Calling all ladies who were mums in the 50's and 60's... 70's even... how did you cope?

[Jacksmamwahahaha]

Hi all -

I've never ventured onto Gransnet before, but have been thinking about this the last few days... how did you cope with motherhood and housework and childrearing etc 50-odd years ago?

I started wondering a few days ago when I had a very busy day - laundry, housecleaning, cooking, groceries... and my 20 month old toddler wasn't having a good day. So here I was slinging clothes in the wash and then the tumble-dryer, loading the dishwasher, throwing stuff in the slow cooker, driving to the grocery store, all with an unhappy toddler in tow... and I started thinking, man, this could all be so much harder.

I might have to do the laundry by hand in a tub. Peg out all my washing. Wash all my dishes by hand. Cut up every vegetable rather than be able to use a food processor or other nifty appliance. Sweep the carpet, rather than vacuum it. Wash nappies rather than use disposables. I might not have hot running water or an indoor toilet.

I might not be able to drive or have a car and have to haul a mahoosive shop home in a rattly pram rather than my sleek three-wheeler with huge basket underneath.

I might have a number of children really close together rather than just the one because I might not have birth control options.
I might be trying to do all this without having the damage from Jackbaby's birth repaired. I (or both of us) might have died during his birth. I might not have had access to medication for post-natal anxiety and depression... in fact, such a thing might not even be recognized and I might have had to struggle along without access to counselling.
I might have not have a husband who works part-time so I can work part-time and so he can have his time with our toddler. I might not have a husband who does as much housework as I do and changes as many nappies as I do.

All this really gave me cause to think, what was it really like 50-odd years ago to be pregnant, give birth, raise children, keep house etc.
We are so blessed with modern conveniences these days, and I think we take them for granted. Some people like to argue that these days women are also under more stress than they were years ago, but I don't know if I believe that entirely.

I would love to hear about your experiences.

I'm one of the oldest on MN who had first DC in 1980. It's my mothers generation you're asking about.

In the 80's I had twin tub washing machine and used cloth nappies. I washed every other day and had to 'do 'the washing rather than press a button to set it going. It was no real hardship though. Tumble driers did exist but I didn't have one so drying nappies was sometimes a problem.

I think giving birth was probably different back then. Because I was young and healthy I didn't qualify for a bed at the local consultant led teaching hospital even for my first baby. Only complicated cases, twins etc. got a bed there. I went to the local maternity home. I was very run down and old fashioned...just as it would have been in the 50's. In fact my mother gave birth there in the 50/60s. It was staffed by midwives and nurses. There were no doctors about apart from antinatal clinic days or if there was a problem. The midwifes only called out local GPs if mum needed stitches. I had to wait 5 hours to be stitched because I gave birth in the night.....it was more painful than giving birth! If there was a real problem during delivery it was a blue light into teaching hospital.

Thank you for your response! I was wondering if anyone would reply

I had my dc in 1970 and 1974.Ds was born abroad and I had a lot of help by 1974 things were easier than a decade earlier-some people had tumble driers-in fact I had one by 1978-but drying terry nappies was a problem.I had what we called a 'creel' it was a sort of wooden pulley arrangement and clothes were usually dried on it when the weather was wet.I swore by Dr Spock,started weaning scarily early by today's standards.Both babies were born in hospital and I was in for 5 days each time.Doctors were very aloof-my worst moment was when doc couldnt hear a heartbeat with dd and said so to midwife..I queried this [about 20 weeks] and he said,'Its no concern of yours mother!!!!!!!!'I was lucky that both my births were quite easy.I followed a book by Erna Wright called,'The New Childbirth'which taught breathing methods to control pain in labour.It really worked for me.

A couple of stories from my mother:

She didn't get a washing machine until 1982 when my younger brother was a baby - she had 3 kids at that point.

When my older brother was born in 1976 she had to stay in for a week I think. Babies were taken away to a nursery and breastfeeding was certainly not encouraged. However smoking on the ward was positively encouraged to keep the mothers calm

I was born in the 50s so can remember how my mother managed.
She was probably quite lucky as she had washing machines (first one I remember had an electric heater to heat water and wash clothes, but the rinsing was fiddly involving hoses and there was no spin dry - only a mangle. Washing was done once a week and the house seemed very steamy that day.
She also had a vacuum cleaner (and a Ewbank for quickly picking up stuff).
She went shopping every day, so no need for a car (though they owned one). Butcher, greengrocer and grocer were all within 5 minutes walk. Lots of queuing in each shop and a considerably smaller range of goods available - yoghurt was virtually unknown, mushrooms were seasonal, any foreign fruit and veg brought in, such as tomatoes were very expensive. We had a fridge, but the freezing compartment was tiny - just large enough for some frozen peas, ice cubes and a block of ice cream.
We had partial central heating downstairs but this operated off a back boiler behind the fire place in the living room, so fires had to be laid and lit every day (fireguard in front as we were little) and in winter the clothes would be hung up to dry on a clothes horse in front of the fire or over the downstairs radiators.
We had bathroom and indoor lavatory - typical of the semis of suburbia, though when we first moved into the house, a lot of work on the heating and water system had to be done and I remember having a bath in a galvanised tub, placed close to the open fire.
Even though we were comparatively privileged, it was hard manual work for house wives. There were also virtually no toddler groups or play groups so you had your children with you full time until they went to school unless you could pay for nursery school.
I should imagine that my experience was fairly typical for middle class suburban families, but we were all very glad when North Sea gas came on stream and made full central heating affordable.

i once had a chat with my mom about my grandmother andhow she reared her children. here is a list of things that my grandmother did NOT do

1)grocery shopping. it was either deliverd to her door, or her husband or sons brought it to her, and failing that, next doors kids.

2. the school run, or beavers run, or any other activities run. the kids either did nothing like that at all, or they went themselves, with neighbourhood kids all in a group.

3. organise playdtes, or any other sort of play for the kids. the neighbourhood kids all played together, and were in and out of each others houses.

4. constant laundry. she washed by hand on one day only. and all her kids, including the boys, washed their own clothes as soon as they were able to. ditto ironing.

5. she didn ot have to worry about keeping a house like a showhome. it wasnt big, so had to be kept clean and tidy simply to ensure everyone lived well. not so it would look good when the joneses came round.

stuff she did do

1. cook three meals a day from scrathc. but everyone ate what was made, with no fuss made, and you either finished what there was, or went hungry

2. she sewed and knitted everyones clothes and jumpers, until her daughters were old enough to initially help her, and then gradually do their own. but this was a social activity, and was considered fun. not a chore

3. wash nappies, but, she managed to make sure her babies spent no more than a year in them. ( not sure how, i can only imagine that the incentive for potty training was incredinly high, even if it was only potty timeing)

from my moms description, it seems she had a lot more help, and free time than i have, despite my modern 'conveniences'

Wow - I just found my thread again and am so thrilled at your replies. What a fascinating glimpse into childrearing a few decades ago. Thanks, all.

More, anyone?

Lilymaid's post rang lots of bells with me - esp the lack of central heating (ice inside bedroom windows on winter mornings, paraffin heaters in hall & bathroom)

My mum also had a washing machine with a mangle - single tub with a wheely thing on the back wall so the washing just went roundandroundandround. Turning the mangle handle was a privilege.

Broccoli did not exist in the 50s

DH's mum fed him out of tins - in fact we talked about this tonight, my dad grew loads of veg, his dad didn't garden at all, so with no fridge tins was it.

My brother was born in 1964 & he went to one of the first ever playgroups.

Nylon shirts & sheets were the best inventions ever

My mum reckons that depression wasn't as common because women did more physical work which helped with stress and kids played out and walked to school/ brownies by themselves.I can remember going to the shop at about 7 yrs old to get my mum 10 B&H and to collect her Family Allowance!

Broccoli didn't exist??? Where did it come from?

Well it didn't exist here, Jacksmama

Having said that hippie types in the 50s probably knew about it - but my mum was a good cook, & fairly green (by today's standards) & we never had it. Cabbage & sprouts & cauli, but no broccoli.

shockers, I was sent to the co-op at the end of the street aged about 4 & stunned my mum by knowing her divi number! (& to the newsagent to buy fags for my dad )

This is v interesting - one post on here says broccoli hadn't been "invented" (& neither had asparagus)

Oh, and fish & chips were cheap then - you could get a decent-sized 3d bag of chips when a Mars bar cost 6d.

Not sure what went wrong there

I was fed on evaporated milk as a baby. All my clothes were knitted or crocheted ( including swimming costumes)Myself and my uncle (7 months older) used to top n tail in a big pram and in our cot. ( we lived with Grandma as my mother was unmarried )

This is all so cool. Thanks for that link. I can't ask my grandparents because they're not living any longer and my mum grew up in post-war Germany so it was all completely different there...

Hoping I get more replies!!

Were any of you around when vaccinations first became available?

I don't know about first becoming available - I had a polio jab when I was quite young, don't remember exactly when, it probably was quite new then.

There wasn't a measles vaccine & I actually caught measles; ditto whooping cough, aged about 3 months - I wasn't very ill but I gave it to my newborn cousin who was but survived, luckily (not my fault though, obv )

We used to be dosed with cod liver oil & orange juice, both free on the NHS. And we had free milk at school (1/3 pint a day) up to the age of 18!!! until Thatcher stopped it

For most of my childhood there were very few cars, so kids played out in the street everywhere except main roads.

It's a different world now...

Apart from socks and pants they didn't change clothes as often. .

My Dad was saying that it was quite common to wear a shirt for an entire week.

My mum managed to convince her mum to wash the nappies for her and my dad cooked dinner when he got in from work.

Vvodka's list v interesting about what Mums didn't have any pressure over.

Sometimes I think Mums then had one other thing easier: TV for children just stopped. It got to five thirty and stopped. There was no screen to argue over, no videos, no dvds, no movies on TV. Just playing, reading, bath, bed.

And like others say, it was playing out in the streets. We just had to.. Mum had so much to do and when she'd cleaned and when she was cooking we were sent out, with all the other children, and nobody saying the parents were being irresponsible for not checking every five minutes. No piles of childrearing books to make you feel guilty.

Mum managed the errands and shopping by asking us to do them sometimes, even by the age of seven or eight. Just because she was so busy and why not. You might have a penny to spend on blackjacks after. Activities like Brownies or choir we walked to, as a "gang" ie everyone on the street. There was no school run. But she still seemed to have no spare time for herself.

This was in the sixties. I think that must have been the hardest time, in some ways: after the period where you might have a help, before the time where you could afford the white goods, even if they were available.

My grandma had 4 children in the late 40s- early 50s and definately had paid help even though they were not very well off. I think it was common to spend money on help with housework rather than the holidays and cars we would perhaps prioritise now?

My mum started her family in the 60's and the one big difference was she had all her family around her both her mother and MIL.
Her sister, SIL and BIL etc etc.
There was always someone close by to lend a hand with the kids and the chores.

She knew every single one of her neighbours and they knew her.
My brother and sister had way less stuff than my dc's do (so did I but still more than they did as littlies)
Less clothes to wash, less crap to fall over toys to pick up.

So she never had an automatic washing machine She remembers her first one (hear that story a lot), had all the cloth nappies to wash and no microwave or convenience food I think she probably had my brother and sister under her feet and around the house a lot less than I do.
My dc's have way more junk to try and control and way more running to this class and that class miles across town.
Even when I was a kid if it wasn't in the local community within walking we didn't do it.

I don't recall eating broccoli until around the late 70s early 80s except the purple sprouting broccoli.
Asparagus was around, but was expensive and very seasonal - probably not imported so only available in UK season.
If you go back to the 1980s I can remember trying to buy mushrooms in M&S on a Monday and there would be none as there had been no picking or deliveries over the weekend - so much fresh veg and fruit could only reliably be bought Tuesday - Saturday.
My mother considered herself fairly hard done by as she was the first generation (married just after WW2) not to have paid help in the house (same goes for MIL too).

I remember the cod-liver oil ! Did anyone else have to take black strap molasses off a spoon? ( think it was to keep us 'regular')

In the 70's we used to have blancmange (?) for pudding and sorbet if it was a special occasion ( in a hollowed out orange if we had company!)
We also had advocado if my parents had people round... on stoneware plates!

I remember when orange juice was invented. No one had orange juice in the mornings or any other juice then suddenly there was Rise and Shine and not long after that they invented orange juice. We used to get ours in milk bottles with the milk delivery.

Can I digress a little bit and say, does anyone remember being allowed to watch Blue Peter and not Magpie? I didn't even know Magpie existed for years as it was, I don't know, too low for us. I want to also say my favourite programme was the Double Deckers but this is not the place for it. I just wanted to say. Used to watch it with Saturday iced buns.