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Original poster

Does anyone have experience of a bright child being disruptive due to being bored?

129 replies

Aloha · 20/06/2007 18:14

My ds has Aspergers and we are having a nightmare with his school - feel very let down. He is only five & in reception, but arrived at school able to read fluently (started to read at three), add, subtract blah blah. We think he is very bright. For the last year in Reception he's been doing Jolly phonics etc and basically working about two years behind his ability IMO. We are constantly told that his behaviour is deteriorating (long story) but I am convinced that part of this is due to his being bored witless. He is now spending more and more time out of the classroom and not learning anything at all
Has anyone experience of a bored child acting up and what did you do to solve the problem and did it work? Please help! Have meeting on Friday and want to bring ideas to the table.

OP posts:
ladygrinningsoul · 21/06/2007 16:22

Aloha, I agree about the quirky private school with the small class sizes, if you can find one - I was such a child and it is definitely what worked for me. I remember being bored witless and disruptive in the schools where I was expected to do the same work as the rest of the class (some were private, some state). I was also put up a year and I have to say it not a good idea. Being brighter than the rest of the class but a year behind socially and emotionally is BAD. (BTW, having read up on AS in preparation for the dx for DS I think is coming, I'm fairly sure I have some degree of it myself).

Definitely try the NAGC as your DS may well make some friends there (as well as enjoying the events) - I did.

I think you have to cut your losses with DS' present school. Even if you manage to force them to give him the support he needs they are going to be very resentful and that is going to be awful for your DS (who sounds delightful, BTW).

Original poster
Aloha · 21/06/2007 16:23

The schools I have looked at websites for are over £3k a term - scary for us.

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Blandmum · 21/06/2007 16:27

Yes, that is a lot! The advantage for is is that we live outside the South of England, and that tends to cut the costs quite a bit.

One thing to factor into your calculations is that many private schools have extensive pre and post school care. THis may be free (some of my two's care is free). And that has to be ofset against any other child care costs that you have at present.

you will also be able to take your holidays before the state school kids get out and that also cuts costs! I can't.....the price of being a teacher!

MrsWobble · 21/06/2007 16:32

A classmate of my dd1 left the school in Yr 1 - he had managed through reception with the help of an extremely good teacher who was also a family friend so knew how to manage him. The Yr 1 teacher couldn't cope - his behaviour deteriorated and he was suspended so his parents moved him.

He's not AS but was bright and an emotionally immature 5 year old who couldn't cope with the way the school treated him - I think he found it particularly difficult that the adult interaction he had at home (an only child of a SAHM who treated him as an equal) was totally different to the adult interaction at school.

He went to a private school and is a totally different child. His behaviour improved and he has blossomed.

His parents were worried that another school wouldn't take him given his school record but the head's view was that it all said rather more about the school than about the child and he would form his own views of the child rather than relying on hearsay - this was incredibly reassuring to his parents and for them, was the reason for the move.

From what you have written it sounds like if possible you should consider moving him. You and your dh sound in need of a fresh start even if you son is coping.

Enid · 21/06/2007 16:34

Aloha - this sounsd like absolutely the wrong school for you.

Your child is bright. Most children are not at the level your son is. I think they have handled it very badly but I don't see any evidence in any post that you are prepared to forgo some of the academic work to concentrate on social skills/handwriting/other areas that need improvement. If his dyspraxia means that this is impossible you either need a statement, a private tutor, or a private school.

I know how all consumnig it is to have a child that seem so different to other children but you are, as others have said, asking for a lot from a state primary. You need to look at yourself long and hard and ask yourself whether you are really genuinely prepared to work with the school, encourage your son to like the school (ie NOT keeping him off with a mild cold) and accept it when they talk about perceived 'weaknesses'. If you cannot do this you must move him, otherwise it will not work for either the school, or your ds.

Enid · 21/06/2007 16:35

That is very expensive ! It is cheaper in the SW - not that that helps you I know.

Original poster
Aloha · 21/06/2007 16:41

Enid, I don't suppose you read the special needs threads, so you won't have seen the upteen threads about how I brought handwriting material to the school and do the same at home, how I have spoken to the school and even written to the school to ask for a home school book/more communication/ how I've offered to go into the classroom to help out and see what is happening/how I've constantly sought out help for the school from his OT/paed/how I actually got his dx myself/how I've been writing social stories with my ds about behaviour & got no support whatsoever from the school.
I'm sorry because I like you, but this thead is in this section because I wanted to talk specifically about this aspect of ds's difficulties and I feel that you are criticising and lecturing me.

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Enid · 21/06/2007 16:46

Sorry, no I haven't read the special needs threads.

Good luck with it.

Enid · 21/06/2007 16:53

But before I go

Home-edding could be great for you especially if you meet up with other home-edders for the social side.

I'll bugger off now - I actually didnt even notice this thread was in G & T - a subject which I know nothing about (btw arent 10% of all pupils supposed to get extra work if they are G and T - does your ds not qualify for this?)

Original poster
Aloha · 21/06/2007 17:00

Sorry Enid, I honestly do think I have tried. He is off school because he is shattered and school is a total disaster and we are all completely stressed - oh and they want him home for lunch anyway and he's spending half his afternoons in the deputy head's office doing nothing. Dh has had him all day and he's been an angel. Both of them
He wouldn't see being at home as a reward for bad behaviour or anything - he just does't think like that.
I am desperate to work wtih the school. Every meeting we've had, I've instigated. Information is blood out of a stone. I keep telling them I can't work with them if I have no idea what is happening.

OP posts:
Ladymuck · 21/06/2007 17:47

We're south of you and pay around £2,600-£2,700 per term.

I don't follow the SN board, but if I were in your shoes I would be tempted to look round at all available options. Having a reception age boy spending significant chuns of time in the deputy head's office is ridiculous. If you can consider private then you will have a significant number of additional options open to you. And now that you have had some school experience you'll have a good instinct as to what may or may not work for you. Personally I would hesitate in home ed as I think you are then stuck with that option - it will be even harder to rejoin a state school as he is likely to be even further ahead in some areas.

Original poster
Aloha · 21/06/2007 17:50

Oh bless him, he wants to go to school tomorrow because it is 'pirate day' and he is looking forward to watching Captain Pugwash! He resolutely refuses to wear a costume though.

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ahundredtimes · 21/06/2007 17:52

Oh good, is he going? What time is your meeting?

(FWIW, private/state - lots of private schools aren't set up to cater to sn kids, or gifted or whatever, so it also just comes down to finding the right school - if you move him).

Good luck, I'll be thinking you tomorrow.

Original poster
Aloha · 21/06/2007 17:59

Meeting at 8.30am!! Mum is coming to look after the children and take ds to school.
Dh doesn't want him to go because he's so easy and happy today and not stressed, but I think I can't say no if he actively wants to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aloha · 21/06/2007 17:59

They are watching Jurassic Park together atm!

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foxinsocks · 21/06/2007 18:30

yes, good luck (cor, that's early for a meeting!)

that figure for private school does sound about right (near the £3k mark, certainly in our neck of London).

Not all state schools are crap with SN children as I'm sure you well know - like ahundred said, it's a question of finding the right school, wherever it may be (what a pallava)!

Whatever happens, I do hope the meeting isn't too awful for you all.

Anchovy · 21/06/2007 20:43

I'm afraid £3k plus per term is about standard round here (SW London). BUT it would be worth looking to see if schools have bursaries etc. I know that DS's school does have a bursary scheme - we have just had a load of fundraising for it - and it pays fees all the way through to 11.

LIZS · 22/06/2007 10:36

good luck for this morning Aloha

toomanydaves · 22/06/2007 10:40

Just wondering how you got on Aloha.

coppertop · 22/06/2007 10:48

I hope the meeting went well, Aloha. xx

Original poster
Aloha · 22/06/2007 15:05

Meeting did not go well
Will post in special needs.

OP posts:
coppertop · 22/06/2007 15:54

Aloha

Pinkchampagne · 22/06/2007 16:47

Really sorry to hear the meeting didn't go well, Aloha.

Curmudgeonlett · 22/06/2007 17:02
Sad
LIZS · 22/06/2007 17:11

sorry

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