ADHD or bored? Or anxious? Argh!

[Gertrudetheadelie]

My DS (just turned 8 and v late August baby) has been assessed by an Ed Psych as being exceptionally intelligent. The Ed Psych thought that that was all that there was and that his fizziness was the consequence of a very active mind. We were warned that schooling would prove very difficult as he was going to not fit into mainstream ways of teaching.

However, he does seem to struggle at school with focus - his teachers complain about him getting out of his seat, chatting, making noise, and so on. He complains about not learning anything and being bored. His teacher wants him to complete tasks before he gets extensions (which I do understand).

He is not distracted or unfocused when we take him to the theatre, or even when we were in France and he had to stand still and listen to a French guide! These were not special interests. He doesn't show hyper focus on special interests. He's never been a risk taker (in fact, the opposite), and the Ed Psych commented that he had excellent task focus and could switch attention well for the couple of hours that they were together.

I just feel so unsure!

Has anyone else been through anything similar?

See if you can send him with something to occupy his mind with while bored, like a puzzle of some kind or maybe (challenging) worksheets (though the latter may not go over as well if he chooses to do them instead of the underleveled class work)

He sounds a lot like my DS - also 8 and summer born.

Found to be profoundly gifted by Ed Psych a year ago after we went because of his issues sequencing thoughts to write. Also hypermobile, hates sports and recently diagnosed with DCD (dyspraxia).

He doesn’t present as the classic gifted child, if there is one, in that he isn’t hyper focused and doesn’t deep dive into subjects/topics. He actively dislikes traditional desktop learning, rote facts and worksheets - basically school! I would say he’s intellectual but not academic at the moment.

He thrives on idea generation, debate and discussion and novelty. Once he’s done this, he’s out and that means boredom, frustration and a bit of silliness - cracking jokes, making silly noises but super low level. The school don’t really notice it but we do.

Your description of fizzy is great. He tells us his brain is always flashing with ideas and I can imagine it must be hard not to be fizzy when that’s happening all day!

I’d suggest you stay open minded and if things start to make home or school more difficult consider starting the diagnostic process.

One of my children was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD but only became apparent in secondary school.

Lots of interests extensions at primary- maths and science related. But also sitting through a ballet or whatever else he wasn’t particularly interested in would not have been a problem aged 8.

Start of secondary school and a big more exposed by need for executive function and independent focus.

What made clear there was a problem was exhaustion, dysregulation and anxiety at home leading to EBSR. School took much longer to see any issues as he was so bright that at worst he’d be in the median academically, he had lots of friends and played on the sports teams, knew the cool memes etc.

If it is ADHD then you’ll need to adjust a bit eg less framing on telling off and correcting whilst still guiding him. DS is extremely high IQ educational psychologist said top 3% of the population, but would never achieve potential without educational adjustments (we are at a mainstream independent school - tend to have more flex but just check their attitude to SEN if that’s something you’re considering). Medication makes a difference, he’s very sporty (non competitive as he’s got older) and really solid friendships are important. I just want him to be happy. Not out of the woods yet.

@NT2018 that's exactly it! They sound like they would really understand each other. I think it must be very isolating to think like them in mainstream.

Something else like hiking? Riding even? Expensive though!

Get a dog and do agility with it?

All things my family do!

I can totally imagine the dog but I'm just laughing imagining the horrified look on our cat's face!

He's quite risky averse so he said no to riding already - I did wonder that too as I thought it might be good for core strength. Maybe I need to bust out one of those 90s exercise videos! It is hard to find options for classes. I need to really chew on it!

The sports thing might be because he knows he can’t do it.

both my boys have been like this. Needed sports but wouldn’t go as they knew other kids were better than them.

Eldest got into football after a lot of 1:1 with dh. Youngest is tentatively starting to try. Both were 8. Both very intellectual and good at most things academic.

there’s also cycling too. (Both mine were 8 before they could do that too, despite one being a whizz on a balance bike.)

Slack lining?!

this is something we once did with a child at school. You can get indoor short slack lines to practice on. (I want one!)

Circus skills?

@pinkpostitnote yes I think that's true.

We have tried with cycling but he's not wildly motivated (my DH learnt to ride as a kid and has since forgotten - who knew that could happen?!) so I suppose we wouldn't be doing big family cycles so there's not a huge motivation.

I did wonder about fencing because it isn't like football and it might be nice to have something physical to be good at that the other kids aren't. But it's a bit of a horse to water job!

The horse to water part is the hardest I agree.

walking around a historical area, talking about the things he’s interested in, with a weighted backpack (just his water etc) could be beneficial when you can.

apart from anything it will strengthen his legs etc. supposed to also be very helpful for organising thinking.

this could be something he does at school, arranged with school - go for a walk with a back pack of books. Take some messages etc.

Honestly you could be describing me at that age. It turned out to be all 3. (Autism as well, but I was very special interest-y)

Can you find a different school? I teach older kids (14-18) and I had a couple of kids in a GCSE class last year who just as effectively could have started the A-level. The work was so easy for them (obviously I gave then extension but also had to deal with more typical 14 year old boys who were probably way less mature than your 8 year old). One of my smarties got in OK and had a sense of humour about the situation but the other did not and kept getting out giant books and reading them! I didn't have the heart to tell him off much as I was similar at school although more socially compliant, but my god I was BORED a lot of the time.

There must be alternative schools that would treat his brain as an asset not a threat. Bursary or scholarship at an independent? Some take from year 6.

Is part time school an option if you’ve home schooled before?

there seems to be a positive item on broadcasting house this morning along those lines.

he sounds a bit like my ds though mine is older (just started high school) and actually manages at school pretty well but does lots of extra curricular to keep his mind occupied

he was diagnosed ADHD earlier this year. Not saying your ds does or does not have ADHD but 8 would be on the young side to be diagnosed. We haven’t really don’t anything substantial with the information that DS does have it but it helps him understand how he is the way he is

Exercise. Yea he doesn’t love to i or he might not be good at it but it’s what he needs to help calm his body and mind. He needs at least half an hour before school at that age every day - it’s normal in some countries and they have less adhd related issues. Cycle, scoot, run, dance in the kitchen whatevee b it it’s like having an active puppy

@Gertrudetheadelie he is telling you that he's bored (I think, if I've read your OP correctly). School takes up a lot of time every week, imagine spending that much of your week being incredibly bored, being told things that you know already at a very slow pace. And 8 year olds don't have fully developed empathy or strategies for dealing with that kind of boredom. I think that could be your answer without there needing to be any kind of diagnosis, besides gifted, extremely intelligent and incredibly bored.

I have ADHD. I know not everyone with ADHD is the same, but I think the symptoms have to affect more than one area/behaviour to be diagnosable, and hyper mobility is not one of the diagnostic symptoms. I was pretty intelligent (not as intelligent as your son!) and also struggled with concentrating in class. I also struggled a lot with organisation - turning up at the wrong place at the wrong time, losing things, not listening, not following instructions because I couldn't listen to them properly, etc. And I had that problem both inside and outside school.

But I think even if your son is 'just' bored, that doesn't mean that he lacks empathy and has communication problems etc etc - I don't think so anyway. He's very young! I think being that bored for so long every single school day and still behaving well is a bit of an impossible task for any young child, whether they are ND or NT.

@Newgirls he does walk about a mile or so every day but maybe we could do it more actively! He really isn't a couch potato but I'm not sure he physically exhausts himself, which is probably something to work on.

In your shoes I would start looking at bursary for a private education. There’s a similar child in my DD’s class and he’s climbing the walls with boredom. My DD actually has SEND and if he’s fine over the summer hols, it’s unlikely to be that

There was chat about this in the papers today - hopefully not based on this chat. I don’t think so. One suggestion was kids are used to dopamine from iPads so find the pace of school slow. So reducing iPad use can help. I’ve no idea if that’s relevant for this 8 year old but one to consider.

@Newgirls he's never had an iPad. I've resisted even getting him a kindle! I can see the point that everything is much more hectic compared to the old days of Postman Pat etc though. But he just doesn't like lingering past the point that he has 'got it', which is pretty much an essential part of school 🙄

I suggest you have him assessed by a sensory integration therapist. They would notice adhd type behaviour thought they can't diagnose it. But they could identify issues around sensory needs. I also suggest you get hold of the book The Out of Synch Child

@Arran2024 I think I actually bought that a while ago! I remember going through the lists in there and thinking that he didn't fit neatly anywhere. I will give it a re-read though so thank you for the reminder.