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Guest post: "Why are periods still a big deal?"

98 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 11/08/2015 15:28

When I was 11, some little grotbag with an innocent-looking face full of freckles and a soul of pure evil went through my school bag. He was looking for a way to ridicule me, and he found it in the form of my sanitary towel. He pulled it out of its wrapping and threw it into the middle of the classroom so that everyone would see, and they all laughed at me for having something as embarrassing and disgusting as a period. Fortunately for me, when I went home crying later that day, my mum taught me that if he did it again, I should waggle my little finger at him, intimating that he was only acting so pathetically because of his own insecurities.

Fast-forward to 2015, and the American presidential election proves that such schoolboy shaming tactics are still rife - and not confined to the classroom. After news anchor Megyn Kelly questioned him about his attitude towards women during a televised debate, Donald Trump claimed that she did so because she had "blood coming out of...her wherever". Not because she was a grown woman with thoughts and opinions, nor because she believed him to be wrong. OH NO. The only possible explanation, as far as Trump was concerned, was that she was on her period - and as all the world knows, periods turn women into wild-eyed maniacs who want to destroy everything in their path, much like zombies or werewolves (who also work on a lunar cycle. Coincidence?). Given Trump's history of misogyny, his comments perhaps aren't surprising. But it's not just him.

Period stigma is everywhere. The UK still has a 5% tax on sanitary products, due to them being, apparently, 'unnecessary'. I'd love the government to let us know in what way they are unnecessary; maybe they expect us to go back to the olden days and walk about with old rags stowed away in our nethers? On the other hand, perhaps we should all be taking tips from marathon runner Kiran Gandhi, who decided to let her period blood runneth over, literally. When her period arrived the day before she was due to run the London marathon, she decided she couldn't handle wearing uncomfortable sanitary protection while running 26.2 miles. She says she did it in the name of feminism, because "if there's one way to transcend oppression, it's to run a marathon in whatever way you want". What I liked best about Gandhi's attitude is that she'd decided her personal comfort should take precedence over others'; she wasn't going to wear a tampon just so other runners wouldn't freak out over. She didn't care if people stared at her. She'd trained hard for the marathon, and she was going to run it the way she bloody well liked.

Of course, Gandhi's not the first woman to ask us to examine the idea of ‘period-shaming’. Performance artist Casey Jenkins sent people into a spin with her show ‘Casting Off My Womb’, in which she knitted a scarf from wool she pulled out of her vagina. She did this over a month, and the result is a pleasing dip-dyed-looking scarf that charts her cycle from start to finish. The world was, predictably, outraged, and although I admit to having felt an initial ‘eugh, blood’ reaction to her project, I soon got over myself and realised that she’s doing a good thing; anyone who helps to de-stigmatise periods - and everything periods represent - is doing something brave and important. I won’t be making vagina-bunting any time soon - but isn’t it great that there’s someone out there who might?

There are lots of people out there who will assume that period blood is a bodily fluid, so anything to do with it is as disgusting and unhygienic as, say, wee. And they might have a point. But pee comes from men and women and adults and children. We aren't taught from a young age that weeing is something to be ashamed of; how many teenage girls are walking around school going 'OH MY GOD, I hope no one realises I've done a wee today'? Periods are associated with something shameful: developing and continued sexuality, as well as women’s feelings and emotions. Anyone challenging this stigma deserves our applause.

OP posts:
pretend · 11/08/2015 20:50

True Yonic.

If I'm talking day 5 or 6 tampon... well, still unpleasant but probably copeable with.

Day 1, 2 or 3.... I don't even want to imagine it.

Mommyusedtobecool · 11/08/2015 20:54

Yes be offended by Donald Trump. But are we surprised about his views on women? Did anyone expect him to utter anything saintly?

YonicScrewdriver · 11/08/2015 20:57

If she had worn a pad it would have been obvious too and would have probably chafed. I can see why she might think "the least uncomfortable option for me is to do this."

And sure, she could have worn black leggings but since I think she'd travelled to be in the marathon and got her period early the day before, she might not have had time for leggings shopping.

I wouldn't have the guts to do it but she hasn't hurt anyone - I'm not sure those running near her are commenting and everyone else is simply looking at a bloodstain.

YonicScrewdriver · 11/08/2015 20:58

And don't marathon runners sometimes wet themselves etc? You think if Paula Radcliffe got her period mid race she'd stop?

YonicScrewdriver · 11/08/2015 20:59

Actually, yes. I am surprised that someone in his position can say such a thing and then not immediately be pressed to withdraw their presidential bid.

Sparklingbrook · 11/08/2015 21:01

There's a 5 page thread about this already www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2444731-Running-a-marathon-without-a-tampon-Does-it-break-the-stigma-of-periods?pg=1

I think every angle has been covered.

YeOldeTrout · 11/08/2015 21:25

Why periods... why not talk about stigma around feces, urine, semen, etc. Meh.

I'm honestly not sure Trump was thinking of periods. He's a first class idiot, for sure, but I don't understand all the precise mind readers who can insist they knew what he meant, esp. when he's fairly inarticulate about what he ever means.

Maybe I'm just lucky because I have reasonably comfortable sanitary protection that would last 5 hrs (how long Gandhi needed to run the marathon). It's good that she raised awareness of how tough it is on many women, fair enough.

Ledkr · 11/08/2015 21:43

My dd left her bloody used towels in her knickers when she was having periods!
She then was very embarrassed if I mentioned it "God mum, don't talk about that" but still left then all over the place for anyone to see Hmm
She's stopped that niw though thank God but I was very shocked by it at the time.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 11/08/2015 21:48

I had extremely heavy periods as a young teen and have a few horror stories from school years. I hope things have improved since then. It's definitely worth challenging stigma because I know from experience how much it crushes girls' confidence during their formative years.

However.

While we're all feeling empowered / meh / grossed out about periods it's worth remembering that there are lots and lots of women and girls around the world for whom periods are a massive fucking big deal.

Girls are missing big chunks of school because they don't have any facilities to deal with their periods. Menstruation stigma excludes women and girls from normal everyday life. Lack of facilities also leads to poor health.

I don't want to denigrate western girls' and women's problems with menstruation stigma - they are real and important. I also think it's important that menstruation is not seen solely as some sort of developing world problem - it's something that women across the globe experience and have to deal with and it should be something that unites us.

I'm just deeply disappointed that Lucy Bellerby doesn't mention the problems faced by women outside of the west at all and I think she has massively missed the point.

Kiran Gandhi said "if there's one way to transcend oppression, it's to run a marathon in whatever way you want" but that's not really true, not on its own. If that is all she had said, people would just go yay / eww / meh and move on. She also said, I ran with blood dripping down my legs for sisters who don’t have access to tampons and sisters who, despite cramping and pain, hide it away and pretend like it doesn’t exist.

Water Aid are doing a lot of work around these issues, if anybody feels like suporting them.

Binit · 11/08/2015 22:13

I completely disagree with most of the op.

You absolutely cannot measure anything by reference to school bullies. That boy wished to bully you op, he would have done so in any way he could. He wasn't a period hater, he was just a vindictive little sod. Similarly, the Trump guy - simply a prat, not indicative of all men.

The tax on sanitary products is because the govt is desperate for money. Not period hating. Today I bought my 9yo some footwear for school that I had to pay VAT on as it was classed as an "adult size". I don't think the govt hates children with big feet, which is the conclusion you would draw using the period logic. It just needs revenue.

The recent marathon runner, well that was disgusting. If she valued her comfort so much (fine) then she could have gone without anything and instead worn black trousers so that she did not deliberately subject others to blood stained clothing. No, she chose red so the dark stain would show up nicely. People get sent off in sport if there is blood present.

The vagina knitter. Well the vagina has obvious purposes. Sticking wool in there is just attention seeking and weird and clearly not what the vagina is there for. Again, a blood stained garment is vile. When people get blood on clothing, they wash it out. But this lady did it deliberately.

We are putting feminism backwards by pulling these ridiculous stunts. Making ourselves look idiotic.

We are also alienating ordinary women from the cause by doing odd and disgusting things.

Mommyusedtobecool · 12/08/2015 10:41

Why is today's "feminism" all about exhibitionist acts of passive aggression? Behaving less like any civilised male or female and more like a primal animal? Then demanding to be treated like male counterparts and not like a total uncivilised loon?!
Men know we have periods. Get over it. I'm sure most western men got over it along time ago!
This incident hasnt proven or achieved anything positive.
Should men behave equally about their nether bodily functions? And run through the streets of London pissing through their clothes or ejaculating and making a proud show of it??
I'm sure many "feminists" would choose to be offended by a man behaving in that way! So what's this all about?
A minority of Women choosing to assert their right to behave bullishly and like animals......?

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 11:07

"Similarly, the Trump guy - simply a prat, not indicative of all men. "

A very powerful prat seeking to become the most powerful man in the world.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 11:07

"Why is today's "feminism" all about exhibitionist acts of passive aggression"

Of course it's not.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 11:11

I'm interested - do posters on this thread openly ask a friend or colleague to borrow a tampon or pad in front of a mixed group, if they need one? Or take one freely out of their own handbag so they can head off to the loo unencountered?

Because I don't, but I'd happily get out or ask for a tissue from a handi pack.

That to me is to do with the taboo around periods. Unused pads and tampons are like tissues or plasters - nothing to do with hygeine to be handling one. But it's still done "discreetly" isn't it, even though all men know women have periods.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 11:31

"People get sent off in sport if there is blood present."

Do they? If the blood is being absorbed into a white bandage so that it's visible but not likely to touch another player? Is that right?

MicrochipsAndMemories · 12/08/2015 11:42

So, a boy shouldn't ridicule a girl for being on her period but it's OK for a girl to ridicule a boy about his penis size?

You can't say a woman is angry because she's on her period but you can say a boy is being mean because he has a small penis?

confused.

tribpot · 12/08/2015 11:42

Agreed, Yonic. I take my handbag with me to the loo rather than walk through the office with a sanitary towel in my hand.

I guess for some (most?) they would take the handbag anyway as they might well brush hair/redo lipstick and whatnot at the same time, but I can't be arsed with all that.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 12:12

"So, a boy shouldn't ridicule a girl for being on her period but it's OK for a girl to ridicule a boy about his penis size"

Who said that it was? This is a straw man, no?

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 12:15

"The tax on sanitary products is because the govt is desperate for money."

Nope, it's EU regulations.

"like a total uncivilised loon?"

Are girls in developing countries who are unable to go to school when they have their periods uncivilised loons?

IIRC the case in India when two schoolgirls were raped and hanged from a tree arose after they were trying to find somewhere private to go to the loo and change sanitary rags.

Still offended by some stained leggings?

MicrochipsAndMemories · 12/08/2015 12:26

yonic, the op mentions it.

NotCitrus · 12/08/2015 12:52

I blow my nose in front of my office colleagues - whereas in Japan I hear that's considered disgustingly germy and should only be done in private. I can't wait until my kids will leave me alone to use the toilet, but in the meantime they can't complain if they end up seeing sanitary towels being used. If they don't like it they can stay on the other side of the door!

There's still some stigma even in England - if mothers are reluctant to mention to their children that their tummy sometimes hurtsand they don't want to be jumped on, girls still getting to age 9 without knowing about periods, and the fact that it's seen as weak to be feeling under par let alone in great pain because of them - and women are still being fobbed off by some doctors who claim period pains are always "normal".

My initial thought about the runner was "yuck, damp leggings doesn't sound comfortable either", but thinking about it it probably was the best solution and well done her for publicising the issue for women in other countries.

Food banks and homeless shelters appreciate sanpro donations.

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 13:40

The OP mentions defending herself against a boy who had already made her cry about her period. Not saying something about penis size out of the blue.

You seriously want to focus on the girl's behaviour there?

YonicScrewdriver · 12/08/2015 13:52

And this was her mum's suggestion IF THE BOY DID IT AGAIN.

And to remind ourselves, what he did was go through her bag, pull out and unwrap her sanitary towel and ridicule her in front of the class who all laughed. In response TO A SECOND SUCH INCIDENT, a three second wriggle of a little finger (if she actually did it) is of course the thing to focus on.

Is there a parent alive who faced with a crying child who had been bullied who wouldn't have come up with some riposte to keep in reserve and make her feel better? Could have been about intelligence, looks, whatever.

But oh no, let's equate the two.

MicrochipsAndMemories · 12/08/2015 14:19

It still doesn't make it right. I didn't focus on the ridicule of the boy I focused on both.
No, the boy shouldn't have done what he did but that doesn't mean the girl should be taught to respond in a way which is just as bad, which it is. Both are attacks on their bodies. Both are horrible things to do.

No I wouldn't have told my daughter to respond in that way should it happen again. What is that teaching her?

Going by your rules a boy then can ridicule a girl about her period so long as he was ridiculed first.

No.

DeathStar · 12/08/2015 14:21

There has always been a special separate place built for that time of the month when certain misogynist people in a narrow-minded, marginalised society think that periods are gross and women turn into demons while they are having them.

It's called "the Shed" and the menfolk banish themselves to it and pretend to be tidying up and re-potting whenever their wives are on shark week.

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