Private school for a year

[TellMe3]

Has anyone done this? Because the funding isn't there for kids before they are 4?

My boy is definitely ready for school, he is a September born and therefore has another year before he goes to school.
I have been trying to tell myself he isn't ready because of the emotional challenges of having a 3 year old, however within the last 24 hours not only has his preschool teacher stressed "how ready he is for school" but also a friend with an August born saying how pleased she was that her child went to school when she did.

For context, my daughter, also a September child was described to me by her teachers in her first parents evening as a "high achiever", excelling in reading, and every other part of the list they sent us which she was "exceeding plus" which it appears is not the case for any other kids in her year. My daughter did not know her letters when she started school and was definitely less emotionally ready than my son. It appears she is being held back on her reading due to not enough kids being at the level she is at and therefore cannot have a reading group for her. Anyway, I digress.

My son is miles ahead where my daughter was at this age, even the age when my daughter started school. This is another year away for my son. He is already reading pink books and counts to 100 etc. He has been doing 100+ piece jigsaws independently since he turned 3. He is just very bright.

After seeing how my well mannered, rule abiding daughter is during her schooling it makes me very fearful for my more, boisterous, let's say, son. He isn't one to tolerate any shit, somehow has insane patience with what he cares about but also doesn't care for nonsense or things he knows already. His grandma is a French speaker and has been a brilliant influence on him and he is suddenly started spouting french to us in recent weeks, understanding the meaning also. Only basic stuff, but still, he is 3.

I'm becoming concerned that my boy, who, if he continues at this level of development and interest will be properly reading before starting school, that he will have zero interest in what the teachers have to say and will just cause absolute carnage. Because, let's be honest, boys are just different to girls.

Tonight I had an epiphany and wondered whether sending him to a local private school for a year would be a good idea? Has anyone done this? And sent them back to state school after the year? To start in year 1? Is this even a thing? Is it possible? I know the state won't fund an under aged child but would it be a problem moving him back to the year above after the year?

I'm sure I sound like a total dick here, saying how gifted and amazing this boy is but I quote honestly believe it to be true.

Anyway, any suggestions or experiences I'm really pleased to hear. If this is even a possibility I would speak to the head of our school and seek her opinion. A friend who is a reception teacher cannot believe this boy, but I don't want to come across as a pushy idiot by asking her directly for her opinion.

So here I am. Awaiting the bashing, in the hope a helpful comment is put forward.

Thanks!

Home school him. You don't have to follow the norm, or send him to an international school.

If you send him private, I would do so with the intention of keeping him there.

When my DD was 3 she went to the preschool at our local private school (actually they let her start at 2 but that’s another story!) One of the things I liked about it was that they often had the preschool and reception together and those more able preschool children were able to go and learn with the reception children. The environment was much more structured and academic than the preschool my eldest was at. It’s not suitable for every child but it was perfect for DD. Perhaps you can find something like that OP.

Not sure what funding you refer to. Many private schools take EYFS funding from LA so you could use a nursery/preschool at one. However I suspect that any which would meet your aspirations will already be full for September. I have known September born placed in the year above but you may be too late to sort that now and it would create an issue transferring ti other schools, probably repeating a year.

We sent our son to a private nursery and prep because they offered so much. We hadn't really thought about him bring in private school all the way but our local nursery had a poor reputation and we could afgord thec2 years of fees. He loved it, he made friends, he absolutely saw himself as a member of the school community and we felt he had to stay there and progress into junior school.

I am having another child. So putting him in that private nursery did not cist the expected £8k at all. It will be far closer to £300k! 😭

It is very hard to see a happy, well settled child who is developing really well, see the class sizes and facilities etc then have to move into a state school.

Dd2 is September born, oldest in her class and according to her report is exceeding where she needs to be in everything. She was excellent at maths before school and they've just brought her on more. I do expect her to be beyond some of her peers because she is almost a year older than some of her classmates, but she hasn't been held back at all and is just about to go into year 4

@Snugglemonkey and that is exactly why private schools take the eyfs funding and dont charge more. I know of several people who said they'd "just do nursery" with the vouchers but I guessed (rightly) they'd stay. It's good marketting for the school and who really would leave an environment they're now settled at unless they'd have to!

I loved my daughter's preschool - i wish they'd kept her for reception/yr 1 as they were so good! (And shes bright/early reader... autistic...) It was suh a nurturing preschool and higher staff ratio than a school one.

OP I do get the feeling, really. But I'd stop with the workbooks, carry on reading a wide range of lovely books, expand the different activities (different places to walk and play) and let him enjoy preschool .

As others have said much of reception is about the social side which it sounds like he will need. My eldest wasn't "challenegd" some terms but still enjoyed school, learnt lots and went to grammar. What was good was that because school wasnt difficult for her we could follow her own interests at home (space and science museum visits mainly). They aren't even her "thing" any more but its great to be able to do that kind of thing.

Id say stop pushing and relax about learning. But do look at the social side.

My ds is September born and was similarly high achieving.
He matured a lot in that last year before starting school and so was far more able to follow instructions, sit nicely and basically behave when he got there.
We did have a few issues with him messing about when bored but dealt with it when it arose (he had a fiddle bag with things to occupy his hands during carpet timeeg) and the teacher recognised that he needed greater challenge.

Use this last year before school to focus on behaviour and socialisation - he needs those skills

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gj1EGj1_frk This thread has really reminded me of this 😭

OP, I don’t think it’s a good idea and I don’t think any private school will accept your son for a year and when he’s not old enough. It sounds as if he’s doing very well with reading etc but not so well with behaviour and socialisation. That’s fine- plenty of time for those to improve but it will happen more quickly if you don’t just put disruptive behaviour down to being under-stretched or a boy.

Lots of children can read etc when they start reception so that won’t be a problem. Maybe have a chat with the teacher if you are worried.

Maybe you should stop using reading scheme books with him. Maybe you should concentrate on play and developing good behaviour and social skills. What about getting him into sport or music? I don't think you are doing him any favours starting school activities early and are in many ways creating the problems you say you want to avoid! You also need to adjust your expectations. Reception is primarily about play and social development. The teachers will not be sitting your dc down with extension worksheets or higher level tasks.

...my more, boisterous, let's say, son. He isn't one to tolerate any shit, somehow has insane patience with what he cares about but also doesn't care for nonsense or things he knows already
This concerns me. You are validating his poor behaviour by suggesting it is because 'he won't tolerate shit'. You have also said he doesn't care for nonsense'. I think your pride in his abilities has got you downplaying his areas of weakness by convincing yourself that they are 'shit' or 'nonsense'. A really important part of school and development is for children to learn to listen and contribute even if the topic is not one they naturally enjoy.

He's three, send him to preschool, they will be what he needs. I had a precocious reader, reading at 3, reading famous 5 type books by 5 and it doesn't predict the future - the social side of preschool is so important too

Send him to a nursery attached to a school rather than a pre school. One with a teacher. Our school nursery has two year olds who do phonics every day.

Id say the opposite! I much preferred our stand alone preschool. You usually have a higher ratio of staff rather than Teacher+helpers. To me they seemed more in tune with the age group and engaging in play based learning and curiosity rather than the school ethos.

But as ever its worth visiting what is lovsl and making your own mind up. If he's not in preschool yet then his preschool year will be fantastic for him to develop spcial skills and enjoy playing with others as well as experiences different to home.

I was your child, went to private school at 4. I was not school ready!

Yes I'd read every book in the library but I had no social skills at all. Got bullied until 6th form.

You need to focus on ALL aspects of his development, not just academics and not just the ones he thinks are easy or fun. What you are describing at the moment is a precocious little boy who doesn't understand other children and has a tendency to be rude if not pursuing his own agenda. This isn't a way to make friends.

Ignore the reading, he can do that himself and majorly focus on getting him to understand how to interact with other children and adults. School is not where he needs to be.

Pink books are the starter bookband so 'already on pink books' just means you're giving a child books with words in. If he's about to turn 4 in September that isn't too remarkable. It's great fun teaching your child to read and I made sure all three of mine could read fluently before starting school - you have a year to do this before he gets to reception. I recommend reading chest.

On the tantrum over the jigsaw being messed up: you've got another year in preschool for your ds to develop emotional maturity so he can cope with the social side of school.

I think private school for a year would be an odd way of solving your dc's problems: he's academically ahead and socially behind and you'd simply be exacerbating things.

Early reading is helpful for children to get off to a flying start academically, but don't read too much into it. My eldest was only on Green bookband when he started reception, and the younger two were on Gold/White and it's pretty much evened out by GCSE time.

TBO I'm more concerned about the misogyny evident here. The different tolerance for certain behaviour and expectations for the children based on their sex. It does both boys and girls a huge disservice.

I could have written your post a year ago, about DD2. The difference was that as a late summer baby, she would have been allowed to start school last September. I did the opposite to what you’re thinking of - I deferred her a year and now she’ll start reception this September, having just had her fifth birthday.

Quite a few friends were very openly puzzled about our decision, but after lockdown, I felt that the most important skills she needed to develop (and which she hadn’t yet developed) were social
skills. Yes, she could read and do maths, but she didn’t know how to sit still or make friends. She couldn’t have followed instructions if her life depended on it. I felt that that could have made her reception experience quite an unhappy one, and one which wouldn’t be great for her longer term confidence/mental health.

She can now read Roald Dahl books and do multiplication, so it’s true that she might be a bit bored in reception this year, but that’s ok - socially, she’s going to be exactly where she needs to be.

In the meantime, we put her in the nursery of a private school. There were only ten kids and three teachers, so they were able to tailor it to her needs and make it an almost reception-like experience, but we asked them to put extra emphasis on helping her with social skills. It was brilliant - she’s come on leaps and bounds in all the ways she needed to. I thank God every day that we had the option to defer her. I would have given my eye teeth to be in your shoes and not to have had to argue for it. She’s also doing extra music lessons and a bit of sport outside school to stretch her, but no way would she be able to survive socially in the year above. It would be miserable for her!

As an aside, her older sister was able to read by the time she was 2.5 and I thought I had some kind of genius. DD1 is now in Y3 and whilst she’s bright, she’s definitely not the cleverest kid in her year. They often all level out a good bit by the time they get to Y1/2…

Then it’s not a wonderful school.

My DS was similar. His school was lovely, but he and another boy were routinely sent out of the class to play on computers by themselves because they already knew what was being taught. In the end I moved him to an equally lovely school (which was also nearer to our new house) and he excelled there with teachers who understood how to support G & T children.

FWIW he has ASD traits and has little focus when it’s not something he’s 100% into, so he hasn’t always been as far ahead as he was at the start. GCSEs for example he did NOT ONE day of revision. He came out of it with 5 x As and some Bs anyway, but had he actually focussed he could have been an A* pupil. DS2 however worked really hard and achieved 9 top grades, so it isn’t always the ones who are just naturally gifted who do the best, it’s the ones who can focus and work hard too.

Try and support him with his personal skills to get him ready for school and maybe focus on some extra physical activities, eg cooking classes, gymnastics, maybe parkour as he gets older, to help him learn some useful life skills and run off his energy and settle better in school.

Oh and please don’t with the “boys and girls are different” bollocks. I work in a primary school and some of our most volatile and disruptive pupils have been girls. It does nobody any favours to expect boys to misbehave. Their behaviour may be written off as “boys will be boys” and so they are socialised to have less empathy and less focus, but boys and girls aren’t by nature very different to each other at that age.

Whilst other might not agree, your Ds being boisterous will probably be advantageous in terms of getting the educational challenge he needs. The best and probably easiest way for teachers to control his behaviour will be to ensure the work is sufficiently challenging for him.

My DD just zones out at school when it's too easy. We only discovered this when I took her to an ed psych because her attention at school was so poor and I thought she must have some SEN causing it. She day dreams instead of being disruptive, so the teachers don't have to put in extra effort to extend her learning.

My DS was the same 17 years ago - reading, adding and subtracting and ready for school when he was nursery year. By the time he was in Reception, he was tacking multiplication (he didn't know that was what it was called - he called it counting in 2's and 3's!). He was so ready for school he ran in without a backward glance!
He was very lucky to go to a wonderful primary (state) who nurtured his mathematical skills (for context he was tackling AS level problems in Y6) at the same time as challenging him in other areas of the curriculum.
The problem with getting too far ahead is that wherever your DS is at school there is likely to be the same type of problem at various stages of his school career. DS was yes, bored in many of his secondary school lessons but completed the work (and the teachers expected 100%) then did his own thing quietly at the back of the class. Other subjects he found more challenging. He learnt the skill of self directed learning which has served him very well at University.
IMHO children do need to learn to manage boredom - after all, in the workplace many tasks are boring! At University DS finds that some work is not challenging enough (and he's at Oxford!) but he just gets on with it and if he has spare time does his own thing. I guess I'm trying to say that if your DS is really bright then he may have this issue for much of his education (which believe me is a long time!)

There are some private schools who will allow a September-born child to start a year early, OP. I teach in a 4-18 private school and we have a few. Often it's because parents have pushed for it - I wouldn't necessarily say it benefits the child - but yes, it is possible. However, the state sector will not allow your child to then enter year 1 ahead of chronological age, so he would have to repeat reception if he moved to state at the end of the year. The alternative is to commit to private all the way through.
Some bright children can seem exceptionally bright at this age when they grasp maths and reading very early. In the vast majority of cases they will remain top set material all through school, but they won't end up stratospherically high-achieving, and by the end of primary will have plenty of similarly able and competent peers. Instead of moving your son up through the reading scheme, why not step back and read other things this year, do some forest school, or Stagecoach, or swimming lessons etc. There's no rush.

Private schools are still schools. You seem to think that because they are private, everything is automatically better. It's true that classes are smaller but in my experience there are no TAs, so just one adult per class.

They are also focused on good manners and behaviour. Parents are paying and won't want the education of their own children disrupted by a boisterous child.

There is no guarantee that a private school will accept him. You can't simply pay and turn up. There will be an interview, and the school will either offer a place or not. If they see your son as a potentially disruptive influence they won't take him.

There are lots of extension activities you can do at home if you wish to stretch him academically, but, bearing in mind that he's only 3, you'd be better concentrating on his social skills and his behaviour.

I got moved up a year in an independent prep school age 4/5 and I hated it. I missed all the new fun friends I'd made. No one bothered to ask me my opinion.
I did somehow enjoy the next year group because the room was brighter, the teacher lovely and I liked the other DC on my table. They weren't the same DC from the very first class. Not that I recall.
I do remember constantly walking over to the box of extended work we could do whenever we felt like it. I always loved that challenge