi on [email protected]. Thanks.

CEASE is on twitter here and their CEO Vanessa Morse is here. Naomi will be coming back onto the thread on Monday to answer your questions so get posting if you have any!

Guest post: “Big Porn is hurting our children.”
Guest post: “Big Porn is hurting our children.”
OP posts:
MsTSwift · 21/10/2021 17:24

I will also write to my mp thank you for addressing this elephant in the room

QuebecHouse · 21/10/2021 20:48

Bumping this.

Have written to my MP. Thanks so much for raising awareness about the damage being done to our children.

MummyJasmin · 21/10/2021 23:35

Is there a crib sheet or template I can email to my mp please.

Thank you for addressing this.

tarasmalatarocks · 22/10/2021 09:29

It is also harming plenty of marriages too— which by default is also harming many children’s lives . So many young men these days have very weird attitudes towards what’s ‘normal’ and what women should be prepared to do to ‘keep’ a man and most of this comes from far too many of them having easy access to this stuff in mid teens

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 22/10/2021 09:41

@MummyJasmin

Is there a crib sheet or template I can email to my mp please.

Thank you for addressing this.

If you click the 'write to your MP' link it will walk you through the process as they've provided a template for you.
MummyJasmin · 22/10/2021 10:27

Done! I must have missed it before. Thanks.

Ginfox · 22/10/2021 11:45

I've emailed my MP (Angus MacNeil) and he has replied that he will write to Nadine Dorries.

Thanks so much for all your efforts on this.

Crabbyboot · 22/10/2021 14:28

Thank you for this couldn't agree more. I think part of the problem is that porn has become normalised in our society and people don't realise the harm it is doing. I certainly didn't think about it until I had my daughter. I am from a generation who has had access to porn from a teenager and now we are all adults. It's not until now I have really started to think how it has effected my past sexual relationships and how I thought I should behave as a woman.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 22/10/2021 18:33

Sorry starray - only just seen your comment. The proud trust's 'dice game' is in a publication of resources aimed at 13 plus children. Schools are one of their target markets.
Ironically this male centred porn advocating materials were funded by the government's tampon tax Confused

Charley50 · 22/10/2021 21:23

Thanks for this. I'll email my MP this week.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 22/10/2021 23:22

Thank you, I have used the link to write to my MP.

MinkyWinky · 23/10/2021 08:08

I have emailed my MP. As it's not against her party's line, she hopefully will act.

VirtualLife · 23/10/2021 08:44

Thank you, I have emailed my MP too. She is very active on women's rights and human rights so am sure she will be on board.
My own son was first exposed age 11 within days of starting high school. My friends son's were first exposed age 7 and 9, at after school club of all places, another child had their dad's phone ShockHmm.
I have to admit I find it a really difficult topic to discuss with my son, it just seemed one minute he was playing with lego and the next minute I was having to explain rape and abuse Sad.

Madhairday · 23/10/2021 09:21

Thank you so much for your hard work on this. It's so thoroughly depressing and seems to only be getting worse. So many people, even parents on here, take a very relaxed view on the whole thing - doesn't do any harm kind of thing, when in reality it is changing brain pathways, leading to addiction and contributing to the most horrific abuse and trafficking. I've followed you on twitter and will share, and have emailed my (hopeless Tory) MP in the hope he will listen. Thank you. Thank you so much.

DeJaDont · 23/10/2021 15:50

I would like to thank you for sharing this.

My son was arrested at 19 for sharing illegal images on the internet. He is autistic and long story short he was introduced to red tube by a school for friends at just 10 years old. Through that he found anime/hentai and was groomed by adults to get further and further into it. I had no idea about all of this until he was sentenced and the entire story story came out. He also went through the whole trans thing and spent 4 years on and off suicide watch. He has since acknowledged that he is not trans and it's no coincidence that it took him coming away from pornography in every possible way to raise that. But his life is destroyed. Everybody knows what he did and at 21 his life is sitting in his bedroom on his computer because who wants to be friends with a convicted sex offender?

And it's not just the effects it's had on him. My entire extended family have been severely affected by this. The children I have left at home had to tell their friends and I had to tell the parents before it went around like wild fire.

We have all had a semi breakdown and are in or waiting for counselling. I am an open and proud radical feminist and have been for 5 years or so. The struggle I've had with trying to reconcile my love for my son with his actions and my political beliefs has been intense and heart breaking. It's ongoing. Some days I can barely even look at him.

Porn has destroyed my life and that of my family.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 23/10/2021 15:51

@DeJaDont

I would like to thank you for sharing this.

My son was arrested at 19 for sharing illegal images on the internet. He is autistic and long story short he was introduced to red tube by a school for friends at just 10 years old. Through that he found anime/hentai and was groomed by adults to get further and further into it. I had no idea about all of this until he was sentenced and the entire story story came out. He also went through the whole trans thing and spent 4 years on and off suicide watch. He has since acknowledged that he is not trans and it's no coincidence that it took him coming away from pornography in every possible way to raise that. But his life is destroyed. Everybody knows what he did and at 21 his life is sitting in his bedroom on his computer because who wants to be friends with a convicted sex offender?

And it's not just the effects it's had on him. My entire extended family have been severely affected by this. The children I have left at home had to tell their friends and I had to tell the parents before it went around like wild fire.

We have all had a semi breakdown and are in or waiting for counselling. I am an open and proud radical feminist and have been for 5 years or so. The struggle I've had with trying to reconcile my love for my son with his actions and my political beliefs has been intense and heart breaking. It's ongoing. Some days I can barely even look at him.

Porn has destroyed my life and that of my family.

My heart goes out to you
DeJaDont · 23/10/2021 16:02

@Reallyimeanreally2022

Thank you. It's been very tough. My youngest daughter was just 11 when it happened and for a while we had to live away from home while we had to move my son out to stay with family. It's fractured us in an irreparable way. And I'm not a person weak of spirit.... I've survived child sexual abuse/exploitation, domestic violence, parental abuse, rape, the lot. And I've come through it. But this feels insurmountable and like I've been dumped on an alien planet. I (very naively) had no idea he could access porn so easily. He was the very first generation to have consoles and tablets with WiFi in their bedrooms etc... and what a disaster that caused.

I am 100% in favour of banning porn but I don't think that would go through. I think it's more likely to aim for legislation that requires proof of age with a credit card.

LivesinLondon2000 · 23/10/2021 16:43

Thank you for this post.
I’ve no objection to porn that shows sex between consenting adults but the stuff freely available online goes way beyond this and is basically just extreme violence against women. Just because these women are supposedly ‘consenting’ (and you can see from a lot of it that they’re either drugged and/or clearly finding it very painful and rarely look like they’re enjoying it - though I guess that’s the idea) doesn’t mean it’s acceptable in a civilised society. We don’t generally allow people to consent to gratuitous violence in other walks of life.
It’s just feeding (some) men’s desire to be violent towards women.

Wordywordy · 23/10/2021 18:26

Thank you CEASE for all your work in this area. I will write to my MP.

@DeJaDont thank you for your bravery for posting. I hope you and your family can recover in time.

NewBeginning39 · 24/10/2021 07:08

Have messaged my MP, thanks.

EngelbertsRumpispink · 24/10/2021 13:11

Also, on TikTok porn sites are opening accounts with an "acceptable" lure video which is often youth-targeted then after clicking on the video, a direct link to a hardcore porn site is right there for children to access freely.

Zero restriction.
Countless children and teens are snared. And hooked.
So many parents are seemingly obvlivious.

And if they're not oblivious, then they apparently don't give a rat's arse
what their kids are viewing.
Then the parents will be all wide-eyed wondering "what went wrong?" with their addle-brained adult children.

I am saddened by the pathetic response to this thread.
The current society is even more wretched than I thought.

sighbynight · 24/10/2021 18:30

I've used your template to email my MP. Unfettered access to porn is one of the key drivers of violence against women and girls as far as I can see.

BlueBooby · 24/10/2021 20:06

I will definitely email my MP. Thank you so much for your work on this. It's not just the porn sites themselves either. I've seen porn on social media and not because I looked for it or wanted to. As far as I'm aware most social media sites say they're for children from the age of 13. It's such a massive problem. I think it's doing huge damage to our society, especially the impact on developing brains.

NCBlossom · 25/10/2021 00:57

@DeJaDont your story was very poignant, I’m so sorry for all of you. I also have a son who is vulnerable and even regular YouTube is full of dodgy soft type porn images in my view - I am getting cross that the internet is not a safe place at all for children. I police it myself heavily, but porn should never have been normalised but it has. Even here on mumsnet half the people on a discussion will say that they don’t mind their husbands watching porn, or police their teenagers as it’s ‘natural’ for boys to watch it. It’s hugely damaging and we have to wake up now. It’s not cool, it’s not natural, it’s a seedy, disgusting business chewing vulnerable people up and distorting sex for a generation.

GhostOfChristmasPudding · 25/10/2021 07:01

Thank you to CEASE for your hard work, I've emailed my useless ignorant MP to at least put pressure on and hope he does something.

@DeJaDont, thank you for sharing your story. It worries me as my son has SEN, and I'm aware of how much harder it's going to be to keep him away from it when he becomes an impressionable teenager. I really hope your family and your son can rebuild all your lives and move past this one day. Flowers