Non pushy support

[Bexterfish]

My dd is 2.5. She can write her name without help, and loves writing letters and learn phonics etc. She can recognise most letters (Ive bit taught her the alphabet song yet) and recognise words like mummy, daddy, her own name etc. I've bought her some writing books because she's so interested but others tell me im being pushy. I don't make her do anything she doesn't wasn't to. I've no idea about gifted or anything like that Tbh I'd never really heard of that before I came here today but she's clearly bright. She could talk in full sentences at 2. Was potty trained day and night at 2. She can count to 10 but sometimes forgets 6&7. When she sees new words she will say 'that's a m for mummy ' etc. Surely encouraging her interest isnt being pushy? She'll be going to private school so she probably won't be stand out bright there (fairly sure she would be ahead of the curve in state school). I'm not sure what I'm asking. I don't want to be pushy but if she wants to learn surely it's ok? And any I right in thinking she's showing great potential?

(FWIW she thinks my DD’s are absolute genius’s but admits she’s biased ) now

Are us state schoolers all thick?

Electro ffs how many times go I have to say 1.i went to state school and 2. I'm not saying state school Kids are thick! I never did. for the millionth time there is range of abilities at state and private but private are more able to add in support for the lower abilities so it doesn't impact others chance to actually learn something.
I'm wishing I never bothered to ask the question. (Which was about support an nothing to do with school)

People who actually has gifted children has responded that there is nothing wrong in helping your child. Tbh, if you are being pushy or not wouldn't even come up as a question if you are just following your child's interest.

In terms of support... just follow her lead. If she wants to do workbooks etc, then do them. Make sure you balance it with outdoor play/messy play etc. There are also lots of non academic things to prepare for to make them school ready... learning how to share, how to dress themselves/do buttons, how to wipe themselves/wash hands after going to the toilet for example. DD1 starts school in November and is currently (at her request) learning to tie her shoelaces and tell the time.

My ds has been cooking using proper knife since 3, because he wanted to, and I see no problem. He is a great cook now, that he can cook range of food. Is that pushy, because normal parents won't let their 3 year old use sharp knife?

My child is a talented artist, I taught him how to use water colours and other materials from early age. Because he has shown interest and I had resources and knowledge.
It's same for academic stuff. There is nothing wrong in giving the child resources they want and encourage and help with their interests.

My 2.8 year old has her own sharp knife for chopping veg, she got it for Christmas

My daughter had a knife for Christmas too. She loves cooking. Grandparents are horrified.

Bexter

I would definitely support your dd, there are so many children who go without this whether gifted or not.
As she grows up I'd certainly get her involved with extra curricular activities, especially music, where ability sometimes goes hand in hand with bright/gifted children.
There is bound to be something you identify that she isn't so good at, it's good to encourage these things too, as it's good for them to know they aren't brilliant at everything.
for us it was academic subjects, poor dd struggles, this has always been apparent.
being gifted in something can really help with confidence if they struggle in other areas.
I think it's great that you are noticing and thinking about her future, even though she is still very young.
Just keep noticing, encouraging and keeping an open mind until you are ready for school applications.

I think she definitely sounds above average, and this may continue as gets older, or she may end up being more or less 'average'.

However - the fact she recognises some words and letters is not reading - it's pattern recognition. Reading involves the ability to decode and comprehend, but certainly her interest and pattern recognition ability will stand her in good stead in this area,

Op- up to about 5 my dd was light years ahead of my friends slightly older ds. And as she's now 14 it's obvious she is gifted by any standards. However friends ds is equally gifted, in the same areas. He was just a late starter, imo because he wasn't interested till later. Just like dd wasn't interested in reading till in reception, and then became rapidly fluid soon as she decided she wanted to read to herself too.

I don't want to piss on your parade, your dd may be a late developing extreme genius and doing a degree at 10. In which case comparisons are useless. Or she could be an averagely bright dc who is ahead for now, in which case judging her ability against others is setting her up to fail. Whatever her natural ability, it's individual, not related to others.

We've had loads of threads on here where those of us with dc gifted at maths have discussed common issues etc. But I don't recall one where any of us tried to compare our dc, let alone a tick list of exactly what they could do at each age.

You need to encourage her based on what she's interested in, regardless of what is expected age wise or what peers can or can't do.

No but you did say private schoolers are "ahead of the curve" because she has to pass an exam to get in

I'm sure there's plenty kids out there also capable of passing said exam, but their parents may not be able to afford that education. This doesn't make them less clever.

I don't recall one where any of us tried to compare our dc, let alone a tick list of exactly what they could do at each age.
Is this the G&T section you are talking about?

richmal yes. The only threads I've been on have only raised comparisons when it's been about lack of differentiation causing problems in school. And certainly none afaik where parents of gifted dc compare them to each other's to establish where exactly on the scale they fit in.

But its full of
"My child can..."
"That's average, my child can..."
"Well my child had taught themselves that by 2..."

Bexterfish, please don't write off state school as not being able to cater for very bright or gifted students. I don't know how old you are but schools have changed A LOT in the last 20 years.
My experience of state schools has been actually very good. In primary, my ds had a secondary specialist and a talented A level student work with him. I secondary, all the teachers and head of Dept have been marvelous given that, yes they do have resource issues, my ds has been given many opportunities including taking his Maths AS in Y 10, UKMT Olympiad competitions, Saturday masterclasses at our local University.
Other friend now has a daughter at a very prestigious Cambridge college who again had great support and opportunities at her (average) Secondary. There are very bright kids at all schools.

George that's great. I don't think the schools round here are like that though. They get pretty poor exam results (which I know isn't the be all and end all but it's a marker) in very jaded by my school experience. I'm not gifted or anything but I could have done much better with the right encouragement, instead i was told that there's no point working for an A because a B is a good grade...

richmal sorry, reading back I wasn't at all clear. I was thinking more about threads like the glass ceiling and regular contributors discussing amongst themselves. So threads about the common theme of difficulties with education, rather than threads about whether individual dc are gifted, where I agree comparisons do happen.

So eg if you mentioned in passing the age your dd was able to understand basic trig, it wouldn't be used as a benchmark to establish whether irvines ds was more or less able than your dc, and therefore which child couldn't possibly have their needs met in school. Instead it would be used as evidence that identifying a three sided shape is not suitable differentiation in school for a child of that ability.

(Only picking on Irvine as she's on this thread)

"i was told that there's no point working for an A because a B is a good grade..."

But I think motivation should really come from the child, not the school. If you were told B is ok and didn't pursue A, it's down to you, either you didn't have ability, or wasn't motivated enough to do better, not the school or the teacher's fault, imo.

Irvine I asked to do extra classes or extra homework I really wanted an A. I had the motivation but was told not to bother and was told there was no point in trying as a B was a good grade. In the end i was 3 points off the A so clearly capable!

In my experience within the state school system the 'bright' children get the most encouragement, where as the less academic get forgotten about. Let your child be a child and be guided by her. She is very young and if she is gifted it will become more apparent with time. You sound very anxious about it all. Your LO sounds great enjoy this time.

'Bright' might get the most encouragement in some state schools, and the least in others. But even in the most positive experiences I have yet to hear anyone, parent or teacher, claim that gifted dc got the best deal in a mainstream state school.

“In my experience within the state school system the 'bright' children get the most encouragement, where as the less academic get forgotten about.“ Hmmm. This is such a long way from my experience of primary school. Especially with the curse of Maths Mastery. But that is a whole different conversation. I have been reading this thread with interest. Early reading is a sign of many things, and certainly suggests a bright DC. But I do agree, not necessarily gifted. But even if your DD is gifted, it is worth bearing in mind that a super academic super selective school doesn’t fit all children. For some kids who need reassurance and encouragement being near the top in a broader spectrum is a more positive experience. For some kids who love all things academic and who want to have ‘geeky’ chats with their friends and who enjoy a challenge, then a highly academic selective environment might work well. Either way, you would never know at 2 1/2, or even 4 or 5. So you can plan all you like, but ultimately you always need to be flexible.

Thehogfather, thank you for explaining earlier. I now see what you mean. In primary there was a glass ceiling to what dd was taught.
In private schools children can also have the same problem. I really think it depends on the ethos of the school and style of teaching.
Things change in secondary, and dd is now catered for by excellent teachers in a state school.

I did, however, unapologetically teach dd from preschool age. She was ahead when she started school and has remained ahead in maths and science . I do not know or care what her IQ is or if she does or does not have the supposed traits of a genius. For me, it was important to help her attain her potential for learning and to enjoy and continue to enjoy learning. If she can get a job that is interesting and never know the tedium of having to go to work, that will be a bonus.

I didn't actively teach dd. I suppose I was doing what countless parents do, just bringing it into everyday life but with dd the content was different.

However I'm not sure that's a fair comparison to what you did. Dd's mind works very much like mine, so she always grasped my off the cuff, child friendly explanations of my logic/ reasoning. And I didn't follow any form of normal progression between topics. So I think it's fair to say if she'd been equally as able, but had a different outlook, rather than a junior version of my thought process I might have done things differently. Even if it was just to answer a question she raised.

And yy, I don't think it matters either. I don't think that it's something you can easily compare even if you wanted to, certainly not as dc. And I'm not sure why anyone would want to. Even within maths there are so many different areas that we could all have dc getting firsts from Cambridge at the same age and you still wouldn't know whether they were all roughly the same standard or worlds apart.

Dd's future plans change almost weekly. Mostly they are stem based, but she is also swayed towards history and classics. And provided she ends up happy and fulfilled I don't really care.