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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Being told my child is 'gifted' Where to start?

72 replies

MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 12:26

My dd is turning 7 soon. She is 1 of 4. My eldest is a smart kid. A in his 11+, at a top grammar school. Needs to put his head down and work but a bright boy. The other 2 are both younger than my dd. So no real comparison there.

My dd has always seemed to us to be different somehow. She just knows things and I don't know how. Her reading is fantastic. She reads a dictionary every night to help her learn more words. She is forever looking things up and learning, online, in books etc. Its like she reads things once and never forgets. If anyone can't find something in the house, doesn't know the answer to something etc the running joke is we all ask her. And she always knows!

Another example, the eldest was doing multiplication. She asked what it was. He told her briefly, in under 5 min. She sat for about 30min practicing over and over and now she can do it. Even numbers in the hundreds. When we ask her how she can she just says if she is shown it once she just needs to think hard and she gets it.
Same with division. I still struggle with division!

Since nursery her teachers have said she has something special about her. Now in p2 we have been called into a meeting with the head and her teacher. They have told us in all their years of teaching they have never come across a child quite like her and that they have never seen a p2 with such a level of intelligence. I don't really know what to do. They said they gave her some work from p4, then p5 up to some p7 work. I knew she was smart but the head is telling me she answered some of the questions from a mock transfer test and the English section especially was excellent.

Moving her ahead is 100% not an option. She is a shy, quite child. She prefers playing with 1/2 friends rather than big groups and loves the friends she has. She does seem to get board/frustrated as she has homework 4 nights (They all do) she does it all in about 15min on a Monday.

Any ideas where we take it from here. I don't want to tell anyone in RL for fear of being 'that parent' School are happy to continue giving her work tailored to her alongside what they have to teach in the curriculum.

Is there anything we should be doing at home? Any extra resources we should be getting? She would love to do work at home as she is always making us do tests on her e.g. spelling tests, maths tests. I knew she was very smart but always went along with the thinking, if she is smart she will.learn but the school feel that we all need to be working together to push her.

Any ideas, help or advice would be great.

OP posts:
DonPablo · 01/04/2019 12:32

Just keep doing what you're doing. She still needs to be a kid and do kid stuff. But you can Foster her love of learning and buy her the books she wants/needs as well as help her in areas she's weaker, so friendships or sport or whatever it might be. Let school do the extension work and let home be fun, even if her fun is of an a academic theme.

Original poster
MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 12:38

Thanks, she does ballet and piano at home which she loves. I find I have to get her to play at home though. If I gave my 4yo the iPad he would be watching YouTube for hours if you let him. She would just be using it for maths or puzzles etc. Her idea of fun is very differnt from mine or my other dc. I don't know if that's ok though? We refuse to let her do any 'work' on a weekend. Its all just for proper family time but this really annoys her. I just don't want to make a mistake by letting her continue like this or pushing her to do stuff she isn't interested in.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 01/04/2019 12:42

Wait until secondary level then investigate scholarships for her at that stage.

BoundByBriars · 01/04/2019 12:46

Your DD sounds ace! If she’s bored and has the time, why not round out with chess, music theory or a foreign language?

Yossarian22 · 01/04/2019 13:02

Your dd sounds awesome 😀Another one for chess and music theory. Also consider a second instrument or computer programming. Art might be a good option too, help develop her creativity.

Original poster
MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 13:45

Thanks for the suggestions on chess, music theory etc. I've never played chess in my life. My dyslexia makes me struggle with English as it is, let alone teaching her another language. He dad is extremely intelligent but it is me with her day in day out. Maybe we could be learning together though. She does like to be a little teacher so she would probably like that!

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 01/04/2019 14:02

she sounds great OP.
I can't give any advice on the academic side apart from continue as you are making sure she has all the resources she could possibly need.

Your point about her idea of fun being different to others rings a bell with me Grin
You know when you have a gifted child and unless you have experienced it, it's hard to see.

The one thing I must stress, especially with her being a girl, please be on the ball assessing her mh. Things can so easily go wrong with mh, and I was told by my dd case worker at CAMHS that it's more likely with gifted girls. We learned this the hard way, don't worry but really keep a look out.
Mine is much better now, and 15, but struggles from y7 - y9

Original poster
MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 14:23

Romany it's funny you say that. She can be a stress/anxious type. For example if we are 5 min late for ballet, she won't go in. She practically climbs up me to get into my arms. The reason is, she couldn't walk into class and have everyone turn and look at her, she just gets too embarrassed. She won't speak to anyone outside our family apart from teachers. She says she just is shy and can't make the words come out. I do remember being like this as a child. She is in a weekly mindfulness/yoga class through the school to hopefully help.

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 01/04/2019 14:28

I usually poo poo those who think they have a gifted child as they all learn at different stages
However being gifted in maths and music is a firm indicator of a gifted child.
You are doing every fine
❤️

Original poster
MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 14:58

However being gifted in maths and music is a firm indicator of a gifted child

I honestly had no idea of this, thank you.

OP posts:
rosydreams · 01/04/2019 16:10

ballet and piano is excellent just fine don't over load her these will great in them self .But from experience from my family the best way to teach and learn is not through studying.Yeah buy her books full of fun storeys encourage that but spend time with her.

For example take her to woods talk with her about whats around her what trees are,nature and animals.Not in lesson sort of way but just in a relaxed way.Explore take her to the beach talk about the shells ,take her to museums and make it fun.When she hits her teens there will be plenty of time for study don't worry.

Yossarian22 · 01/04/2019 17:37

Chess Kids is a good online website, she can learn at her own pace too. Our dd is bright (not gifted) and really enjoys this.
We have a similar issue with shyness, karate has helped with her self confidence and to start to develop better resilience.

NopeNi · 01/04/2019 17:40

How is she with sensory issues OP?

I hope you don't mind me writing this, but some of the way you write makes me wonder about Aspergers (which could be something you support her with to develop coping techniques).

RomanyQueen1 · 01/04/2019 17:42

However being gifted in maths and music is a firm indicator of a gifted child

Whilst this could be said to be true for some, it isn't always as suggested.
You can have a child gifted in either but not both necessarily.
My dd has a friend who was attempting GCSE Maths papers in Y6 but can't carry a tune in a bucket.
My dd could sing the phone book, but will be lucky to scrape a GCSE Maths.
In fact, it used to annoy her how many people would hear/see her perform and suggest she must be brilliant at maths.

RomanyQueen1 · 01/04/2019 17:45

Oh, a lot of gifted children have Aspergers, it's funny you should suggest this Nope
There's a lot in my dd school, so many have been diagnosed through CAMHS.
I'm not suggesting that everyone with Aspergers will be gifted, but there does seem to be a lot.
It would be interesting to get the stats, not sure where to look though.

stucknoue · 01/04/2019 17:48

Extra curricular is a good start - learn an instrument and musical theory perhaps, children's language lessons. And the teachers can give extra material. It's not always that they stay way ahead btw, my dd was super advanced at 7 by GCSEs she was very smart but not super smart straight a*'s

Original poster
MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 17:53

NopeNi My dh and I have always said it wouldn't surprise us if she was on the spectrum somewhere. I think she masks alot when in social situations and then can be quite clingy and stressed when she is home. If people don't follow the rules of a game or instructions in school, it drives her mad and she will be upset and go on about it at home. She can not stop doing something until she has finished it.if she was in the middle of a drawing and I told her to stop she would be a mess, crying etc And she refuses to wear socks or tights apart from school as she just can't cope with her feet being covered. And she could spend all day organising her bedroom or the toy room. And it looks amazing when she is done.

OP posts:
cornishpixue · 01/04/2019 18:10

Agree with PP re scholarships fir secondary.

Our DD1 was similar and also good at sport, and we managed to get a full scholarship to a really good school with a combination of academic & sports.

We hadn't even considered private, but thought we'd give it a shot.

Keep going as you are in primary, very good grounding I think

RomanyQueen1 · 01/04/2019 18:14

OP this sounds just like mine used to be, in some ways, obviously not in others.
Completing something until finished was one of the reasons we H.edded for most of Junior.
I would agree with the extra curricular activities, especially music.
If she was good and wanted to take it further there are a lot of opportunities whereas not maybe so much for academics.

Remember that the right school environment will change them too.
mine was like yours for the shy and quiet part.
She has developed into a leader and school talk about what she is like and I hardly see it for myself.

I would start looking at your options now for secondary, even though much can change over time.

Original poster
MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 18:19

In reguards to scholarships, we are in NI and live in an area with 2 of the top Grammar schools. One of which my son is currently at and one that I went to, so she has links to both these schools. I'm not even sure there are private schools over here but if she did go to either of these schools we would be delighted.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 01/04/2019 18:22

Let her loose on bite sized BBC homework site.

moreismore · 01/04/2019 18:27

I know nothing about gifted children but it occurred to me languages might be good for her to learn in her own time? Easily picked up in childhood and will open lots of doors socially and with travel should she wish later on.
You sound like a great mum and she sounds ace!

MumUnderTheMoon · 01/04/2019 18:32

If she is an anxious child I wouldn't put any extra pressure on. Maybe just buy some more advanced maths and English work books for her to do if she's bored. Also if you think she'd enjoy the challenge Mensa does assessment days at stranmillis, they might be able to offer some extra resources for her.

Original poster
MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/04/2019 18:36

She gets anxious if she thinks people are watching her (like being late for ballet) or if she has lost something or if she is made to stop before she has finished things. Never knew that about Stanmillis, maybe something to look into a few years down the line. Thanks.

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 01/04/2019 20:00

Is it you OP, or people in general.
This will be outing to anyone who knows me, but it's the truth.
My dd is a born performer, always has been, but we didn't see it to begin with and we are a family of performers.
She was the same as your dd, but it was just us she didn't want there. She was totally different when we weren't there.
It was awful, she made me sit behind pillars, in corners, right at the back etc. All the other parents were near the front, I felt awful.
She wouldn't want to be like it at home at all, was quiet and shy.
Certainly not now though, completely out of shell.

I'm so glad you have posted, because much of what you have said I have heard a dozen or more times from parents of gifted children.

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