Private school for a year

[TellMe3]

Has anyone done this? Because the funding isn't there for kids before they are 4?

My boy is definitely ready for school, he is a September born and therefore has another year before he goes to school.
I have been trying to tell myself he isn't ready because of the emotional challenges of having a 3 year old, however within the last 24 hours not only has his preschool teacher stressed "how ready he is for school" but also a friend with an August born saying how pleased she was that her child went to school when she did.

For context, my daughter, also a September child was described to me by her teachers in her first parents evening as a "high achiever", excelling in reading, and every other part of the list they sent us which she was "exceeding plus" which it appears is not the case for any other kids in her year. My daughter did not know her letters when she started school and was definitely less emotionally ready than my son. It appears she is being held back on her reading due to not enough kids being at the level she is at and therefore cannot have a reading group for her. Anyway, I digress.

My son is miles ahead where my daughter was at this age, even the age when my daughter started school. This is another year away for my son. He is already reading pink books and counts to 100 etc. He has been doing 100+ piece jigsaws independently since he turned 3. He is just very bright.

After seeing how my well mannered, rule abiding daughter is during her schooling it makes me very fearful for my more, boisterous, let's say, son. He isn't one to tolerate any shit, somehow has insane patience with what he cares about but also doesn't care for nonsense or things he knows already. His grandma is a French speaker and has been a brilliant influence on him and he is suddenly started spouting french to us in recent weeks, understanding the meaning also. Only basic stuff, but still, he is 3.

I'm becoming concerned that my boy, who, if he continues at this level of development and interest will be properly reading before starting school, that he will have zero interest in what the teachers have to say and will just cause absolute carnage. Because, let's be honest, boys are just different to girls.

Tonight I had an epiphany and wondered whether sending him to a local private school for a year would be a good idea? Has anyone done this? And sent them back to state school after the year? To start in year 1? Is this even a thing? Is it possible? I know the state won't fund an under aged child but would it be a problem moving him back to the year above after the year?

I'm sure I sound like a total dick here, saying how gifted and amazing this boy is but I quote honestly believe it to be true.

Anyway, any suggestions or experiences I'm really pleased to hear. If this is even a possibility I would speak to the head of our school and seek her opinion. A friend who is a reception teacher cannot believe this boy, but I don't want to come across as a pushy idiot by asking her directly for her opinion.

So here I am. Awaiting the bashing, in the hope a helpful comment is put forward.

Thanks!

Don't be bloody ridiculous. You seem an absolute nightmare as discussed by PP (comparing your children/ sex difference bollocks/ wanting to hothouse/ insisting you have genuis children). Schools are run by highly professional individuals who are experienced in teaching the whole gamut of children. Of course they can stretch kids!

Great example are my 3 DC. My DS1 was always super bright- still is at almost 18, outstanding exam results, unis all vying for hom, starting in autumn. He's been stretched and challenged at every turn. DS2 bright but distracted- encouraged and stretched always- just sat GCSE equivalent (Scotland) and does very well. DS3 (age 10) ASD/ ADHD/ Epilepsy/ socially very young/ struggles with retention of knowledge due to epilepsy- incredibly well supported, needs met socially and academically and successful always celebrated.

All at local state primary/ comprehensive secondary (we don't have grammars/ academies here).

Your child is THREE. Let him be three: socialise him, do silly stuff, get outside and run/bike/ play. Basically, get your head out of your backside.

I don’t think there’s evidence that he’s exceptional based on what you’ve said. At this age children tend to be good at the things they are interested in at this age and it’s clear he is academic and likes that style of learning. But playing devils advocate if he were born a few weeks earlier and was starting school in Sept he would be seen as academically able but I don’t think he would stand out as exceptional. I think you are comparing him to children younger than him and concluding that he is exceptional but a few month age gap make a huge difference at 3. As he gets older the gap between the oldest and youngest in the school year is less prominent, so the advantage of being the oldest will lessen for him and naturally he will need to work harder to stay top of the class. That said he does appear to be very academic and able so you are right to look for a school that would stretch him so he’s not bored. Some small state schools have mixed age classes which can be good for this as they are easily able to teach maths and English with the year above. Is there any like that near you? If not consider primary options carefully and ask those questions when you look around. Maybe the school your DD is at isn’t the best choice for your DS. Some good suggestions from PPs about focus on social skills for this year as sounds like that’s a weaker area.

Honestly you are being daft. Lots of children at that age are at that stage too. Teachers are well used to varying abilities. It's exactly the same in a private school (I have taught in both)

It will totally depend on where you are, but all the private schools near me want names down by 6 months, places awarded in the October after they turn 3, and any spare spaces going to the waiting list

But echoing what others have said

about half my friends had children at the same sort of level as yours aged 3. My DS was slightly behind with reading but counting etc was the same

he started school at 4.5 in a class of other 4-5 year olds and was unremarkable in terms of academics compared to the rest of them

he would have been streets behind, socially, developmentally, academicly, if we had started a year earlier

eg school expects them to be independently taking themselves to the loo, eating lunch, changing for PE

very few can do that at 3

Pink books are the first books ages 4 so not that remarkable

We have children in our pre prep school reception class (class I work in) already on lime, yes they can read and one already is doing year 3 maths but socially they are shocking and way behind the other kids and we actually focus on this more than anything

My middle DD went to a private school kindergarten as it was the cheapest form of childcare for me as it was term-time plus wrap-around like my job and they took the vouchers. (Even counting the cost of the ridiculous dry clean only blazer). She is very intelligent but had difficulty with her emotions and they were great with her and she was more ready for reception a year later - stil academically ahead but more articulate and patient. (Just beware of the ridiculous requests for hundreds of pounds towards the staff presents at the end of term).

Private schools in my experience won't typically take children early and even if they did state school won't allow them to start in year 1 if he's aged 4 no matter what his previous academic experience is.

Your son is definitely very bright (top 10% maybe) but not freakishly so. Being on pink books at almost 4 years old isn't particularly advanced.

Your best bet is to find a school that has a large number of children that achieve greater depth for KS2 as that will likely be the appropriate level of differentiation. You can also stretch him sideways so he develops resilience if the challenges at school aren't enough- a musical instrument is a fairly typical approach. If he were a lot more advanced, there might be a greater issue with differentiation given school budgets but from what you said, he should be fine in a decent school with a reasonable amount of children achieving greater depth.

I work at a school and without a doubt most of the children who come to us very academically able are also behind in the prime areas (eyfs - birth to end of reception) with very little resilience for things not going how they want, really struggling to cope when they find something difficult, being unable to go with the flow when routine changes etc. The exceptions being the ones with parents who are aware of their weaknesses as well as their strengths and used the time before starting reception to work on their children’s social and emotional skills rather than pushing them further and further academically.

Also, without wanting to sound unkind, while he is definitely ahead of the majority of his peers he’s not that ahead. Just before covid we had a child’s start in reception who was mathematically astounding, could see patterns in numbers and explain them (think- oh look, this shape has 60 squares in because there’s 6 on this side and 10 on this side so that makes 60!) as well as showing a depth of understanding through engaging in investigations.
We’ve had others who have easily passed ks1 sats papers in reception (given out of curiosity!).
Honestly it sounds like your ‘wonderfulL’ school isn’t that great if they are not accommodating and stretching the higher achievers- why can’t your Dd join a group from a higher year for guided reading/phonics or given greater depth activities instead of being left to stagnate whilst waiting for her peers to catch up? I’d be going in for a serious conversation about that of I were you OP!

A significant percentage of the exceedingly bright children I knew at that age struggled socially when they got to Reception. I mean really struggled.

I'd spend the year focusing on play and activities that interest him, myself.

OP You might want to re-post on the gifted and talented board - this is a lot of the usual MN response of just let him play. Which is right, but insufficient, when it comes to some DC.

I’ve got academically able DC, and for this age what worked was a Montessori pre-school where the tasks were open-ended and they could extend and challenge themselves, plus lots of time with adults who would read, play board games, take them on interesting trips, do puzzles etc with them. One liked to play, the other needed help to enjoy anything that didn’t involve an adult, so we worked on that and on things like learning to ride a bike without stabilisers, waiting nicely in the check out queue at the library, and building up physical stamina for walking etc.

Primary school was easy (and, in parts, boring) for both of them. But they still learned a lot and it meant they had time and energy for lots of other activities - music, sport, dance, drama. And it did them no harm in terms of academic progress, they both got a selection of offers at 11+ for academically selective schools.

I’d suggest looking at what you can put in place for next year that he will enjoy and will fill in any social/emotional gaps. And also considering if the primary school is a good fit for both your children (though both mine read in their own ‘group of 1’ for KS1, so I wouldn’t necessarily see that as a problem).

Sorry, ignore my first sentence, I see you did post on the G&T board.

@HighRopes your second paragraph is what I and a lot of other posters have said- focus on working on his weaknesses instead of just trying to push his strengths and writing off everything else as nonsense, or down to him being a ‘boisterous boy’

Reading and doing basic maths in reception really isn't that unusual, and and decent state school should be able to meet the needs of children in this position. My dd was one of the youngest in her year but was already reading fluently before she started school. They just gave her access to appropriate books in the school library and worked with her on a 1:1 basis every now and then to ensure that she was continuing to develop her comprehension skills as well as the actual decoding. DD was a particularly strong reader, but I'm pretty sure that there were a few others who could already read to varying degrees at the start of reception. There is no reason for your dd to be held back imo, but it's worth checking with the school as to whether it's actually because she's ahead of the cohort or whether they're trying to get her to work on specific skills before moving her up.

Re your ds - I think it would be crazy to send him to private school for a year. He would either have to do reception all over again, which would probably result in him being bored and disengaged, or he would go straight into year 1 if they allowed this (which I doubt) and have to deal with all of the issues associated with being a year younger than his peers. And given that it doesn't sound like he has particularly good social skills or emotional control, that could be incredibly damaging for him. Also, even if they allowed him to go straight into year 1, he might still end up having to repeat year 6 if the secondary school wouldn't take him a year early. I had to do this as a kid and it was bloody miserable.

The best thing you can do for him right now is to relax about the academic stuff - he sounds like he is bright and doing brilliantly but not exceptional - and focus on developing his social skills, his emotional control, his ability to focus and follow instructions etc. That will help him far more than trying to fast track the academic stuff. Take this from someone who was fast tracked as a child and always regretted it. There is no way that I would have allowed the same thing to happen to my very bright dd.

We’re moving back to London in a years time, and I’m looking for schools for my boys (6 and 4 yo at the moment) in Clapham, Wandsworth, Balham. We would like a private primary, we can afford it, but really concerned about the vibe and if they’re extremely posh. We would love a more down to earth primary, coed, where my DS will thrive, and a good preparation for the 11+. Also, how difficult it is to get a in-year place (we will need a place for year 1 and year 3. And the same school for them, we wouldn’t want to send them to separate schools, even in secondary).

@vmreboll You’ll get a better response if you start your own thread.

I would spend the year's fees on various tutors or clubs throughout his next few years at school such as going to a chess club, lessons from someone who teaches maths and English extension work, learning a musical instrument and perhaps a coding course of some kind. You will know the right kinds of things as he gets older and you will. Have set aside money for this type of tuition.

Do everything possible to keep your child in their own year group.

I went through school a year ahead and my youngest sibling 2 years ahead (15 years between us). All fine until we couldn't deal with peer relationships properly in our teens - and both of us ended up having complete breakdowns and having to leave university. Academically all was good (sibling got 11 A* at GCSE with zero noticeable effort) but that doesn't help with the rest.

My other siblings went through in correct year - and one a year older than normal (long hospital stays and a lot of ops as a very young child). They were much more mature and better able to deal with everything.

There is plenty that you can do to amuse bright kids, but I would never accelerate them at school beyond their year group.

I was 22 when my eldest son was born and now HE is 22 (dear lord!) and I can’t imagine him being a parent!

is it inevitable that we see our own children as “kids”?

my youngest son is five, so I’ve been in the thick of parenting really all my adult life (I have other children between the eldest and littlest).

I just struggle with the idea I might be Granny soon and can hardly object!

Crikey wrong post! Will try and re position!

I have a very very bright child currently in Reception. She's summerborn, so it worked out well for her, because she was ready. My DS wasn't, and I actually deferred him for a year so he was the oldest in his year instead of the youngest. He did an extra year of nursery.

I wouldn't push your son into school, no matter how bright he is, before the age of about 4 because emotionally he won't have the maturity to cope with it. And he has the rest of his life to learn. Let him play.

Is there a forest or beach school near you? They are usually excellent at promoting independent creative thinking and problem solving skills. There’s a big emphasis on working with peers to solve problems so might help support him in the areas he needs to develop? The 2 near me are rated outstanding and they are over subscribed