"You're so good with children! How many do you have?" Parents often ask me this question, caught up in the glow of watching their kids drawing and joking around with me at my book events. As someone who writes and draws stories for children, they assume I'd be the most likely to want them myself. Sometimes they're taken aback when I tell them I don't have children. It's not that I can't - I just don't want to.
I have enormous respect for parents – wow, you go through a lot. I've had friends who told me before they had kids that it wouldn't change their lives very much; they'd still do all the things they did before. I knew they were wrong, and, sure enough, their lives all had colossal overhauls. I lost touch with some of them altogether.
So why didn't I join them? It's not a lack of respect for children, either. I think when kids meet me, they somehow relate to the fact that I don't "like children". Children don't like all children, either. That expression seems as odd to me as saying "I like adults".
One of my mother's friends had horses instead of children, and when my mother told me that 'Betty doesn't like children', I was at first horrified - 'why wouldn't you like someone like me?' But as Betty taught me how to ride her horses, and took me along by myself to horseshows with her, I felt extra special and grown up; I knew she didn't have to take me along, and I basked in the glow of her respect .
I love getting to know children as unique individuals and in some of them, I find kindred spirits. I love those moments of connection, and I love not being stuck forever with kids who don't connect with me. I have friends who want the best for their children - love them, but don't actually like them - and even friends who have confided that they wish they'd never had children.
But it's more than that. I guess I see myself as a sort of pioneer. It's only fairly recently that women have been able to make the choice to marry and not have kids. Having a supportive partner and the time to do something besides raise children seems like an exciting new world to me. I'm so grateful to my husband for this freedom. Maybe we're getting it wrong and will regret our choice... but maybe we won't.
Of course, plenty of women raise kids and do loads of other things, but I don't want to be a Supermum. I worry I'd either be dog-tired all the time, or give up doing what I love and secretly resent my kid for it.
I used to teach Sunday School classes in my husband's church, which was pretty much just babysitting the kids until the service was over. I tried to give it something more, and spent lots of time planning interesting craft projects. But since the kids had to be with me, they kicked back, messed around, and vandalised the room. It was horrible. "You just aren't that good with children", one of the other teachers said, as I fought back angry tears, feeling totally useless.
Then I started working as a children's book illustrator and, to promote my books, agreed to do stage events. Parents and teachers had prepped these children to understand that it was a special treat to meet me, and the kids paid attention. I felt I was actually making a difference. And they were so much more fun to be with. They knew that if they misbehaved, they'd have to leave, and they didn't want to miss out.
And I reckon that’s the hardest thing about being a parent: the kids know that, whatever they do, you're there for them. That rock-solid foundation lets them grow into well-adjusted adults. But it also means parents have to put up with endless demands on their time and energy – both physical and mental. I prefer being the fairy godmother figure, who can swoop in, enjoy the best of the children, and give them something a bit magical – a story idea, a new way of drawing, a career dream - that they can take home.
Maybe if I could guarantee that my child would love line and colour, drawing and reading as much as I do, and help me around the studio, I might risk it. But I know children are their own people, with their own tastes and agendas. I think my decision not to have my own children, as much as being a feminist act, is something borne out of a deep respect for kids.
Sarah McIntyre's latest books are Cakes in Space which she wrote with Philip Reeve, and her picture book Jampires with David O'Connell; both are out this week.