ADHD or bored? Or anxious? Argh!

[Gertrudetheadelie]

My DS (just turned 8 and v late August baby) has been assessed by an Ed Psych as being exceptionally intelligent. The Ed Psych thought that that was all that there was and that his fizziness was the consequence of a very active mind. We were warned that schooling would prove very difficult as he was going to not fit into mainstream ways of teaching.

However, he does seem to struggle at school with focus - his teachers complain about him getting out of his seat, chatting, making noise, and so on. He complains about not learning anything and being bored. His teacher wants him to complete tasks before he gets extensions (which I do understand).

He is not distracted or unfocused when we take him to the theatre, or even when we were in France and he had to stand still and listen to a French guide! These were not special interests. He doesn't show hyper focus on special interests. He's never been a risk taker (in fact, the opposite), and the Ed Psych commented that he had excellent task focus and could switch attention well for the couple of hours that they were together.

I just feel so unsure!

Has anyone else been through anything similar?

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack Have to say I’m also up due to adhd making sleep feel boring 😂

Sleeps well, no issues with transitions at all and copes with changes in plan smoothly - even if it means that he misses out on something he had planned to do.

He's definitely messy. I'm not sure I'm the best role model there though... And as far as time goes, he does take a bit of nagging to get things done if there are things he'd rather do like reading. However, when I had a car problem this week and we told him that we had to be out early, he got dressed himself without prompting and was down and breakfasting.

The Ed Psych said he had a cat on a hot tin roof intellectual energy and I think that's true. He's very excited about thoughts and really craves positive interaction and building ideas together. He doesn't interject much, but he can and we nip it in the bud and model tennis-style conversations at dinner. He has learnt 'Apropos of nothing' for when he wants to mention something and I've previously told him off for it being unrelated to the current topic.

He's fine sat at the dinner table, but he doesn't like standing still and looking up at adults talking at him. Then he gets a bit hoppity. So I can see the fidgetiness a bit!

I hope that explains why I am so confused!

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack not that I'm aware of and nothing I've read has made me suddenly have a lightbulb moment about myself!

@MagicalMystical I could, and part of me misses because he's actually really fun to teach. But I've just got a tiny job and a little glimmer of myself back before I was a mother. And I know this is awful, but I want to be sure that it is the right thing for him before I push my own needs down to the bottom of the pile again.

Aw freshers flu! I remember my dad offering to drive hundreds of miles to watch the Jungle Book with me because I was ill at uni. I hope she feels better soon. It must be so hard to watch your youngest struggle too.

I’m in the school of thought that says these things don’t exist in a vacuum, why would they? We are social animals, we develop within a family system, within a cultural context. We don’t develop in a singular context. Looking at yourself, how you tick, how any other of his primary caregivers tick will all provide interesting and valuable context and information. If he is highly intelligent and getting bored at school, I’d put money on you (and anyone else close to him - Dad, other mum?) being highly intelligent. If you think he has ADHD, I’d put money on you/other caregivers having ADHD. A friend of mine has a theory that those with ADHD have parents with autism and so far in the circles I move in, that bears out (my family included). So, broadening your perspective to the family unit would be wise.

I only realised my own neurodivergence when my children’s ND emerged. My GP
informed me that this was incredibly common.

And thank you both re freshers flu. Of course since about midnight I’ve been worrying that he is critically ill, that I’ve overlooked him, that I should’ve done a welfare check around 5pm/7pm. Hence still awake due to nervous energy. I was googling at first but it was saying ‘this doesn’t sound good, contact 111, get the house warden to check on him’ and other impossible things given the time of night. I feel I’ve been remiss.

@MagicalMystical Both dad and I are Oxbridge and I used to say that the thing I loved best about it was that it was a place of quirky little nerds! He is also hyper mobile like me so there's that too. On the plus side, apparently being able to lick your own elbow makes you immortal so at least I've got plenty of time to figure this out 😬

Your dad sounds gorgeous 🥰 My first reaction was to jump in car/train and make the 260 mile journey (!!!!) but I had the other two to think about (single parent) and I possibly underestimated the level of illness. I’ve sent a care parcel and flowers-by-post, both with loving messages, but nothing will arrive till at least Monday and he’s currently bed ridden anyway so possibly won’t be able to collect. Considering a trip there on Monday.

@MagicalMystical love with nowhere to go is a cannonball through peace and rest!

Oh my gosh @Gertrudetheadelie I’m
hypermobile and have ADHD too. There’s a growing idea that they are linked. In layman’s terms: bendy bodies, bendy brains.

I wasn't dissimilar to your son at school. It's harder to be diagnosed with ADHD when you are smart. That's just how it is!

@MagicalMystical he is. I am very lucky with both my parents. He's still trying to swoop in to save me now and I'm nearly 40! I did slog down to HMV though to buy my own copy of the Jungle Book and I bought the sickness supplies of my childhood, so if your boy is like me your parental influence will be there as an invisible hand regardless of your actual presence

Loving all the posters (looking at you, too @Gertrudetheadelie 😘) on this thread with adhd. Tunnelling down a rabbit hole at 3am rather than boring old sleeping must SURELY be a marker for ADHD 😂

You Son sounds like my brother. My brother struggled with main stream school -but he taught himself 4 instruments and speaks 3 languages fluently. He really struggled in secondary school and stopped attending but still passed all his exams with top grades. Could you approach any private schools about scholarships (full or part), he sounds like he needs a wider curriculum and smaller class sizes also allow teachers to give more focus. Appreciate it might not be viable for primary but definitely available for secondary.

I‘m going to Brick my phone (highly recommend the Brick device) in case I need to be up Monday morning for a 5am drive but yes to @XMummyX ‘s idea or state grammar if you have one and if politically more aligned. Or home schooling. Think mental health, as I said.

Lovely to chat to you. You sound like a very attuned parent. 💐

Hi OP have you tried talking with DC about regulation? Zones of regulation is a great approach for building understanding of individual regulatory needs. It’s ideal for developing an individual map of low, optimal and hyperarousal levels. Also don’t fall in to seeing the body/brain separately. I’d second the exercise suggestion up thread for supporting down regulation for those with a general excess of fizz!

@MagicalMystical that's the thing though. He's hypermobile and I've read that there is a connection but is it enough? Argh! It's like bits of a picture but when you make up the jigsaw it creates one of those sodding old lady/jug/rabbit/duck things.

On the plus side, I am less despondent now. So thank you :).

@Freudianblip I think they do zones at school (hot chocolate breathing and that kind of thing) but I've not developed it more than that. But that's more for anger and sad that interest and focus. Are you suggesting something more specific about identifying waning focus?

It’s not really meant to be about feelings but about holistic whole body/mind regulation - so definitely look at it individually. I’d be curious about the behaviour in school suggesting dysregulation, and zones could help you work out if this is hypo or hyper arousal, which could be due to boredom or sensory issues like noise or hunger or ….. because if they are generally well behaved out of school then it’s pinning down what is going on internally within your child in the school environment and then acting on that.

That’s so good to hear. I hear you driving for ‘the’ answer. I absolutely do this too. Incidentally, a friend sent me some info on ‘verbal thinking autism’ as it struck a chord with her and she knew it would with me too (it really does). I strongly suspect I would be classified as having auDHD anyway for other reasons. See if it chimes with you at all. Your relationship with terminology is similar to mine. Anyway, all food for thought. ❤️

yes this.

It may help to know that I’ve been told by gp friends that everyone who gets referred for adhd assessment gets it.

Relatives who both teach took their son to the gp querying ADHD. The gp said everyone gets diagnosed and to think carefully whether it was going to benefit him. They didn’t persue it.

The problem is that it won’t change anything in school and could alter how he sees himself or how he tries to develop his skills and weaknesses. Medication should only be in extreme circumstances and can cause a range of other side effects, including weight loss, anxiety and limiting height. I’ve seen children really benefit but they were in a send school and unable to read, write or participate in any sort of learning and communication. It came at other costs such as weight loss.

teachers should be looking at structured movements breaks and other strategies. A good OT could advise.

(I’m a send teacher.)

I have a relative who’s would have probably been diagnosed adhd in mainstream but he went to private school and did Alllllll the sports. Going off to agric college be a farmer now. The traits are throughout our family. They’ve all found ways to manage needs. Some never stop moving. Others are academics. One other relative is diagnosed but it’s more ADD and medication has been helpful to do alevels and university.

Missed this, I’d get a private OT to see him and discuss various things that could be done at school to help. You could ask the school but it would take far too long

im hypermobile. Most of the children I teach are too. We have excellent OTs.

I am much less fidgety with high pressure activities such as strength training, rowing, jumping etc

Basically I’m trying to say that the diagnosis isn’t needed if you explore somethings that might help him calm his body.

As you’ll be waiting for ages. Plus it looks like they’re going to be changing diagnosis etc soon.

@pinkpostitnote thank you. I think OT might be the next step at least. Whatever is going on with his little mind, it is clear that his body is a bendy place so that's a place of clarity that I can attack and support him. He doesn't naturally like sports so it is hard to get him to do one! I did suggest fencing at one point but he gave me a withering look! When he was home ed, I used to take him the home ed sports sessions at our local gym but I think, like me at that age, it was more of a chore than a pleasure.

(I can see @MagicalMystical smiling here that she was absolutely right about me wanting 'the' answer!)

See if you can send him with something to occupy his mind with while bored, like a puzzle of some kind or maybe (challenging) worksheets (though the latter may not go over as well if he chooses to do them instead of the underleveled class work)