Instead of starting threads taking the piss out of G&T children why don't you all just...

[PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena]

stop it. It's pathetic.

Thanks.

ds is 9. I've been hoping and waiting for things to get better. He has a friend next door and he plays with him (chess and playstation, the other kid is 2 years older). The teacher suggested inviting a friend home which I'll try but our house is titchy and ds gets hyper when there's someone other than me and him in the house. It takes a while for him to calm down. She suggested watching the news with him and talking about emotions and feelings but I've been doing this for years. He's good with me, he'll ask if I'm OK/hungry/tired etc and will say if I look sad/tired etc. He's messing around at school at the moment, silly things like shouting out (he has not done this for years) and correcting others grammar . He doesn't see himself as a child, he wants to be equal and it's a long and hard lesson for him. We do role play and talk about how and why he should try to fit in. He's like KerryMums ds, he doesn't work at all because he doesn't need to. It all comes naturally and without any effort unless he thinks he's being tested. Then he's neat.

phantom, has your ds ever been assessed for Aspergers?

I don't know if it's the same with your son but mine often tells me that he can't understand why people are sad about something because he's not them and has never been in that situation so he can't feel the same way. I'm not sure if it's a very good get out clause.

That sounds very Aspergery to me, and yes, that does ring a bell. Though I have to say, for a kids with AS, my ds is incredibly good at emotions and has really come on lately.

No, I have asked the old head (she said no) and the new school. They have agreed to an assessment after christmas if he shows no progress but I will have to pay for it (which I don't mind). He has no other signs though and even the ones he has are not there all the time.

ie my ds recently begged me to vote for someone on STrictly because they looked so sad when the judges slagged them off. I didn't say anything, he just asked me why the man looked so sad, then immediately wanted me to vote to help him.
Now that's what I call gifted and talented!

You don't have to pay for an assessment. Are you in teh UK? If so, ask your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. The calling out, lack of empathy, lack of friends etc does sound Aspie to me.

It's the lack of empathy that rings the bell for me too. I just can't get why he's good at this with me and not any one else. He's happy 99% of the time so I'm not surprised he finds it hard though. It's like an almost permanent happy state. He needs to bottle it and sell it on ebay. Boys are normally behind with their caring aspect though. It doesn't normally kick in until their teens I've been told. It's good that your ds is improving.

Yes, it's fantastic, and I'm delighted. Much more important than understanding particle physics (though that was also fascinating for me!). I'm glad your ds is happy. I know my ds longs to have more friends, more playdates etc, which upsets him sometimes, and he has mood swings which are frustrating for us, but he's a lovely cuddly chap too, if completely uncool!

Ahh, that's sweet! The Oxfam web site has some interesting clips about people affected by war, I used these to help ds understand why gave to charity.

I'm in the UK. He has friends though, he's got a silly clown side that seems to attract people. Very odd!

I'll see how the empathy training goes. We've made a bit of a breakthrough tonight (I hope).

How old is your ds?

KerryMum - sorry had fb on another tab and didn't look at it! Night night

he's just seven. Mine also has the infuriating policeman trait of thinking he needs to ensure other people keep to the rules and corrects their grammar - eeek!
Must go to bed! Night!

Night.

There's a book called the unwritten rules of friendship we used for that. It's very good.

"It's good that you have found the exception jim. I have a friend who attends the NAGC meetings, she confirmed that most of the children there were unable to hold a conversation because they were off the planet. '

You see I think here is the problem. MOst of the parents who attend the NAGTY are off the planet. There are plenty of very clever kids out there who have parents who don't go along to that sort of thing (you don't have to be scarily bright to get into NAGTY) who also have very good social skills etc etc.

The brightest person I know (top first in his year at Oxford and he stopped revising 2 weeks before the exams) grew up without NAGTY, without google, without a car in fact (so he couldn't get to lots of stimulating meetings very easily as he lived in the middle of nowhere). He published his first paper aged 14 and is well adjusted socially. I don't buy that academic giftedness has to go hand in hand with social ineptitude. And I think it's dangerous to think it does. Separate the 2 out.

Nor do I think that 'he's so clever that he's bored' is a very good excuse for poor work ethic. It's not that hard to stimulate a child- even a very clever one- especially these days with so much easy access to academically stimulating stuff - to be academically stimulated all you really need is to be able to read. If they can't concentrate or apply themselves then yes its a problem- but it's exactly the same problem as Joe Average who can't concentrate and apply himself and for both the result will be the same (they won't get the list of qualifications they need to demonstrate how clever they are). Being unable to work is nothing to do with being gifted and talented though. A big part of academic success is being able to study independently/be self-motivated, not need spoon feeding. In which case a computer and even better a library and a truly gifted child should be well away.

I agree jimjam.

I had a friend who attended NAGTY meetings, it was her opinion that a lot of the DCs were not G or T, but their parents thought they were-certainly a lot of the parents were very strange (some were normal before I upset anyone).

You know, the more I think about this, the more upset I get that people have accused me of taking the piss out of a group of children.

I realize that I am completely OUTRAGED by the suggestion, which was completely unwarranted. Any apologies that people would like to offer will be accepted.

In what ways were the parents strange?

I would like to apologise, Seeker.

Very intensive and much too controlling hullygully.Determined to make their DC shine-terribly competitive. They would have been much better relaxing-neglecting their DC (in a nice way)and giving them chance to interact with their peer group.
I agree with all jimjams points.
I know a DC who is gifted in Maths, he had lessons in the secondary school once a week from year 5 and is now year 8 and studies with 6th form. He plays chess for the county. He is a lovely boy, goes to the local comprehensive and has never been hot housed.

Thanks Abbey. Is it like they are trying ot live through their children?

I have skimmed and think
tortoiseshellWasMusicaYearsAgo on Tue 11-Nov-08 00:25:22 - was a very good post

My dd is not in the secondary G&T selected 10%, however she is in in a top stream for both Science and Maths, when others in her class are not, BUT they have been selected as G&T. As far as I know they have been selected for languages, PE and music. Bit mad really. Dd is doing very well without having a label and I am pleased too.

I think a lot of people do that hullygully. They want them to excel at sport or take the lead in the school play etc because they didn't. They want their DC to stand out in some way. A lot of DCs are like me and just want to blend into the background!
I think benign neglect is healthier. If a DC really has a talent and wants to do it it will shine through. I used to feel really guilty when my DS was young because I was a widow and just hate ball games. I used to force myself to kick a football with him and always limited it. He practised on his own, played for a football team from under 7's onwards and made the school team.
I think it is important to give them the opportunities and support them all the way-but leave the rest up to them. Make every effort to get them at ease socially-especially with other children.