New Granny - preemie baby - how to help!

[GrannyAching]

Not sure where to post this!

My first grandchild - a beautiful little girl weighing in at 3lb 6oz - was born on Wednesday at 31 weeks, after an emergency c-section. My DIL is 20 and has no other family support (she was a 'looked-after' child, ie in care, with no parental contact). She and my son (he's 23) have lived with me on and off over the past 4 years but moved in to a new flat just before christmas, and I know she sees me as a mum more than a MIL. It's not easy being mum to them both!

It's very early days and everyone is still a bit shocked and emotional but I'd really like to hear from any other grandparents who have preemie experience, particularly those who have been very actively engaged in supporting mother, father and baby.

I'd also like to hear from any mums who delivered early babies about what family support was most helpful, or would have been most helpful, particularly in the early days.

At the moment, baby is stable and SCBU are as positive as they can be. DIL is understandably sore, shocked and disappointed, and I have been giving her lots of TLC and reassurance. My son has had the biggest scare of his life and also needs reassurance and guidance.

Words of wisdom welcome! Thank you!

Much progress to report! LO now 4lb 3oz, in a cot and learning to breastfeed. Signs are all good and we're hopeful that she'll be home in the next couple of weeks.

It's been a chaotic couple of weeks, with highs and lows, but seems like it's time to start thinking about the homecoming - any ideas what to expect and what'll help?

Thanks!

Congratulations on your new grand-daughter, although not so new now!

I recently had a premature daughter (28 weeks) and although I was delighted to have her home, had mixed emotions, which your DIL will hopefully not share, but I wanted to post in case she does. The main problem for me is the guilt because of all the suffering DD has been through because I didn't manage to stay pregnant long enough, and the worry about the possible long term effects of her prematurity. I found it hard to bond with DD in the same way that I did with my first child, but it is coming gradually, and of course I feel guilty about that too.

It's all intensified by being so shattered because of the lack of sleep, so it may help your DIL if she has help with meals, housework etc, and as it's her first child, just general help with the baby if she wants it.

Have you had a look at the prem births thread under "parenting" - shows how other prem mothers are feeling.

It sounds as if you'll be a lovely grandmother, I hope you enjoy it as much as my mum does x