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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

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Original poster

Headteacher's doesn't want ds at the school.

91 replies

avenanap · 06/03/2008 19:39

Hiya, I have posted before about my enthusiastic ds, he's very bright and has problems relating to other children, he doesn't have apergers, he's getting better now and is ever learning how to be caring and considerate to others. He has friends and activities outside school and is lovely at home but he can be a bit of an odd ball and a bit daft (he's a boy!).

I had a meeting with the head on monday, he thinks the school has failed ds (ds has skipped a year) and he wants me to pack him off to a strict boys boarding school. I've recieved a letter today repeating this but he's also saying that he thinks ds should go in September 2008 and that he'll help me look. I think that he's wrote my ds off. They are doing nothing to help him socially except tell him off when he does the wrong thing. ds and friends have noticed that ds gets told off more than the rest for doing the same things. I have been told by several of the children at the school that ds is a nice boy.
He's got a visit and assessment at a new school next week, they appear to know what they are doing but I don't want ds to go back to the school if he is not wanted. I don't know what to do. His current school cost so much money and I don't want him to be unhappy and pay for the privilage. If I move him now and owe them money they will tell the new school. I can't afford to pay them and the new school, I am not sure what to do. I'm so sad.

OP posts:

SueW · 08/03/2008 21:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

TheFallenMadonna · 08/03/2008 21:22

edicational?!

Now that's embarassing...

I didn't mean by my post that I thought he had AS BTW. Not at all.

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 21:22

Thanks Celia. I would move if it was best for ds, he doesn't see alot of his dad, he moved away a few years ago and only see's ds once or twice a year. There's nothing I can do about this so that's why he does sports, there are plenty of men around to show him patience and consideration. I think that there are two parent families where the father is really rubbish aswell so I don't consider him to be disadvantaged. He has a male babysitter aswell.

Hi Fallen, I've seen children that have needed assessments, I have also spoken to doctors, social workers about ds as I spent 2 years training as a peads nurse so it gave me ample opportunity. I've given ds ways to try and combat bordom when he has nothing to do (word games in his head, observation techniques). If he sees all the other children talking and doing things they are not to do then he follows, it's always ds that gets into trouble though. He's picked this up and so have his friends. He's always preferred the company of older children and adults so he's very settled in the class he has moved to. I may go and see my GP about him though, I have spoken to him before, he too thinks that ds is just very bright. I tried phoning the NAGC but kept getting a recorded message. I shall try again on Monday.

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 08/03/2008 21:24

No,no. I'm not suggesting that he needs a medical assessment. I'm talking educational only. With respect to him being moved ahead. That's all. It's coming out all wrong

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 21:37

Thankyou Hatwoman, He likes to argue, a barrister in the making! He always has fantastic reasons why he's done something though but they don't listen as they want him to look "inwards". There are certain teachers he can explain his actions to and certain ones that don't want to listen. This is also a moan of the head, that he doesn't accept responsibility, when I talk to him though most times he tells me what happened and why, then I explain what he should have done and what the consequences are. this works really well. I'm becoming really nervous though, there was a sports match last week, ds was supposto be selling juice as he was too young to play, he asked me if he could take some money to buy a drink, I put it in an envelope, wrote how much was in it and signed the back incase they accused him of stealing. this is bad!

Sue, I can't get emails from here as I am not signed up to recieve them. I can get them on my normal email though. We are just outside Nottingham, more towards the rams.

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 21:40

I feel like I'm coming at all this backwards.

So are there any problems with DS in your opinion? Is it that the Head has said some things to you which have surprised you and given you some concerns?

He's a bright boy, who was moved up a year by the old head. But he's not being given support, and he's out of his peer group.

You are planning on moving him to another school next September for Y6. Yes? He will then be with his peer group?

Your thread title sounds as though the Head has asked him to leave. But he hasn't, he merely suggested that perhaps he should leave THIS september rather than next. You are looking into this.

You also mention that this terms fees have not been paid. This may well be influencing your decision.

So, do you have any problems with him moving schools this September?

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 21:41

Don't worry fallenmadonna, (love the name!)I've been looking for a private educational psychologist to asess him. Have not found one yet though. I can see where you are coming from though, I think I have spoken to every one but an educational psychologist so this is the next step. School does not know one though .

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 21:45

I don't suppose it helps his social situation to sit out of matches either to be honest. He should be with his peer group. And they sell drinks at the matches? What sort of school is this!

SueW · 08/03/2008 21:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 21:55

Ahundred: I think there are some problems with his social interaction but these can be solved once I know what they are, once things are explained to him he is always ok and never repeats the offence (except for the trying to argue his way out of trouble though but he has learned who he can do this with). The head has told me things that I have had no previous knowledge of, mainly his lack of caring, I have never noticed this, only the opposite, it has never been raised before. Other people think he's polite, well spoken and helpful. He can be a bit silly (ie, puts fingers behind someone's head when having picture taken) but he's 8.
I was planning to move him next september to a school where he could return to his correct year group provided they could manage his academic needs.
The head's just being polite in strongly suggesting he leaves this september, this is due to ds needing "structured discipline and strong male role models".
I now have the fees for the school for this term and next. I am in negotiations for a job.
I do not want to be pushed into something ds is not ready for. He wants to leave with his friends, they have a big ceremony for the children that are leaving but not for those who are leaving before completing the last year. These are ignored.
Do you think i'm making this a bigger problem then it should be?

OP posts:

SueW · 08/03/2008 21:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 21:59

Ahundered: it's a private prep school. There was another boy who had skipped a year and was in the same class as ds (other boy only missed being in that year by a few weeks though) and he was not allowed to go either.

Sue; in the next city along to the left?

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 21:59

No, I don't think you are - I am just trying to understand what's happening.

Well, if the head is taking such a dim view of him, and if you aren't 100% happy, I don't see that there is much reason to stay the extra year.

I think he is being penalized for being young in his year group.

If you think the next school can manage him better, then you should move. A year of aggro from the Head and/or unease for him is too long.

You can give a term's notice before the start of the summer term and move him then.

I'm not sure what you would stay for.

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 22:01

Oh yes it is standard to observe actual ages with matches etc, and quite proper for safety reasons. But let's face it, it is far from ideal.

SueW · 08/03/2008 22:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 22:01

Sue, did your old head leave very suddenly?

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 08/03/2008 22:03

You're considering moving him to a school you think will better suit his needs where he will be with his own year group? That does sound like a plan, ceremony or no ceremony.

SueW · 08/03/2008 22:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 22:04

You need to establish that he has a place at the new school which goes up to 13 before you give your notice.

[The Fallen Madonna and I are spelling this out very carefully so that we both understand what is happening ]

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 22:05

Right.

So what the hell is the problem then?

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 22:09

I just want to help ds with any problems that he has and support him as much as necessary. I can't do this if I have no idea what they are.

You are right, I shouldn't leave him there. I know this deep down. I just don't want to be forced. My child, my choice. I also don't want to give them any more of my money if my ds is not wanted. 4 years of fees is enough, he's only just been asessed, I've had 3 years of asking them to do it and asking for harder work.

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 22:11

Right. So you pay this terms fees, you ring up the other school and see if he can start this September. You give your school a term's notice.

Yes?

That's a plan, right?

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 22:17

If you don't think he has any problems particularly - other than being very bright and being out of his peer group - then trust your instincts.

I'm sure you are a great mother. This school hasn't served him well.

You know, the Head may have said those things because you haven't paid this terms fees yet.

Original poster

avenanap · 08/03/2008 22:18

I've sent you that sue

I have my fingers crossed about the new school and the ds has been prepped regarding manners. As they are assessing him as a year 4, not a year 5/6 I think he'll be fine. They ask for a headmasters reference though.

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 08/03/2008 22:19

When is his assessment? You need to time this right. Do they know you are hoping to join in Y4 in September?

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