Private school for a year

[TellMe3]

Has anyone done this? Because the funding isn't there for kids before they are 4?

My boy is definitely ready for school, he is a September born and therefore has another year before he goes to school.
I have been trying to tell myself he isn't ready because of the emotional challenges of having a 3 year old, however within the last 24 hours not only has his preschool teacher stressed "how ready he is for school" but also a friend with an August born saying how pleased she was that her child went to school when she did.

For context, my daughter, also a September child was described to me by her teachers in her first parents evening as a "high achiever", excelling in reading, and every other part of the list they sent us which she was "exceeding plus" which it appears is not the case for any other kids in her year. My daughter did not know her letters when she started school and was definitely less emotionally ready than my son. It appears she is being held back on her reading due to not enough kids being at the level she is at and therefore cannot have a reading group for her. Anyway, I digress.

My son is miles ahead where my daughter was at this age, even the age when my daughter started school. This is another year away for my son. He is already reading pink books and counts to 100 etc. He has been doing 100+ piece jigsaws independently since he turned 3. He is just very bright.

After seeing how my well mannered, rule abiding daughter is during her schooling it makes me very fearful for my more, boisterous, let's say, son. He isn't one to tolerate any shit, somehow has insane patience with what he cares about but also doesn't care for nonsense or things he knows already. His grandma is a French speaker and has been a brilliant influence on him and he is suddenly started spouting french to us in recent weeks, understanding the meaning also. Only basic stuff, but still, he is 3.

I'm becoming concerned that my boy, who, if he continues at this level of development and interest will be properly reading before starting school, that he will have zero interest in what the teachers have to say and will just cause absolute carnage. Because, let's be honest, boys are just different to girls.

Tonight I had an epiphany and wondered whether sending him to a local private school for a year would be a good idea? Has anyone done this? And sent them back to state school after the year? To start in year 1? Is this even a thing? Is it possible? I know the state won't fund an under aged child but would it be a problem moving him back to the year above after the year?

I'm sure I sound like a total dick here, saying how gifted and amazing this boy is but I quote honestly believe it to be true.

Anyway, any suggestions or experiences I'm really pleased to hear. If this is even a possibility I would speak to the head of our school and seek her opinion. A friend who is a reception teacher cannot believe this boy, but I don't want to come across as a pushy idiot by asking her directly for her opinion.

So here I am. Awaiting the bashing, in the hope a helpful comment is put forward.

Thanks!

Are you deliberately avoiding the questions about improving his behaviour and social skills?

Both my kids started private school in the term they turned three (so just under 3). To manage expectations, it was pretty identical to the nursery they went to in terms of activities. It wasn't academic hothousing. They will focus on disruptive behaviour, which doesn't usually go down that well in smaller private school nursery settings (three kids were 'managed out' before reception).

The kind of differentiation you're after comes later. My younger son is bright but I've never worried about him being challenged. His year 2 teacher gave him a GCSE (foundation) maths paper for a bit of fun, but I didn't expect the school to do anything above the usual differentiated sheets.My advice would be to continue doing extension activities at home. We did quite a lot of creative writing and harder maths questions.

Now they're teenagers, my younger son has a tendency to coast as he usually gets away with it. My older son is far more conscientious and did very well in his GCSEs because he worked hard.

I think work habits become increasingly important than just academic ability. The most academic kids I knew from aged 3, on the whole, didn't get the best GCSEs results, despite being very able early readers etc.

You say he’s “already on pink books” - he’s 3. THREE.

You’ve already identified the issue, you’ve put your efforts into ensuring he’s ahead of the curve academically and neglected the social/behaviour side.

You’ve got a year to work on that. It’s great that he can read, not so great if he’s disrupting other kids learning how to read because he’s being naughty. It’s like me teaching my DD to drive at 14 and then complaining she’s going to be bored during her driving lessons at 17

Your child has all the time in the world to become an academic high achiever. But it sounds like he has some things to work on in his behaviour and his social communication (choosing to play on his own at a friend’s house). Year R is the best place for him to do that at the best time (he may not be developmentally ready for school yet based on the comments about his boisterous nature). Year R is all about bringing the children together in terms of behaviour, expectation, basic skills. Some children will start school being able to read (one child at our school arrived reading chapter books), some children can write, and others have a good grasp of phonics or maths. Most children who have already been taught to write have unorthodox letter formation so have to spend some time re-learning.

of my children, both summer born, one was academically so so ready for school but had some social issues with conventions for behaviour (later diagnosed with ASD), the other was socially ready for school aged 3, but struggles academically. Most primary schools will give some kind of tailored education to those at the edges of the pack in terms of ability (high/low) but will also focus on areas of need. Primary schools are not generally the hothouses that parents of academically bright children desire, many focus on a greater depth methodology over ‘pushing’ the child which helps with understanding. Many children who are gifted at a particular subject struggle to articulate how they solved the problems - they just can.

and the other thing to be mindful of is that extreme high ability/intelligence in a young child can sometimes be an indicator of some type of neurodiversity, especially when coupled with behaviour/social communication anomalies. They don’t even have to be particularly obviously bad behaved for this to be the case

It won’t be fair to put him, a just turned 4 year old with children who have just turned 5. His fine and gross motor skills won’t be as good so instead of feeling great about himself when he starts school in 2023 with his cohort he’ll lose confidence. It sounds as if he doesn’t have great social skills, he’ll end up being the child who is too young for the year with the weird mother who no one wants to play with.

Don’t do it.

I mean, the disadvantage of doing as you suggest is that he will get settled in the private school and then have to move (change routine, change friends). I guess maybe he may be more used to routine and interact with other kids (though doesn’t he have this already with pre-school?).

we home Ed, but would like them to try school for secondary. There is a small private school that does flexi school (1-2 days per week) that I’m interested in for primary - mainly to get them used to the school environment. Maybe work on him sitting still for longer periods, waiting, taking turns - DS does cubs which is helpful. If him being bored is a problem, maybe you could find a puzzle book he likes and suggest it to the teacher if he finishes his work early? You can just do extension with him at home.

If you do this, then you might as well do it for the whole of KS1 (Reception, Y1&Y2)

Firstly, private school fees in KS1 tend to be pitched as very similar to full time private nursery (they then start ramping up) so its likely to be affordable.

Secondly, moving schools after only 1 year is very disruptive. Stability is important for children but a lot of kids move schools for y3 so its a natural transition point and he won't be the only new kid.

Thitdly moving any child into fhe state systen at any point after the normal start of YR and before the start of Y3 is a nightmare because of the limit of 30 per class which means all the good schools are oversubscribed and it takes ages to get a place.

And foirthly if he goes back into state in y1 exactly the same problems will still be there, possibly worse if the gap between him and his peers has widened. However from y3 tge more formal and less play-based learning structures will be more adaptable to ensuring he is stretched despite being ahead of the others.

I agree with all of the previous posters, and please stop comparing him to your DD; nearly every post is about how he is far advanced as compared to her - or I think you'll have bigger problems than him not being academically challenged.

Don't do it, however right it feels now, it isn't & you will regret it

DD was like this & was very upset not to be starting school when she could already read, write, do more complex maths etc etc, so I looked into an early school start for her & thankfully took the advice of a friend who had done the same with her gifted son & teacher amongst family & friends & didn't do it.

Encourage them in there interests by all means, but let them be kids, play & learning social cues etc are all just as much a part of education as maths & English & starting them early means that they will be teens one day & their friendships group will be older, more mature & doing things you won't want him to do as he's still too young

As PP have said, he’ll have to start in the correct year (E.g. Reception) in Sept 2023. I think you’d be best finding a more structured / pre-Prep nursery setting. This is what we did with my September-born DD…two years in the nursery of local pre-Prep (quite structured, wore school uniform etc but aimed at 3/4 year olds so also good socially) then she went to local state primary, where she’s been happy, stretched and not bored. It also sounds like you might want to check you’ve chosen the best state primary option as kids shouldn’t be bored at school. Just ask them how they provide stretch and challenge for their most able pupils. Good luck!

& please stop comparing your DD to him negatively, she is going to pick up on that & one day she will hate you for it & yiu will loose her for good

Friend used to do this. DD now has nothing to do with her DM. She's doing amazing in life though, sailed through Uni & earning well in a job she loves

Her golden balls DB refused his Oxford scholarship to go out camping & taking drugs with his mates. He never did go to Uni or get a job & he has been a major source of stress for her

Work on his social skills & get him off that bloody pedestal

Whatever you do, you are going to have the same problem when he starts Reception. I helped out in my son’s reception class. There were 4 groups, first one had 2 Sept, 1 Dec and 1 Apr child. These children could read, count, do some maths, but were basically left to do the work given on their own because they could. They were bored, even being given harder work, they breezed through it, but they only get set the work for that year, not above. I was friends with all the mothers and one of them asked me to truthfully tell her if she thought her daughter being given work that suited her abilities, I told her no. They then took their DD to a private school.

There’s always the option to ask teachers to provide work at the right level. It’s something you could even talk to the reception teachers about now - or in September anyway. They might be able to set your mind at rest by explaining what they do for kids that can read already.

With your daughter, I’m not sure what you mean about reading groups, but if she is really being ‘held back’ there must be something they can do to make lessons challenging for her. If it’s about book bands, could she bring in her own books from home or the library?

I'm not sure about reading groups either. At our prep school nursery/reception, pupils progressed up the bands individually, not in any groups.

They were grouped for comprehension exercises but these were separate from the (really boring) reading scheme.

It will probably an insurance issue as to why a private school won't take him at the age of 3. If he's disruptive, then they certainly won't like that as private schools are hot on manners and good behaviour. It sounds like he's not emotionally ready for school, so the focus this next year should be on his behaviour. Check that there aren't any additional needs such as ADHD or ASC causing his disruptive behaviour.

I agree with everyone else.

Spend the next year helping improve his social skills and maybe other wider areas such as art, scientific understanding, understanding the world around him etc. I'm not saying don't encourage reading and maths, but if you are taking time to 'teach' then focus on different areas.

Then also consider whether there are any other primary schools that might help extend him and his sister more.

However, the amount of formal group teaching in Reception is limited, 10 mins here and there on the carpet doing phonics. Your DS needs to be able to keep quiet for that even if he knows it already, but otherwise maybe start teaching him skills to extend himself. So he can invent his own challenges?

And yes please, no 'boys will be boys' wrt behaviour.

You could put him in a pre school attached to a private school as a half way solution. A different environment with different children might help settle & develop him emotionally.

I don’t think any school (private or state) would take him in reception. Schools will let children defer but schools have gone away from allowing children to skip years/start early because of the social or emotional impact.

I was like your son. Was put into school at 3. Academically I was ready. Socially and emotionally I was not.

Agree with @Lingoflaming a proper pre school is best. My eldest who is a september baby did a year at his private schools preschool and it was amazing.

What makes you think the private school would be able to push him and accommodate his advanced level of reading and maths? Wouldn’t he be in just another group of kids that aren’t as advanced as him?

I agree with a lot of what is being said here, but I absolutely sympathise. I put our (early) October born DD into private school nursery as I felt she was rapidly going to outgrow the setting she was in and thought that she would be given what she needed. It didn't really work out that way - might have done a few years earlier I think, schools change from time to time in their ethos and priorities unfortunately. I would have been keen to get her advanced a year at that point, especially if she'd been two or three weeks closer to the cut-off; but didn't have the option. A school she went to later on had at least one child advanced out of year, though I think they eventually had to go back to their cohort when starting at grammar school.

By contrast, the small boys school DS started at, let us know that they were able to take them into reception as soon as they were 4, though they then stayed in reception till the end of their normal year. Had he been older in his year that would have been great for him; however his birthday wasn't till the beginning of the summer holidays ...

There is perhaps some small chance you could get your son advanced in a private setting, but you will still have the issues of him returning to his year group unless you can keep him private. If you investigate the private route, don't assume they can advance your son but ask politely about whether they could take him early. Unless you have some way of keeping him in private schooling, and ideally moving your daughter, I too would be wary of starting this route. You may have a much better chance of waiting till they are older - even year 3 or 4 - and looking for bursaries to particularly good schools. (remember that older and/or more prestigious schools are more likely to have the finances for a bigger bursary scheme, smaller and/or newer schools especially at prep age probably won't)

Definitely look into starting a musical instrument as an alternative / additional / more effective way of extending and enhancing the education of both your children! Look for a teacher with experience and training relevant to teaching littlies. Good luck!

If you put him in a private school it will be their nursery age, not reception or if by some miracle a school would put him in reception there's no way a state school will admit him into year 1. I'm sure a private school nursery class will stretch him more than a pre school/day nursery and it is likely to be full school hours but then there could well be more issues next year in reception in a state school.

I don't know if any private schools offer any financial support for gifted pupils from reception age but if you went with the nursery class there's a possibility they might recognise his talent, want him to stay and make it financially workable for you.

The alternative would be to use the time and ability he has to accelerate the French in speaking, reading and writing as it will serve him well in the future, will keep him stretched (busy) for the next year but won't have a negative effect on sitting in a reception classroom with 29 other very mixed ability kids in a years time.

What do you think private nurseries do with three year olds? Not a lot different than state nurseries.

My DD is very bright, always was and ended up with brilliant GCSE results.
However, what she learned at State Primary was how to interact with other kids and how to cope with certain situations amongst other things. She was very ahead in Reception and I did wonder sometimes if she was being challenged enough but she was happy and made friends and so did I.
We did opt for Private Secondary but we could afford it and the State provision wasn’t suitable
I think your idea is crazy, a Private school won’t take your child a year early and if somehow you managed to persuade one to then what will happen after that year?
Very bright kids come with their own challenges so I suggest you work on those and leave his learning for now. You may find that other kids catch up in any case. DD was an outlier throughout Primary but as she got towards Y6 there was a much smaller gap with some of her peers and at Secondary she was probably top 4 or 5

My youngest DD was like this age 3/4. By the time she started YR she could read green level books, write words, recognise numbers to 100 and do simple addition and subtraction. The 'academic' side of reception was straightforward for her, her teacher would extend her with questtion and challenges and she never said she was bored.

Her social skills were far less advanced and the year in YR (and Y1) were more about on this for her. Now she is nearly finished primary, she is still a very bright girl but also has lots of friends and is much more confident and socially aware than I thought she would be. Several of her classmates are a similar academic level to her, so she does not stand out as much as she did in YR. I think this is quite common, each child develops at a different rate.

My friend's DS was similar academically but much more mature than my dd at the same age. His state primary school suggested moving him up a year, so after several Ed psych assessments he skipped Y3. This has been fine for him and he has just finished his A Levels. He got 9s and 8s for GCSE and predicted AAB for A Level so very good but not exceptional. When he was KS1 age we all thought he was a future genius!! Hopefully the primary school your DS ends up in will consider this for him if they think it is appropriate.