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Guest post: "Why are periods still a big deal?"

98 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 11/08/2015 15:28

When I was 11, some little grotbag with an innocent-looking face full of freckles and a soul of pure evil went through my school bag. He was looking for a way to ridicule me, and he found it in the form of my sanitary towel. He pulled it out of its wrapping and threw it into the middle of the classroom so that everyone would see, and they all laughed at me for having something as embarrassing and disgusting as a period. Fortunately for me, when I went home crying later that day, my mum taught me that if he did it again, I should waggle my little finger at him, intimating that he was only acting so pathetically because of his own insecurities.

Fast-forward to 2015, and the American presidential election proves that such schoolboy shaming tactics are still rife - and not confined to the classroom. After news anchor Megyn Kelly questioned him about his attitude towards women during a televised debate, Donald Trump claimed that she did so because she had "blood coming out of...her wherever". Not because she was a grown woman with thoughts and opinions, nor because she believed him to be wrong. OH NO. The only possible explanation, as far as Trump was concerned, was that she was on her period - and as all the world knows, periods turn women into wild-eyed maniacs who want to destroy everything in their path, much like zombies or werewolves (who also work on a lunar cycle. Coincidence?). Given Trump's history of misogyny, his comments perhaps aren't surprising. But it's not just him.

Period stigma is everywhere. The UK still has a 5% tax on sanitary products, due to them being, apparently, 'unnecessary'. I'd love the government to let us know in what way they are unnecessary; maybe they expect us to go back to the olden days and walk about with old rags stowed away in our nethers? On the other hand, perhaps we should all be taking tips from marathon runner Kiran Gandhi, who decided to let her period blood runneth over, literally. When her period arrived the day before she was due to run the London marathon, she decided she couldn't handle wearing uncomfortable sanitary protection while running 26.2 miles. She says she did it in the name of feminism, because "if there's one way to transcend oppression, it's to run a marathon in whatever way you want". What I liked best about Gandhi's attitude is that she'd decided her personal comfort should take precedence over others'; she wasn't going to wear a tampon just so other runners wouldn't freak out over. She didn't care if people stared at her. She'd trained hard for the marathon, and she was going to run it the way she bloody well liked.

Of course, Gandhi's not the first woman to ask us to examine the idea of ‘period-shaming’. Performance artist Casey Jenkins sent people into a spin with her show ‘Casting Off My Womb’, in which she knitted a scarf from wool she pulled out of her vagina. She did this over a month, and the result is a pleasing dip-dyed-looking scarf that charts her cycle from start to finish. The world was, predictably, outraged, and although I admit to having felt an initial ‘eugh, blood’ reaction to her project, I soon got over myself and realised that she’s doing a good thing; anyone who helps to de-stigmatise periods - and everything periods represent - is doing something brave and important. I won’t be making vagina-bunting any time soon - but isn’t it great that there’s someone out there who might?

There are lots of people out there who will assume that period blood is a bodily fluid, so anything to do with it is as disgusting and unhygienic as, say, wee. And they might have a point. But pee comes from men and women and adults and children. We aren't taught from a young age that weeing is something to be ashamed of; how many teenage girls are walking around school going 'OH MY GOD, I hope no one realises I've done a wee today'? Periods are associated with something shameful: developing and continued sexuality, as well as women’s feelings and emotions. Anyone challenging this stigma deserves our applause.

OP posts:
IceBeing · 12/08/2015 15:47

lmao at the idea that there is no such thing as stigma attached to menstruation.

I have never seen a sanitary product that belonged to someone else. I have seen lipsticks, hairbrushes, toothbrushes, knickers, bras, you name it, but never ever a sanitary product.

Because they are THAT shameful that even though you know all the other women are using them, even though you know they know you are using them..they must never be seen.

pretend · 12/08/2015 15:58

Well then ice it's you and your friends that are odd. I would ask my friends for a tampon if i needed it. Mine are kept in my handbag but aren't "hidden". They are also clearly kept on my bathroom shelf as are they in some of my friends' houses.

So maybe it's you who is unusual?

DeathStar · 12/08/2015 16:10

I bought a designer handbag on ebay and it still had a stash of spare unused Lil-Lets in the inside pocket. Came the day I was very grateful for them :D

Not that I mind using pads, I like to play the Rorschach Ink Blot Test whenever I change them.

IceBeing · 12/08/2015 16:29

I was more thinking of work colleagues to be honest. I have seen them with various personal items with them but never sanitary products.

Maybe its because I work in a male dominated environment though...maybe that makes the women feel more marginalized in this area...

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 17:01

There was a long thread about where people kept sanitary towels and tampons. Plenty keep in the bathroom cupboard not on the side.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 17:05

Pretend

Would you ask your friend for a tampon in a normal voice in front of a mixed group?

Or would it be more a sidelong mutter?

I've certainly done the latter, but would do the former if asking for a tissue/plaster/paracetamol...

Mommyusedtobecool · 12/08/2015 18:11

I don't get why it's a big issue. Why 'not being able to blurt out infront of a mixed group of people "has anyone got a tampon" is relevant? Why would you? Surely only the women in that group are likely to have a tampon and then not everyone uses tampons or will want to give you one, so you find that one girl you can always rely on to help you out.. Some people in the work place won't give you a tissue let alone a sanitary item. I hide mine away in the bathroom cabinet, cos I like everything to be neat and tidy! And cos I don't want the kids messing with them like they do everything else!
I think ghandi may have drawing attention to the fact that women in deprived situations, like refugees, and homeless don't have the access to these necessary items. Because it's forgotten.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 18:25

Yes, she was doing that.

And - eh? To your other point.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 18:29

I didn't say would you ask the whole office group. I said would you ask a friend for one openly in a mixed group (oh and I used friend not colleagues) or would you ask "discreetly"?

Sorry your colleagues won't even give you a tissue though, that sounds mean.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 18:31

And why is it "blurting out"? Would it be blurting out to say "has anyone got a tissue" or "Freda, have you got a tissue"?

Mommyusedtobecool · 12/08/2015 18:59

It just seems that anything relating to female or male private parts and their functions be kept a bit private. Isn't that just good manners?! Don't see how being so open about absolutely everything is a sign of progression?

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 19:07

But there is no equivalent function for men, is there?

Hence - the taboo is on periods, something that half the population experiences for nearly half their lives. You clearly think that the taboo a good thing. I disagree.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 19:08

And if there wasn't a taboo on periods, Trump couldn't use it the way he's tried to and the idiot boy in the OP's school couldn't use it to humiliate her.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 12/08/2015 21:34

I have witnessed many men freely rearrange their testicles in public. They don't seem to worry about this drawing attention to the fact that they have testicles. Why would a passing reference to having your period be any different?

GarthsUncle · 13/08/2015 06:52

I keep birth control pills in my purse. I have had men who've seen them as I've paid for my round act like I should be keeping them better concealed. Would those same men comment on someone with a condom in his wallet? Doubt it.

muminhants1 · 13/08/2015 10:53

The 5% tax is actually an EU problem. I'm not sure why other EU countries aren't as worked up about it as women in the UK are, but if maybe there needs to be more lobbying. Frankly though, the UK government should simply say to the EU that it's going to remove VAT from sanitary protection and ask if the EU Commission is really going to take the UK to court over it at a time when we're about to have a referendum on EU membership. Somehow I think not.

However, lets not make Kiran Gandhi into a heroine. Her original reason for free bleeding was because she thought a towel or tampon would chafe. It had nothing to do with high ideals.

tribpot · 13/08/2015 11:10

French feminists are campaigning to have the rate lowered to 5.5% (which seems logical given it's currently 20% there).

foxinsocks · 13/08/2015 16:47

mine were a big deal. For a start I can't run a marathon but if I even tried to run 1km with my periods, I suspect I would have had a pack of dogs chasing me (Niagara Falls has nothing on me)

I have finally had an endometrial ablation and I hope it will change my life (too early to see what the impact will be) but I had to wait till I was 42 to have this. Even though I KNEW i had finished having a family after the birth of my last child in 2001. The doctors kept saying well we like to wait till you're older in case you change your mind and want more children! Argh

Also I have insisted my daughter (who sadly gets them the same as me) is taken seriously by doctors. My parents never took me and I was told to get on with it and even when I saw the doctors when I was older, no-one did much until I paid for a private gynae.

IceBeing · 13/08/2015 17:13

fox I have been thinking about trying that...would be interested to hear how it goes for you...

foxinsocks · 13/08/2015 17:28

thanks Ice, so far so good. Apparently I will know for sure by October as they say it takes a few months to settle down!

YonicScrewdriver · 13/08/2015 21:01

"Her original reason for free bleeding was because she thought a towel or tampon would chafe. It had nothing to do with high ideals."

And - so what? Why shouldn't she minimise her physical discomfort when running a marathon if she's not hurting anyone else by doing so.

YonicScrewdriver · 13/08/2015 21:01

Whatever her original reason, the fact that she used her decision to draw some attention to that problem is a postive.

aDangerousWoman · 19/05/2016 18:18

How is there no stigma? I grew up in a backward Catholic society: Mum told me I had to be 'discreet' about sanpro. There was nothing in the bathroom cupboard, only in parent's room. No bathroom bin. Got told off for putting them in the kitchen bin, but couldn't go out to outside bin as people would knooow (or so I thought). Had to wait til everybody was out. So difficult.

In my school (all girls) middle-class girls never even said the word cramps, just 'sore tummy'. Obviously acknowledging it made you very indelicate and vulgar, or something.

I also had really painful periods (actually had to leave prom early as I thought I was going to throw up). It was so awful, I wanted to go on the pill but I just couldn't talk about it, even to the GP.

And I only left school within the last 10 years. Unbelievable.

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